Jessica's thoughts & feelings

I'm 2 Min past Dec 25th, but MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 08:11:19 GMT

I'm JUST into the day after Christmas but it was a long 2 days and this was the only time I had free to get on and wish you all a Merry Christmas. Hope everyone had a great one.

- Jessica

WOW! Holidays are CRAZY!

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 19:32:59 GMT

Well, lets see last weekend we had a surprise birthday party to go to. It was for my BIL Aaron. He was celebrating his 30th. They had it at a bowling alley and so they shut down 10 lanes just for his party and the bar. It was really fun.....UNTIL the end, then it got WEIRD! Ok, I'm not gonna go into detail but a friend of mine who also happens to be with my hubby's cousin tried to kiss me. I've know this girl for several years now and I have to say I was in shock when it happened. ( A bit of a WTH, disoriented shock due to the alcohol) Haven't talked to her sense it happened. I tried calling her but I think she's embarrassed. I just want to get a hold of her and let her know it's ok and that we can put it behind us, I don't want her to feel uncomfortable now. She was really drunk and she's been dealing with a lot and has not been very happy lately and I know she woke up and was like WTH did I do.

Ok, on to something else, I finally talked to my sister, and SAW her. She looked good, Looked a lot healthier and happy and she's got the cutest lil bump and so we talked a lil and I just said that I hoped that this baby helps change her life. She seems to think it has and said she has something in her life that makes her want to change her life and something that makes her realize she HAS to change her life, so I am being supportive. That's all we ever wanted for her. To get her life back on track and get away from the drugs and lifestyle she was living. I'm really happy for her and I'm really praying that this IS it. I'd love to have my SISTER back and love to have a new niece or nephew. This will be my first blood niece or nephew. She's got a couple names picked out and Both my mom and I think it's a boy, so we'll see! I had this gut feeling when I first found out and then when I was talking to my mom she said, " Ya know this baby is gonna be a boy." and I was like WOW! That's whay I feel strongly it will be, how weird.

The loan process, it's still up in the air, still waiting. We've been approved but everything has to line up and get verified. I'm REALLY hoping this goes smoothly and trying to keep postitive that it will. So hopefullywe will sign right after the first of the year.

Today is the girls last day of school, they are getting out early and will start winter break. They are SO excited about Christmas, but what kids arn't lol! I am having them go through thier toys when they get home and we are gonna take the one's that are still in good condition down to a toy drive. Last year we had them give thier old coats they no longer wore to charity. Yes, we have them do it. We go down as a family and have the girls take thier things up to the people running it. I think it's good they learn that and help out. Makes them appreciate things more.

Well, that's about it for now, I'll try to update again soon.

- Jessica

It's all about ME, quiz (Got this from my friend Heather)

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 21:30:45 GMT

Part 1: The Birth of You

Were you a planned baby?: I was an accident waiting to happen, lol!

Were you the first?: YES

Who was present at your birth?: MY MOM AND DAD, I think my mom's parents too.

Were your parents married when you were born?: Yes, just barely, lol! My mom was 8 months prego when they got married.

What is your birthdate? July 16th

Part 2: The Family

Are you parents married or divorced? DIVORCED

An only child?: NO

If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?: OLDEST

What are your sibling's names?: Taysha, I also had a brother but he died as an infant. (Tyson)

Which parent do you get along with best?: MY MOM , My dad passed away in 2002. BUT, growing up it was my dad I was closest too.

What do you fight about? Geez! Who knows, lol

Do you have step parents?: Yes

Part 3: The Friends

Do you have more than one best friend? Yes

What do you like to do whenyou are together? TALK, act like fools etc. LOL

Do you share the same interests?: Mostly

Which friend can you tell anything to?: Any of my friends in my group, Adikted. Kathy, Tammie, and Keri.
Part 4: Your Personality

How high/low is your self esteem?: MEDUIM

Do you get depressed about things easily?: yes, certain things

Are you happy?: Things have gotten better and I am mostly happy.

Do you live life to the fullest?: Maybe not to the fullest, but I try to and want to, lol. Have a few snags sometimes that makes me hold back on some things in my life.

Part 5: Appearance

Are you comfortable with the way you look?: Not completely

Describe your hair? long (but I want it longer, lol) golden brown with 2 different shades through it. a lowlight and a highlight.

