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Subject: AFRICA DIARY 11: ONE PERSON AT A TIME
Time: 10:56:00 AM EST
Author: ajuddinafrica
At a hospice today filled with very ill HIV patients, I went placidly from room to room, just finding where I was welcome and sharing friendship where I could. I sit on beds and once I am sure contact is okay, stroke and caresses people, and usually end up rubbing their foreheads and temples. There is something so sweet about the way a face changes when you touch it gently, in a way it probably hasn’t been touched a very, very long time (perhaps ever). I used to ask a lot of questions to try to inform myself about each person in particular and the AIDS pandemic in general, but I am doing that less. Reminded recently and emphatically that I can still be shocked, I don’t need their stories to be more interested in their sad, wasted state, or to add to my reserves of gruesome tales. I might find out some detail so I can relate to them, such as a child’s name, or perhaps a concern, which can lead to an idea for a prayer that might bring some peace and relief. At times, none of these things happen, such as in room 4, where a woman, recently blinded by some creative AIDS ailment, after I fussed over her teddy bear, asked if I was going to take it away from her.
One especially grieving woman sat paralyzed in her own world of chronic physical and emotional pain. I rubbed her back for a while, and then her head fell forward and she let out a slobbery groan and began to cry. The nurse and I conferred with each other and concluded it was about her daughter, a bad story,and I asked if she prays. She said yes, and a long silence ensued. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have the nudge. Then she eventually said she didn’t want to pray, and I hugged her and left the room. I felt very awkward, but knew I had respected her wishes, and that, by far, is the most important thing.
Some of these patients are the super grotesquely thin ones you see in shocking photos; thigh bones the size of a child’s arm and pelvises like a shallow bowl. Moyra was hanging back, and at one point, eyes full with wet, asked how I do it. I said to just pick one, make one friend. Maybe you never leave that room, never make it to the sitting area where the stronger ones are taking in a dry, flaccid breeze, laps covered with ratty knit blankets, but that doesn’t matter at all. Pick one and stick with her/him. You’ll get the hang of it. Just wash your hands before and after and mind the sputum. There’s an awful lot of TB in here (as well as meningitis).
I will say that in South Africa the stories have been very, very troubling in that all the women say they either don’t know how or from whom they contracted the virus, and they are/were very disempowered in their relationships. They rarely varied from this terrible script, expect for the one who was left by her boyfriend when she tested positive and came home raging about it. He took up with another woman, and our valiant heroine approached the other woman, saying Look, you might want to know, he’s HIV+, and he’s never going to tell you, because he already knew he was when he infected me, and he refuses to use a condom. The other woman said, No he’s not, you’re just jealous he left you.
Sigh.
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My girls and I have been following what is going on in Africa in our homeschool lately. We first became very interested in it after watching Hotel Rwanda. It seems unreal to me that we hear so much about trivial things here in the United States, and there are people starving to death and genocide is occuring and it is almost never on the news!
Here in Northern KY we don't have much contact with AIDS, but I do have one gay male friend who is HIV positive. It is so important to make the physical contact that you do...
http://journals.aol.com/hestiahomeschool/HomeschoolingJourn al/ -
It's great to see your entries again. I became addicted to your journal soon after it arrived. I've been waiting anxiously for more of your stories. Have you thought about writing a book regarding your experiences in your journeys? I know i would be very much interested in it. I also appreciate that you don't sugar coat your journal entries. I like reading it like it is there bringing the stories to life and the importance of your work and how much, much is needed to be done. You are a very courageous woman and I admire you for that. I look forward to more entries. Take care. God Bless you and all in Africa!~karen
11/14/05 1:09 PM
candacewarner_14@hotmail.com