Cae's Cookies

Subject: What's doing
Time: 8:45:52 PM PDT
Author:  alainngaelcaela
Mood:  Quiet
Music:  SOS Jonas Brothers....don't ask

Wow, it really has been a long time. I have been so caught up in Myspace blogs and emails that I've neglected this journal.

After reading my last entry, I have a few things to just say, that way everyone is brought up to speed.

I did not pursue Berkeley. I didn't necessarily not get accepted, I just decided over the Summer that I wasn't going to continue with school at this moment in my life. I wanted to see how I do with just working. You see, one of the girls in the office, there are three of us total, passed away from bone cancer, and it was all very quick and shocking. Diagnosis and passing all in about a month's time. With her gone, there was a lot of work that flowed onto my desk and such, and it was then that I knew that I just could NOT have the time or brain power to continue with one of the classes I was taking during that time. The class was really hard, but it was also one of the prereqs for Berkeley. I knew that I could talk to my boss and work something out, but I thought about the oppertunity of it all and decided that I wanted to see how far I could go with it.

I got a good raise and bonus for all the hard work I put into it. I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm working collections now, added on to my other duties from before. There is a new girl in the office now, and she's getting the hang of things. It's weird trying to befriend someone all over again in that kind of environment. For those who are close, you'll understand what I mean.

I've realized that I won't ever really be able to move out on my own anytime soon. Even with the raise, as I still wouldn't be able to afford the monthly payments. California is just WAY too expensive. So, I'm thinking that maybe I'll replace my paint-fading car instead....yeah. I know. It's like the computer....I spend 2 years looking at everything, deciding and then changing my mind until I up and buy one without anyone the wiser.

I'm now on my winter hours. I know, it's not winter, but what that means is that the office has slowed down enough that there isn't enough work for me to be there full time. It's ok with me, however, this time I don't have classes to study for during that time. I think I'll go nuts...and slightly broke, if all I do is read in the mornings and then go to the grind. So, I thought I'd volunteer at the animal shelter once a week and take a ballet class. I figure I liked it then, when it was for a grade, I have the shoes and dress so, why not. Plus, I'll actually have a butt during the winter, and not some annoymously named thing to sit on. lol

My parents and I went to Disneyland for my birthday weekend. I loved it. My dad kind of crashed by 10am the second and last day, but I could have gone on for another day or two. We got a two day park hopper and a hotel room. I'm actually contemplating getting a season pass. That's if I can find someone to go with my 4-5 times a year. Yeah, I know. I'm just looking for things to do now that I don't have to worry about school.

Graduation was great by the by, but I didn't do much for it other than a small party with my neighbors and close family.

Hmmm....

I have a confession...I had a dream about Alanson last night. No details, as it wasn't something I'd usually remember, except that this wasn't just some person my imagination made up. I just remember naming him and at first, yelling at him, as if it were the first time we'd talked since last summer. And then it was back to normal, fun and friends. Weird, but all day today I couldn't help but notice my mind drifting off to wonder what I used to wonder for months on end, what's he up to, and is he okay? I know there are a few others who may be wondering the same thing. I had purposely, for defense reasons, quit thinking about him, but I can't help being concerned...I guess I never really did stop, I just chose to ignore it. Closure. I am kind of understanding why my friends almost demands that her and her ex's remain friends. She'll get it if she's reading. Love ya! lol

I'm still making myself go out to particular events and putting myself out there, however, it may not seem that way to a lot of others because, well, I'm just so socially inclined. Yay...

Well, that's about it. With the time I have now, I'm sure I will start keeping this thing up to speed, and maybe even visitng some chat rooms...my typing is getting a little rusty. lol

Sheana~

Written by alainngaelcaela Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

Subject: Count Down To Christmas
Time: 6:14:12 PM PST
Author:  alainngaelcaela
Mood:  Chillin'

Hey there everyone. Tis the season where people are merry, give to the poor and running people over, with their cars or shopping carts. Teehee. I'm really proud of myself, I received straight Bs this semester. I was hoping for an A in one class, but I should just be happy my teacher allowed me to take the final after it had already closed (online class). It's a really long story, but the gist is that I didn't know that the final closed on Friday and didn't figure it out until the following Saturday. I begged the teacher, as it was an honest, though stupid, mistake, and she let me take it. But, I was actually expecting a C in my English class. The teacher as well as the writing assignments were really difficult. I'm glad that I wont have to take another English class. Perhaps a literature class, but that's entirely different in my point of view. Officially I graduate this December, but I wont walk or get that special piece of paper until April, when they have THE ceremony.