How do you dress? COMFY CAUSE WHEN I TRY TO DRESS UP I REALIZE JUST HOW MUCH I DON"T LIKE MY WEIGHT ANYMORE. And I do dress comfy for the most part because I rarely go out of my house and so there is no need to dress nice, lol

Part 6: The Past

Were you a strange child?: strange, no. But I've always been interesting.

What did you used to love that you no longer do? Write, I used to write all the time. Stories, poems etc. I think drugs took that from me. I had a wonderful imagination and drive for make believe when I was a kid. At one point I wanted to be an author. I still have it but I just don't have the desire to get into it like when I was a kid and I don't write like before. I rarely WRITE, lol. I think the computer has some responsibility with writing as well. I've found a new way to express myself rather then write now.

Do you have the same friends?: A FEW, none from elementrary years though. I moved around too much during that time though I've found a few sense finding the internet, which I would never have done if it wern't for.

Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing? HELL YES, yes most my childhood years, Some of my teenage years.

Part 7: The Future

What is your ambition? TO LIVE a good life NOW, to have the family I always wanted as a child and make sure I give my children the stability I didn't get.

Are you scared of growing old?: NO, not really. Not looking forward to the physical changes or the fact that your health goes as you age, lol. But the wisdom I am.

Do you want to get married?: I AM MARRIED

Part 8: The Outdoors

Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?: BOTH ( I prefer home though)

Favorite Season: Ya know Summer has always been my favorite, but there is something special about every season. I guess Spring is my favorite now though. The weather is just right and spring is about new life. Animals usually breed then, everything that was dorment awakens, flowers bud, everything is growing. The sun begins to warm everything up. It's just beautiful during the spring.

Do you like walking in the rain? usually not but there has been times I have enjoyed it. I only like it when it's something I want to do. If I'm out and it just starts to rain on me and I'm not wanting to get wet, I don't like that, lol. (Did that make sense? I don't think I explained that right, lol) Oh WELL!

Part 9: Food

Are you a vegetarian?: No, I could never, lol

What is your favorite food?: Depends, CHINESE, mexican, and Italian.

What food makes you want to gag? liver and onions, tofu, sushi.

What is your favorite dessert?: also depends, Carrot cake, cheesecake, German chocolate cake, or a combo sundae of jamoca almond fudge, rocky road and pistachio ice cream.

What is your favorite restaurant?: Macaroni Grill or Marie Calenders

Are you a fussy eater? NO

Part 10: Relationships and Love

Are you single or taken?: TAKEN

If taken who is the lucky guy/girl?: Alex

Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?: One of the best

Do you believe in love at first sight?: NO, not really

Part 11: Experiences

Whatwas one of your greatest experiences?: HAVING MY KIDS, courting my husband, being 17, lol

What was one of the worst? My drug years

Have you ever done drugs? Lol, yes

Have you ever thought you were going to die?: YES

Guess this was the end of it, lol! Not the question I'd end on, but ok.

TAG OFFER and an update

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 21:33:51 GMT

(Just wanna be sure you all understood right, MY tag offer is below, THIS graphice above is not for request and isn't an offer or my work, Thanks) !!!Sorry for the alerts on this!!!

Tag Offer is below. I made it yesturday. If you would like one please leave a comment with the name(s) youd like. Please only two per person. Hope you all like it.

Now for my update. Well, I still haven't talked to my sister. I tried calling her yesturday but got the answering machine. I guess she has a job now. Which is good, BUT it's doing stocking at stores and well she's pregnant and so I'm wondering where her thinking is on that. Plus she has back problems as is. She's not sapposed to lift her arms up over her head when lifting. Oh well, she's a grown woman.

GOOD NEWS!!! We have been approved for our loan for our kitchen! Whoo hoo! I'm so happy! Just waiting on or insurance (we are having our house insurance switched and so they are sapposed to be having someone come over to take pictures of the backyard and then they will file the switch and get us the paperwork we need for the loan, so if something goes wrong with that then that would be the only snag in the loan process. But it should go fine. (knocks on wood, cuz of our luck, lol) OK, I'll try to think positive but things like this NEVER work out for us, especially when we think they ARE. (Just read past entries, lol) Ok be positive Jessica. This IS gonna work out just fine.

Family is good. Kids are excited about Chritsmas and hopefully we'll get our tree this weekend or tonight if I can get hubby to do it, lol! He has to still put Christmas lights up outside. We have our yard decor and inflatables up already! I just LOVE Christmas decorations! It's just so wonderful to see everyone decorate and get into it. Hopefully I'll get some pictures to share soon of what our house looks like this year with all the decorations. Well, I hope everyone else is enjoying getting ready for the holidays as well.

