COnfessions of a MAD Antique Dealer

We did have more than the usual amount of people in the store today.....new faces and som eold faces told me they saw the article....some told me they never heard of the store before....why dont I advertise...adn I explained, that we do and our advertising bill is astronomical in proportion to the size of the store....NEVER THE LESS...people do not scour the classififed and tiny ads that are affordable...The ads for other stores like MACYS, ABC CARPET..etc are not within our budget....those ads are based on stories with multiple locations....and they get better rates besides.....becuase of their ability to advertise larger andmore often. And its true, we do not advertise enough....we just cant....so please call up everyone you know, and if you want, just pick up a phone book from a rich area, and call anyone in the phone book...Tell them they won a free coffee, soda and snaks just for visiting a new store......make belive that you know them...and be surpirsed when they say its the wrong number, but keep on talking anyway....maybe they are a yentaholic, and like to talk, or a bargain holic, or a shoppaholic......we need advertising help. So all of you be an agent. For any of you who will wear a grannys attic sign....and go nude on RT 17 with it, we will offer to bail you out of jail free....

GARAGE SALE NEWS: BArbara COmerford, the most Charitable lady I know, held a garage sale today in her hom in RIDGEWOOD. She donated the contents of her attic, and other freinds of hers donated stuff for it too.....and the proceeds were to go to ST ROCCOS a CHRUCH she adopted in NEWARK.  Every year she has a Christmas program, and gives the locals presents, especially the children whose parents or single parent, has not money to buy them presents....She also makes a big party with food and drink and entertainment. She throughout the year askes her freinds to donate toys, preferably new in a box...so some child with get "SOMETHING" during that time of the year when all they see and hear on TV, and in stores...all the latest toys and things avaible...WELL, this sale was to raise money for the kids. BUT OMG////the people who came to the sale were amazing.....One lady picked out two boxes, of bric brack at give away prices. 10cents, 25 cets, 50cents for a piece of crystal worth ten to 20 dollars....Barbara offered them to her..all two boxes..woth over 100 retail for TWO...yes 2.00...The nasty bitch, who Barbaraknew was RICH, frm her car, her clothes and her Gucci BAG.....said "all I have is 50cents....." AMAZING  100 dollars worth for two bucks, and she had the audacity to say she only has 50cents, and now BARBARA was making her walk all the way to the front of the hosue to get another 1.50 from her husband waiting in the car.  I think I would have told her to take a hike and not come back.....but, she went to the front of the building, got the extra 1.50 and threw it at her saying "I HOPE YOU HAPPY NOW""   Barbara is a lady....now if I was running the sale, first of all, she wouldnt have gotten a damn thing...I would have thrown her out prior to the throwing of the money..but then, I would have excercised every four letter word I know..I would have yell out loud, :"HEY EVERYONE look at this horrible cheap bastard, taking money out of the lives of poor children......and I would have supplied rotten tomatoes to throw at her, and maybe a bit of dog poo....

You htink this was the only one..NO!  A sweet ittle old lady with an IRISH  accent....a lady that if dressed all in black would have been a nun of 80 years old, a lady who if in white and blue would have been mother TERESA herself... Stole  five name brand purses from Barbaras table, and proceded to steal of another one of BARBARAS freind 50 feet away.....

Barbara has the cutest little 12 year old COCKAPOO, or some kind of adorable beige mixture....a couple, attending the garage sale, who looked like they fell out of a TACO BELL COMMERCIAl, dressed in black dress..and pants...both decorated in NAtive Mexican or INDIAN silver, a cowboy hat on both the husband and wife, a color blouse with her tits falling out...over done makeup (on her of course) too much jewelry, cowboy boots, and resemble a couple thrown out of the HALLOWEEN PARADE somewhere between Texas and PERU.......pointed to the little dog and asked BARBARA "hom much is dis?"  Barbara said How much is what?" they pointed to the dog again and said "DIDS"  Barbaras still didnt catch on they were pointing to SAMANTHA...Again she said how much is WHAT???? DA DAG" (the dog"  she laughed and told them the dog wasnt for saile..THEN THE MORONS in black asked again...HOW MUCH, and she said again SAMMY is not for sale" and they now were getting annoyed and barked how much is  da dog" She got annooyed and told them to go to a shelter and find a nice dog...and they replied" WE want DIS ONE>.. We do not want a shitty dog froma shelter".... Barbara picked up Samamntha and started walking towards to the house to lock her up and said, SAMMY came from a shelter..you can get nice dogs there.."

