I Have a Life, This is It

1:05:45 AM EDT
Feeling Sad
Hearing Sherwood- the summer sends its love

This summer was not exactly everything I wanted it to be.  I made some mistakes I suppose, like having someone use a fake ID to get me alcohol, and getting caught drinking in the cemetery by the cops, and smoking weed under a bridge, and making a girl cry. 

But the biggest mistake I made this summer is not having the opportunity to make more of those mistakes I listed above.  Infact, those mistakes are all relative- relative to what some people think are mistakes.  Honestly, getting busted (just a warning anyway- but still scary) and making the girl cry were the only ones I really regret.  The others, I'd do again in a heartbeat. 

So the big mistake I made was, quite honestly, working too much.  In early June the other kennel staff guy at the office where I work left to work for Barack Obama's campaign.  I agreed to work his days and my days for the summer, with the understanding that they would hire someone else when school started.  I didn't realize how much it would impact my summer.

I worked about 24 hours a week.  6 hours on Monday, 4 on Tues and Wed, 6 on Thurs and 4 on Fri.   It didn't leave much time for the beach, since if you know me, you know I'm not a morning person so there was no way I'd be able to go to the beach before work, and after work I had other things to do and it was dark so the beach wasn't exactly a vacation paradise.  All too often friends would call or text me and say "wanna hang out" and my reply would be "sorry cant working". 

I regret not having more time to go to the beach or party with friends or just relax.  I regret not hooking up with this girl I had my eye on because I never had time.  I regret screwing myself out of a summer.

Next year if the other Kennel person quits I'm going to make it clear to my boss that I will not work more than 3 days a week during the summer.  As much as I love my job, I love my summers even more.  I'll be 17 next summer- still WAY too young for summer to be taken over by work.  When you're in school, summer should be the time when you can do whatever you want, when you can be spontaneous and decide to go to the beach on 5 minutes notice or have a spur of the moment party.  I know there will come a day when I wont have summer off anymore and for that reason I'm never going to waste another summer.  I'll always make the most of them.  If that means my boss having to replace me, then so be it. 

Aside from that, the parts of my summer that were good, really were good.  I had a great vacation in North Carolina in the beginning of the summer and last week I got back from Indian Lake, NY where I go every year.  I had a great time there too.  I had good times with friends, and I did alot of things goody 2 shoes wouldn't do, but I enjoyed every minute of those not so straight edge activities.

And I passed my road test on July 29 so I've been driving.. ALOT.  Price of gas doesn't help, but let's not get into that.

School starts on Wednesday :(

c ya soon

--tee

Written by animaquarius2500 Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

5:38:46 PM EDT
Feeling Happy

Hey everybody- haven't had much time for anything lately- last month I had finals and all that not so good stuff and now my hours at work have more than doubled due to the other kennel staff person leaving.  I would like to go to Angel's Gate some time but working 5 days a week - as much as I love my job- is enough.  I don't really want to add volunteer work to that on one of my too few days off.  I haven't been to AG in a very long time and I do want to go back- just with a different schedule.  Fortunately since I am a volunteer there I am at liberty to design that schedule according to what works for me.  Work, however is not so flexible and I have to be there when they say, even if I would rather be at the beach.  The good thing is I love my job and the people I work with are great.  And the office is air conditioned =)

I wanted to talk about something that happened on June 10.  Despite the fact that this happened almost a month ago I still think about it just about every day. 

I have wanted to be an EMT since I was 7 years old.  In my area and many parts of this country (which is celebrating its 232nd birthday today), EMS is provided by volunteers.  So while my career plans have changed and evolved almost continuously throughout my life, since I knew what an EMT was, I wanted to be one.  This desire has been feuled by many things over the years, some of them thoughts, some of them experiences.  My latest inspiration came on June 10 of this year. 

Now just to make this clear- I really do not believe that I saved a life that day.  I just feel that I helped someone who was in trouble.

