ABC - antibullyingcrusador

Subject: ABC ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS.  ASK ABC.
Time: 12:41:37 PM EDT
Author:  abcbullynomore

See the article below in which a reader asks ABC a question.  ABC ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS. ASK ABC" is a new feature available at her new website at Wordpress.  

Below is the blog banner at the new web site.  To get to the new website click on the link below the banner.   Read other questions to ABC as well as many new articles and links.    

SEE ABC's 3RD EDITION ON WORDPRESS **NEW ARTICLES**

LINK TO MY BRAND NEW BLOG: http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/ VISIT TODAY! THERE ARE MANY NEW ARTICLES. ABC

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Subject: Rude Supervisor.  Ask ABC.  ABC Answers Your Questions.
Time: 12:04:21 PM EDT
Author:  momoftwins821

Dear ABC,

I am just curious.  I seem to be having all of these problems with a supervisor and know that I am not the one at fault.  But how do I get anyone to listen to my side of the story as it is never heard.  Every time management comes to me I am told a story that is only a little piece of the truth and find that the rest has been twisted or made up, even when they say I said things.  What do I do?  I seem to have no one backing me in this store and I am not the only one having problems with this supervisor.  The only other associate that was willing to speak up is one of my best friends and yet management has said that we are just ganging up on this supervisor.  It makes me sick to my stomach as my job is being jeopardized every day and I have 3 children and a household to support.  I cannot lose my job as where I live it is very hard to find a new one.  I am lost and confused and have no where and no one to turn to.

Dear Curious,

You are in a very difficult, but typical workplace bullying situation, when it is a "closet bully" that you are dealing with. A "closet bully", is a type of bully, whose need to hide their compulsion to emotionally abuse others, is as great as their psychological need to do so in the first place. In the workplace their compulsion to abuse others is accomplished through the misuse of their position of power which they hold within the company. At this stage of the game, the bully is emotionally abusing you by using half and/or twisted lies against you. When you react emotionally, the bully uses this against you as well, putting your mental health, competency and loyalty into question.

The "closet bully" is highly skilled in using their emotional intelligence and charm to manipulate others against the target. It is often very surprising to everyone, especially the target, when the closet bully's true nature is revealed. The term "Jekyll and Hyde like" has been used a number of times in anti-bullying literature when authors try to drive home this very important aspect of this type of bully's behavior. It is nearly impossible for targets to get others to see their perspective and to believe that the bullying is really taking place, because it's so unbelievable. Much of the bullying is done behind closed doors, and in covert ways, such as the liberal use of innuendo, nit-picking and trivial fault finding. MOST of the time, trying to get others "to listen to your side of the story" by using the following methods, are a wasted effort, here's why:

• Trying to talk it out with the bully or to reason with the bully. Why? You can not reason with a bully because a bully's complaints are not valid nor based on reason.
• Talking to the bully's direct supervisor. Why? Often the bully's direct supervisor hired the bully and therefore, and/or by level of responsibility, is responsible for the bully's behavior. An upper manager who acknowledges the existence of their middle manager's negative behaviors is admitting their own failure and inability to control their subordinates behaviors.
• Going to Human Resources. Why? Human Resources primary function is to protect the employer, not the employee. It is easier and the path of least resistance, to follow the directives of upper management than to stick up for a low level employee.
• Asking coworkers to become involved. Why? Coworkers who believe the target, and talk to the bully, the bully's manager or the company's Human Resource Department, often find themselves to be a target of workplace bullying themselves. Literature, and target's testimonies, have revealed that bullies will sometimes back-off the original target, to intensely victimize and take down a supporter, usually a supporter who is weaker and easier to take down than the original target.

For all of these reasons a bullying campaign, which often develops into a bullying and mobbing campaign, is a very complex phenomenon to first understand, and then to overcome, many times impossible.

What do you do if the usual means of understanding one another in the workplace are thwarted as in the above mentioned ways? You find yourself "lost and confused" with a job "you cannot lose" and "3 children and a household to support with no where and no one to turn to?" When talking doesn't work, what's left? STOP TALKING!