I went out with a few friends the other night and met a really nice guy and he and I have chatted a bit on the telephone and been out once since. I left the ball in his court, so we'll see if he calls me. I'm happy that I'm at least going out and meeting people, even if it's not romantically. I need more friends! I probably met about 30-40 people that one night I met the guy at a party. At one point I actually stopped trying to remember names, I was so overwhelmed, and besides I could barely hear them from the racket. I hope to save my money so I can get my own place if I don't get accepted to Berkeley. If I just don't think I can settle, I'm thinking I will just move to England for a little bit. Work, explore and just be over there. My best friends has similar plans, and I told her eventually, if life didn't change things, her and I could do it together. Share a flat, work and travel to places we both haven't seen or want to see again. It's exciting to be able to say "ok, I'm done with school, now what?" You're allowed a new chapter, and almost anything goes.

That's about it for now, I'd better stop before I ramble too much for one entry. Merry Christmas, Happy Yule (even though it's a day late) and a Happy New Year!

 

Written by alainngaelcaela Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

Subject: Wake Up Call?
Time: 10:49:36 AM PST
Author:  alainngaelcaela
Mood:  Worried
Music:  Silence

I've been kind of shaking myself recently, trying to wake up from the rut I've been in for over a year now. Lately I've found myself in the same place, socially and financially, as last year, and it's not really appealing. I thought I wanted to graduate and move on, go somewhere where I'll be happier or at least have more possibilities, so I took more classes to excell my graduating date. After doing just that, I'll be graduating this fall, and walking with the other graduating students this coming April,  but in a way I still think I'm in the same postition as I was a whole 365 days ago. Things are supposed to change between then and now, right? With this exact question in mind, I've been thinking about what I really want to be doing. Living with the parents isn't going to work out, for either party, forever and I'm not sure if I want to stay in Sonora or maybe even work at the same place for that long. I hear stories of my friends and family on where they are in their lives right now, some have good careers, others are in universities, or raising a family. Seems more exciting than the whole everyday routine, that doesn't jive with what I think might really make me happy.

So, now, I'm thinking if I should move to San Francisco area even if I don't get accepted to Berkeley. Maybe that's where I can start fresh with something I want to really do...of course, there is always the possibility that it will be a linear move on my part. I don't want to move to a new city and get a similar job and be stuck doing the same stuff I've been doing, just a change of geography with no family or friends nearby.

I don't think my body can handle another major decision like this one. I remember starting this job and throwing up every morning for the first month because I was so nervous...but I guess those are some of the things a person needs to overcome, right?

On the upside, I have a new nephew, Etienne Sebastian St. Germain, and that's without his last name. Like his brother, who got a new haircut as you can see, they have many initials to their names. Whew!

Written by alainngaelcaela Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Subject: Punches
Time: 10:20:07 PM PST
Author:  alainngaelcaela
Mood:  Sad
Music:  I'm Gonna Be - The Proclaimers

I've been dating recently, and I know how that might sound to some people, like "ya, so," but to most, you know that I don't do that as often as others might think. I'm too picky and too busy, but I've found myself too often home on Friday or Saturday nights, and to me, at my age, that's not healthy. So, I decided to be a little more outgoing in the dating department. There is this one guy in particular that I've seen three times now, and I'm already wondering how to let the guy down gently. I thought maybe I was just nervous and needed to see him again just to be sure my kneejerk reaction to the who chemistry "vibe" wasn't a fluke. Well, it wasn't. It's not there. Great guy, has things going for him and stuff, but not meant for me.

On the way home tonight, like my mind always does, I tuned back to memory lane, and boy does that still pack a punch to the heart. I think, even though we never met, that I really loved Alanson, not something you just wonder if that's really how you feel, because how the hell do you know what love feels like if you've never felt it before. But tonight I realized that that must be my problem, the reason why whenever I think about him, hopefully healthy and striving wherever he is, I just ache and wish. Whatever happened, even though I know I did my best, I still have a small regret that things never advanced.

I stilll wonder where he is, if he's still in San Francisco. If he was there when I was there over the summer. If I had known where he worked, if I dropped by just to say hi, would that have even been possible. But this leads me back to the one main regret, that I didn't have the guts to go to NI when he invited me in the first place. Three years ago, perhaps this heartache would never have existed, or at least I would know if we were or weren't right for one another.