We were in chemistry class reviewing for our state final which is known as a Regents exam.  The class room was very hot so the teacher had us meet in the auditorium that day.  My friend who we will call L was sitting next to me and told me that she didn't feel well.  Given that it was 90 degrees that day I figured she was a little dehydrated and I told her she should drink something.  She said she felt sick and dizzy, nauseaus and weak.  She was sweating and appeared very uncomfortable.  I found out that L had had nothing to drink or eat that day, and even though it was early in the day I knew that it was not a wise idea not to hydrate yourself consistently on such a hot day.  I told L she should go to the nurse's office or atleast go buy a bottle of water, but she said she felt like she couldn't make it there.  At that point I knew there was a serious situation and I had the teacher call for help.  The nurse arrived with a wheelchair shortly thereafter, and I carried L's books and her purse walked with her and the nurse to the nurse's office.  I told the nurse all the information I had gathered from L, such as that she had not had anything to drink that day, what her medical history was, what medications she took and what she was allergic to.  Given that L is a close friend I was very nervous and my hands were shaking for about an hour after they got her into the nurse's office and I went back to class.  I felt good that I had helped L out, but it wasn't until later in the day when I got a text message from her that said what kind of treatment she was receiving and that also said "Thanks for everything tim".  It really made my day to know that I had helped someone and that they appreciated it.  L returned to school 2 days later after a day in the hospital and a day spent recovering at home from dehydration.  Being able to help her, not only as a friend but as a human being, was one of the high points of my life.  I want more of it, and that's why I want to be an EMT. 

Fortunately I won't have to wait too much longer for that- you have to be 18 in NY and that means that I have a little more than a year and a half to go.  Only thing that gets me is, in NJ, the minimum age is 16.  If I lived one state over I would be an EMT right now.  But I suppose the wait isn't all that bad.  It will make the taste of success even sweeter when I get there.

Aside from that, all my American friends, have a great 4th of July- and for those who don't reside here- have a great day as well.

By the way, I failed my road test.  Oh well- wasn't expecting to pass anyway as they almost never pass the guys the first time.  I have another scheduled for July 29.

I'm off to enjoy the ugly weather as much as I can.  Maybe the sun will come out if I wish it hard enough.

c ya soon

--tee

Written by animaquarius2500 Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

11:42:12 PM EDT

dont have much time just wanted to say that school is ALMOST over... ends on june 12 but then i have finals thru the 24th.  and then i will be at the half way point.. 2 years of HS down 2 to go- i really cant wait till im out of there.

im not exactly sure what i want to do with my life but one thing i know for sure is this: there is the healthcare profession , and there is everything else!  ill take the healthcare profession!  as long as im not sitting at a desk in some stupid cubicle im happy- i want excitement and i dont want any 2 days to be the same.

thats all

c ya soon

--tee

Written by animaquarius2500 Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

11:12:54 PM EDT
Feeling Happy

Hey!

It's been a while, but I'm trying, so give me credit.  I've had alot going on these days, and haven't had much time for anything.

Good things- work is going well, I'm doing ok in school despite a few rough patches this year, things are getting back to normal after what falls into the "bad category"

Bad things- had 3 family emergencies in 2 weeks- both parents were in the hospital for different things on different days, at one point within 24 hours of eachother.  My dad had nasal surgery on 3/17 and 10 days later he collapsed at home and  I had to call the ambulance.  They said it was the flu and let him go the following day, then a week later he had been feeling better but was complaining that he felt weak so I called the ambulance again and he went to the hospital and they kicked him out 8 hours later saing his test results were normal and he was just dehydrated.  The next day my mom was taken to the emergency room  with an infection on her face and diagnosed with the infamous MRSA.  She received IV, oral, and topical antibiotics as well as cortizone injections for the inflamation and is under the care of a dermatologist.  Everyone is back to work and things are returning to normal.  Also on the "bad" list- to today is my grandmother's birthday- the first one she would have had since she died last summer.  She would be 82 today.  And finally on the bad list- Hay Fever has really hit  me hard this year and I am miserable and owing (is that right) my life to Claritan tablets and Cepacol losenges. 