Now for the tag offer:

Just a quickie

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 17:26:38 GMT

Well hello there and good morning. Thoiugh by the time some of you read this it may be night or the next day, lol! I thought I'd get on and say hello and just spill some thoughts and things while I'm waiting for my coffee to kick in. I stayed up late last night and had to get up. We are having a guy come over to retake measurments of our kitchen. HOPING to have it remodeled. We should know for sure soon. I'm not getting myself all worked up about it though, don't want to jump the gun until we get the approval. ;-) I've done that way too many times the past 3 years with HOUSE stuff and only was left disappointed.

I'm actually just going with the flow on this, I guess I've learned lol. It WILL be VERY ice if it happens. Our kitchen desperately needs some upgrades. We are mainly doing it to help for when we can sell. The market is horrible right now, but hopefully in a year it will be better and we can sell it FINALLY! That's what I want more then anything. Don't get me wrong. This house is a nice lil' place. It's just weve' grown from it. Our family has grown sense moving in it and so we need more room and this is more of a home for a couple just starting out or an older couple who's kids have grown and moved out.

Thanksgiving was good, only thing I didn't like was that my SIL and BIL are still in an apartment and so when OUR family(s) get together we need a big area and I'd much rather had it at my place or somewhere that could accomidate more bodies, lol. They are in the process of getting there house though. It's being built and so they should be able to move into it in April. So, I think this will be the last crammed event. Christmas this year is at my other SIL and BIL's and they have plenty of room. The 3 of us switch off having the holiday events every year.

Thanksgiving dinner was delicious! We had it ALL! Turkey, honey baked ham, mashed patato's and gravy, broccoli casserole, cranberries, develed eggs, all the lil snack stuff (olives, carrots celery crackers) stuffing. YUM! Good thing it wasn't at my house, I'm a sucker for the leftovers, lol. I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving as well.

Oh and guess what i did for the first time this year........(maybe I already said I was in my previouse entry) I did the black friday shopping event! Ok, now I was one of those who thought people who did that was crazy. But this is the first year I had Christmas money to spend RIGHT after Thanksgiving and so when I was offered to tag along with my neighbor and go to one of these early bird stake outs I just had to try it out. Ok it IS as crazy as it sounds BUT, you really get some incredible sales! I mean major chuncks of cash cut off the price of stuff so your able to get more for your money. PLUS it feels great to know your almost done with shopping for everyone and still have a month before Christmas to get here and not feel stressed cuz you can't find that gift so in so wanted or needed. It's DONE! Lol!

So, my eye's are opened to the black friday hype, lol. WQell I sapposed I've bored you all enough with my mumble jumble. Thanks SO much guys for the positive comments on my Thanksgiving tag. I'll try to get a new one out soon. I'm still a beginner in the PSP, but I think I like my progress. Now if only I could learn to do snow, water and blings. If anyone has any tutorials that are EASY and could send them my way I'd really appreciate that. I would like to try new things.

Have a great day!

- Jessica

(tag used in entry is not my work)

Happy Thanksgiving ALL!!

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 00:00:36 GMT

I made this special for all! You may snag if you like, just please do not alter it. You may however use it or add your name if you know how (just make sure my sinature is still visable)

Have a VERY Happy Thanksgiving everyone, be safe!

- Jessica

Fall is for playing indoors and good food!

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 05:19:48 GMT

So, what did I do today? Well, I did laundry and reorganized my tupperware cabinet and just did some household chores and I cooked a stew ALL day. I made one a few weeks back but THIS stew was delicious! Mmmm, mmmm!

Nothing better in the fall then a home cooked stew. I also made (not homemade, lol) bisquits to go with it. It was a warm, filling, and healthy meal.

I talked to my mom today she said that she arranged to pick my sister up to spend the day with her at her place so that they could have a heart to heart. My sister has reached out to my mom and I know that the baby has brought that on. Guess this baby is proving to be a blessing in disguis. My sister had alienated herself from our family. She had only been keeping in touch with me, though that was scarse. Sense the news of her being pregnant came out I haven't personally talked to her. I think it's because I had said something back in August to her that, "Thank goodness she didn't have a child in all this she was going through with her drug issues and that bringing a baby into this would not be a good idea" So I'm thinking she remembered that comment and that is why she didn't come to me. BUT, I am glad she has finally reached out to my mom. That IS a positive thing. Maybe this baby is giving her hope and she WILL try to cange her life around now. My mom told me that she told Taysha that I had left a message and that I had some maternity cloths that I held on to that she could have. She said she'd get in touch with me.