Damn, I hate when I get like this, because all I'll think about for the next few days is Alanson and what and how he's doing, and my own loneliness. There's nothing a healthy normal person can do about that, but get into the "game," right? Of course, as I say that to myself now, my adversary just screams that I had that, and I missed it.

I think what hurts the most is not knowing. But that's what life's about right? The unknown and being able to live with it?

Written by alainngaelcaela Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

Subject: Whatever
Time: 4:07:48 PM PDT
Author:  alainngaelcaela
Mood:  Quiet

Well, it's time for another update. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't been online, well, I've been online, but I haven't been online for recreational purposes in a long time. Since summer has started, I'm now working 6 days a week and attending summer school again this year. With this extra class I'll be graduating this Fall....I know that I mentioned that I would probably be going to Berkeley after I finished a few extra transfer classes, meddle in Celtic Studies...but school has consumed my life for such a long time since coming home from England that I may just want to take some elective classes, and just see if maybe I'm interested in something else. Maybe photography...Speaking of which, I got some really good ones in Rome, but then again, it's really hard NOT to get a pretty picture in Rome.

My mom and I went to Alaska, spent Mother's Day there too, which was pure coincidence. We flew into and stayed in Anchorage, but there really isn't too much to do in Anchorage by itself, unless you go fishing, which both mom and I couldn't do on a boat, as we get sea sick. So, we ended up taking a day trip to a nearby town a few hours away, where we went on a tour with Mitch Seavey's Ididarod sled dog kennel and even went on a mock ride on a sort of go-cartish thing led by dogs. It really rocked. Then we went to the Alaskan Sealife Research Center, where they, obviously, do research on the Alaskan sealife. It was quite interesting. What mainly caught my attention was the scenery. The mountain ranges are worth the trip alone.

Not much going on other than that I finally feel like I kind of belong. I made a new friend recently, and she and I just really clicked. We went dancing last night with a few other friends of hers and man oh man. I was drunk with my second drink and she called me inexpensive. Great. There's an upside to being a lightweight. Being able to just get out there on the dance floor without having to worry if you're doing the moves right is so refreshing. I'm not just waiting to get laughed at, because, well, we're constantly, laughing at each other that it doesn't really matter.

Well, there's my update for now. Like always, I hope that my next entry won't be so spread out from this one, but who knows.

FYI: There is a person in this picture that I have no idea who he is, but he told me that if someone leaned back just right and held their mouth open, it would look like the chocolate pouring from the "worlds largest (probably only as far as I know) chocolate fountain." So, I volunteered him to do it for me.

Written by alainngaelcaela Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

Subject: Rome Pictures
Time: 3:07:45 PM PDT
Author:  alainngaelcaela
Mood:  Quiet
Music:  Leave the Pieces _The Wreckers


Well, here are the pictures from Rome that I've been holding onto since February. Sorry for the delay, been super busy and stuff.

Written by alainngaelcaela Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

Time: 10:01:19 AM PST
Author:  alainngaelcaela

Well, I've been to Rome (pics to come, I'm on the office computer), and my best friend and I have been back to San Diego, our hometown, to do some visiting with the family and the beach. Ah, the beach. Though it was sort of chilly when the wind kicked up, it was a constant 70-75 degrees the whole time we were there. Got some great pics of Greshann surfing, but not of the two bunny rabbits that were being taken for a walk on the beach, yes, I said for a WALK! Huh, it certainly was cute, anyway. I have fish now. Santa gave me a 3 gallon tank for Christmas and I had a real go with it. The first few fish died while I was in San Diego and the second batch died of Ich, which is very deadly, I've learned....NOW, I have Platys and an african dwarf frog, with some bottom feeding catfish. No one really has a name, except for the frog, Jr., I don't want to get too attached. These guys are going to celebrate their 3 week soon, so I'm hoping that once they're a month old, I can officially name them all. Woohoo! There's my update....Oh, and I have upgraded to a 10 gal tank and am working on a 25 gal....I'm hoping to get a few fish bred and make some money, but that takes a lot of time and devotion, so it's just all in thought right now. Until later!

