Archives
April 2006
4/28/06
4/27/06
Situation Critical In Pittsburgh
4/26/06
4/26/06
4/25/06
4/24/06
4/21/06
4/20/06
4/20/06
4/19/06
4/18/06
4/17/06
4/17/06
4/16/06
4/16/06
4/14/06
4/14/06
4/14/06
4/13/06
4/12/06
4/11/06
4/10/06
4/10/06
4/9/06
4/7/06
4/7/06
4/6/06
4/6/06
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Dear Pittsburgh Pirates:
You guys are very bad, so bad that Fate doesn't even align itself with the planets to ensure your demise. There are no boogeymen in the dark wafting to attack you; there is no gunman on the grassy knoll, and there are no government official leaking classified information to hamstring your efforts. You guys stink on your very own.
Now you are whining about Roberto Hernandez getting squeezed versus Albert Pujols in the ninth. Get over it. He wasn't squeezed. Watch the replay. Look at the pitch charts: Gameday 2006. Your pitcher allows the first two batters to reach base, then has the nerve to question the umpire's calls? Hey Dickbrain, there were no outs. Even if you retired Pujols, you would have probably found a way to lose the game because bad things usually happen when you put the first two guys on in an inning of a tie game.
I am sure it is tough losing all the time, especially when you are better team than this (95 loss team, tops), but placing the blame on phantom menaces isn't going to improve the team. In fact, the only thing that is going to help the team is player personnel changes. The rat fink owner and shiftless GM sold hope to a few gullible fans with wasted signing like Burnitz and Randa, but this team was built to die by Memorial Day. With the guidance of Jim Tracy (another bill of sale for false hope), the Pirates are ahead of schedule.
There have been rumblings about a fan boycott. Hello? Hasn't that been happening for decades? Besides, the fans don't have any sort of economic muscle to flex. The Paper Boy Prince has already made most of his money this season in TV revenues and advance ticket sales. Staying away from the ballpark isn't going to hurt L'il Kevin.
What the Pirates' fans need to is embarrass the Paper Boy Prince on a national stage. Bud Selig gave Pirates' fans that stage when awarded PNC Park the All Star Game. For three days, Pirates' fans have the opportunity to voice their displeasure to the national media. Pirates' fans would be foolish to think that they could inflict any sort of financial pain through the All Star Game. The game is already sold out, and the loss of concessions from no shows will be minimal. Most importantly, the ASG is MLB's game, not McClatchy's. Any embarrassment McClatchy might feel when Selig asks him, "Hey, just where are the fans that aren't on the corporate dole?" will be minimal.
Pirates' fans need to stage large protests outside the All Star activities. Of course, to implement this successfully, Pirates' fans are going to have to "recruit" other fans to be able for the protests to qualify as large. To do this, Pirates' fans are going to have to put aside their innate distrust of people beyond the county line. Any time of "foreigner" illuminates a problem or solution for the organization, Pirates' fans usually act as bitchy as an effeminate male sex addict who just watched his favorite cock walk out of the door forever. Get over yourselves already, and start planning.
The protests need to be extremely loud, visual, and angry. Fourteen people showing up in Willie Stargell jerseys and "Sell The Team, Kevin!" signs will be a pathetic display that will be a strong argument for contraction rather than a tool to implement social change. Large mobs, preferably well lubed with Yukon Jack, should convene around media trucks and demand attention. If ignored, the time to start lighting shit on fire commences. Open flames move any story from ESPN to CNN, especially if the flames are consuming a Fox News' truck.
Picket lines need to be established around All Star activities. Again, these lines should be loud and angry. You aren't searching for empathy here; the goal should be to scare the shit out the All Star tourists. Make them fear for their lives. Mat them wet their pants. Make them feel pathetic for attending these events while the Paper Boy Prince still owns the team. Make them appreciate their dental work. Pretend the Bosses are trying to slash your pensions. And of course, light things on fire.
Once things are good and burning, initiate the hippie march across the bridges. Ensure the hippies that the cops will be too busy with the fires to club them as if it were a Dead concert, and instruct them to sing "We Will Overcome" as they march. Entice Jackson Browne to be the "Leading Celebrity", then light him on fire.
So just how does a team that only averages 20,000 a game (even with an All Star season boost of season tickets) recruit enough people for the massive protests needed? Easy --- also stage an immigration legislation protest around PNC duringthe All Star Break. By July, those protestors should be pretty good at it, having walked off work at least three times already to have joined in protests. Start a false rumor that Kevin McClatchy was quoted on the O'Reilly Factor as saying "We don't want immigrants in our stadium, even to mow the grass or paint. In fact, the facades of PNC are symbolic walls that represent secure borders. The only good immigrants are Irish."
After you have ensured the media is watching Pittsburgh, abduct a blonde newswoman and announce she will be released as soon as the Paper Boy Prince sells the team. Imagine the media frenzy that would spark! A blonde nobody from Alabama is still being talked about by the sensationalist shrills; suppose one of their own was missing? Why not just take two? Society won't grind to a halt if two news whores disappear, but Pittsburgh would make the Nancy Grace Show. Within minutes, Nancy would either be a McClatchy sympathizer or bitter shrew opponent. Either way, Pirates' fans are winners. If Nancy is a McClatchy sympathizer, that means she wants to screw him, and that certainly would be the impetus for him to sell the team. If Nancy goes Yoda on McClatchy, he will be shrew pummeled for years as that lass knows how to inappropriately transfer anger.
