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I'm so happy over each comment I receive. I know this sounds terrible, but I love to write about myself. I am very self-centered. I found this out in the hospital when my favorite part of process group was my turn to talk. I love to talk to people, once I am comfortable enough with them, and my favorite topic is me. I know this isn't God's idea of how a Christian should be, but I'm being very honest here about how I am.
At any rate, the comments make me happy. It's sort of like I make myself vulnerable here. If no one says anything, it feels like a rejection. If I get support, it is reassuring to me. Makes me feel like I can be my real self and still have people like me. I have always been my real self here.
I started this blog to talk about weight loss. I thought it would help keep me motivated and accountable. It hasn't really worked that way. I've just enjoyed writing about my weight struggles, appreciated feedback, and went on doing what I was planning on doing.
Now I'm faced with the dilemma of changing the name of this journal since I can't seem to get back on Atkins. Not only is it too difficult to get back on it after you've been off for two weeks, but I also tired of the constant restriction. I would be invited to eat dinner with the ladies in the shelter, and it was a big issue whether I could eat what they were having. I would like to eat regular food in moderation. But actually doing it is causing a big problem for me because I'm having so many cravings. Today I ate a candy bar and some fritos with bean dip. What did I buy that junk for? Cravings.
A friend on a message board suggested that I try to eat more protein and fat, even if I wasn't doing pure Atkins. I mentioned that I was having 2 bowls of raisin bran each morning for breakfast, and it seemed like I craved carbs all day. Maybe if I eat a high protein breakfast, it will cut the cravings. I'm going to try that in the morning.
Anyway, I saw my new psychiatrist yesterday. Dr. Awtrey. This is only the second time I've seen her. I decided to start seeing her after I got my Medicare, and I was so glad because those people at MHMR were incompetent.
I think Dr. Awtrey is awesome. She sits beside you to take notes instead of in the chair behind the big desk. She always asks if Colton is okay. Today she asked if he'd been given an explanation for why he was staying with my cousin, and I didn't know. I started to wonder if he thought he'd done something wrong.
I just think it's sweet that she's concerned about Colton, when he's not even her patient. And she is so nice! She didn't gripe at me about overdosing or not calling or anything. She just said that, in the future, she didn't mind at all if I called to let her know what was going on. In fact, she would prefer it. But she said it so nicely that it didn't feel like being griped at.
She was concerned that I have so little to do with my time. She asked me why Models of the Maker hadn't let me go back to my volunteer job. I said I didn't know, but I would call them that day to ask.
I did call Models of the Maker, and they want me to start a paying job on Monday! It will be 9-12, Monday thru Friday. I will be doing a lot of typing, and I'm really good at that. I won't earn enough money to use up any of my trial work months to mess up my disability income. I am just nervous that I'll do something wrong. Like oversleep, go too slow, etc. I really don't want to let them down.
I don't know what I'll do about this summer, because Colton will be home. But I guess I'll just worry about that when the time comes. There's nothing I can do to change the situation. I can't afford to put him in daycare, and he would be too bored to come to work with me. And I don't have anyone to watch him for 15 hours per week.
So it seems like I just won't be able to work in the summer time. I hate it, because I don't want to get into the habit of staying in bed late because I have no purpose to get up. That's what I've been doing now! But I'm not going to sit around and worry over it yet.
Well, I'm about ready for bed. Hope everyone is well.
Donna
adonnainparis at 10:27:00 PM EDT Blog about this entry |
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I really don't think that you should be worrying about Colton right now when it comes to the summer. Just take one day at a time. You are doing great by seeing that Dr. she does seem nice. Eating, just little more protein, but don't deny yourself chips and stuff. Just use protion control!
Christina
PS have you been walking everyday??? -
Hello stranger! lol. I was so pleased to see your name. I love leaving a comment for you because I love reading what you have to say.Your new doc seems nice, that's good. Brilliant that you will be working, don't worry about childcare etc, we all worry when we are In that position and for some reason you will find at the time, It will work Itself out. I am pleased that you love speaking about YOU. Good girl, so you should. If you want more comments, take a wander round people's journal's you haven't been to before and leave a message saying hello and leave your link. You will soon have loads of new readers and also you will have loads more to read. I hope you have a great sleep. Love Pam xx
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Donna:
Don't start you day off with carbs, that's my downfall if I have cereal or something else high carb for breakfast; I have a protein bar that has 30 grams of protein in it and it keeps me satisfied until lunchtime, a good 4-5 hours later
I think changing the name of your journal would be fun; do you have any other ideas what you might want to name it?
Good for you to get that part-time job; just enjoy it and look at it as an opportunity to get out and do something productive for a few hours a day during the school year when you can
your new psychiatrist seems like a good one!
betty -
Just remember honey it doesn't matter what plan or what happens in life all you can do is take it one day at a time.. I am proud of you for being so open and working on your problems , it is so much easier to hide than be your self so keep working on you because you are worth it .
hugs
Sherry
4/19/08 10:01 PM
Just remember to take everything one day at a time....we don't have to have the answer today or tomorrow, as long as we keep seeking it. You will get there Donna, and we are all routing you on here!!
I'm happy your Doctor seems so nice....that's half the battle, I think :)
Pooh Hugs,
linda