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Sunday, March 16, 2008
10:33:50 PM EDT
Feeling Silly
Hearing Animals by Nickelback
2nd YIKES! Paintings
VOYEUR~acrylic~1st in Mask Series
I decided to do a series of mask paintings. Masks have always fascinated me. I envision days of the past when masquerade balls were held, and each guest absolutely had to have a mask. I am currently working on the fourth in the series. I do not know how many I will eventually paint, but I am thoroughly loving trying new techniques and coming up with various compositions. I am also in the process of painting a watercolor portrait of the two-year-old son of a dear friend of mine.
HAUGHTY DECADENCE~acrylic~2nd in Mask Series
FACE THE MUSIC~acrylic/mixed media~3rd in Mask Series
ROSE~my first oil paint attempt
Written by bedazzzled1
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10:09:22 PM EDT
Feeling Surprised
Hearing Behind the Crimson Door by H.I.M.
YIKES! (Poetry)
I am shocked that I have not written here for three months. Guess our parents were telling the truth when they said that time flies as we get older. ::proud knowing my parents always told us girls the truth::
Well, I have been busy with all sorts of activities and happy about them. AND March Madness is here, to boot! I do love my college basketball.
Aside from the family and social functions and obligations, I have continued to pursue art and writing. These are some of the poems/prose I have completed since my last post.
I am selfish
Sometimes
Not very often
I know when to be
Demands, disappointments
Chaos reigns in my mind
Quelled shouts
Noiseless dark fury
Optimism spirals downward
Fatigue the constant companion
Crying from the inside
Tears begging for release
The time arrives
An internal alarm clock
Shrill, nonstop beeping
Bellowing to be silenced
Enough, enough, enough
Withdrawing begins
It becomes about me
Me
Alone
Solo
A sojourn to renewal
Ultimately benefiting all
*~Nikki/Bedazzled~*
Memory Lane
is that long road
curving and winding
the scenery ever changing
for a time
sheltering trees line it
offering protection
gladdening my heart
before giving way to
vast expanses of desert sand
the emptiness wearisome
joyless
bleak
dead
anxious to escape
to yonder fields
dotted with life
crimson poppies calling
amidst the vibrant green
refreshing my senses
bringing me hope
journeying on
along chilling cliffs
paralyzed lungs
futilely clutching breath
at dizzying heights
reeling
staggering forward
on this path
desperate to reach
the distant rainbow
*~Nikki/Bedazzled~*
The bitter cold increases
permeating my bones
Feeble limbs shiver in vain
fighting the invisible dead
Numbness overwhelms me
warmth a distant memory
Icy fingers surround my heart
crushing it with indifference
The beat ominously slowing
a casualty of your idea of love
*~Nikki/Bedazzled~*
Look at me
Notice how I carry myself
Shoulders back
Chin held high
My step is sure and steady
Rounded hips swaying gently
Easily conversing with others
Laughter tumbling past my lips
The picture of confidence
Do not touch me
For I am made of ice
The warmth of your hands
Might melt my barrier
Too many wounds frozen over
Arctic bitterness holds me
My embrace of choice
Safety for my soul
The enigmatic ice princess
*~Nikki/Bedazzled~*
She could see the colors
of the glorious wind
Revealed only to her
for she herself was a whirlwind
Two distinctly different entities
Unified as one
During soft moments in time
the gentle breeze was azure
A smile played on her face
while the wind whispered
They were knowing friends
She and the wind
Mysteriously gray and purple currents
traced her body when she despaired
The calming touches soothed her mind
and knotted muscles loosened
Together
Helping and healing
Tempests were a crimson hue
matching her fury and wrath
She wildly twirled in the madness
until her energy was spent
No judgment
Only a release
Invisible to all others
she was privilege to its many shades
Matching her own complexities
sharing countless passions
Honored
The wind colored her world
*~Nikki/Bedazzled~*
Written by bedazzzled1
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Friday, December 28, 2007
8:06:28 PM EST
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Life Is Beautiful by Nikki Sixx
2008
The calendar is new.
Devoid of handwriting.
Fresh, clean pages.
None marked by ink.
Unsullied days and numbers.
But is it really spotless?
The what was exists.
It cannot just disappear.
Dates sparking memories.