I have found that the best way to deal with a bully boss and any little mob that they're able to manage to pull together, is to NOT REACT to anything they do or say. It must always be kept in mind that THE TRUTH REMAINS THE SAME regardless of what is said or done to make you and others feel or think otherwise. It is important to know that the bully's primary objective is to engage you in battle, to manipulate, subjugate and control you. Bullying attacks are premeditated with the intention of not just hurting, but destroying, to take their target down.

If you deny your bully the gratification of a reaction, the bully will probably move on to someone else. It can sometimes be that simple. Don't give the bully what he/she wants, a reaction. The following points are all based on the primary objective which is: DO NOT REACT! and.....

• Continue to be the good, loyal, hardworking employee that you have always been.
• Continue to be the reliable "go to person", that is always easy for coworkers to approach and get help from.
• When a bully attacks, defend, do not attack back. Always respond calmly with statements that succinctly demonstrate the truth. For example, when confronted with a lie, state the truth and when ever possible back the truth up with objective evidence. For example, if your bully says that your productivity is down. Show the statistical reports that prove otherwise.
• Keep a journal of your bullying experience. Record even minor incidents or incidents that your not sure about. Keeping a journal makes this experience real and is self validating while clarifying these events for future reference. While writing and reflecting about the details of various events, you may gain insight in retrospect that didn't occur to you at the time it took place.
• After a bullying attack, never discuss the incident with coworkers. Behave as though nothing at all is wrong.
• Never say negative things against your bully. Instead, act concerned and/or perplexed when others question the bully's behavior.
• Start looking for a new job. Having insight and information about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing will make this experience easier for you but may not be able to save you from the ultimate likely outcome which is suddenly being fired by your bully. One way or another 80% of targets lose their job within two years, once chosen as a target. It could be physical or emotional illness, suicide or going postal in extreme cases, that causes you to lose your job. It's best to go about finding a better job while you're still employed. You will be more likely to find the job of your dreams if you have adequate time, rather than being forced to take any job because of a sudden lose of income.
• Find support for yourself outside of your workplace. Contact your state's Bullybuster group which are affiliates of the Workplace Bullying Institute in Bellingham, Washington state and founded by Drs. Gary and Ruth Namie. Here's a link to their site:

www.bullyinginstitute.org.

I wish there was more hopeful information I could share with you, but the bottom line is that being a target of a workplace bully and his or her little mob, is probably the most difficult situation you'll ever find yourself in. Isolation caused by the bully, denial by everyone involved, and a general lack of information in the United States about the phenomenon makes being a target a very lonely place to be, for sure, but nothing important is easy. The saving grace being two things, one being this experience may motivate you to get out there and find the job of your dreams! Wouldn't that be a kick in the pants? Just think of it - someday you may be at a new job in which you couldn't be happier, with a wage to match, and you would have never found this opportunity if you weren't forced to by your bully. More importantly, you learned first hand, one of the most important lessons of human nature that exists. In grade school we were shown real footage from the atrocities of World War 2. One movie showed emaciated dead bodies being thrown down shoots from second and third floor windows, into open trucks on the street below, to be taken away for burial into mass graves. The teachers justified showing such horrific footage to young children by saying it was important that we know what happened so that our generation could stop it from happening again. This continued to haunt me as an adult because although I knew what happened and even studied it further, I still didn't understand how Adolf Hitler was able to get so many people, to do such atrocious things, things that they would normally be incapable of. I then learned about workplace bullying and mobbing, now I know, and you do too.     ABC

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Subject: ABC Has Moved to Wordpress.  See The Link Below
Time: 8:52:21 AM EDT
Author:  abcbullynomore

SEE ABC's 3RD EDITION ON WORDPRESS **NEW ARTICLES**

LINK TO MY BRAND NEW BLOG: http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/ VISIT TODAY! THERE ARE MANY NEW ARTICLES. ABC

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Awhile back I wrote to my readers on my original blog @ yahoo 360l saying that all new articles would be published here @

http://journals.aol.com/abcbullynomore/ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador/

I made this change at the end of 2007 because Yahoo 360 phased out some of their features and was planning on shutting down the YAHOO 360 blog at the beginning of 2008, with promising of a better replacement.

I have lost confidence in Yahoo 360 keeping this promise because it is ALREADY well past the beginning of 2008 and I have yet to hear anything from Yahoo 360 about transitioning to something new.

