The Back Porch

11:05:24 AM CST
Feeling Angry

DEAR AOL,

MY JOURNAL SPACE IS NOT YOUR BILLBOARD!  SUBSCRIBERS OF AOL SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PAY MONEY AND THEN BE FORCED UNWILINGLY TO ADVERTISE UPON THE BEHALF OF AOL!  SUBSCRIBERS OF AOL AND USERS OF AOL JOURNALS DO NOT WISH THE ACT OF ENDORSING THESE PRODUCTS OR SERVICES FORCED UPON THEM IN THE SAME SPACES THEY PAY YOU FOR THEIR UNDERSTOOD EXCLUSIVE AND PRIVATE USE.  SUBSCRIBERS OF AOL CHOOSE THIS TYPE OF FORUM TO EXCERCISE THEIR RIGHT TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH, NOT FOR A COMMERCIAL THAT A CLIENT PAID YOU FOR.  AS WE, YOUR SUBSCRIBERS, ARE YOUR PAYING CLIENTS ALSO!  PLEASE, TRY  HAVING A LITTLE RESPECT FOR YOUR CUSTOMERS!  I PRAY THAT YOU COME TO YOUR SENSES SOON AND ADJUST ACCORDINGLY!

GRRRR,

Nikki

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10:01:21 PM CST

Well, I have had a very nice weekend.  I got alot done and still had time to lounge.  I managed to get most of the Christmas gifts wrapped before I ran out of bows and gift tags.  Another trip to the store, cripes!

I also made homemade whole wheat dinner rolls for the first time.  I found what appeared to be a decent recipe and decided to attempt it first alone before enlisting the help of my Step-daughter to make these for Christmas dinner.  The recipe is easy enough that we could do together, but the dough is so sticky even I had a slight problem getting it into the muffin pans, but that was easily enough solved with the use of an ice cream scooper.  My oven apparently cooks hotter than the tempurature I set it at, because the exterior of the rolls were a bit tough, but I still consider it a success.  Nothing is better than the smell of fresh bread cooking in my oven.  That is the most amazing aroma!

I decided to make a statement, as usual, at church this morning.  I wore my new "Vegetarians Fart Better" T-Shirt, which is great shirt.  I am not exactly a vegetarian, but I am definetly an endorser of eating more of veggies and feel that vegetarians would probably not mind the free advertisment.  I considered my shirt a success also, until my friend Jean told me that I should not wear shirts with the word "FART" on it to church.  Farting is such a wonderful and musical gift given to us by God, and as a christian I may feel compelled to celebrate the secret to making joyful noises for the Lord in big letters across my chest.   I really don't see what the big deal is.  Martin Luther would have been proud!  To prove this point and celebate The Reformation, which was Oct 31 (yeah, so I'm a little late), I am going to post a few Luther quotes.  Enjoy!

If I am not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there.

Be a sinner and sin strongly, but more strongly have faith and rejoice in Christ.

It is pleasing to God whenever thou rejoices or laughest from the bottom of thy heart.

God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars.

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11:53:39 PM CST

I believe that my Christmas shopping is complete.  I even purchased gift wrap!  I abhor Christmas shopping in this current phase in my life so much that NOW I refuse to do it after Thanksgiving.  I refuse to even get up at the crack of dawn, ride over to K-Mart on the day after Thanksgiving and get a front row seat to witness fist fights first hand over color televisions sets for fun anymore.  That used to be my idea of a good time.  Thankfully, I have matured past that.

Welll.... honestly... um... there is that one little impish part of me that does kinda miss yelling out "PUT HER IN A HEADLOCK AND POKE HER EYES OUT!" to antagonize the situtation.  It wasn't like I was barking orders, or anything.  Really... 

Some people honestly just do not know execution and follow though.  One would think, anybody raised in the south would know how perform basic rasslin' moves.  After all, a rasslin' program can be found television anytime of the day or night from the Arkansas line to the Rio Grande.  I suppose it is those same people that do not know that you really don't poke your opponet in the eyes while you got em in a headlock.  Everybody should know that you are suppose to hop a little and stomp your foot while merely looking like you are poking the bad guys eyes out.  Anyway, I doubt anyone went blind on my behalf.

Oh, the things that people do to score a color tv.  It's not like K-Mart doesn't sell those televisions all year long.  Idiots!

On the other hand, tonight, I watched my father's cullenary prowess as he invented a new dish.  This one is a true Rusty original.  I'm thinking that he should apply for a copyright for his "Chili Cheese Toast" since neither Waffle House nor Sonic has never capitalized on such.  What gives!  Waffle House and Sonic both are kings of dousing everything with chili and cheese.  It's not like WH or Sonic has not got those particular ingredients laying about in plentiful supply.

Chili Cheese Toast is exactly what is sounds like.  This one is doomed to be a red state classic.  It consists of 4 pieces of white bread topped with Kraft singles, broiled to a golden brown in the oven, and served open faced with chili drizzled atop it.  I am truly amazed by his truck stop diner ingenunity but remain without a doubt as to why my father eats Rolaids.  However, I remain without an appetite.