I'll be here for her always! She is my only living sibling (other then a step brother I really have never known well) And I am her big sis and so I will always be here for her. I have always wanted to help her, she has always been the one who hasn't been ready. Maybe she will be now, and if she is I'll help her in any way I can. When we were lil' girls we were very close. In a lot of ways I was like a mom to her. We lived with our father most of out childhood years and so we clung to each other a lot. My dad wasn't always a good father, but we knew he loved us and was doing the best he knew how. Girlfriends of his were never mother figures and so I grew up fast and protected my sister a lot. As I would put it is noone picks on my sister but me, lol!

Well, I guess that's it for tonight. Goodnight J-land!

- Jessica

JUST A NOTE

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 20:44:25 GMT

Thank you Diama (ChocolateCherriedCreation's)

Ok guys, first off I want to thank those of you who have sent warm wishes and prayers my way about the situation. LOL, Barbara thought I was gonna drop the bomb that I was pregnant. Man, lately I wish I COULD get pregnant. I just hate the pregnant part, lol. I'll take any kind of labor over BEING pregnant any day. Plus after 3 kids and 6 pregnancies (I lost 3) I figued I should STOP, as did the doctors because all mine were high risk, so I had the hubby get fixed. It's the least he could do! LOL!

On the subject of my sister I'm just gonna let her know I am here. I want to be a part of this with her, I know she will need her family and I also am going to let her know that once she has the baby that is for any reason she turns back to drugs that I will love to care for her baby until she can get it straight. I understand too well how that is sense i once have been there. This is my niece or nephew. This is a part of my sister, and my father's blood and mine and mothers as well and I would not turn that baby away no matter how messed up my sisiter is.

I do hope that this makes her value her life more and that this baby she will fall in love with so much that she will grow up and realize things. All I can do at this point is PRAY.

About my journal. I will be reduing my side bars. They are out dated. I need to update my BIL's info. He no longer plays for the Rockies and is with the Cardinal's. (That link may change again if he is traded in January again, lol) Some of the journals in the sidebar no longer exist and as for all my graphic journal's I have met new graphic friends on here that I need to add. (SO much talent out there.) So, a lil journal construction will be going on today and through the weekend. BTW!! Happy Veteran's Day!

chow!

Jessica

Stork Shocker

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 07:02:29 GMT

OMG, you guys! Your not gonna believe what I just found out! I'm still in shock! I mean my emotions on this are all wacked. Part of me wants to be happy but most of me isn't really, more concerned, disappointed. I'm praying this is gonna be one of those blessings in disguise. I just found out I am going to be a aunty again! TO MY SISTER'S BABY! My sister is pregnant! SAPPOSEDLY she has been not using sense finding out. Ugh!

Like I said I'm still in shock, not sure what or how to feel. All I can do is pray for her. I love my sister. I hope that God allowing her to have this baby is because he knows that this is what will make her grow up. I have not seen or heard from my sisiter sence that time she came to get her stuff. (I wrote about it back in Sept. on the 6th.)

I just decided sense she went back to that lifestyle of drugs that I would leave her alne and wait for her to come to me again. I couldn't deal with it all and I was litterally making myself sick trying to help her when she was not ready or wanting it or wanting to help herself.

I know I'll love this baby, there is no doubt, I just am disappointed in her allowing herself to get pregnant when her lifestyle is so wrong for a baby and I worry about this baby and her. I hope she is keeping herself healthy and not using as was reported to my mom. It's not this babies fault.

Today was my mom's birthday and so I guess my sister showed up. My sister hasn't been to my mom's in 3 years! So it was a surprise for her. She brought my mom a bithday card and gift and visited and broke the news. I guess my grandparents were there at the time too. Like I said noone had heard from her sense early September when she left here, so we are all surprised by this news. PLEASE say prayers guys!

Jessica

My Halloween

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 21:13:36 GMT

Well, I hope everyone had a safe and happy Halloween and that Fall weather treated you well. I thought I'd share my lil' grimlins' costume/ trick-o-treating pictures with you all.

Chow!

Destiny - Geisha

Faith - Wonder Woman

Serenity - Spiderella

Serenity and Taylor (the cheerleader)