Insanities of A Misunderstood Mind

Freestyle II: Listen...

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 06:01:02 GMT

This freestyle wasn't meant for my journal.

Freestyle III: GOD

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 21:17:47 GMT

Freestyle III: GOD

GOD

Spiritual
Metaphysical
healer of my spirit
indivisible
my savior
my lord
for you I lift the sword
which is the pen
my words are from HIM
my best friend
I'm in to win
so I wage war against my sin
and the battle's never over
thankful for Jehovah
for watchin' over me
without you I would never be
able to spit so cleverly
I pray you never leave
thank you Lord for blessin' me
I know all my struggles
were test's for me
and I know you just want what's best for me
I was blind
and couldn't see
until you came and rescued me

Peace I'm Out In Space

The Illicist

[end transmission]

Freestyle I: DEEP

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 15:41:39 GMT

DEEP

I sit
don't speak
look don't sneak
peek at the world
through slanted eyes
the object of despise
no disguise to hide behind
no surprise that God is blind
heavily sedated; expand the mind
get lost in memories
tossed through the centuries
make em hate me when they facin' me
Satan keep on shakin' me
Makin' me fight
exhausting it's like
it never ends
with sin begins
my voice it is then
that sets me free
allows me to be
what God intended for me
I spit free
my soul pours forth
listen and feel
the heat, of course
it can get cold
it can get sold
I can tell what shouldn't be told
I stand a man
with immortal soul
my choices set before me go
(a.) it's heaven or (b.) it's hell
what will I decide
and how much time to tell?

Peace I'm Out In Space

The Illicist

[end transmission]

Poetry XXV: Poison

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 22:37:57 GMT

Poison

I remember happiness

It was bliss in my days of ignorance

Before I could see inside you

Knowledge is not wisdom; and so

though I knew about the poison

I still ate; heartily did I eat

Until fat I became

And addicted to your tonic

You took all hope

And they tell me there is no antidote

No exit from this madness

For you have sealed the door

I hear your laughter

It echoes in this Dark Place

All around me it seems

I am bound by your spell

And you feed from my pain and sorrow.

I need the light

that I may banish you Enchantress

God grant me Strength.

Peace I'm Out In Space

The Illicist

Poetry XXIV: The Queen Of Ice

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 04:55:51 GMT

The Queen Of Ice

Look not to your Queen

Ye warriors of Albion

The serpent enthralls her

with his enchantments

She is given to the Dark Prince

Who has never valued life

Woe to you Albion!

In your dark time

May the Great Light illuminate

Your shadowed path

May He lead you out

Of darkest night and

Into brightest day

May your swords be swift

And your shields strong

The day of battle approaches

Only through victory

May the Queen Of Ice

be overthrown.

Peace I'm Out In Space

The Illicist

[end transmission]

Poetry XVI: Love Is...

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 11:03:09 GMT

Love Is...

Love is blind.

Love is patient and kind.

Love is true.

Love is only real to you.

Love is hard.

Love is a risk from the start.

Love is great.

Love is the opposite of hate.

Love is gone.

Love is not in my home.

Love is tough.

Love is supposed to be enough.

Love is trust.

Love is not lust.

Love is real.

Love is something you receive, not steal.

Love is...

Peace I'm Out In Space

Poetry X: I Am

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 15:05:22 GMT

I Am

I am the dragon that spits the flame
I am the boss at the end of the game
I am the gun in the hand of the killer
I am the rock in the pocket of the dealer
I am the mic and the mic is me
I am everything you pretend to be
I am the earth the sun and the moon
I am that paranoid feeling you get alone in ya room
I am the path upon which you step
I am the darkness that comes with death
I am the thought you lost while you were high
I am the prayer you sent when you kissed your kids goodbye
I am wisdom and I am pot
I am the reason you smoke it a lot
I am great and I am small
I am the middle finger sayin' "F*** ya'll!"
I am everything and I am nothing
I am the cards and I know you're bluffing.

Poetry IX: Focus

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 15:04:00 GMT

Poetry IX: Focus

Focus

Memories, a plague,

Thoughts of brighter days.

Time floats away,

The storm begins to say,

"The truth is in the wind,

the beginning and the end.

I erase the world of sin,

When He breathes, it's death's grin."

My thoughts go here and there,

and return without a care.

No one cares.

Poetry IV

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 17:16:27 GMT

Lost

Shadows fall like the trees,

I fall down on my knees.

Early sun reveals the way,

But I feel it's time to pray.

I begin and shake my head,

I tell the truth and make the bet.

If I lose my trip is wasted,

Sick and tired of failures tasted.

Reality begins to lose its hold,

Suddenly I feel I've lost control.

I stand again with a blissful smile,

I'm not ready to face the trial.

My heart is broken down the center,

My soul as cold as mid-winter.

My dreams remain but my conscience gone,

I feel so empty and all alone.

I see a future dark and bleak,

I begin to cry and cannot speak.

My worst fear has come true,

My worst fear was losing you.

Thanks To You

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 06:58:08 GMT

Okay... I don't really like country music, but this song always really depresses me because it really hits home. When it comes on though, it's like I HAVE to listen to it. Don't know why... but this is what I was thinking on my way home from my friend Scott's house tonight. It was in poem form in my head, but as late as it is I doubt I could recite it that way again, but I'll do my best. If I can't do it here tonight then I will take the idea, write it and post if for you all to read.

Thanks To You

Thanks to you... I know love.

Thanks to you... I know hate.

Thanks to you... I know pain.

Thanks to you... I know sorrow.

Thanks to you... I know regret.

Thanks to you... I know consequences are real.

Thanks to you... I learn from my mistakes.

Thanks to you... I feel self-loathing.

Thanks to you... I know how it feels to want to die.

Thanks to you... I know peace.

Thanks to you... I know happiness.

Thanks to you ... I know grief.

Thanks to you... I know what it means to carry weight on your shoulders.

Thanks to you... I don't know what it's like to be a father.

Thanks to you... I wonder if I ever will.

Thanks to you... I doubt myself.

Thanks to you... I know what it feels like to be a pessimist.

Thanks to you... I cry.

Thanks to you... I shout.

Thanks to you... I am quick to anger.

Thanks to you... I am not myself.

Thanks to you... I hate myself.

Thanks to you... I have doubted God.

Thanks to you... I have been weak.

Thanks to you... I miss you.

Thanks to you... I lost a friend.

Thanks to you... I lost a lover.

Thanks to you... I lost a wife.

Thanks to you... I never want to give my love to another person the way I gave it to you.

Thanks to you... I don't trust women.

Thanks to you... I think I'm crazy.

Thanks to you... I may need professional assistance.

Thanks to you... I no longer believe love is strong enough.

Thanks to you... I fear sleep.

Thank you for your many gifts, but the only gift I wish for you, is for you to be happy.

To You...

Peace I'm Out In Space