A part of me claimed.
Life's events entwined within.
Would I want them to vanish?
Amidst the angst lives joy.
Laughter dwells with tears.
Hope struggles with despair.
Love defies aversion.
Illness tries to pierce wellness.
Do they not help define me?
I am the why.
The how.
The because.
The who.
The what is.
The will be to come from the newness.
Written by bedazzzled1
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Saturday, December 22, 2007
4:21:07 PM EST
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Back to a Reason by Trans-Siberian Orchestra
JOY
This is my just-finished pastel painting. When I became overwhelmed by all sorts of emotions and activities during this especially busy time of year, I had to turn to something to restore the calm within me. Creating art~good or bad~is magic for my soul.
And I titled this painting "JOY"...which is what I wish for each and every one of you.
Merry Christmas and much love~
Nikki
"The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing others' loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas." ~W. C. Jones
Run your fingers through my soul~
Written by bedazzzled1
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Wednesday, December 12, 2007
4:23:23 PM EST
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing I Wonder As I Wander by Chanticleer
A NEEDED NUDGE
Alas, a gentle nudge from Mary prompted me to post an entry in my journal. While I probably have nothing that is of particular interest to anyone, I did begin this blog for the purpose of documenting my days, thoughts, activities, and memories. Abandoning it was never my intention.
I am still reeling and deeply saddened from the passing of my friend Patrick. 39 years of age and succumbing to cancer, leaving behind a wife and an 11-month old, a three-year-old, and an eight-year-old, just does not fit into the way I think life should be.
As always, I continue to paint. I keep telling myself that one of these days I will create a painting that is of significance. It has yet to happen, but the joy I get from the effort and experimentation is worth it to me. These are the latest paintings I have done.
The two canvases on easels are quite tiny. They measure five inches from the bottom of the easel to the very top. The canvases are only 2" x 2"! I made them as Christmas tree ornaments for my children, as I do each year. The roses painting is for my son who loves roses, and the floral landscape is for my daughter~
Seahorses enchant me. They always have. They mate for life. AND the male carries the offspring. This is called "Sea Grace"~
Mermaids also intrigue me. What must they be thinking? Titled "Land's Allure"~
This one was a very different technique for me. I attended a one-day workshop to learn the basics of painting watercolors on gesso-prepared paper. The sky actually has purples in it, too, but the camera refused to capture them. I am eager to try this technique again after the holidays. Named "Forgotten"~
I painted the following for my niece who requested it as her Christmas gift. I practically went blind painting it! Too many details and windows. It is of the Don CeSar Beach Resort in Florida (also known as The Pink Palace)...her favorite place to vacation. Aptly titled "Don CeSar Beach Resort, Florida"~
This was a birthday gift for a beloved artist friend of mine. I painted it from a photograph of him working on a painting. So, the painting within the painting is one of his (although his is magnificent). Named "The Master's Touch"~
There have been a few more paintings, but I think I have made you yawn enough already!
Life has been kind to me and mine. I am grateful for each day.
"If the essence of my being has caused a smile to have appeared upon your face or a touch of joy within your heart, then in living I have made my mark." ~Thomas L. Odem, Jr.
Run your fingers through my soul~
Written by bedazzzled1
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Monday, December 3, 2007
3:47:19 AM EST
Feeling Sad
Hearing I Don't Sleep, I Dream by R.E.M.
PATRICK~ThisItalianGuy
You were loved well and by many, my friend. And you will be deeply missed. But I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that you are no longer here.
"Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
and things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art; to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul."
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Written by bedazzzled1
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Wednesday, September 26, 2007
2:07:55 PM EDT
Feeling Happy
Hearing Snow White Queen by Evanescence
OH, THE IRONY!
I finished this painting on Wednesday, September 12. Its title is FREE FALL. A simple painting that I suppose can be interpreted in numerous ways. What I intended for it to represent is the path that one's heart takes as it swoops and curves when it is falling in love. A free fall through the beautiful sky.