Barbara looked exhausted when I visitd her at 6:30 after the sale. She spent money on a permit, two hudnred dollars on labor setting up and cleaning out her basement and attic, money to buy her freinds pizza...and the entire endeaver brought in....$260.  I am sure she spends more than that when she goes shopping for food for the week. Garage sale people, are the cheapest, nastiess, mean spirited people in the world...well, not all of them, but the hard core ones.... SO  MY FREINDS..I AM ASKING FOR YOU TO LOOK FOR FROM NOW TILL THANKSGIVING, ANY KIND OF TOYS , DOLLS, TRUCKS, TRAINS, OR THINGS THAT CAN BE GIVING TO KISA OF ALL AGES......YOU CN DROP THEM AT THE STORE....IF YOU WRAP THEM, WRITE IF IT SFOR A BOY OR GIRL OR EITHER AND FOR WHAT AGE. AND IF YOU HAVE ANY CLOTHING WITH THE TAGS ON, THAT CAN BE GIVE TO EITHER CHIDOREN OR PARENTS, THAT WOU LDBE A BLESSING TOO. THIS IS FOR AN AREA OF NEWARK, WHERE THE PEOPLE HAVE NOTHING.....I WOUDL EVEN GUESS, CANNED FOOD BASKETS WOULD EVEN BE GOOD. ITS AN AREA IN WHICH KIDS AND PARENTS CAN GO TO SLEEP HUNGRY....NOT A PLEASANT THOUGHT IS IT.

Big Stupid NEWS......In China, the Government opened up the largest toilet in the world.....It  has 1000 booths and urinals....in high fashion, part of the three story structure has an Egypitian motif......THREE STORIES TALL>...now lets think about this,,,,you are out in the city and have to take a pee or a number two....you need a bathroom quickly....other wise you can wait to go home, or to a restaurant etc...But you need a public facitity....so you go to this mega Kakatorium.....the first floor is completely occupied...after you run around to three hundred and thirty, booths and urinals...depending on your gender or preference.  SO now you have to run up the stiars, and you have to go more intenselly now......and its difficult to wait much longer.....but the same thing happens, the entire second floor is filled  with Defacators and PEE PEE ISTS....you are going to explode by now, the pain, the thought of embarassment....but you manage to make it to the third floors...and you are now able to find a booth vacant.....but with your luck after all that, they will have run out of toilet paper...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I jsut cant imagine a building the size of a football stadiumiwth nothing more inside but htree floors of toilets. The stench.....the noises.......it sounds like something out of a bad dream, or a Salivdor DALI Painting....

SUPPER: Dont know what to call this TOFU with chicken...Indonesian style...or maybe HOHOKUS STYLE.... Saute already cooked chicken, fresh garlic, raw onion, shredded cabbage, chopped broccli, two  water chestnuts, in sesami or roasted peanut oil..two or three slices of shredded hard salami, add one table spoon of peanut butter and tobasco....... when peanut butter is all melted its done....add soy sauce and serve...VERY LOW CARBS>

NEW MERCH: OUR rageous large CHippendale carved armchair, sort of a FRENCH is leg, over sized...great for head of table, Extra living room chair or desk chair C 1920, a Modified Swan Arm Queen ANn oveseat reuphosltered n a Acqua color nice fabric....an 1880 MArble top Eastlake LAmp table, An Eastlake solid walnut and burl washstand with a backsplash, a Victorian All upholstered arm chair redone in Tapestry,an oak 1890 gorgeous china closet, a hand painted closet/armoire with wild decorations ROSES RIbbones Swirls..C 1860?, an outraeous oval filligree swining IRON Cradle with canopy(must be seen) VIC style, Andirons,Fireplace tooks, Pitcher and BOWLS (C 1880) Fireplace mantles,a complete OAK Queen ANN DR SET, with sidebaord, table and leaves chairs..NOT ANTIQUE but Goregous and cheap.Huge walnut and BURL marble top sidebaourd C 1911(cheap)

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