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8:13:22 PM CST

So, I've been told that I started juicing last week.  That truth is very real.  I embarked on a purchase of something called "Garden Trio".  It is carrot, beet and barley grass with kelp and brown rice powers.  I dump a little of each powder into a blender with 1 cup of juice.

Now, I am pretty picky of my juice, even though I am currently using bottled.  I despise the idea of too many kitchen gadgets cluttering up my counter space.  So, I am not currently in the market for a juice machine.  Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of kitchen stuff, but I am almost out of pantry and cabinet space for any more.

Mama Cat gave me her food processing center because she honestly does not have any room for it at all.  Shamefully this mixer, blender, slicer combo whatever is still being chauffered around in the trunk of my car for the last 3 months.  Ya know, I am slipping off the main subject, so back to my pickiness over bottled juice.

I am pretty cautious as not to purchase juice cocktail products containing added sugar, dextrose, corn syrup, blah, blah, but it is certainly difficult to find much juice around here that is not from concentrate.  Sometimes juice can get a little expensive, so I make do in a miserly fashion and what's available in my local markets.

Here's what I doing.  I am swapping out varieties to try to keep the tastes differerent and to keep from getting burned out.  I have done the aloe, apple, orange and cranberry so far.  I do like to experiment, and I am currently looking for more juice suggestions.  I do think tomato would be a little thick along with some of the Bolthouse of Naked juice blends with the powder.  V8 is out because of the outrageous sodium it contains.  Pomagranete is a possibility, but I am vary of it because when I do eat those lucious pomagranetes, they do tend stain my teeth.  If I can possibly find a natural grape juice, that will probably be my next choice in the line up.  I want to keep it as natural as possible with some element of conveience.  Any and all suggestions will be considered.  Thanks!  :)

All applicants must submit a photo of themselves (no glamour shots, please) and a photo your boat, four wheeler, dragster, mud buggy, jet-ski or other favorite big boy toy, if applicable.  Big screen TVs or Capricorns need not apply.

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7:54:02 PM CST

I am really amazed at these Halloween Costumes these days.  It's rather unbelievable that parent actually spend $20-30 dollars on something that a child is going to wear for  maybe four hours on one evening.  What ever happened to raiding the parents closet and dressing up as a gypsy or hobo?  Or even better, snagging an old house coat, wearing socks with yer flip-flops, applying some very red lipstick and a fixing a bun up-do for an instant geisha girl?

Best of all, was trying to haggle an old sheet from grandma to murder up with a couple of peepholes and fake blood.  Grandma sure as hell wasn't going to give her one of her "good" sheets.  Noooo.  That sheet had to be so thin you could literally read a newspaper through it.  Of course, grandma had no fitted sheets, which made a perfect ghost, so any old sheet she had would do.  Sadly, Grandma never had that kind of old sheet suitable for a ghoulish sacrifice, sooo, our ghostless Halloweens were common, but there was always hope for the next year.

My dad dated a woman for several years before embarking on their 3 months marriage.  One year, she made costumes for everybody.  She was quite a seamstress, because those costumes rocked!  The only thing I really I remember about those costumes was that she was Big Bird and I was Belle.  For those unfamiliar with Belle,  Belle was snoopy's sister from the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm.  My costume was pretty true to a Belle's form.  It looked like this:

   I even had a pink purse for my to tote my All Hallow's Eve booty!

So, Myself ala Belle, and a short lived Big Bird future step-mom along with her kids, piled up in the bed of dad's two-toned beige C-10 pick-up and rode over (yes, we rode in the bed of the truck back then and thought nothing of it) to the former glorious Twin City Mall for store to store trick-o-treat and costume contest.  We had opted not to do the neighborhood thing because crazies were reported to supposedly put sharp things in fruit and popcorn balls and the mall candy was declared safe.

On our way over to the mall people were tooting their horns, and yelling out, "HEY BIG BIRD!  HEY SNOOPY!"  It was all good, in fact, better than riding in any parade, until someone yelled out while we were at sitting a red light, "HEY SNOOPY, WHY YA WEARING A DRESS?!!!"  I shook at off at first.

At the mall, during our round of trick-o-treat, salespeople were still mystified about my snoopy in a dress phenom.  So, repeated explanations of the unknown Belle were told.  Finally, the costume contest began.  Some emcee dude was making rounds talking to the kids asking names, ages and what they were.  When it came to my turn, the emcee delivered the following annoucement.  "Well, what do we have here?  A DRAG QUEEN SNOOPY?!  Kid, you know that Snoopy doesn't wear a dress and carry a purse!"  The ENTIRE mall roared with laughter and MR FREAKIN CHARISMA went on to finish out his interviews with the other children.

Jesus Christ, I was 10 years old and was totally clueless as to what a drag queen was.  What a JACKASS! 

Thanks for hanging around to read my gory halloween tale.

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8:23:27 PM CDT
Hearing Aaaaaat Laaaaast... (see linky)

http://video.pbs.org:8080/ramgen/media4/austin/ettaJames_36k.rm

Last night I was priveledged to view one of my favorites, standing room only in living color, crooning away in my wood paneled den.  Ahh, Etta James, she's one torch lady that burns from both ends.  Kudos to Etta with her new ash blonde do, as she has finally retired her platinum wigs.

