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It isn't rocket surgery, people.
Hi.
Been a while.
Let's see, I'll give you a quick run down of the last 30 days or so and catch you up before I go on a rant about how the DMV is run by monkeys.
Chased a car jacker into the next county, beat the shit out of a rapist (He was resisting. Yeah... that's it.), chased a shop lifter-who-was-actually-a-junkie-high-on-pcp thru the food court of a mall, caught him after jumping over a few tables, but then he managed to slam my face into a chair, so I hit him in the kidneys with an asp, knocked him loose, jabbed him in the Jesus Hollow to get out of the headlock I was in and tasered the shit out of him... literally. It was a mess. Umm... some DUI's, ran over an alligator (it made me cry, I'm not ashamed to admit but hey, I was given a new car so... whatever), few home invasions, some ending in fights/arrests, some not... tickets, court, domestics... you know. The usual shit.
That's about the extent of it. Nothing interesting, though it's been very quiet on the war front which has us a little on edge since the stink bombs so we're working on a particularly nasty preemptive strike.
On to the rant.
I honestly don't understand how half the population gets a driver's license. Really. I don't get it. Let's go over a few ground rules, shall we?
1. If you're about to pull out into swiftly moving traffic, make damn sure you can hit the gas and get your sorry butt the hell out of the way before the car behind you catches up. If you make them hit their brakes because you can't get movin' down the road quick enough, you have no business pulling out in the first place. Sit there and wait until you can pull out and be as slow as you want to be. Otherwise, I may very well pull you over and crush your face out of pure annoyance.
2. A) If you can't go any faster than the speed limit or 5 miles over, get your ass out of the left lane. This is the PASSING lane. It may not be strictly enforced, but COME ON people! This is common knowledge! GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY! The left lane is for people who want to get around you. When you're in the left lane doing 40, and the car in the right lane is doing 40, there's nowhere for those of us wanting to do 50 to go. Move your asses into the right lane.
2. B) The second part to this would be, if you're in the left lane doing the speed limit (which as previously covered you should not be doing) and a police car rushes up on your ass, DO NOT panic and think "OMG he's going to pull me over so I better do the EXACT speed limit and drive perfect!". GET OUT OF THE WAY. If that cop is riding your bumper, move your ass into the right lane. That cop doesn't want to pull you over for doing the speed limit. He wants to PASS YOU! Imagine that... someone wanting to pass you in the passing lane! Unthinkable! IF by some odd chance, that cop is wanting to pull you over, he'll follow you into the right lane and do so. That's a very slim chance indeed. Please keep in mind that we are not allowed to pass in the right lane. It's a safety hazard. We pass in the left and if we're on your bumper, we obviously have something bigger to worry about than if you're doing 42 in a 40. Please MOVE.
3. A) If you can't go the speed limit... you should not be driving. Period.
3. B) If a cop gets behind you, DO NOT slow down. If you're doing 50 in a 45, we're not going to pull you. At least no cop with half a brain would. Unless it's a school zone or construction area. If you're speeding, we've already caught you. Go on about your business and if we pull you, then we pull you. Immediately dropping to the exact speed limit the second you see us is ridiculous. What's even worse is going BELOW the speed limit figuring that's better than speeding. It's not because guess what? I can pull you over for going too slow. And I'm just enough of an asshole to do so.
4. Do not wait until 50 ft before your exit to get into the proper lane and turn. You end up cutting people off, they have to hit their brakes and it just makes for an ugly scene. If you know your exit is coming in a mile, get over and drive like a decent human being.
5. 4 way stops... all I have to say about this is PAY ATTENTION.
6. If 2 people in front of you run the first 3 seconds of a red light, don't assume that a 3rd person won't make a difference. STOP. An extra 2 minutes at an intersection is not going to ruin your day. RED MEANS STOP. I'm so tired of seeing 6 people run a red light. Just to warn Orlando now, I'm going on a red light campaign this week and I've got plenty of time to pass out tickets.
7. DO NOT stop at a red light and pull all the way up to the bumper of the car in front of you. You should leave at least half a car's length. If you sit on their bumper and the asshole behind you just taps you, you're going to lurch forward and hit the car in front of you. Now you've created an extra burden on someone else and yourself as your insurance is going to go up because had you not parked on their ass, you wouldn't have hit them too. If you sit on my ass, I will put my car in park and get out to ask you what the fuck is wrong with you.
8. If traffic is at a stand still, usually because construction is dropping 2 lanes to 1, and the people in the merge lane are waiting to get in, let someone in. Just 1 is sufficient to be called a good deed for the day. Don't be an ass and inch up to the car in front of you because you don't want to let someone in. What makes you think that where you have to go is more important than where anyone else needs to be? They could have a child in the hospital dying. You don't know what the hell they're doing with their day but I promise you, being 3 minutes late to your 9 to 5 isn't going to kill you.
Whatever your destination, getting their in the shortest amount of time is not the name of the game. Slow down, drive decent, and arrive alive.
anonymousbadge at 1:36:00 PM EST Blog about this entry |
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LOL! I've missed reading your blog entries and I look forward to playing catch up. It's been awhile since I've been here and created a new blog, be sure to stop by sometime... Would love it if you did. Take care, Sara
http://journals.aol.com/drvmecrzyncp/JustTheTwoOfUs/ -
Is everything okay? It's been over 3 months since you last updated and your fans are wondering how things are.
Hope your 4th is/was a safe one. -
Okay 2 months is long enough.
How is everything going for you?
hope all is well.. -
Hey Jenn............ where you at!!! I miss you!!!! Tell us what is going on!!! http://journals.aol.com/shays
haydc/Golfaholic
Sharon:)
7/20/06 5:41 PM
Marriage and all that softening you up or something like it did to Lyle Lovett?(But yours will last, I'm ever so sure.)
How about those who stop 2 car lengths behind at the light... with folks trying to get into the turn lane (which often has the first green) and the traffic jamming behind them to the next light or back onto the freeway at times?
My feller says "hey, they're BACKING UP!!!" when some idiot doesn't go fast enough when merging.
He also says "just resting" when he sees some poor critter dead on the road. That was very comforting until he said it about some large white thing several times until I said "Buffalo, that's a USED DIAPER!!!!"
Then there was the idiot in Oakland who try to pass me on the left while we are both waiting to turn left... and I'm no slouch figuring out when to go, either. Like he is tired waiting to get onto the freeway?
Or how about the idiots who are part of a drug dealing gang. I found them spraying my building with their signs... They left. Then the driver, about 2 months later, tried to unsuccessfully cut me off in rush hour traffic... and when that failed, she showed up in front of my building to scare me with her knowledge (and her BMW) of knowing where I work? I just took out my disposable camera and got her license. DUH.
These people are not smart enough to stick with the easy stuff, like school and then a job, so they shower others with their lifestyles... They work too hard now!
What seems mundane to you is of great interest to us, especially through your wildly tinted glasses.
Gimmie Us Morus Rantious!