Insanities of A Misunderstood Mind

5:17:47 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing "Amazing Grace"

Freestyle III: GOD

GOD Spiritual Metaphysical healer of my spirit indivisible my savior my lord for you I lift the sword which is the pen my words are from HIM my best friend I'm in to win so I wage war against my sin and the battle's never over thankful for Jehovah for watchin' over me without you I would never be able to spit so cleverly I pray you never leave thank you Lord for blessin' me I know all my struggles were test's for me and I know you just want what's best for me I was blind and couldn't see until you came and rescued me © Copyright 2006 D.B.Rudd Peace I'm Out In Space The Illicist [end transmission]

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2:01:02 AM EDT
Feeling Angry
Hearing "Bulls On Parade" Rage Against The Machine

This freestyle wasn't meant for my journal.

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11:41:39 AM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Haystak

DEEP

 

I sit
don't speak
look don't sneak
peek at the world
through slanted eyes
the object of despise
no disguise to hide behind
no surprise that God is blind
heavily sedated; expand the mind
get lost in memories
tossed through the centuries
make em hate me when they facin' me
Satan keep on shakin' me
Makin' me fight
exhausting it's like
it never ends
with sin begins
my voice it is then
that sets me free
allows me to be
what God intended for me
I spit free
my soul pours forth
listen and feel
the heat, of course
it can get cold
it can get sold
I can tell what shouldn't be told
I stand a man
with immortal soul
my choices set before me go
(a.) it's heaven or (b.) it's hell
what will I decide
and how much time to tell?

© Copyright 2006 D.B.Rudd

Peace I'm Out In Space

The Illicist

[end transmission]

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6:37:57 PM EDT
Feeling Worried
Hearing "Down Poison" Three Doors Down

Poison

I remember happiness

It was bliss in my days of ignorance

Before I could see inside you

Knowledge is not wisdom; and so

though I knew about the poison

I still ate; heartily did I eat

Until fat I became

And addicted to your tonic

You took all hope

And they tell me there is no antidote

No exit from this madness

For you have sealed the door

I hear your laughter

It echoes in this Dark Place

All around me it seems

I am bound by your spell

And you feed from my pain and sorrow.

I need the light

that I may banish you Enchantress

God grant me Strength.

© Copyright 2006 D.B. Rudd

Peace I'm Out In Space

The Illicist

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12:55:51 AM EDT
Feeling Angry
Hearing "One Step Closer" Linkin Park

The Queen Of Ice

Look not to your Queen

Ye warriors of Albion

The serpent enthralls her

with his enchantments

She is given to the Dark Prince

Who has never valued life

Woe to you Albion!

In your dark time

May the Great Light illuminate

Your shadowed path

May He lead you out

Of darkest night and

Into brightest day

May your swords be swift

And your shields strong

The day of battle approaches

Only through victory

May the Queen Of Ice

be overthrown.

© Copyright 2006 D.B.Rudd

Peace I'm Out In Space

The Illicist

[end transmission]

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1:24:52 PM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing Nate Dogg and Warren G: Nobody Does It Better

Rising Star

I enjoyed your body

And you loved mine

Thought you were for all time

But there's been a change in design

Happiness changed to pain

Where there was only sunshine

You brought the rain

My question is my soul

What did you gain?

I swear it's like you tried

To drive me insane

One of these days

You'll wish you still wore my ring

When I finish what I started

You gonna see what I mean.

© Copyright 2006 D.B. Rudd

Peace I'm Out In Space

The Illicist

[end transmission]

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3:03:30 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Haystak "Go 2 War"
Casualty of War

There are scatterings of us everywhere

Anywhere I go

Fragments, pieces, shards, and bits

Add up to zero

Left with nothing; your light is gone

Everything's dark and empty

So is it even really a wonder

That death still tempts me

It has been a long fight and

So far I've barely won

Continuosly creeping closer

With each setting sun

The battle is almost over

And when it's finally through

You say that I'm too hard

But I'm a soldier because of you.

© Copyright 2006 D.B.Rudd

Peace I'm Out In Space

The Illicist

[end transmission]

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5:28:59 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Bone Thugs: Look Into My Eyes

Reflection

Look at me,

Big ears; crooked teeth.

Not to mention skinny.

 

What do you see?

Bony elbows; knobby knees,

Am I ugly to you?

 

Look at me closer,

You will find more wrong.

Do I disgust you?

 

I see myself now,

My reflection reveals

what you see.

 

After hearing you

I doubt myself too.

Let me ask a question!

 

Did that make you feel better?

If only you would take some time,

to really KNOW Me.

 

Then you'd see

who I really am!

You'd realize your eyes deceived you...

 

© Copyright 2006 D.B. Rudd

Peace I'm Out In Space

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5:35:49 PM EDT
Feeling Frustrated
Hearing Jimi Hendrix "Purple Haze"

The Serpent's Council

Fair maiden, alone in your fortress

Why have you cast out your prince?

The council you received was false

It is not he who has betrayed you

The serpent whispers lies in your ear

He covers them with honey

He has poisoned you against me

And raised up his own king

Can I really be replaced so easily?

You accept his proposals

And bear his unholy heir

Your eyes are blinded by ecstacy

He ravages you with his shaft of lies

As you open yourself to receive him

And cry out in your carnal solution

His demonseed takes root

And from your womb Damien is born

You are lost in orgasms and cataclysm

As you moan, writhe, and thrash

Against him; I am forgotten

Your body is his now

Stolen by this thief in the night

Your regret is irrelevant

You chose to let him in!

And I am dust in the wind

I settle among buried and forgotten memories

And our broken dreams.

© Copyright 2006 D.B. Rudd

Peace I'm Out In Space

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7:06:31 AM EDT
Feeling Anxious
Hearing D12 "Fight Music"

Stationary

Young Man, why do you hang your head? They ask.

What troubles you so that you remain stationary

In times slow and steady stream?

Seconds pass and turn to minutes

To hours to days to months to years

And still you sit mesmerized

Living in your mind

Addicted to memories and times past

All the while losing hold

As today becomes yesterday

Your dreams, it seems, are still present

but you lack any motivation at all

Is it drugs; Is it mental illness?

Is it laziness or childish fear?

No, not for you

for you it is worse

You've gotten lost haven't you?

You wander in life's ever changing maze

Your problem is you think it is the end

As if your broken beyond repair

As long as you sit in this valley

You will never reach the mountain summit

I urge you to stand again and walk

Only you can decide

You can rise up

Or you can sit down forever

I can only suggest you stand

I can only offer advice

It is you who must make a choice

© Copyright 2006 D.B.Rudd

Peace I'm Out In Space

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