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Saturday, June 28, 2008
Subject: I Got Nothin' Much to Say
Time: 10:56:19 AM EDT
Author: kmb524
Mood: Lazy
Music: TV E-Weekend News
Dang. I can not believe how little I've written in my blog this year, when it used to be all I focused on. I'm thinking my life just isn't that interesting, however it hasn't been bad! Mainly, I am flying overtime as usual & resting on my few days off.. ie laying around the house & watching TV. ha! I am seriously tired but life goes on.
The rest of my focus is on loosing weight with WW & last time around I was so booring constantly talking about it in this online journal that I swore I wouldn't subject folks to that anymore. Hence I started the special Elist for WW folks to write into ea day with their progress & problems & it has helped me focus. And since it IS about loosing weight, I don't feel so self conscious talking about it all the time. So far I am now down to 165. Yea! Getting there! And I do write in that everyday.
As for turning 61- the body seems to be breaking down wierdly enough... I had mentioned the back going out, then my neck going out 2 weeks later. Well the latest is 2 more weeks later my damn right KNEE went out which really scared me because that is new. I was worried it wouldn't get better, but now it seems to come & go. I definately don't like this & I have stopped all work outs at the gym until the ole knee hopefully gets better. Oddly enough I can't believe I am still loosing weight without all the treadmill & machine work outs. I would still be healthier if I did exercise, tho'.
Doris & I have been doing well & have another anniversary coming up next month. She has had the grandkids staying over on days I have flown out of town. That has been great for me.
Oh, & I have cut my hair again, so that is a huge difference... First I cut it 11 inches & it was beautiful but grew fast & hung on my shoulders making me so hot for the summer. So now I cut it 8 more inches & it is above my shoulders. I don't like this "bob" so much & am thinking about cutting it even shorter, altho' Doris won't like it. I am trying to figure out how to style it, it is hard since I've had it long all my life.
So now you see why I haven't written in a month. Pure booring drek. I'll write again when I have something to say.
Adios MF's!
Written by kmb524
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Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Subject: A Good Day
Time: 11:48:08 PM EDT
Author: kmb524
Mood: Happy
Music: TV David Letterman
I lost 2.6 lbs at WW today at weigh-in. I am shocked. My back & neck have been out so no exercise for so long. i overate some Chinese food a week ago & had butter popcorn at Sex In the City. I have drank 2 liters of water a day & I guess that must have really helped! I finally broke thru 170 lbs & I'm now at 168 ! I'm actually going down. Wow. I am grateful. Going to meetings & the new website I started for WW'ers in our leader Ann's group is what has helped.
Doris & I are perfectly good today. Wierd. But I'm not going to complain, I am definately grateful for that too.
Written by kmb524
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Subject: Intense
Time: 12:41:07 AM EDT
Author: kmb524
Mood: Depressed
Music: TV craig ferguson
Doris & I had a big fight this afternoon. Huge fight.
It was about money.
She doesn't ever seem to have much, certainly not enough to pay her part of the bills. She says she 'pays them', but she only partially pays & so the rest is added on to the next bill & the next, etc. It's very difficult dealing with someone like this. I really want to eat over it. Stuff down all those negative feelings.
She claims to have paid "everything. I paid it all" before she retired. She did not as I always paid the mortgage & she paid the other stuff. Anyway, I don't know how I'm supposed to pay all the rest as well as the mortgage, I just simply don't make enough money. I can't do real estate anymore, it's not for me.
My back went out a few weeks ago, & my neck had just gotten better from going out. But it now has gone out again, so I can't work out at the gym. I'm not looking fwd to weigh in at WW tomorrow.
Doris informed me she would be moving out to a senior citizen apt building & I can just keep the damn house. That everything was fine when she worked & had money, but now I am just driving her crazy. Ah, yeah back at ya.
We really scream at each other now. I'm sure the damn neighbors can hear us. But after that, things seem to be back to normal.
I later asked, so when do you think you'll be moving to the Sr Citizen building? She laughed & said I ain't going anywhere babe. But I just wonder....