I wrote several new stories on the AOL Journals blog to try it out. To be perfectly honest, I am dissatisfied with the AOL Journal for several reasons. The primary reason being that their site hit counter would not work . Without a hit counter, it has been impossible to determine if the blog was attracting the numbers of readers needed to adequately fulfilling my mission, of getting the word out, about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. I therefore switched to wordpress @ this link; http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/ You will see the banner at the top of this page, on the top of this new weblog.

So far I am very satisfied with Wordpress which is also free to use. Not only does their hit counter work and count readers to the site, but also tells me where the reader found the link to the site. Other stats tells me what search terms readers used to find my site and which articles they read. This is the type of information I need to determine the success of the site and what readers seem most interested it.

So stop by my new blog. No new articles will be posted here. ABC

PS: once again, the link to my new blog is:

http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/

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Subject: Dear ABC,
Time: 8:15:56 AM EDT
Author:  waitedew

 Dear ABC,

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Subject: PIT-BULL, NO BULLY. "Alpha Leader" a Real Leader
Time: 4:23:52 PM EDT
Author:  abcbullynomore

PIT-BULL, NO BULLY. From a personal perspective. ABC

Beside my avatar is an avatar dog. That dog is a real dog who died this past Saturday the day before Easter Sunday. This article is in memory of her.

Patty was her name. Half Pit-bull, half Yellow Lab. She was a year old when we got her at a shelter for unwanted dogs. She had been there for over 3 months after found running loose in the woods. The family who called about her were her suspected owners who just didn't want her anymore. We found out why.

Patty was very destructive in her early years, eating just about everything in the house that was wood or leather. She was resistive to correction until we found the magic solution.. a tiny dab of hot pepper sauce applied to her mouth and a firm "no" while pointing out the latest destruction. This being the recommendation of an old timer Vet. The only thing that worked like a dream. Patty then became the pet of everyones dreams soon not needing the hot sauce at all.

Patty was the most cuddly dog I have ever owned. She would sit on my lap contentedly for hours, all 80 pounds of her. I often woke from a dream that I was suffocating, straining for every breath, waking up to find her lying full length across my body, the heaviest part on my chest.

I remember the many times she sat beside me while I wrote my anti-bullying blogs. My Pit Bully dog that wasn't a bully at all. She was what literature describes as a true "Alpha" not the "bully" her breeds' name suggests. "Alpha" means leading but not in an aggressive way. It's a quiet command of strength and respect. Strangers at our door respected her fully, just her presence put the look of fear upon any intruder's face. My true guardian.

After 8 long years that didn't seem long at all, Patty developed breast cancer. She never complained during the several months it took for the cancer to ravage her body. During the morning of her last day she bled profusely through the wounds the cancer had made as she lay weakly on the couch we covered for her in the lliving room.

While watching this transformation I came to the sad conclusion that it was time to put her down. I quietly sang her the songs I had made up for her throughout the years, then told her she would see Heaven today. I took last pictures.  The best picture I have is printed at the top of this page. Then off to the Vet we went.

It's ironic how she seemed to spring back to life as she saw me with the leash. The leash and the walk outside, that it always promised, her favorite thing, gave her a strength I didn't think she had left. Out to the car, she agilely hopped into the car, her second most favorite thing. She happily looked out the windows on the way to the Vet and kept her nose to the ground hungrily sniffing every animal who had ever been at the Vet's, once there. So many smells.. She was enthralled. She didn't seem to notice my tears nor that of my spouses nor that we were hugging her, and saying goodbye. She followed the Vet tech away out of sight without even looking back. Off to the Kingdom of Heaven. Goodbye for now, until we meet again! Mommy and Daddy

READ THIS INTERESTING ARTICLE ABOUT THE ANIMAL KINGDOM IN THE LINK BELOW.  BULLYING IS NOT ACCEPTABLE THERE EITHER.  READ ABOUT THE "ALPHA" LEADER OF THE PACK, A REAL LEADER!

http://insidetoronto.com/news/Column/article/33266

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Subject: ABC-AntiBullyingCrisador, Why The Alias?
Time: 12:53:10 PM EDT
Author:  abcbullynomore
Mood:  Hopeful

ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador, Why the Alias?

