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Subject: AFRICA DIARY 10: PRAYING WITH MY PRESENCE
Time: 4:53:00 PM EST
Author: ajuddinafrica
We are born alone and we die alone, and in my experience so far the loneliness of this work resonates with that type of individuated experience. I write to you to try to comprehend, process, heal, share news of the human community with those who cannot travel as far and wide as I, to raise consciousness, to raise money, to be of service, but I am ultimately alone with my response to my experiences. We all are. That is why mentors are so important, because they have gone ahead to where we have not yet been, perhaps not even in our dreams, and they look back at us with the love born of wisdom, grace, mercy, and compassion to give us hints as to how to have our own experiences with integrity. Such a mentor to me, in spirit and now in the flesh, is Archbishop Desmond Tutu.
My friend wrote to me this morning reminding me that since she has known me, which has been for 18 years now, I have been talking about the Archbishop and meeting him today was exactly what I needed, emotionally and spiritually. God will always provide.
He was smaller than I expected but as elegant and lively as I knew he would be. We took a few photos in front of a beautiful unity quilt, and then went to his office to sit behind closed doors for a moment. He asked if I had seen myself in the paper, to which I replied no, and he laughed, saying that I am less vain than he, for he always scoops up the papers straightaway if he suspects he’ll be in them. So, yes, he was funny and self-deprecating, as I also knew he would be, but I was surprised that he asked me a lot of questions. One would expect certain exchanges of information, biographical stuff and whatnot, but for him to ask in detail about our workand my impressions of my voyage and what I’ll go home to tell my people conferred a status upon me that vis a vis him I just do not think I have. In his askings, however, he revealed his own thoughts, and I referred to them to organically weave us back to him so I could selfishly enjoy his musings. He spoke about gender inequality, prejudice, the purpose of sex between married couples as an instrument of love, expression, and becoming more God-like, and the foolishness of advocating abstinence without a balanced approach that acknowledges we do not live yet in a world (meaning spiritual world) in which ideal behavior is sensible to expect in everyone all the time (he made history 10 years ago by saying the church must stop condemning condoms as immoral, and has done PSAs for us). I was respectful and rapt, and also learned anew that no one, not even a person of his stature, experience, faith, and perspective, has the HIV/AIDS bullet, and that we all, governments, NGOs, FBOs, and corporations must powerfully rally around education and prevention, as it is our only hope.
I don’t know exactly how I will handle myself in these ongoing situations, such as with the young HIV+ mother at the hospice who is in a profound grief over herself and her child, whom she never sees, and her mother, who has disowned her, with whom I could not summon that palpable sweetness God has so often given me in difficult, complex situations. But I do know this: I don’t always have to pray with words or thoughts, or have that buzz that comes with them, because I am praying with my very body,with my presence, and none other than Archbishop Desmond Tutu, my mentor in spirit and now in the flesh, helped me realize that today. And I thank him so much forit, as well as for every other thing he has ever done in his beautiful, difficult, profound life as a freedom fighter and servant.
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This is a great way to recount your experience and let others know your part in helping to make a difference.
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Hi Ms. Judd,
What a coincidence. I just saw one of your movies tonight, Twisted and I think you were great in there. Then I stumble upon this through this Timeless Calligraphy's journal.
I think this is a great thing you are doing helping people in Africa. You deserve all the admiration you are getting here and you have the support of all the AOL.
I also did a movie review of your movie just now in my movie journal. Please feel to read it and let me know what you think.
Hugs,
:) Anita
http://journals.aol.com/ginskia/AnitasBooksandMovies/
http://journals.aol.com/ginskia/whatdescribesanitaasanitaas anind -
What an awesome experience to meet your mentor! i'm so happy for you...."Love Can Build a Bridge" by your mother and sister was playing on the radio today i immediately thought of you and all the bridges you are building wherever you go with your work in YouthAIDS programs Your love , and Desmond Tutu's are building great bridges in your work you two are nothing less than miracles in our world......-karen
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Yeah! God manifiests the best in all of us when two people of grace come together. Much love. Tess
3/10/05 3:14 AM
I’ve been reading this wonderful journal – and I’ve watched expectantly for each next entry! I’ve had so many thoughts: I’ve been thinking, especially, that it is so important, with the courageous, compassionate work you do, to also do the sustaining activities you’ve been doing (like the cheetah, and walking within the Madagascar forests, and talking with Dario, and these kinds of things); you are right to do this for these are your Sabbath, your self-compassion. You’ve described great pain in what you’ve encountered, as you bring hope, information, love, and service to so many people, so you need to enjoy the sustaining activities – and always keep this in mind. Also consider that all the people you meet, and bring joy to, are with you in this and in everything; so think of them, the Farm Girl, and Nini, and all the others: how they receive your love and then are like your guardian angels, wherever you are or whatever you are doing -- do know, they willingly and lovingly are this for you, and they wish for all the life and joy you have (and you have, Ashley, never forget this!) brought them to be yours too, from them to you…. Keep up this wonderful work and the sustaining activities too and know that these people, and we all, support you.
I wonder: Are you familiar with Thich Nhat Hanh? I’ve been reading his “Teachings On Love,” which, like all his books and thoughts I’m sure, is so soothing and wise and seems to say some very sustaining things for those who love, including in service. You might enjoy this book – if so, may it help sustain you in the painful encounters and moments as well as the hopeful and joyful ones!
I hope this helps.
-- Paul