I haven't been at Angel's Gate in a very long time and wanted to go yesterday but felt miserable so I decided not to go. 

I was practicing various driving maneuvers for my road test today when i came upon a lost dog in a very rough and dangerous neighborhood.  Fortunately I keep a leash in my car and was able to catch him, read his tag, and drive him to his owner's house.  She was very grateful to me and claimed to have no idea that he had gotten out. 

I am finally really getting good at parallel parking- hopefully I'll have no problem on my road test.

ok thats all for now

c ya soon

--tee

Written by animaquarius2500 Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

5:54:57 PM EST
Feeling Happy
Hearing whatever im listening to..

Hey!

 

Arright.. I'm back.  I PROMISE I'm back.  You have the right not to trust me, but I give you my word nonetheless.  I'm back I'm back I'm back.

What back means.. not sure.. but I can assure you I'll be posting atleast once a week. 

I really have to say... life is good right now.  I got my learner's permit on my birthday (1/25)- yea I'm 16 now.  So if you're on the roads of Long Island... WATCH OUT!!! .. Just stay clear of my car.. it's red.. a decent car... a 1993 Dodge Shadow I bought off my boss for $60.  Yes, sixty dollars.

I think I'm going to make some changes to this journal.. not quite sure how yet but I'm sick of the old teal and white thing.. even though teal is my favorite color.. it gets boring after a while. 

I am not a wrist slashing emo kid- don't take this wrong- but in the months from late July to early January of this year, I just wasn't too happy.  I had my grandmother's death over the summer, the start of school, crap going on at work, some personal issues, etc.  I just felt like I couldn't get away from all the stuff that was sort of obstructing my view of the GOOD things in my life... maybe that's what bad things to.  I have so much to be thankful for and to be happy about but I guess when stressful things pile up its like fog on a mirror, and now that I have turned off the hot water the fog has passed and I can see again.  I am really happy now- and I have vowed to "wipe the mirror" a little more often, so that I can always maintain a glimpse of the good things in my life.  I'm driving now- doing pretty well in school- not having too much trouble with my mom- I have some new friends and they're great- I'm happy.  Now things like a lost hat or a pair of mismatched socks or someone cutting me off when I'm driving just don't seem so bad.  Even a lost digital camera doesn't have me as distressed as it would have 3 months ago.  Yes, I did lose my digital camera, and yes I am buying a new one as soon as I have the money to buy the very very very cheapest one available to me.  And ofcourse I will find the old one upon bringing the new one into the house... but that's life isn't it?

I am looking forward to this summer.  I can see afew storms brewing as far as happenings in my life in the July-August time frame, but I can work through them.  There'll be lots of sunny weather too, both literally and figuratively.

Before I go- I just wanted to say that I endorse Barack Obama for President of the United States of America in 2008. If you need a reason why, go to Barack Obama's Website.

c ya soon

--tee

Written by animaquarius2500 Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

2:39:00 AM EST
Feeling Loopy
Hearing i wont remember in 4 hours what i ws listening to..

hey everybody!!!!

im back!!!.. i hopel..

forewarning im not fixing typos tonight and there could be afew of them im pretty drunk if you want to know the truth., but what the hell i have the right to be its new years!!!!!

well ive been busy lately with school wortk etc so i know i havent been posting as regularly and rewquently as i would have like but thats life..

work is going batter than i last reported things are ok now.. but im still on the defencibe in that department if aything starts to smell fishy again ill make sure things are ok.. and that probly made no sense and yea i know i spent probably wrong thats usually how i spelli t when im typing.

on to tonight.. last new year's i had a new year's kiss.. but not this year, im single and the girl i wanted to hook up this week didnt end up coming to my neck of the woods as was originially expected but whatever .. i stayed home with my parents....