Written by kmb524
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Sunday, May 25, 2008
Subject: CRAP! I TURNED 61 YESTERDAY!
Time: 12:31:23 PM EDT
Author: kmb524
Mood: Hopeful
Music: HGTV
WOW! I am old! Holy crap I'm 61! My brain doesn't feel that way as I still don't know what the hell I'm doing in life from day to day. BUT my freakin' back went out on my flight 2 days ago so my body is feeling decrepit. Therefore this birthday is a bit of a downer, altho' I KNOW this pain isn't permanent as it is getting less each day.
I used it as an excuse Not to go to church today & just lay around & rest. Also I shall be missing a bbq after church that as much as I LOVE that food, I really need to stay away since I'm back to loosing weight. (Oh gee, 3 big lbs in 3 weeks -woo!)
I've totally neglected my blog since I started my cool, new website for our WW group. It has helped keep me focused & working hard. In fact I'm thinking maybe all that time I've spent on the treadmill & machines (6 out of 7 days ea week) is what jostled my back so much that it went out more easily when we hit turbulence in flight. (probably nOt!) I just really don't understand why this happened since I thought my body'd be stronger with all this working out at the gym. Guess it will just take time to actually get stronger. Hopefully.
So when I got home from the airport Doris had beautiful pink roses, 3 great balloons & 2 mushy, fabulous cards waiting for me on the kitchen table! The next morning she called me from her car place where they told her she needed a new tire (socked it to her in the tune of $200.) We met for brunch at Perkins then went to a few stores, then home, then back out to Charlie Brown's for my birthday dinner (which she couldn't even afford to pay for since she had to put out all that money for the stupid tire.) She really had wanted to go into the City to see fleet week & all the sailors & ships. Hey, wait a minute, this is MY birthday damn it.
Afterwards we just came home & eventually crawled into bed. Jeese I was SO tired that I couldn't even stay awake to midnight & went to sleep at 1130pm. Huh??? I'm always up 'till 0300am.
Good GRIEF!
On turning 61, I am grateful I'm still alive & basically have good health, the bad back isn't permanent, at least not at 61 yet! I have a job I don't hate & I'm not depressed today. It has been really hard trying to deal with all the Debt Doris has accrued, actuallymaybe I should say trying NOT to deal with it.
My fear is possibly loosing the house eventually, but probably that wont happen as I can still pay the mortgage ea month. Good thing I still have a job, but internally I feel it's not fair. I have broken out with itchy hives here & there, & I know it's my rage at all this popping out thru my skin. On the surface, I still love & adore Doris, but underneath I do have obvious (Seething!) resentments.
I'm not going anywhere tho', sticking here with her to the end. I finally figured out what the hell... if we do loose our home (small & humble as it is) we can always move back into an apartment or rent a house, or go to a senior citizen's building. Life will still go on.
The important thing is LOVE & good health. Seriously. Everything else is just ICING on the cake of life! An when you thing of it, every new day is a birthday of sorts.
Written by kmb524
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Friday, May 9, 2008
Subject: I Only lost 1 Dang Lb Again This Week
Time: 12:49:16 AM EDT
Author: kmb524
Mood: Angry
Music: TV Craig ferguson
I am SO discouraged. I only lost 1.4 frickin' lbs on WW weigh in. WTF???
Let me tell you;
I have done the damn treadmill 45min almost everyday (not 20 min, not 30min but FOURTYFIVE M.F. MINUTES everyday, even on my stupid layover in lax.
I have counted the damn points everyday.
I have hardly eaten anything sinful & delicious & have just stayed in the 'healthy choices' perimeter.
I stopped drinking diet coke again finally (VERY hard). (Man, I miss caffeine!)
I'm drinking WATER all the time. snore.
How could I have worked SO hard, esp on the treadmill (45min is LONG & boring, I have to read a magazine or book to get thru it) & have only lost a smidge over 1 lb??? I just don't get it.
I'm exhausted & I have to fly out again tomorrow. This layover I think I'll just STAY IN BED an extra hour instead of getting up early to go down to the hotel gym (altho' they DO have great cybex equip.) But screw it, I'm taking the sleep instead of the exercise - one dippy pound???