This volume of negative attention will permeate through the caste insulation that has protected the Paper Boy Prince his entire life. Will it cause him to sell the team? Probably not, but you have to start somewhere. Mark Cuban isn't going pop down a smoke stack and buy the Pirates. Besides, it feels good to burn as fire is cathartic. Only from the ashes will something rise.
bads85 at 12:59:00 PM EDT Blog about this entry |
Add to del.icio.us | 
digg this
Situation Critical In Pittsburgh
You guys are very bad, so bad that Fate doesn't even align itself with the planets to ensure your demise. There are no boogeymen in the dark wafting to attack you; there is no gunman on the grassy knoll, and there are no government official leaking classified information to hamstring your efforts. You guys stink on your very own.
Now you are whining about Roberto Hernandez getting squeezed versus Albert Pujols in the ninth. Get over it. He wasn't squeezed. Watch the replay. Look at the pitch charts: Gameday 2006. Your pitcher allows the first two batters to reach base, then has the nerve to question the umpire's calls? Hey Dickbrain, there were no outs. Even if you retired Pujols, you would have probably found a way to lose the game because bad things usually happen when you put the first two guys on in an inning of a tie game.
I am sure it is tough losing all the time, especially when you are better team than this (95 loss team, tops), but placing the blame on phantom menaces isn't going to improve the team. In fact, the only thing that is going to help the team is player personnel changes. The rat fink owner and shiftless GM sold hope to a few gullible fans with wasted signing like Burnitz and Randa, but this team was built to die by Memorial Day. With the guidance of Jim Tracy (another bill of sale for false hope), the Pirates are ahead of schedule.
There have been rumblings about a fan boycott. Hello? Hasn't that been happening for decades? Besides, the fans don't have any sort of economic muscle to flex. The Paper Boy Prince has already made most of his money this season in TV revenues and advance ticket sales. Staying away from the ballpark isn't going to hurt L'il Kevin.
What the Pirates' fans need to is embarrass the Paper Boy Prince on a national stage. Bud Selig gave Pirates' fans that stage when awarded PNC Park the All Star Game. For three days, Pirates' fans have the opportunity to voice their displeasure to the national media. Pirates' fans would be foolish to think that they could inflict any sort of financial pain through the All Star Game. The game is already sold out, and the loss of concessions from no shows will be minimal. Most importantly, the ASG is MLB's game, not McClatchy's. Any embarrassment McClatchy might feel when Selig asks him, "Hey, just where are the fans that aren't on the corporate dole?" will be minimal.
Pirates' fans need to stage large protests outside the All Star activities. Of course, to implement this successfully, Pirates' fans are going to have to "recruit" other fans to be able for the protests to qualify as large. To do this, Pirates' fans are going to have to put aside their innate distrust of people beyond the county line. Any time of "foreigner" illuminates a problem or solution for the organization, Pirates' fans usually act as bitchy as an effeminate male sex addict who just watched his favorite cock walk out of the door forever. Get over yourselves already, and start planning.
The protests need to be extremely loud, visual, and angry. Fourteen people showing up in Willie Stargell jerseys and "Sell The Team, Kevin!" signs will be a pathetic display that will be a strong argument for contraction rather than a tool to implement social change. Large mobs, preferably well lubed with Yukon Jack, should convene around media trucks and demand attention. If ignored, the time to start lighting shit on fire commences. Open flames move any story from ESPN to CNN, especially if the flames are consuming a Fox News' truck.
Picket lines need to be established around All Star activities. Again, these lines should be loud and angry. You aren't searching for empathy here; the goal should be to scare the shit out the All Star tourists. Make them fear for their lives. Mat them wet their pants. Make them feel pathetic for attending these events while the Paper Boy Prince still owns the team. Make them appreciate their dental work. Pretend the Bosses are trying to slash your pensions. And of course, light things on fire.
Once things are good and burning, initiate the hippie march across the bridges. Ensure the hippies that the cops will be too busy with the fires to club them as if it were a Dead concert, and instruct them to sing "We Will Overcome" as they march. Entice Jackson Browne to be the "Leading Celebrity", then light him on fire.
So just how does a team that only averages 20,000 a game (even with an All Star season boost of season tickets) recruit enough people for the massive protests needed? Easy --- also stage an immigration legislation protest around PNC duringthe All Star Break. By July, those protestors should be pretty good at it, having walked off work at least three times already to have joined in protests. Start a false rumor that Kevin McClatchy was quoted on the O'Reilly Factor as saying "We don't want immigrants in our stadium, even to mow the grass or paint. In fact, the facades of PNC are symbolic walls that represent secure borders. The only good immigrants are Irish."
After you have ensured the media is watching Pittsburgh, abduct a blonde newswoman and announce she will be released as soon as the Paper Boy Prince sells the team. Imagine the media frenzy that would spark! A blonde nobody from Alabama is still being talked about by the sensationalist shrills; suppose one of their own was missing? Why not just take two? Society won't grind to a halt if two news whores disappear, but Pittsburgh would make the Nancy Grace Show. Within minutes, Nancy would either be a McClatchy sympathizer or bitter shrew opponent. Either way, Pirates' fans are winners. If Nancy is a McClatchy sympathizer, that means she wants to screw him, and that certainly would be the impetus for him to sell the team. If Nancy goes Yoda on McClatchy, he will be shrew pummeled for years as that lass knows how to inappropriately transfer anger.
This volume of negative attention will permeate through the caste insulation that has protected the Paper Boy Prince his entire life. Will it cause him to sell the team? Probably not, but you have to start somewhere. Mark Cuban isn't going pop down a smoke stack and buy the Pirates. Besides, it feels good to burn as fire is cathartic. Only from the ashes will something rise.
bads85 at 12:59:00 PM EDT Blog about this entry |
Add to del.icio.us | digg this
