COnfessions of a MAD Antique Dealer

Rained all day, and all my fragile customers stayed home.. I went out to try to make a deal to auction off a huge furniture store that is supposedly moving, and not going out of business......because they lost their lease. I did find that they did loose their lease and the entire block....is being torn down......a fabulous 120,000 foot store...with another 100,00 feet of other businesses..is being destroyed for another strip mall. More Korean NAIL LADIES, a CHINESE restaurant, a Friggin Star BUCKS, a pizza joint, a drug store, a dollar store, a beauty parlor,at least one store to sell sneakers and clothes, MORE OF THE SAME more and more and more.. and no interesting stores. Why not an Eskimo Restaurant, an Enema Parlor, A body piercing  salon, A small porn shop for octogenarians, A JEWELRY store that make things from various discarded body parts, like bones and hair and nails, A pet shop that only sells dangerous and poisonous pets,an old fashion HEAD shop form the 1960's with psychedelic posters and paraphernalia..only as "collectibles" and not to be used.... A food shop that sells the weird foods that is shown on tv.....Where the host travels all over the world eating horrible things we wouldn't and couldn't..like worms, bugs, stinky tofu, chicken uterus on a stick and chicken ass kebobs, yak penis, 1000 year old eggs, bar b qued locusts, friend grasshopper and ants,,,etcetc (all the above that I mention was not a joke but from the TV PROGRAM)...Yes, we need a mall with strange and interesting stores. HOW ABOUT A SMALL SHOP that sells games and toys for adults.....Checkers, chess,backgammon, board and card games, darts, etc etc....

 But please no more strip malls. We have enough fast food places...enough Pizza places...and all of that crap...it only dilutes the money that any place can make.....it weakens business as a whole to have too many of the same businesses...then no one makes money.

IN the news today they discussed a new way of burial...sounds disgusting, but then again does throwing someone in a hole to rot sound so good, or being thrown into a fire to be burned to a crisp sound so wonderful....but the new way....they put the body in a tank with lye and water and then heat it up under pressure...and they turn the body into a doody brown syrup....yep, they melt you down to a liquid, except for a few bones, and flush you down the drain.. Something more disgusting about that....but hey, when your dead your dead...and does it really matter....only to the living...But since we do not live forever....and we have to die and our molecules and atoms have to reunite with the universe..where underground, turning to ashes and scattered, or flushed down the drain...to eventually go out to sea......the most minute of particles re-enters  the life cycle.  And I don't think it matters which way they dispose of us....if there is reincarnation, it is of the spirit and not the flesh. The spirit will just reenter a new "home", a new body to inhabit for its next incarnation...if it does exist..and if it doesn't  ...then...who cares, this is it baby..and enjoy it while you can.  I had another thought....and I do not know if its any sicker than the other ones..  The body could be dehydrated....well at least the flesh, dried and powdered.. The Powder could be added to a recipe with eggs, flour, spices and made into little cakes or cookies.....and given to family to eat.  Then they could say that they have their relative within them...it becomes part of them......which is true. Som e of the protein would enter their body and become part of them....and of course, some would turn to shit.  There are tribes ..very primitive tribes that do practice this..  They don't make the flesh into cakes, but eat it like brisket in sauce, maybe with a side order of fries.... I really think this is bizarre....but if you take the time and don't get emotional....your relative becomes part of you. Doesn't really sound that bad.  So this opens the opportunity to have a combination funeral parlor restaurant...where only the mourners can eat....  It is only sick because it is not our culture...But there are many thing in our culture and other cultures that are foreign to each other. There are those who feel that circumcision is cruel and primitive...and the HASSIDICS actually used to have the MOHEL(rabbi or guy who performs the schmekelectomy) bit off the excess..This is true...A MOHEL IN MONSEY was arrested two years ago for transmitting a disease to a child that way, and its now forbidden)  Look at the POLYGAMIST..the one 67 year old guy who has over 20 wives and countless kids( how he can afford them is another mystery)

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