Courage

Why Why Why Why all this pompous scratching, all these cloned signs demanding that their noone is someone that you should make someone more.

How ridiculous is that? Why do I want to take your noone and then make him into a someone? Wouldn't  it make more sense for him to become a someone on his own in noble worldly ways so that the common man can support somoene and not trust those nothings turned to somethings by somoene else?

Why waste all that hope and optimism on liars! Such great culture, such diverse paths, such individual lives lived and saints walk the land, but the idiocy says you must recant - you must instead choose those approved by the machine. I will not choose the wisdom of the political machine when this something was once nothing duped us all. Once a liar - always a liar.

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If you've been in love then you know what it is to stare at the wall, stare into space, stare into your soul and miss miss miss your other. Whether it's an eighth grade crush or your husband, that desire and longing is what makes love so much more powerful than hate.

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Monday is the end of a big weekend for me; my brother married and I saw everyone in my family for the first time in nearly three years. While uneventful (mostly - I'll spare you the comments a few of my more choice family members sent my way), I am emotionally exhausted. Dealing with those that challenged me, and having to challenge myself, wore me out. Still, I'm glad I made it up there and helped my brother have a special weekend.

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I'm back from a weekend in the woods, where I took one of my classes on a ten mile hike on the AT and a jaunt through an abandoned WWII POW (later church) camp that has since been reclaimed by forest.

Central to our experience was using travel narratives to explore social studies content (in this case we modeled a westward expansion unit). We searched for meaning in attempting to uncover the truth and emotion behind the question, 'what does it mean to leave everything behind and travel into the unknown?'

I'm struck by the depth of the question, even unintentionally, as we think of those lost in nature, lost in themselves, or those that left their home for war and found themselves not in Germany, but in a small county in Pennsylvania, in the middle of forest, with nowhere to go for miles around. What drives us to to make these choices? What drives others to make these choices for us, whether politicians or land-owners, slave masters or tribal chiefs?

Survival is central to this theme, but then I wonder...where does learned helplessness fit? Not everyone survives....what allows some to make the impossible journey and what holds others to doom and death?

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     And the priestess spoke again and said: Speak to us of Reason and Passion.
     And he answered, saying:
     Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgement wage war against your passion and your appetite.
     Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that i might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody.
     But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?

~ Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
---
I'd like to return with some grand revelation or some marvelous experience to share, some vision of where I've been, what I've been thinking, and how I'm me, but also not me, but I return as I left. 

Friends lament the never-ending flow of words and ideas, the crowding out of nature and time with too many voices and obligations, but I  have stopped listening to myself and choose to ignore whatever secrets my soul whispers in the loud and quiet times of life. I live and do that which defines living, but I hide from life.

It's a strange thing, but I find myself here again without knowing why.

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  For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
  And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

  Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
  And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
  And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
~ Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Spasmodic convulsion (first draft)
Every neck muscle about to pop,
Ligaments scream in agony,
Flop sweat stings wide open eyes
of terror and fear.

I gasp for clean cool air and it crashes
Into my throat as broken glass,
Gouging and tearing flesh; a large
Mouthed bass hooked in the eyes on the
Bottom of the boat.

My violent shakes and protests
Give way to gray and the agonizing
Paralyzing fear of suffocation.
Soon I will be in the hands of the Gravedigger.

Courage is closed until I find freedom, courage, and strength to write for me as I see the world.

Perhaps I'll see you as the tides turn and sea becomes shore.

Charley

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Who is in denial? Both sides in this debate drive me bananas. On the right we have our warmongering Haliburton loving hawks who like nothing better than getting a hard on over the latest 'drone' weapon to come out of Pentagon over-spending. On the left we have people that voted to go to war, but have sensed popular opinion changing and realize that instead of having an agenda for the United States they can simply repeat what the average television soaked rat-infested city dwelling 'intellectual' considers morally right.

Is Iraq in civil war? You bet. Are we 'winning'? What's left to 'win'? Are we 'losing'? Well, when you had no real objective and withdrawal plan before you attacked I'm guessing this is an easy question to dodge.

Still - the war in Iraq and its instability is of our making. Oppressive inhumane dictator or not, Saddam kept the peace. When you topple the only thing keeping people under control, what did you expect? Conf and red/white/blue bunting hanging from the minarets of every mosque?

Please.

We have a moral obligation NOT to leave. I hate that Americans are dying for that lying, manipulative douche in the White House (Dick Cheney, not Bush; Bush is too stupid to know right from wrong), but when you upset the apple cart you have a responsibility to right it as best you can. We've not done that.

Now, we're trying to do the bare minimum and not look completely incompetent in the process. Yeah, it's not working. Our hawks are fine being hawkish as long as they don't piss off too many conservatives. Buck up, admit that we screwed the pooch and do what we have to do to restore order.

By the way, that's going to mean calling in the U.N.

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Entertainment News- Novelist Kurt Vonnegut Dies at Age 84 - AOL News : There is no joy in mudville.

Stretch your mind and read his works. He'll challenge you to think differently about who you are and what you believe....

and you might come out the other side feeling and believing something new, or you might just strengthen your core philosophy.

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ADAA "Triumph" Wristbands   Wear "Triumph" to show your support & let people know they are not alone.
Through research, education and treatment, the Anxiety Disorders Association of America has been improving lives and providing hope for 25 years for the more than 40 million adult Americans suffering from panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder and phobias.
Stay involved all year by signing up for ADAA's e-Newsletter, Triumph! - a free resource about anxiety disorders. Subscribe at www.adaa.org

If you would like a band, please send me your name and address. I'm happy to send you one.

Charley

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After a recent comment, I feel it crucial to point out that:

a) my environmentalist concerns are not political concerns. I don't care who is in charge as long as they aren't ignorant enough to think that six billion people (and increasing at hereto unthought of rates) don't impact the world in an unintended and negative way. How many grains of sand does it take to tip a balance?

b) I don't care who is promoting the global warming or environmentalist cause (left or right) but the reality is as global citizens we have a moral and ethical responsibility to be stewards of what we've been given. To honestly look at what we've done to our own ability to live well on the earth, as a species, and not shake our heads is insanity. I don't understand why we're the only species that craps where it eats, sleeps, and reproduces.

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