I consider myself to be an Internet Anti-bullying activist. I go by the alias "ABC" for short, or "AntiBullyingCrusador". I use this alias whenever I write about "work place bullying and mobbing". I live in the United States where the phenomena of "work place bullying" is little known, although many of our work places are fully entrenched in a bullying culture.

I didn't choose this mission of fighting workplace bullying. I would have been perfectly happy if I had gone through my career never experiencing or observing the behaviors of those we refer to as "work place bullies" and those who support them, their behaviors referred to as "mobbing". But, since I was chosen as a workplace target more than once, and observed the devastating affects on others that were also chosen as targets, it has become a moral obligation to do all that I can do to stop this terrible evil in our work places. I have always agreed with the statement that if you don't try to stop something that is wrong, than you are a part of it. It's not as simple as just walking away, at least not for me. Walking away may end workplace bullying and mobbing for me, but I worry about the unknown numbers of targets on the brink of suicide or "going postal", only because of their lack of understanding, of the phenomenon referred to as "workplace bullying and mobbing."

My first and primary mission is home care nursing. I am a nurse who loves her job and believes in the mission of the home care agency that I have worked for, for almost 30 years. I resent the fact that bullying and mobbing wastes valuable time that would be better served on our shared mission of providing quality home care services. I have known my bully boss for over 20 years and have worked with the coworkers, referred to as "little mobsters" in my blogs, for several years. I have developed a fondness for my bully boss and the coworkers whom support her, based on the length of our relationships alone, as well as for their many positive attributes.

My real name, My bully's name and my employer's, and where we reside, can be Any Name, Any City, USA...it could be yours. It is not my intention to expose my bully boss, her supporters whom I refer to as "little mobsters" in my blogs, nor my employer, and the Human Resource Department that represents my employer. They are all unwittingly entangled in the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. Whether it be a coworker who turned into one of my bully's "little mobsters" or a Human Resource Rep. who fails to acknowledge the existence of classic bullying and mobbing, they are all playing their roles, almost exactly as predicted on bullying and mobbing articles on the Internet. It's all very predictable. My "true stories" are true from my perspective, a target of workplace bullying and mobbing. It all sounds unbelievable I'm sure, but that's what workplace bullying and mobbing is, Unbelievable! There are millions of people just like me, with incredibly similar stories.

Getting the word out about workplace bullying and mobbing is an important public health message, literally saving the lives and emotional and physical health of unknown numbers of targets. Understanding the phenomenon is understanding that bullying and mobbing is very

expensive. The costs imposed on businesses due to adverse emotional and physical health affects sustained by their employees is staggering, not to mention the wasted time bullying and mobbing employees and their targets spend, on a bullying campaign. Bullying and mobbing is likely the largest hidden expense in business today!

It's my hope that someday, all working Americans will have a knowledge and understanding of the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. Let's recognize it, name it and end workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC

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Subject: Chapter 6. What Happens When a Bully Fails to Eliminate The Target?
Time: 3:00:51 AM EDT
Author:  abcbullynomore
Mood:  Hopeful

Chapter 6.  WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A BULLY FAILS TO ELIMINATE THEIR TARGET?  My Return to Work After a Medical Leave.  A true story by ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador

This is now March 2008. It has been almost five months since by return from a leave absence the first week of November and with the exception of just two pass-by nibbles, my bully has stopped bullying me! She also stopped bullying an old friend of mine that she was bullying during my leave, as well as an office assistant she bullied periodically. The three of us were the only ones who knew the true nature of the bully and talked to support each other whenever there was a chance.

Since the pass-by nibbles, I became very anxious as my bully does get exceptionally nasty when she feels the need to get even. I was thinking that she just needed more time to plan her revenge after I wrote an apology note to a coworker who my bully said complained about me. The coworker doesn't have a clue that our boss is a bully and I am sure quite innocently brought my apology to her attention, just to set things straight. I'm sure my bully felt quite the fool trying to explain why she said my coworker made a complaint against me, when she didn't. I had this awful foreboding that my bully boss had planed to set things straight with me and the other targets, and not in a good way.