The first time around loosing the 50lbs was hard & all, but I never did the exercise other than hitting Curves about once or twice a week for 30 min. This time I'm working out in a real healthclub/gym for long periods of time, should I not expect to loose more weight faster than the last time around???
Seriously, what the hell???
Okay, rant over (for now!)
Written by kmb524
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Thursday, May 8, 2008
Subject: That First Trip After Vacation...
Time: 2:51:02 AM EDT
Author: kmb524
Mood: Quiet
Music: TV Oprah
GooOOOoOOOd LORD!!
Have MERcy.
About 1 hour before landing a female psgr attacked a male Flight Attendant in the aft galley because they wouldn't serve her any more vodka.
She had been told to sit down & fasten her seat belt because the seat belt sign was on. She wouldn't move & kept asking for vodka. (Earlier she could barely stay on her feet going to the lav & needed help getting back to her seat.) She kept asking for vodka all night (5 1/2 hr flight) & did not like that she had been cut off.
When she wouldn't sit down when the seat belt sign went on, she lunged into the galley & grabbed the intercom phone out of a FA'S hand & started bashing him in the head with it repeatedly, she started hitting & scratching him with her other hand. 3 FA's were sitting on the aft jumpseat (myself included) & we jumped up & tried to stop her. Her adrenalin was SO powerful we couldn't pull her off, he was bleeding from his temple & long sabre scratchmarks on his arm, & she knocked out a cap on his tooth. He was backed up against the ovens trying to cover his face & protect himself. Another male FA finally got her off him & escorted her back to her seat, where she became docile then fell asleep. (passed out!) Police & paramedics met the flight on landing in NJ. I can't say much else as it's now turned over to the FBI.
The thing is it was so scarey. It happened SO fast, she just snapped. Also she was so small (about 5'7") & slim & waifish, I would have never thought she would have any kind of power. OMG. It was really terrible. My friend was taken to a hospital in an ambulance & had a tetnus shot. He isn't back to work yet.
I just flew another trip with the other 2 FA's involved & we are all achey & exhausted & rather lethargic... I personally just couldn't get any speed up tonight, I just didn't care. I mean I cared about the psgrs, but not about how fabulous I worked the flight. And of course you all must realize by now I am an awesome, fast & efficient Flight Attendant. Or I was. ha!
I have one day off, I am going to the gym & WW.
Written by kmb524
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Thursday, May 1, 2008
Subject: Last Day Of Vacation
Time: 12:05:33 PM EDT
Author: kmb524
Mood: Sad
Music: TV News
I'm sad. This is the last day of my 2 week vacation. While I'm grateful to have had time off, it just wasn't enough. Never is.
boo hoo.
Oh shut up Kathy & be satisfied for what you've got & happy you have a job to go to. shish.
Written by kmb524
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Sunday, April 27, 2008
Subject: Fat & (un?)Happy
Time: 11:45:12 AM EDT
Author: kmb524
Mood: Quiet
Music: TV Moving Up
I'm still struggling with my weight which is up again to 175. I really dont want to deprive myself of all the delecious SHIT I got back in the habit of eating since I dropped that 50lbs a year 1/2 ago. I still go to WW, even tho' I keep eating crap & keep gaining. BUT---
I started this great website for those of us in that wed's 530p WW group to write our thoughts & feelings on. It's a yahoogroup so it's free, & it's really COOL.
Unfortunately only 2 other women have joined it, so there are 3 of us chatting back & forth. But it's the first week, so I'll see next wed why no one else has responded. Maybe they're just having a hard time signing up for it. (Or maybe they're a bunch of big dumbasses not realizing what a great opportunity to help ea other this would be! ha!) OR maybe a computer geek MIGHT hav started a better site for us, which would be fine cause I really dont know what I'm doing. I'm just kinda proud of myself that I actually figured out how to do this, & quite frankly that it has turned out so COOL (imo!)
But the thing is that this is all so frivilous compared to some friend's plight in life at the moment.
