COnfessions of a MAD Antique Dealer

We met by accident, but there are no accidents

Our lives were joined by coincidence

But there are no coincidences

We have talked, and written yet never met

Well never met this time around

But there were other times

In other places

Our spirits must have mingled

Our smiles must have been  simultaneous

OUr thoughts must have been one

Our joys must have been shared

Our saddness must have been cushioned  by each other

Our love of beauty and sensuality

Animals . plants and recipes and love

And the finer things of life

Our Karma

Must have had common roots

And today

Miles part

Our electricity still flows

Across this vast nation

There is some kind of bond

That is inexplicable

That Joins us

 

 

If you ever walked down the street in a back woods town of MAINE, and saw conversations between two moose w<SPAN id=sp-44 title=" yearling, yea ring, earring, tearing, yearlings, yearning, hearing" style="BACKGROUND: url(undefinedimages/bg_spellingErr.gif) yellow repeat-x left bottom; PADDING-BOTTOM: 2px; COLOR: #000" _backupTitle="null"> yarmulkas, you have found the rare breed of the animal called the SCHmoose......I envisioned this as I thought of what kinds of paintings we can do for the Orthodox and Hasidic community...when we paint furniture for their children.... Moshe Mouse..is good and MInnie, well since Minnie is already a very Jewish name, we can have Minnie wearing a shatel (wig) after she and Moshe mouse gets married..BUt at the wedding, you know those mice love cheese, or is that an urban wedding..Well if they  have cheese at the  wedding it will mean, that the wedding is "michadik" (dairy) and no meat can be served (fleishidik) So I can see it all now, Minnie in her gown adn wig, Moshe Mouse with his Tux and yarmelka, under a Hchoop\a (canopy-tent like) ready to get married. The Rabbi....hmmmm, can be GOOFY),  snow white and the seven dwarfs are the caterer and the waiters,the Scmoose, a kangaroo, who pulls a wedding gift out of her pouch and a TALLIS(prayer shawl) and gives it to her husband to put on MR ROObinawitz,...you see we can make quite a cartoon out of this....a childrens book, and I am sure, I would offended everyone in MONSEY and BROOKLYn, but you never know......Humor and laughter is a tool that has helped the Jews survive hundreds of years of persecution. Its a built in pain killer, somewhat like endorphins. Remember in Fiddler on the ROOF, Tevia toasts the Czar, who had instituted pogroms against the JEWS, buring villages and murdering people....May the Lord Keep the CZAR..they raised their glasses and said ....."Far  far away."  That is humor, but based on horrible things......I have no idea where I get these ideas from....I start wrting one thing, and then suddenly, the brian starts seeing images of all this silyness, and I cant help writing it down....I can visulize a coloring book with all the cartoon characters....a Golden Book, Moshe and Minnies Wedding,.....You know, as rediculous as it sounds, it probably would sell.  And with my luck, Mikeal Eisner is reading this, will steal my idea, and DISNEY will make millions more, while I sit here and wait for customers to hondle (bargain) my brains out.

 

Talking about bargaining...Two women, priced an 1890 Ice Cream PArlor set here yesterday...In 1966, before antiques became the rage, chairs sold for about 18 dollars...as singles. YOu really never got 4 matching, even then. And I never had a table then to see either..Now, 41 years, later I had a set for sale for 150.00 Table and 4 chairs, with an oak top...and they are in reasonable nice condition.... That price is hardle more than it would hav e been even then. By using the same standards that everything went up TEN TIMES...the set should sell for 12-1500 for rarity and scarcity.. But the tightwads offered me 100 dollars, less than 41 years ago. I said NO...but if they could have read my mind....I would have gotten a few slaps in the face.....or an invitation to spend the night!!!!

 

The store is so packed with good things now, I think I should put an ad in the NEW YORK TIMES....we have stuff as good as MADISON AVE, where the price tags resemble phone numbers...If the people who visit those stores knew we were here, you would have to get on line and take a number to get in....But who reads the NEWSPAPERS....Who reads the classifieds? NOT MANY...and have you tried to read them lately.? They have reduced the size of the print so small, that you need a magnifying glass to read it...And I think most people now do not bother to read the newspapers....read the fine print, squint painfully to try and read things....to go shopping..A large DISPLAY ad within the newspaper is so expensive, an ad the size that you can reall read and be filled with content....would cost ten thousand dollars..

  

We were jammed for two hours..They came out of the woodwork from everywhere..The Passaicites, with schvenga(pregnant bellies came with a tribe of children) and told us after browsing for hours, they cant buy anything till the end of TSH-a-Bov, a JEWISH holiday  commemorating the destruction of the TEMPLE(SOLOMONS) way back when..So if you cant buy anything, why go shopping..Go clean the house, Plant  tomatoes,..mow the law, bake a cake, cook a stew, write a poem, watch TV, go swimming, make a bar-b-que..but instead they came to browse....They were really very sweet people...and will return when it is religiously acceptable to buy. I really thought I heard GOD whispering....barely audible, "buy it already...stop hocking this man".

 

Bush has five polyps...This is news. The inside of the ASSHOLE IN CHIEF, The Big Decider, is in the news.  People are dying of diseases, people are gong bankrupt and jumping out window, people are killing their pregnant wives and children, Airplanes are crashing into Gas Stations, Busses are falling off mountains, But bush's ass hole  is in the news....Top headline...This is what the media has come to.... Will we next hear that BUSH had a premature ejaculation.... Bush ate his cousins baked beans BUSHes canned BARBQUE BEANS, and he farted on Airforce ONE, blowing out a window putting the plane into a tail spin. What the Media considers news, is so very unimportant......to 99 percent of us....but there are people who like to read stupid crap, or morbid stories, or wild things...because their lives are so very dull. How many people really care what BRITANEY SPEARS< LINSLY LOHAN< NICOLE RICHIE< and Parislut HIlton do. They all have more money than we will ever see, and lawyers on call 24 hours a day......so they can get away with anything and everything, while their fans watch all the news with baited breathe....and I wonder how many real fans they have....its a media circus..and the entertainers are rich idiots without brains.

 

Microwave Lettuce Omelette.  Start out with some kind of green leaf lettuce...chop it all up....put asside a cup.   Melt butter in a microwaveable bowl, and saute slice mushrooms for about a minute, set asise. In another bowl, beat up three large eggs, two tables sppons water, 4 tablesppons of grated cheese, fresh or dry,  a few hits of powdered garlic, fresh ground pepper, salt,beath till foamy...add the mushrooms and the lettuce, beat for a few min, and then micro wave for about 3 min.... will fluff up...stop every 30 sec and move the bowl around.... This is good for Atkins diet..The lettuce will stretch the meal, with no carbs, no fat. If you like to omit the cheese...to make it less fatening....or less cloresterol you cn do that....Options: throw in some jalepinos.....chopped fine..capers, or olives...even very small piece of tofu will stretch this to  be more fullfilling and low carbs.