yea i had 3 glasses of champaigne and 2 shots of sambuka so im kinda fucked up but oh well. at least theres advil or tylenol for tomorrow :P

this year ... hmm hold on let me attempt to rate it from 1-10.. mm i guess it was abotu a 7 or 8 ... the 2 worst things that happent this year were my grandmas death in july and me and breianna breaking up in february.. best things.. getting closer with my cousins during the family reunion in july... getting closer with some freinds.. had a decent year with respect to work .... angel's gate won their court case... yea..

if i had to say if over all it was a good or bad year i would say good.. but i think it was an eventful year also both in the world and in my life..

lets see major events in my life.. going in order to the best of my alcohol impairredmemory..

feb- breakup

may- mom started to get weened off meds

july- had a great time at family reunion, grandmother on dads side died

august- ( i think it was aug) i got a raise. and i kissed somebody.. passionately... for the first time in a long time.. but were not togerther and never were..

mm november- mom had surgery, babylon town board held elections and democrats remained in control :D:D:D

and i guess thats about it...

and dont get me started on politics and news of this year..

my friend ( and neighbor) pat, who is mary's husband, said somethign that i think could very well take over as my new years res.. he said LET'S HAVE A BLAST THIS YEAR!!!

currently my new years res is to curtail the problem i have with lateness to school, start working out by april AND if a Certified First Responder class is held, I WILL TAKE IT !

UH OH.. am i gonna puke???

ok false alarm lol

but yea if all else fails IM GONNA HAVE A BLAST THIS YEAR!

arright lets hear it from you guys... answer in comments please

1. rate this year from 1 to 10 ten bein the best (someone once said it cant be a 10 unless you fell in love)

2. List the best and wors events of the year for you

3. Tell me your new years resolutionssss!

Happy 2008 everybody!!! LET'S HAVE A BLAST THIS YEAR!!!

be well, be happy and be safe in 2008 :D

c ya soon,

--tee

Written by animaquarius2500 Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

10:48:01 PM EST
Feeling Frustrated
Hearing sherwood

this is one of those things withwhich i debated whether to write in my private journal or here- and i decided that i need to share it with you guys.  i can take any (very unlikely) heat that might come my way for it.

before i say anything more let me first say that i love my job.  i really do.  i may not love EVERYTHING about it, but i love what i do and it keeps me going, and keeps me from going broke :P

but these days the love is a little depleted... now i go into work with a stomache ache instead of a smile.  and today brought it to a head that is still straining and has yet to pop... and i dread the day it does... if it ever will..

i like to believe i am good at my job.  this saturday will mark exactly one year since my first day.  lately i have been feeling pretty confident, not getting too many reminder notes about things i didnt do.. and usually getting out of work on time.  but for some reason it seems that was all a facade representing a shallow calm in a sea that has really been stormy all along.. and i was never told.

i dont want to explore details but today my boss said something that essentially shattered my confidence and brought me closer to quitting then i have ever been... it just made me wonder... am i really good at my job or not? 

obviously i didnt want to blatently ask her that, but it has been swirling around my head since this afternoon.   i have been told by her that im doing a "great job" not long ago and by someone else i work with that i am a "good worker" just last week.  i dont see how a comment like the one i got today could come out of nowhere.. and mind you it was in no way a threat of imminent ?sp. firing/other disciplinary action... just something that really made me rethink everything i thought i had down pat from the last year.  i don't know how long it will be before this situation resolves itself or if it ever will.

if it comes out in the open that after a year i am not good enough... then quite honestly i dont see many options for myself.. if it comes to that i dont know that i will be able to show my face there anymore.  i dont want to leave but quite honestly i am really worried that it might come to that.  im sorry but i have gotten a raise based on my work ethic, have gotten numerous compliments from the boss and now shes telling me that essentially i am inadequate.  i dont care if she wants me to believe that or not i have thought about what she said and can take it no other way. 

what angers me is that my belief that i am a decent worker has not come from my own assumtions, but from compliments, raises, etc.  i dont see how all of a sudden after a year i am not good enough. 