One old friend is loosing his huge, gorgeous home in Connecticut & having to move into a small puny rental. He had to sell all his antiques, which were fabulous at an auction & got shafted there, not even making half of what he expected. His lover has turned into a real bitch behind it all (they've been together for 3 decades) & it's miserable for them both. (gay men.)
Then I just found out another male friend whom I love & work with at times has just been told he has HIV. The lover he got it from KNEW that he had it & never told him. Such a crime. I am SO sad for him even tho' there are many drugs now & much hope for long lives for PWA now.
I should not complain. Life is fine for me.
Written by kmb524
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Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Subject: On Vacation!
Time: 11:52:05 AM EDT
Author: kmb524
Mood: Chillin'
Music: TV The View
Vacations go too fast. One week is already gone, one more to go. Which is short, but better than no more time off.
So I immediately gassed up the RV & drove 4 hrs. to my brother's in Pa. I think it's been 10 years since I last visited because the cigarette smoking drove me nuts. Well, glad I got over that- I was just glad to see him!
I was also glad to see that his wife's MS hasn't progressed too badly, altho' she might disagree, she uses a walker for balance to get around the house.
They live very sparsely because they don't earn much money. They both make exquisite glass beads that are amazingly beautiful & they sell them on EBay. And Alan does carpentry & handyman jobs for people.
Annie's oldest son & his wife are moving in with them taking the upstairs floor & that should help with their mortgage. They seem to be okay with that, my Lord you all KNOW I'd be dying. I would HATE not being able to walk around nude or having to close the bathroom door just to pee. Anyway, they are cheerful, loving & open about it - which shows they are much kinder people than me!
I really enjoyed talking with Annie, we never had gotten on that well before as she was very young when they got married, & I still loved the 3rd (ex)wife. They have now lasted 12 years & she is in her mid forties & much more interesting (my brother is almost 59). She gave me the most exquisite bead she made that I had admired, it is about 2 inches long & has 2 purple iris against a pink & green swirley background. Beautiful! and generous. I've been wearing it around my neck ever since. If anybody is interested in some slammin' glass beads, you could probably look on EBay under ABartglass. I don't know how to put a link up here.
Incedentally, I froze my ass off sleeping in that RV under a full moon that crisp April night in Pa. Drove home later the next day! Alan had come home from his job to cook a hearty lunch before I left. He cooks all the meals for Annie & washes the dishes immediately afterward! The night I arrived he'd made some delicious spaghetti & meat sauce for me (a favorite from our childhood) which I gobbled up! Afterward he told me it was made with Deer meat. OhGOD! I ate a Bambi & felt guilty... (This from someone who was a vegetarian for Decades.) shish.
Alan & Annie don't have a TV & don't want one. (I would surely DIE.) They read to each other & have meaningful conversations, rent movie videos & are into their Baha'I' faith. It's a simple life out there in the Pa. farm & Amish country & they seem truly happy!
As for me, I was happy to get back to the comfort of my own home. Ain't no place like your own!
Written by kmb524
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Saturday, April 5, 2008
Subject: A Couples Meme by Sassy
Time: 11:29:49 PM EDT
Author: kmb524
Mood: Quiet
Music: TV Law & Order
A Couples Meme
by SASSYFEMME
1. How long have you been together?
26 Yrs, 27 in July!
2. Who pursued who?
I totally chased her gorgeous ass all over town, 'till she caught me.
3. Do you wear any type of wedding/commitment ring? If so, which hand?
We have matching gold bands with 5 diamonds on our left marriage finger... Altho I've recently had to remove mine since I regained weight...I had made it smaller when I'd lost 50lbs... & it's too damn tight.
4. What was the hardest thing about learning to live together? In the beginning having sex with her children in the next room..Definately cramped my style. For her the fact that I am not a neat person & she is.
5. Who takes longer to get ready in the morning? If I put on make-up, then I do.
If I don't put on makeup then she does (D. always puts on make-up.) We're both lipstick lesbians, but Doris is an exquisitely fancy butch!