Despite this foreboding my bully boss's behavior has been the opposite of my expectations. One morning she asked to meet with me, something I said I would never do alone with her again, but did so any ways. I was pleasantly surprised, more like shocked, when I found that her attitude seemed to have made a 360. For the past few years we have had an ongoing disagreement in which I have been asking for her flexibility in regards to my late arrival times in exchange for my flexibility in regards to my late departure times. I often need to work late, because of late calls from our frequent referral sources. After working late, or because of morning bloodwork,pharmacy pickups and other issues, I needed to arrive later than scheduled. Doing so made simple sense to me personally in order to avoid exhaustion and to the agency who would need to pay me overtime if I didn't take back the late hours I often need to work in the eve. Now, suddenly she said "I think it's important that we be flexible about your issues (of needing to arrive late)". Flexible about my issues! I couldn't believe it. This is very perplexing as she continues to be exceptionally nice to me, which is not what the literature predicts, but why complain - LOL

Since learning about the bullying and mobbing phenomenon, I have been looking at this whole unbelievable situation in the perspective of a learning opportunity. Most people where I live in Connecticut have never even heard of it. My bully, her little mob and the management of the agency I work for, are classic examples of the bullying and mobbing phenomenon as described in the literature on the Internet. The similarities of individual bullying and mobbing cases are amazingly alike. I read the same circumstances, bullying tactics and ultimate outcomes over and over as if bullies know each other and learned how to bully together. Knowing what to expect and how to predict my bully's next move has been tremendously helpful. Now I have survived past the two years that most bullying campaigns take, to eliminate their target. I have yet to come across anything on the Internet that describes what happens when a bully fails to eliminate their target. Maybe I'm finding out the answer to that question now. One thing to be sure of, once a bully, always a bully, no matter how it seems.

Weeks turned into months as the winter holidays passed, and still nothing happened. Then it was announced that there was a mandatory meeting that everyone in the department had to attend early the next morning. The three of us in the department who know the true nature of the bully felt especially threatened. I knew and explained to the other targets, that bullies have been known to reorganize entire departments, to further their bullying agendas. Just as I predicted, the meeting was just that. Our department was being centralized with our other large branch's equivalent and we would me moving there, 30 miles away. the first week of March.

One of the other targets, the office assistant, was fired immediately after the meeting. It was explained that two office assistants would not be needed in the new centralized department. She didn't even finish out that day. She was given 6 weeks of severance pay and benefits. Once a bully, always a bully. Once chosen as a target, you remain a target until you're eliminated. One target down, two left to go.

There are frequent references in anti-bullying literature to bullies who create chaotic environments in which to further their bullying agendas and hide their incompetencies. This proved true during this poorly planned centralization. A surprising turn of events was that the bully's primary little mobster, turned against the bully. She became very vocal about the bully's poor planning of the reorganization. I played the devil advocate by sticking up for the bully. I said how hard it must be for her just now, as she had been under the temporary supervision of an exceptionally brutal upper manager. The little mobster wouldn't back down saying that our bully boss should not stay in the job if she couldn't deal with her manager. She seemed as void of empathy as our bully boss and the especially brutal upper manager now supervising our bully boss. I'm observing a managerial chain comprised of 3 levels of bullies. The worst bully being of highest rank and the lowest being the little mobster now denying our bully boss even an ounce of empathy. I worked late every night, the last week in our old office, arriving exhausted on Friday, which was the first day in the newly centralized office. Even the day chosen, Friday, was absolutely the worst possible day to choose, it always being the busiest day of our work week. I became ill over the weekend after the move with a bad cold and plain old exhaustion. I called-in sick during the first week that my department was centralized.

When I returned, there was a meeting on Tuesday morning during which we were introduced to our bully boss's new manager. She appears to be between 35 - 40 years old, much younger than our 62 year old bully boss, and the rest of the nurses including myself, who are all between 50 - 55 years old. While the new manager was speaking, our bully boss left the room during which there were references made to an incident "last week" which was not repeated for my benefit, everyone else was there last week and already knew. The new boss praised our bully boss saying what a good job she did while having "no support" during the centralization. I thought it odd that the bully boss was being praised when by all other accounts the move was a disaster and poorly planned. I wondered why the new manager perceived our bully boss as having "no support" so I spoke up inquiring - "Why doesn't she have support?". There was a moment of awkward silence before the new manager exclaimed - "Well, I don't know, I'm new here!" No one laughed, how strange this seemed to me.