the only thing i can think of is that maybe my performance on the job has worsened... maybe im not doing the best i can anymore.  i am afraid to know because if that is the case i am pretty sure i can pinpoint the problem, not something i want to get into now but its another one of those things building and pressing on me like a brain aneurysm pressing down on the grey matter.  i can't fix this "secret" problem nor can it fix itself before july of 2008.  i will get into it eventually, just not now. 

so much is pressing in on me from all sides and now this thing with work is just another log in the fire thats going to make it grow hotter and hotter with my rising blood pressure.

remember, i love my job.  i want more than anything to stay at my job.  but i also want to know that after a year and many compliments, i can be confident in my capabilities.  if it really comes down to it, i can go somewhere where i will feel confident after a year and many compliments, but i dont want to have to.  i am happy where i am, in general, just not this week i guess.

please take my poll.

c ya soon

--tee

Written by animaquarius2500 Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

1:59:14 AM EST
Feeling Quiet

hey...sorry it's been a while since i've posted.. and it will be a while... before i go back to angel's gate...

once again i am taking my annual 4-6 weeks off simply for the sake of sleeping in for a few saturdays out of the year and preventing burnout... but today was a bittersweet last day.. the best and worst one i could ask for.

last year my last day was like the last straw... i just couldn't take it anymore.

this time around i was so sad to leave i admit i was on the verge of tears.. but i know that its the best thing because if i turn around now and say ill stick around ill be stricken with apathy and just bs through the next few weeks because i would want the time off but would be committed to staying.

and it was a bad day because it was a good day.. ironic, no?

why was it good?  because it wasn't routine and it had more meaning than the average day of scrubbing floors and dealing with bs drama and emotions.

in the morning the peaceful reprieve i was taking by folding laundry downstairs was interrupted by "tim this cat's dying"... since there were no medical people there i was the most qualified after victor but he was busy... so i immediately got the cat on oxygen and noticed he was dehydrated, so (on direct orders from a LVT) used the skill i had learned about a month ago to give him fluids... which made him perk up alot.  i monitored him and got him a heating pad and a blanket... well actually had people get me those things (which reminds me of my strength in leading a team in an emergency).  by the afternoon he was more alert, and after a staff member gave him some baby food and i hydrated him a second time, he tried to scratch me and almost escaped from his cage.. which in that case was a good thing.  later in the day victor had me give him some eye ointment to soothe his eyes.  ofcourse i was cleaning in between visits to him, but it was rewarding to see him go from death's door in the morning to a little feisty by afternoon... it made me feel good as a walked out the door..

but bad at the same time because i dont feel burned out and i want to come back next week because of this .. but i know it's really best if  i take a little time to myself.

another thing is that me and someone else who works there are starting to get really tight.. no that way.. she's 57.. it's just that we talk alot and share a lot of opinions.. and i know that i'm a big help to her and i'm always happy to do whatever she needs especially today because she just lost her brother.. and now when shes going through a hard time i wont be able to help her do the things i know she hates doing like ltter boxes... and i wont be able to unload to her about crap thats going on and vice versa.. so i felt bad leaving and she gave me a hug before i left ,  and so i was happy that we're ok despite our differences, but i'll miss her at the same time. 

last but not least... between the time when Andromeda died and now i havent had any really special individual animals that i went out of my way to spend extra time with.. until last week when i fell in love with Bingo... and now i'm going to miss him...

so it was a good and bad day, but im glad i enjoyed it and will be returning to ag on dec 22 with some nice gifts for them as always :)

c ya soon

--tee  

Written by animaquarius2500 Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

10:24:55 PM EDT
Feeling Sad
Hearing music

ok i dont wanna do an emo thing but i have to get this out...

old ladies are entitled to the same quality medical care as anyone else, and ill tell you right now, i am convinced my grandma died as a result of an age bias on the part of her doctor!  he is treating my elderly aunt the same way.  i dont understand why he went to medical school if he doesnt even give 2 fucks about his patients.  my grandma was fine until her doctor took her off of Lasix, the medication she needed to manage her Congestive Heart Failure.  He took her off once, and she almost died, so he put her back on and she was FINE!  yea she was fine until he took her off again! 

