The illness within

In the other post i wrote t had the wrong link. The link went to know where for some reason so here it is again. Hugs, Ruth

http://journals.aol.com/a35ramy/Theillnesswithin/

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please send me an email or post so I know where you are going to.

Are you going to go whewre aol puts us or are you going to a differnt blog? I am interested in this. I don't know what I will be doing yet. But I sure would like to know where everyone is going to. So try and let me know when you figure it out ok? Thanks for coming to my blog to begin with. The illness within http://journals.aol.com/theillnesswithin

I have so much loved the people whoi have came here and for your support. Thanks so so much. Love and hugs, Ruth

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Its confusing me, So I know I must be confussing you all. lol. Everyone elses sites looked easy, Thats cause you all made them look easy, lol. I see that now. But I sure didn't realize it when I started this one, lol.

I wanted to say thanks to all of you for your prayers for my dad and his salvation. I know he was saved when he died on March 20, 2007. I couldn't live if I thought he wasn't. Talking about  a bad thing. Boy could I tell you all some stories about this one. I won't I will say that it was heart breaking to me and my family.  Thanks so much for the prayers. God bless you all hugs, Ruth

I hope I did this right this time.  have a wonderful Mothers Day! Ruth

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***Short note first***  Please say a prayer for my dad for his healing. He is dealing with health problems at this time. All of this has me and my siblings worried to death. Please pray for his total healing and salvation. I also want to thank those that prayed for my husband...He is healed praise the Lord God.   ***END OF NOTE****

Before reading this page you must read this updated page here The Illness Within....

http://journals.aol.com/a35ramy/Theillnesswithin/entries/2006/07/17/first-entry-to-the-illness-within/676

To begin with I added all of this in the wrong place. I havre not had a blog before so I am trying this again. I had placed this in the reply area so maybe , I hope this is right this time, lol. I hate to give up on this before getting started , lol. Wishing my self luck, lol. Here goes..... GROWING UP NOTHING

Growing up Nothing......

I remember it was like having only one parent as my dad was mostly at work and gone all the weekends on drunken benges.  I just didn't have no idea how hard, How damn hard my mom had it and how she struggled to raise all of us kids on the piddley little disability check from my baby brother.  All of my dads income was put into the bottle. I remember for the first week of the month we ate really good and the rest of the month was a struggle. I also remember my mom or maybe my oldest sisiter telling us that the tiny 1 bedroom house we lived in we owned thanks to my dear grandfather who bought it and put it into my moms name. We owned it until the death of my grandfather and the the drunken hell and threats began on my mom until she was finally forced to sign it over to my dad where he then went and sold the little house for $4,000.00 and thus my birth place was gone. The funny thing was I don't remember living in a house that had all thee windows or even enough beds to sleep in or anything in it ever again. To make bad things even worse my dad would come home on his drunken binges and bring home a friend with him all the time. When he did come home that is. I remember them chewing tobacco and spitting in the floor of the house. No respect for any of us. All though all the bad things that were done back then are not remember by them  today though.  But to get back to what I was saying my dad would would bring his drunken friend home and he would wait until my dad would pass out and then he would come to where my sister and I were and  try and molest us. That was the usual thing with this man unless we were lucky enough to have them bless us with ther presents before we were tofall asleep then my sister and I would go and hide under a bed or where ever so the old man could not find us.

TO BE CONTIUED.....
Comment from a35ramy - 12/7/06 7:10 AM

Growing up Nothing......PART 2  Continued here
A continuance of the story above but starting off when I was a kid.

The wish....

Even today I can't help but remember and still wish for a home to call my own. It doesn't matter how big it is or what ever. I just want a basement and a fenced in yard.
Growing up as a child i remember we went hungery more than not. Oh the feeling of trying to go to sleep hungry. That feeling will never leave me.  The feeling now of hoiw my mother must of felt as she put her kids to bed and trying with all her might to raise us with nothing.  I remember now mom goeing out in the yard and bringing in plants from the yard (no garden but rarely we might be lucky and have a tiny garden). I remember her bring in the odd wild flowers and taking the blooms off and calling them greens and feeding them to her hungry children.
There is so little that I remember of my childhood.  I do remember that we never got much attention from my mom because she was always tending to my handicap brother. He was both mentally and phisically handicap and I remember my mom saying it was because of some bad water we had to drink and her recalling that the welfare office had come and got me and my sister that was a year older than me. They said that I was 2 and jenny was 3 when we were took off. Thanks God I don't remember it. I do have th slightest memory of crying my eyes out when they brung us home a year later and seeing 5 strange kids (that I later learned was my brothers and sister)  and my mom and dad that i didn't remember from the year before. My sister and I were at least in the same foster home or so I have been told. Now to think back I don't remember one day that I spent in the foster home. Its like my whole childhood has been erased from my memory. Except for tiny bits and pieces. I guess looking back that could be a good thing or a bad thing depends on how you look at it.