6. Do you usually eat breakfast together?
At home I have 3 hardboiled egg whites, vitamins & a smoothie... D has one hardboiled egg, vitamins & a smoothie & we usually eat this together quickly before running out the door.
But often we go out for a nice brunch at Perkins or The Scotchwood Diner.
7. Do you ever share clothes?
Yes some stuff like Tee's or Sweatshirts, but mostly we have our own clothes- Doris is 6 ft tall so her stuff is a bit bigger plus she is VERY stylish, while I no longer care so much. I can rally if I have to, but I just want comfort. I'm happy to wear a uniform so I don't have to think about it.
8. Who does most of the cooking? DORIS!!! always.
I can not cook.
9.Who usually takes out the trash? I do if I'm in town.
10. If you have pets who usually does litter box or poop patrol?
I do if I'm in town. Doris would rather not have animals in the house even tho' they adore her. She will do it if I'm gone however.
11. Which one of you is more likely to answer the phone when it rings? Doris definately... unless she see's it's a creditor on the caller ID. Also we each have our own rings (mine rings twice each ring) which I ask her not to answer in case it's crew schedule trying to draft me for a flight. So if it just rings once each ring it's usually for her.
12. Who's in charge of the remote if you're watching TV together? I want to be, she wants to be. We fight for it ...-ie whomever grabs it first wins. But not for long because Doris doesn't like my choices often (House Hunters) & also I flip channels a lot, so I let her eventually control the clicker because I know she'll usually fall asleep within 30-60 minutes... Then it's mine all mine.
13. Who usually drives when you go out together?
Usually Doris! But somedays I do squire her around which she enjoys. We each get on our nerves when the other drives. ("be careful, watch out, you should have turned there.."etc.
14. Which one of you takes care of spiders and bugs that get into the house? Doris does for sure. She smashes them. Often times when I try, I miss.
15. Facing the bed, who sleeps on which side? Doris on the right closer to the bedroom door, I'm on the left close to the window.
16. Who usually checks the (postal) mailbox? Luckily we have mail coming in the door slot on the livingroom floor! But Doris generally goes for it first. I personally don't want to see the bills.
17. If something breaks or goes wrong in the house, which one of you is more likely to either fix it or call someone to fix it?
Doris, thank God she has the ability! However lately she tells me she can't do anything anymore cause she's gotten too old. This has upset me, because she isn't old (72) & I don't get it - she Always used to be into so many "projects" with great zest. I loved that about her! 2 days ago I said to her "you've Never heard me say I can't do anything because I'm too old" to which she replied "because you've never done anything I did it all!" And we both laughed SO HARD because it was totally true... Tonight when I came back from my flight she had fixed the leaky toilet & rebuilt the shelves that go over it! Thank GOD - I was beginning to think I'd lost my wonderful handywoman.
18. Who is generally the neater of you? Oh, please! DORIS, hands down.
19. Who handles the checkbook/pays the bills? Uhm. Well. We each "handle our own checkbooks" & pay certain bills... including our own charge cards. But unfortunately this has exploded in my face as my beloved has totally fucked her end up. She has even retired 2 years ago with acute debt & won't get another job saying no one will hire a 72 yr old. I don't know what to do. I couldn't retire at 60 with my friends because of this. I am dissenchanted. I am angry. I am pissed. I am depressed. I am scared. I don't want to take a loan out against the house to pay for her debts (we are both on the mortgage.) If we can't find a bank that does 'consolidation loans' then I guess she'll have to do bankruptcy. I just keep going to work, picking up overtime like a motherfucker. I'm tired.
20. What was your last fight/disagreement about? Her damn youngest deadbeat son. She loves him, of course.
And money. Not good.
21. When you slow dance together, who leads? Doris. She can't follow for shit.
22. What do you love the most about your other half?
Believe it or not, we LAUGH a lot! And we tell each other "I love You" often, everyday. And have I mentioned how fucking beautiful she is? She still makes me swoon. I swear there is a LOT to be said about waking everyday to a fabulously gorgeous smiling face!
Written by kmb524
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