After the meeting, my old friend who is also a target and the bully's primary "little mobsters" (as I call the bullies supporters), were the last to leave the room as we lingering by the bagels and coffee. I asked, "what happened last week?" The little mobster quickly replied "Oh nothing" obviously lying, as my old friend brushed her aside, cupping her hands to my ear, whispering, "BullyBoss said ""Oh, @$#uck!"" and threw a board (2 x 3 ft white writing boards) over a cubicle." That's all she could say just then as the bully's primary mobster was there and just tried to deny that anything happened. This too seemed very odd. The primary mobster had turned against the bully saying how poorly she planned the reorganization just a week ago. Now, she lied in an attempt to hide the bully's inappropriate behavior. After everyone else left that day, my old friend added more details. The whole previous week was a nightmare. The phones and faxes were not working and our bully boss was reprimanded by upper management when referrals were lost. When callers could not get through to our department, they called our company's main number. The operators who answer the main number paged our department, as they too could not get through, but no one in the department could hear the page. Adding to the stress was a comment by an upper manager that the department looked "messy". Our bully boss was "stomping around back there in her cubicle" when the obscenity was exclaimed and the board came flying over the cubicle's wall. I asked if anyone approached the bully or spoke to her afterward, but no one had the courage. My old friend said it was the kind of week in which you question whether you should ever return on Monday.

Although my bully boss has stopped individually bullying people, she has successfully eliminated a target through a department reorganization which maybe used in yet other ways to further her bullying agenda. She has been treating me and the other remaining target extremely well, refraining from any appearance of bullying. Holding back emotional displays of anger previously launched in the direction of her targets, have proven to exceed her control, as made evident by the blatant expression of an obscenity, while blindly launching a projectile over a cubicle wall.

I am in the unique position to observe and further study the phenomenon under the most unusual set of circumstances possible. The bully has a new, younger manager who publicly praised the bully for a good job that really wasn't a good job at all, blaming "lack of support" for the bully and extending her own support before knowing the reasons the lack of support exists. My bully boss was publicly praised by her new manager after quite literally causing a physical threat to the welfare of her subordinates on the other side of the cubicle wall in which she hurled a 2 x 3 ft board. The fact that no one approached the bully to inquire about the nature of her distress goes to show the level of fear that people who were there shared as well as the fact that only one coworker had the courage to tell me about it. The ability of the bully to manipulate a new manager and all her subordinates into silence about this incident, despite a written policy forbidding hostile behavior, amazes me. Stay tuned to learn more about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing and find out together with me, what happens when the bully fails to eliminate their target within two years. That target is me in uncharted territory. ABC

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Subject: WHAT IS A BULLYING PASS-BY NIBBLE?  www.bullyblaster.com
Time: 11:47:35 PM EDT
Author:  abcbullynomore
Mood:  Hopeful

PASS-BY NIBBLES

"Pass-by nibbles" are referred to several times in my blog; "Chapter 5.  My Return to Work After a Medical Leave of Absence. True Story by ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador, titled "Two Pass-by Nibbles, Then The Bullying Stopped!"   See the article below to learn the origins and background of this phrase and the website associated with it.  Visit the link and learn more about workplace bullying and mobbing.  Let's Recognize, Name and End Workplace bullying and mobbing together!     ABC

 

What Is a Bullying Pass-by Nibble?

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About the Author

Stop Workplace Bullying. Discover How to Speak Up to Save Your Job and Your Dignity. Visit www.BullyBlaster.com and sign up for a free Stop the Bullies newsletter.