 

 

Written by alainngaelcaela Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

Subject: Santa Cruz
Time: 9:28:31 AM PDT
Author:  alainngaelcaela
Mood:  Silly
Music:  LeAnn Rymes: Probably Wouldn't Be This Way

Ok, so, my best friend comes to visit me from Missiouri. We drive the near 3 hour ride to Santa Cruz and partied. I hadn't partied like that since that Thanksgiving night in Cornwall. That's near 2 years ago, for those who are new. Her and I put on our cutest outfits, fiddled with our hair and make-up and took a cab on over to the club called Catalist. Which, in case you're wondering, isn't such a bad place to go for drinks and dancing. Though we were there at 10:15PM, it wasn't quite as busy on the floor, no, let me rephrase that, the dance floor was empty. So, the security guy who stamped our wrists, told us that the PRE-party is upstairs in the pool room. Up, up, up the stairs we go (I love that Golum line), and proceeded to flirt our way to share a table with a few guys with drinks in our hands. Gresh had me drinking Sex on the Beach...which is mixed with rum...not exactly my fan drink. Soon later, though, she got me a Smirnoff. Yeah, baby! Well, we danced and drank the night away...except, when Greshann proceeded to drop her drink on the floor, it slipped, honest, I "cut" her off. I was teasing, but she took it serious so, when a cute dude offered to buy her a drink she said only if it's water, "I've been cut off." LOL Oy. Anyways....we got in around 3AM, it was 4AM we eventually fell asleep....wait wait wait. I forgot to mention that a small group of guys came over to visit us in our hotel room. Just for like 30 minutes. We'd met them at the club, I flirted with one, but that's about as far as it went.

When we discovered that the other half of our party, both guys, were due to arrive in just a few minutes, "shew, shew, shew" them out we did. Straight afterwards, we crashed....In the pictures you can see the waiting period between the time we got back to the hotel and for the small group of dudes to get there. We kept switching the camera between the two of us and snapping like crazy. There are a LOT of pics of her and I just kicking it on the two beds. Geesh, what girls will do when drunk and bored.....Moving right along. The guys came in near 6AM, I heard later on, because at the time, I didn't want to move to look at my watch. The unfortunate thing about drinking is that it gives people hangovers. There are many different types of hangovers, I believe. Two of which are the headache and/or the stomach ache. I've never experienced the headaches, though the stomache aches are the worst the morning after. And, though it was only two hours later, boy was I ready to just puke on anyone stupid enough to jossle the bed too much. Wait a minute! Greshann proceeded to do just that because she was still bouncing with energy when they got in...or something shocked her to life, and she was giggling and talking and moving....ooooyyyy. lol Morning! I woke everyone up at 9:30AM. No sleeping and lazing about, no matter the 7 hour drive the guys had to do to get up there, I wan't to enjoy my time there, not sleep it off in the hotel room. Jack In the Box, Starbucks and a slow confusing trip through downtown got us to the lighthouse, as you can see in the pictures, and then a little bit of a walk to the beach below led us to the Natural Bridges. That's that holy thing in the cliffside. After, there was beach play in the freezing water, lunch, shopping and thank goodness, NAP TIME! We all woke up at 9:30PM and got ready for another night at the club, except this time with the two guys. Repeated to dance the night away, after a few hourse playing pool. Greshann, who played the pool shark the night before, got a shot in behind the back, after which we proceeded to giggle and high-five over. Hey, we're buzzed, so giggling is permitted. Well, we had fun, which is exactly the point of the trip. Her and I took summer courses to catch up with getting our associates, Greshann just getting done with her's, and mine soon coming to an end, so we were entitled to have a little relaxation during our summer break.

Greshann led me through a successful parrallel parking, which made me all proud, the next morning (last day). The first day there I had tried, and ended up parking SO close to the curb that I scratched my hubcaps and it took me like 5 minutes to get there. It was embarassing enough, and this jerk and his friend had to walk by congradulating me on an "ace parking job." I retalliated with calling him a name...it wasn't as great a curse as I was hoping for, but I was flustered and couldn't think of anything better than "jerk" or something like that. BUT I made a perfect parking job the last morning when we were going for the best crepes for breakfast. Some more window shopping, tinkering around and enjoying eachother's company, and then it was time to head home. It was just the break I needed apparently, for since that vacation I started doing a lot better on my quizes for History and I even passed my Multiple Choice part of my final. I'm still not sure what grade I got on the essay and short answered questions...keep your toes crossed!