Oh Etta, I never have seen one of your live shows and was a bit appauled that Austin City Limits behooved to censor you from the waist down.  Especially after they did show you slouching on a stool in a sexy manner with your legs spread wide open, declaring "The older the berry, the sweeter the juice!"  Oh, Etta James, you give me hope that being a sexagenarian is a good thing and menopause doesn't exist!  Tell me more lies, Etta!  I DO want to age well!

I just know that you were going all kinds of unmentionable places with that mic.  Your orgasmic faces, your lack of singing, the audience screaming all included in a head and shoulder shot of you.  Etta James, you are indeed a dirty old lady and that, my dear, is a quality that I SO admire and a perfection that I wish to achieve!

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8:07:28 PM CDT
Hearing Oh she loves me so, she hates to be alone, She don't eat meat but she sure like the bone

Sue-Ann Nivens "The Happy Homemaker"

Ladies, I have been just all kinds of busy doing a special favor for my hubby who is back working again on the boat.  Of course I am concerned about his nutrition and have been asking him what exactly does he nosh on at mealtime.  I was a bit flabergasted as his reply was bologna sandwiches.  I swear, some women  just do not know how to satisfy a man!  Thank goodness, I know exactly how to keep my hubby happy!  (wink) 

So, girls, I have been cooking up a storm and including "Nutty and Fruity Super Power Bars" for a care package that will go to his boat.  I even went to the trouble of individually vaccuum sealing every bar to thwart spoilage and recycling an old bubble gum tub as the shipping recepticle.

The recipe can be viewed at the following link:

http://www.wildoats.com/u/recipedetail10262/

I did not have and could not find any wheat germ at my local supermarket, but I did have some honey roasted soybeans here at the happy homestead.  So, I finely grounded in my little blender into a fine powder.  This worked great and these bars are yummy, yummy!  Don't you just love it when it all comes together right at the end! Ahhhh.  (que the batting eyelashes and coy smile)

 

"A woman who does a good job in the kitchen is sure to reap her rewards in other parts of the house."

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9:40:35 PM CDT

Firstly, I want to give a big welcome hallah out to my long time friend, The Fredgerator for finally making it to my comment thread!  I've only had my blog for over a year now.  Anyway, I was this close to purchasing a christmas goodie for him while I was visiting the prison this weekend.  I just kinda forgot about it.

It was a silver oversized oval blingy playboy bunny belt buckle inside a cedar presentation box.  I like the fact the prisoners groove making cedar things, because cedar smells great.  So great, in fact one is able to forget all about the inmate b.o. resulting from the hot Angola sun.

The buckle was so fantastic, a perfect merging of hip-hop and redneck harmonies.  But when I was among ten thousand civilians, thousands of prisoners and hundreds of guards, and fantastic bargains those little details like xmas gifts for Fred get skipped.  Sorry, Boo.

I swear, buying something at prison is almost a act of congress!  They give you a claim check form in quintupulent carbons and then you go wait in line to pay before you get your goods.  If you don't pay for it in a timely fashion and bring back the form showing the paid stamp on it within an hour, your purchases then return to the sale "cell?" block.  har de har har.

I never knew how I made the Angola trip in one day before.  Hubby and I was a no-show at the rodeo show, in order miss the departing traffic jam.  We were still exhausted upon our return home.  I suppose a 7 hour round trip and walking around for a good 4 or 5 hours outdoors will do that to a person.

I was shocked as to hear that hubby said that he wants to go back to Angola.  As much as he hates driving long distances, huge crowds, and traffic, HE wants to go back.  He was even saying going to the one scheduled in April!  I'm just sure that's just to witness prisoners getting wildly tossed about.

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9:12:49 PM CDT

This could be quite possibily the absolute worst country song ever written or recorded.

http://jbreck.com/itsshardtokiss.html

"It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chew your ass out all day long..."

 

Warning:  This song is very reminescent of Moe Bandy and Joe Stampley's honkytonk material.

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7:53:08 PM CDT

Here are the rules:

1) Go to your journal's archives.

2) Find the 23rd post.

3) Find the 5th sentence in that post.

4) Post that sentence with these instructions.

5) Tag five more people.

Here's my fifth sentence from my 23rd entry:

OK, I'll be game to this one, as long as he doesn't bust a X-treme hole through a wall of my house in order to refresh all the X-tremely parched neighborhood kids.

The rest of this entry can be read here:

http://journals.aol.com/anmyatt/TheWorldasIknowit/entries/292

 

Hmmm, people to tag.

 Nettie ~ http://journals.aol.com/cneinhorn/WonderGirl/

 Micheal ~  http://journals.aol.com/madmanadhd/ConfessionsofaMadmanInsightsinto/

Tressa  ~  http://journals.aol.com/st0rmwhispers/SWAOS/

Amy  ~  http://journals.aol.com/visionarydiva1/AVisionaryDiva/

Lori  ~  http://journals.aol.com/my78novata/LorisLaurels/

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