Source: http://www.article2.net/ addthis_url = location.href; addthis_title = document.title; addthis_pub = 'ajun';

Stop by their website:  http://www.bullyblaster.com/

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Subject: Chapter 5. Two Pass-by Nibbles, Then The Bullying Stopped!
Time: 10:09:58 PM EDT
Author:  abcbullynomore

    

TWO PASS-BY NIBBLES, THEN THE BULLYING STOPPED!  Chapter Five. My Return to Work After A Medical Leave of Absence. True Story. By ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador

For those who are unfamiliar with my story, I returned to my job the first Monday in Nov. after a medical leave of absence for a M.S. exacerbation beginning the middle of July. I had been officially reprimanded, the first time in my career last April, based on the lies of the bully and threatened in writing that I would be dismissed if my performance did not improve in all areas although the quality and productivity of my work, as determined by objective statistical and satisfaction reports, already exceeds that of my coworkers, as it always has. Two coworkers were participating in mobbing behavior prior to the leave and one continued to do so upon my return. While on the leave of absence the bully targeted an old friend of mine but stopped dead in her tracks upon my return, and with the exception of two minor incidents, has backed off bullying both me and my old friend, since my return.

I posted that I thought it was possible that I had subdued the bully by leaving a written clue on my work computer that I am seriously involved in anti-bullying activities. I both write on the Internet and I am one of the founding members of Connecticut Bully Busters, an affiliate of The Work Place Bullying and Trauma Institute. This anti-bullying file had been removed from my work computer while I was on my leave of absence, which was the only change to my computer upon my return.

The first several weeks back on the job were bully free. Then, shortly after posting that my bully seemed subdued, she attacked twice within a week. Not vicious attacks, but little "pass-by nibbles" as one article describes it. Bullies often test their target's response to small attacks before proceeding with a major attack. This is a common tactic of predators such as sharks. Bullies also get to know their targets well and learn how to push their target's buttons before beginning a full blown bullying campaign.

My bully knows for example that I object to e.mailed criticism in which my guilt has already been determined before even being asked my perspective of the incident. I have asked her dozens of times to give me the benefit of the doubt and have always pointedly thanked her when ever she does. My bully has always said she likes to e.mail criticism because it providesher with saved documents of incidents which she can use to establish a pattern of negative performance which can then be used on performance evaluations. Knowing this, I used to respond to these types of e.mails from her by return e.mail, in which I would explain in detail the real sequence of events, always establishing a means to prove my innocence. After receiving my responses which proved my innocence, she always admitted that her original allegations were wrong, but then found fault with the length of the e.mails that proved it. My bully boss and the Human Resource rep. flipped everything around to the length of my responses being the offensive issue. I explained to Human Resources that I can type as fast as I can speak, my boss knows this already, and that the purpose of the length and detail of my responses were to document in writing that my bully boss's written allegations were wrong, and there was a means to prove it. I pointed out that although these e.mails were lengthy, they were not rambling nor incoherent but quite clear, properly sequenced and finally concluded. I pointed out that e.mail was the method of communication that my bully boss chose and that it was appropriate to respond back using the method she chose and initiated.

Because of this history of bullying by e.mail, I was not terribly surprised that she used this tactic in her first assault. She sent me an e.mail titled "complaint" stating that a coworker made a complaint against me, saying I sent two coworkers the same work to complete. I knew I didn't make the error alleged, I keep a log of who I send my work to.  The log showed I sent the work to only one coworker.  I also knew that the person who supposedly made the complaint would never do so based on one incident, even if I did make this error.  So, I emailed my bully boss explaining that she must be mistaken, because I keep a log of my work, and my log shows the work was sent to only one coworker.  I also sent a note of apology to the coworker who supposedly made the complaint.  A copy of my bully boss’s e.mailed complaint, was attached.  The coworker promptly emailed me back saying she had no idea what error was being referred to, because she didn't make any complaint against me.  She added that she hoped this incident didn't cause any problems between us, because she enjoys working with me and has never had a problem with me.  Doesn't that make the bully seem the fool!

A week after the email incident, I arrived an hour and a half late. The first major snow storm was coming so I made an appointment to get my snow tires put on the car at 8 AM. I am suppose to be at work at 9:30 AM and it takes 45 minutes to get there. Being the first appointment at the garage, I estimated that I would be leaving for my job by 8:30 or 8:45 AM leaving plenty of time. In reality, for reasons beyond my control, I left the garage at 10:00 AM, arriving at 11:00 AM after being slowed down even further by the start of the storm. The agency closed early at 2:00 PM but I couldn't leave until my husband was able to pick me up after his job, which did not have early dismissal. I eagerly volunteered to be the last to leave, when our early dismissal was announced. I took all the last calls insuring that everyone else could leave. while I stayed until 5 PM.