To be continued
Comment from a35ramy - 12/7/06 7:01 AM

Growing up nothing....  PART 3          Continuing..........

Weknew one thing we could never tell dad or mom what he was doing because of the simple fact that my dad would of killed him dead right then and there.  So it was something that we knew even from the time we were 5 and 6 that we must keep our secret.  I don't remember that he completed his evil deed or not on me or my sister. If he did its something that we blocked out  and my sister seems to not know either. The doctors don't know if we will ever know  or remember that or not.
I just remember having to fight him off all night and he would go back and forth to me and my sister. Then we would have to go to school the next day fighting to stay awake. That is if we were not lucky enough to be able to skip school and get caught up on our sleep. That was not very often though because my teenaged brothers did enough of that to keep the school breathing down my moms back and there was nothing that she could do because she couldn't even drive. She had devoted her whole life to taking care of  my brother and us other kids. Well there was one thing that she did, She took the abuse and blame that my dad put it all on her. It didn't matter that alot of the time he would have partys all night that would start usually after we had all gotten to bed and then we would have to turn around and get up to hear him bitch at my mom all night.  This would continue up into the time that I was eleven and then my dad would just stay gone and leave his family with no food no ride no electricity no water no nothing.  Until the day finally came that he would come and get some of his cloths and leave for good. He left us for a short fat woman that was as big around as she was tall but the thing was she had money and lots of it.

TO BE Contiued...
Comment from a35ramy - 12/7/06 7:19 AM

Growing Up Nothing   CONTUING HERE ..............Part 4

So while we were all starving my dad was with his new girl friend parting it up and telling lies about how bad all of us was and after all he had to make it out bad enough to make some of the guilt he had to go away.  I remember the day he came and got his cloths. I had just turned 12 years old. Mom had been writing bad checks just to be able to feed all seven of us. Around this time my oldest brother and sister were of driving age and they had come to the conclution that it was time to leave the state before my mom got put in jail and all us youngerkids got taken away. I remember the night before like it was just yesterday. They had open up a us map and closed there eyes and pointed at the map. When they they opened there eyes his finger was touching the grand state of texas. So they opened up a texas map  and did the same thing and our new home was to be Corpus christi Texas.  The nest morning we all got uop and off we went. I think we had 40  dallors to our name.  We had to wash cars or do what ever we could to make our way there.  Over my 12 year we stayed ay Corpus christi until school was out for the year and then we left out on the road again. Times were hard. I mean very hard. While we lived in Corpus Christi.

TO BE Continued soon....... See Part 5
Comment from a35ramy - 12/7/06 7:26 AM

GROWING Up Nothing Continuing  Part 5

I remember my oldest brother and the others that were old enough to work trying to find jobs. There was no one hiring.  I remember my brother going to this truck driving company and filling out an appliction to work. He lied on the application to get a job driving a semi. He had gave references to some of his friend in Idiana who lied for him so he could get a job. How brave he must of been getting in that huge truck for the first time and driving it when he didn't have the slightest idea how to. He waited until the early morning hours to take off on his first trip. A few weeks later and a few runs later he made his way back with a pay check. That was how he start our family off on our new way.  He later taught my  other brothers and my oldest sister how to drive a semi as well.  He did that job and loved it so much, He did it woth the up ost pride until he was forced to quit due to his failing health (diabetes Mostly) Any way we stayed in Corpus christi until the school was out. Jobs wre very hard to come by still yet so once again we all piled up in our station wagon and off we went. Eventually in 1980 tragedy would once again hit my family       

TO BE Continued...
Comment from a35ramy - 12/7/06 7:28 AM

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