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10:00:00 AM CST
Ave's Thoughts on I-net Dating.
So, it's not merely a passive return to the journals, as you can see. I actually have something to say here, believe it or not!
I would say I'm sorry for my extended absence, but . . . I'm not. I lost interest in my AOL journal for the longest time, and who knows? Could happen again tomorrow. We'll see. One day at a time, I suppose. That said, let's move on to the purpose of the entry.
The following is what I wrote in my journal at home the other day:
Firstly, I don't believe in love at first sight. Love is something that grows on you, and involves knowing a person. How they react to the world around them, what they like or dislike, the way they think, the way they approach people and conversations.
You love a person. You lust a body.
So love is something you have for the inside of a person. Shouldn't that mean you can fall "in love" with anyone over the internet? I think to be "in love" with someone you also have to have chemistry. I love my friend JT at work, but I'm not "in love" with him. I love his self, his personality, even his dark wit, but I don't lust after him at all. Difference between Clint and JT? Lust.
And looking at someone's photo is not enough to incur that lust, IMO. There've been plenty of people in my life who I thought were sexy, but I just didn't feel any urge to get sexual with them.
For example, I think Matthew McCaughnehey is incredibly sexy (even if he is blonde!), but if I met him in person I probably wouldn't even consider jumping in the sack with him. His age would be a serious turn-off, if nothing else.
Furthermore, I think lust and like share equally important roles when referring to romantic love. Neither is more important to have than the other, since they both have to be present.
Another problem is we change over the internet. When we type, we have more reaction time than when we speak. There's no backspace on our vocal chords; we can't call our words back. Online, we present only the side of ourselves that we want to be seen, and this is often our most attractive or our most abrasive side. Either way, it's misleading. Worse, we often do so unintentionally, which smooths the lie and makes it easier to believe.
Even if we were more transparent to others online, the other person will never see you grouchy and taciturn in the early mornings, or do that cheesy victory dance after winning Monopoly.
Then there's perspective. The problem is, you're only getting theirs. Almost everything is a matter of perspective. So when they tell you they don't drink much, they may be honest. How do you know, though, that their idea of "not much" is the same as yours? And don't forget that his side of the story is just that: his side. You will never witness first-hand how he handles real-life situations or understand the other party's motivations.
I suppose that in writing all this down, I've answered my own question. I think you can find a person attractive in their chosen photos, and I think you can love a person and his personality--at least the persona you can see online. But I don't think you can truly lust after anyone, and if you met the person in question in actual life, there's a good chance you're going to discover things about them that turn you off to their character. So, is falling romantically in love with someone via the 'net possible? I don't think so, though I can easily see how that illusion could be cast.
I think there can be an initial sense of attraction via the web, and it could possibly be worth pursuing. Hell, I've felt attracted to people I've met on the internet, but I always dismiss the feeling. Besides, what else can be done when living hundreds, or even thousands, of miles away?
-Ave
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ahhhha
very nice to hear from you again
noone told me
={
i will agree with you here
i really like how you started this entry out ...right after the word "firstly"
brilliant woman you are i do say
and i hear ya when you say you lost interest in writing here
i TOTALLY hear that
take care -
your back, temporarily. interesting subject and your thoughts leads me to this personal question........ what happens if you neither love nor lust after someone, other than to say cook them and eat them. then would internet dating be the optimal place to find a good potential meal? ? or would the old regular way of picking girls up at the mall and under highway overpasses under the pretense of you being a magazine photographer and needing models to meet your dealine still be the preferred method? thanks for any advice!:)
j.h. -
Not sure if I mentioned this, but I wanted to add that if you enjoy someone's company online, it may be worth it to pursue a relationship IRL if you are cautious and if you live close enough to one another to make it work.
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I think I have to agree with you on this. You really need to have more than what someone wants you to see to really fall in love with the person, and not just the myth.
10/1/08 3:45 PM