i took my aunt and my grandma out to lunch 3 weeks before she died and she was FINE and enjoyed her lunch.  a week later while on vacation i get a call that she is in the hospital, and a week after i get back she's dead.  yea i dont think it was any fucking coincidence that she had an attack of CHF right after being taken off the medication she needed!  and doctors at the hospital even said she shouldn't have been taken off the lasix and that doctor --- wasn't allowed at the hospital... 

sorry- had to get that out.  well on to politics, because instead of the govornment providing adequate health care coverage for all so everyone  can see a reputable doctor, the people are paying for whoever they and theyre shitty coverage can afford. at 81 my grandma was on social security and not exactly wealthy, so she saw a shitty doctor. and her shitty doctor killed her.

and the govornment's refusal to spend a few tax dollars on something besides nuclear weapons and an unnecessary war means me and my parents have to pay for my college education, something the average middle class family can't easily afford.  the democratic candidates promise that they will start programs in which students can do community service in exchange for tuition free attendance of state colleges. 

the republicans dont think the govornment should be spending the poeple's money for them... you know what's wrong with that statement?

in this country, atleast its supposed to be this way- the PEOPLE hold the POWER in the govornment- we just need to regulate the govornment's spending of taxes- and dont tell me i cant bitch about taxes because i pay too- sales tax and also the tax that comes out of my pay check.  i love the statement seen on many bumper stickers: it will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the airforce will have to hold a BAKE SALE to buy a BOMBER!!!!

this country is not in good hands with the conservative republicans.  only through shifting to the LEFT can we get things RIGHT!!!!

c ys soon

--tee

Written by animaquarius2500 Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

2:25:57 PM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing architecture in helsinki

ok im sorry- i know its been a while.

i have been wanting to make an entry for so long and just havent had the time.  it hit me today how long its been when i went to type in the url for my blog and it no longer was shown to be saved in my recently visited sites.  hopefully that won't happen again.

well i went back to school on september 5th... it was hell, probably the worst return to school ive ever had, simply because i wasnt ready... let me give you a rundown..

one good thing - first period for half the year is studyhall..when its replaced with sociology next semester its going to be hell because im relying on the free period very heavily right now.

my chemistry teacer is pretty cool and i sit behind a really hot girl, but my earth science teacher was not lying last year when he scared the class with a big lecture about how difficult chemistry is.

gym is well gym- whatever.

4th period i have math with the same teacher as last year- i always said i hated him last year but ironically i wouldnt want any other math teacher, mostly because hes not a hard worker!

5th period is an interesting class- an elective AP psych- so i can get college credit for it, but the teacher is about as republican as rush limbaugh.  i googled his name one day as i do with most of my teachers and it turns out aside from being a teacher at my school and a professor at i forget where, he is a republican columnist for some web magazine.  his articles call liberal america "leftwingia" and amongst many other things say that the democrats and other left wingers believe that the "thought police" (whatever that means) should carry "volcanized tofu" instead of guns.  im not even going to get into the political side of my life, but let  me just say that i am about as anti republican as they get.

lunch is 6th period, the same as last year, so thats good.  global history is with a first year teacher, so it might be a little turbulent. i would do anything except change the rest of my schedule to have my teacher from last year.

i have the spitting image of paris hilton for a spanish teacher, which by the way is not good in  my book.

and finally 8th period i have english, taught by the teacher i had in 8th grade. i loved his class 2 years ago and this year should be great with him as a teacher.

click the link below to read more from dr. m, the republican who teaches my ap psych class.  scary thing is he also teaches several social studies classes as well.

http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/malaz

i wanted to do a big rant about public education but ill get to that another time. 

on a quick note, i went to Ney York City yesterday with my dad- it was a lot  of fun- ill try got get pix up soon.

c ya soon

--tee

Written by animaquarius2500 Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own