Movie references: While Greshann was here, we saw The Island and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Both are really good movies. If you're looking for action, The Island is the movie to see. And, if it's just plain entertainment, with comedy mixed in, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is the best choice for you. I didn't know too much about The Island when we sat down in the theatre, just the base line of the story; the society of people that are led to believe they are survivors of a chemical blast on Earth that are really copies of million/billion-ares that have paid to keep them as back-ups in case something were to happen to them and they'd need "extras." Now, Charlie and Factory suprised me. Greshann's mom recommended it for the two of us, said it was our kind of movie, though I had my doubts from the way the previews looked, not to mention that Johnny Depp looked really scary. Though when the movie started, I was captivated by the twists and the different story line presented in the movie. It is far different from the older version, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, trust me.

Well, I guess that's all for now. I may have more later on, and, now that it looks like I'll have more time to do stuff, more entries in the future. I've been trying to work a lot of Saturday's, like today, to make some extra money for the trip in October. I'm really excited to see everyone again over there, especially my newphew!

Written by alainngaelcaela Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

Subject: Overdue
Time: 9:21:22 AM PDT
Author:  alainngaelcaela
Mood:  Quiet
Music:  LeAnn Wolmac: I hope you dance

I haven't written in so long. I know that I say that a lot too, I'm sorry for it, not just for all those who wonder what I'm up to, but to myself, as well. This was my way of getting thoughts cleared up. I know it doesn't seem significant to a lot of people, but I'm now paying for my own bills. Before I had help from my parents, they made the excuse that it was because I was still going to school or I didn't have work for a while, to get me back on my feet, and I let them think that. I'm paying my own bills, going to school, yes even during the summer (online classes), yet I'm still determined to go to Crete with my sister. I don't feel it will be a problem. I just like to be prepared. Besides, it's not like I'm going to go to Greece and not buy something, pfft.

From my friend's recommendation and some others that I haven't heard from since high school graduation, I started a page on "Myspace.com." Not sure if that was the best of ideas I ever had, but I'll give it a shot. The first three days were fine. Got in contact with a lot of good friends from school, and we're getting to know what everyone has been up to for the past couple of years. However, by the fourth day, I got bombarded by e-mails. 500+, in fact. I didn't understand why that was. I asked my friend, Greshann, who is more familiar to Myspace.com than I was, to find out why I was getting 500 emails and "freiend requests" when she was getting maybe 4-5 a week. By the time I got home that night from work, her and her sister had figured it out. They said that I've been on the "Cool New People" list. Meaning that every time someone signed on to Myspace or something like that, they saw my picture under big words saying "COOL NEW PEOPLE." I immediately wanted to know how I got OFF of this list. She didn't know...I was screwed. All I could do was Select All and DENY all the friend requests and look at the even fewer emails, which isn't saying much. Oy. So, I'm trying to avoid posting anything great and exciting on my page for a few days...yeah.

Next. I went to the SummerFest in Modesto, CA., two weekends ago. That was really fun. I got to see Josh Kelly, The Afters, Carbon Leaf and Everclear in concert during a nice warm and sunny day. It was held in a community baseball park stadium, and we all had to sit on blankets or towels on the grass. It wasn't all that bad. Crowded, yet really fun. Only got burned a bit on my bad, which is a major accomplishment for me and my white sensitive skin. :)

Hmmm...Greshann is coming to visit the end of the summer, and we're going to meet with a few friends in Santa Cruz. She's excited, considering her surfer self hasn't been able to ride her board on a wave in a good clump of months.

I'm still waiting. For a while I didn't know what to think, how to react, and how not to. According to an annonimous source, this sort of rehab can be a lot longer than any of us thought. I know, like me, you're all waiting for word on his progress and well being, but I think it's going to be a while yet. If I'm guessing right, it won't be until late September or October that we'll hear from him. I know, now, that it's not about me, you or "us" it's about him, and I hope he knows that. Last thing I want him thinking about is if I or any one of his friends are going to be disappointed in him.

::sigh:: I'm working, it's a Saturday, and I'm working. Yes, I am supposed to be doing homework, but it's just too early yet to read about sex, baby making and how we raped and pillaged the natives of the land we live on now. Lord I hate US History. It seems like they shove it at us from day one in kintergarden, and now it's a requirement to take it all over again, except this time they want us to memorize dates! Crapola.

Okay, off I go. Update sooner than the last interval, I promise.

Written by alainngaelcaela Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Subject: Julian @ 2 1/2 Mo.
Time: 8:48:05 AM PDT
Author:  alainngaelcaela
Mood:  Ecstatic

Wow. It has been a month. It's things like this little guy that make you want to share a whole heap. Look at those feet. Spoons calls them Golem Feet. I should know, they're just like mine. LOL Serves her right to make fun of her sister's feet.

 

Written by alainngaelcaela Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own