The next morning my bully boss was at her desk in our branch where she works about half of the time. When I saw she was there, I approached her immediately and explained the circumstances of my late arrival the previous day, when she was working in another branch office. While I spoke, she said nothing, she just glared at me. Finally I concluded by emphasizing that although I arrived late because of circumstances I could not control, I also left the latest, insuring that my coworkers were able to leave when early dismissal was announced. I then paused for her reply which never came, so after a few awkward moments of silence, I walked away towards my own desk, her only feedback being her stony silence and odd, glaring stare.

After these incidents, she hasn't tried a thing against me and has also completely backed off an old friend of mine who she was abusing during my leave of absence.  So, as far as I can tell, the bullying has stopped! Is that possible?!?  

Stay tuned as my story continues..

ABC 

 

 

 

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Subject: Taking On Workplace Bullies
Time: 6:01:43 AM EST
Author:  abcbullynomore

Taking On Workplace Bullies

 AN ARTICLE FROM THE HARTFORD (CONNECTICUT, USA) COURANT

Published 2/27/08 

http://www.courant.com/news/politics/hc-ctbullying0227.artfeb27,0,5312162.story

 Considering Revised Bill, Lawmakers Hear Stories Of Mistreated Employees

Sarah Ford was fresh out of high school when she took a job as a server in a restaurant in Buffalo, N.Y., a 19-year-old eager to show she could make it on her own.

But within weeks, Ford found her spirit all but crushed by a verbally abusive boss who chastised her in front of customers and other employees. On one occasion, she recalled Tuesday, her boss leaned into a cabinet full of pots and pans and swiped them all on the floor, then ordered her to pick them all up and organize them.

“It was so demeaning. I was down on the floor on my hands and knees in front of all these people,” said Ford, who testified at a hearing before the state legislature’s labor and public employees committee in support of a bill that would crack down on so-called “workplace bullying.”

Ford, who two years later works happily at a Starbucks coffee shop in Bristol, said it was hard for her to overcome the emotional trauma she endured on her first job. She said she hopes the legislation being considered — which, if adopted, would be the first law of its kind in the country — will make abusive bosses and co-workers think twice about how they treat their employees.

The bill, which has the support of committee chair state Sen. Edith Prague, D-Columbia, is actually a revised version of a similar bill that failed to reach a full vote of the assembly last year because of concerns about how it might affect businesses. In particular, opponents worried that the bill, which would allow workplace bullying victims to sue their tormentors, could expose employers to potential damages even if they had consistently tried to create a safe environment for workers.

The new legislation aims to protect employers who have acted in good faith by making them exempt from liability if they can show they took steps to prevent bullying behavior on the part of individual employees or supervisors.

Katherine Hermes, who is the head of the Connecticut chapter of the national Workplace Bullying Institute, testified that a national survey conducted last year showed that 34 percent of U.S. workers, or roughly 54 million people, said they had experienced workplace bullying of one kind or another in their lifetimes.

Hermes said her best friend, Marlene Braun, a manager of a California national monument area, killed herself two years ago because of constant harassment and intimidation by her boss. Yet although the majority of bullying cases involve instances of bosses bullying their employees, Hermes said the survey showed that an increasing number of cases are being reported in which employees have bullied either fellow employees or, in some cases, their bosses.

“It’s a nuanced thing, and sometimes the subordinates have the power over their bosses,” she said. “It’s not always top-down.”

Hermes said the survey also showed that, although the majority of bullying victims are women, an increasing number of men have reported being bullied as well. And the majority of people who have been identified as bullies, more than 58 percent, were women, Hermes said.

“It’s a changing dynamic,” she said, adding that academic studies are now being done to understand the phenomenon.

After Ford tearfully testified about her experience with workplace bullying, Prague said the proposed bill will be put to a committee vote in the months ahead and, from there, would probably need to clear the judiciary committee before making it to the assembly floor.

“It makes me very angry that someone would do this to you,” Prague told Ford. “But in the end, he’ll get his.”

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