And it was more than ironic when on Friday, September 14, I awoke early feeling very odd...sickly even. I blew off the dizziness, chest discomfort, and overwhelming fatigue as being caused by lack of sleep. I took my daughter to work without letting her know I was feeling poorly. During the short drive, I sent silent prayers to God asking for Him to please let me get her safely to work and to please let me make it home. Sleep would help me feel better, I was certain. Sleep did not come. More discomfort did, however. I grew restless and concerned, and it was still morning. Perhaps I was just anxious, so I checked my pulse. It had a very strange rhythm to it.
I called my mother. Isn't that what daughters do when they feel sick? She suggested I call my family doctor. Following her advice, I called him. He was out of town, and his nurse suggested I go to an urgent care clinic or to the hospital. Uh...no way was I going to the emergency room.
Because I knew I could never attempt the drive there alone, I called my husband. He was on his way to a golf outing. I truly felt bad asking him if he could come home and take me to the local care center, but I was afraid I would faint and cause a crash. I still suspected lack of sleep as being the cause of this very weird feeling I had.
It took the urgent care physician all of about three minutes to suggest an EKG be run. No problem. Strip from the waist up, put on the little paper gown (that is not even as thick as a paper towel), leave the opening in the front. He slapped on the little adhesive conductor things, attached the lines, turned on the machine...and within seconds he was putting nitroglycerin under my tongue. WHAAAAAT? The testing was completed just as he was telling me he was calling an ambulance. HUH? My heart was in atrial fibrillation, and there was a possibility I was having a heart attack. He inserted an IV into my arm.
Yes, my eyes welled up, but I did not cry. I asked my hubby to call Mom to find out the name of her cardiologist at the hospital I prefer. Then, the paramedics helped transfer me to the gurney. I told them to close their eyes so they wouldn't be forced to view old lady boobs. Stupid paper gown.
My first time ever riding in an ambulance. The men were very nice, and I chatted while we were on our way. I asked many questions about their job. I was scared to death, but what good does it do to get worked up about what was already happening? Talking and joking kept me from dwelling on the possibilities.
The ER staff was wonderful. My heart was, indeed, out of rhythm. Meds were given to me, and blood was drawn for testing of cardiac enzymes to see if a heart attack had occurred.
I was not allowed to come home. After about five hours, I said I was feeling much better. Couldn't I just go on home? Nooooooo, they said. So I spent Friday, Saturday, and part of Sunday being monitored, put on blood thinners to dissolve any potential clots (the additional shots of blood thinners that were injected into my stomach were charming).
My orders while there were bed rest. Ugh. I was allowed to go to the bathroom with assistance. Pfffft. Thanks, butno thanks. I went by myself. Late Saturday afternoon I pleaded with the doc to let me roam the hospital, and I was granted permission as long as I had my heart monitor with me. WOO HOO! Hubby and I strolled down to the gift shop. I wanted some magazines. Well, that was one fabulous hospital store, because they had a curio cabinet filled with excellent vintage and estate jewelry. My eyes instantly went to a beautiful smoky topaz (my birthstone) ring. Price was not too bad, either. Hubby ignored my lavish praise of the ring and kept walking. BUZZKILL.
Returning to my room, I rested for a bit, then hubby left. A-ha! On my own AND armed with a credit card. I told the nurse I was going shopping! The gift shop was open, and I am now the proud owner of an extremely lovely topaz ring. A little souvenir of an eventful (albeit frightening) weekend.
I have been poked and prodded and examined every which way, and the exact cause of my irregular heart rhythm episode cannot be determined. I do have a low potassium level, which the cardiologist feels may have played a role in it. Potassium supplements have been ordered. Other than that, my heart rhythm is back to normal. I am being weaned off the Coumadin (blood thinner). I just have to pay more attention to myself and not write off bizarre sensations as flukes. I think I can do that!
But I am uncertain I will be painting anymore pictures of hearts. ::smile::
Run your fingers through my soul~
Written by bedazzzled1
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Tuesday, September 11, 2007
10:28:04 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Your Star by Evanescence
I KNOW, I KNOW...
Yes, I know that today is the sixth anniversary of the horrid attack on our country. What can be said about it that has not already been said?
For me, I spent the day continuing to believe that there is far more good in this world than evil. And I will keep on believing that.
"Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other." ~Rainer Maria Rilke
Written by bedazzzled1
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Saturday, August 4, 2007
9:45:41 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Supermassive Black Hole by Muse
ETCETERA
"HE LOVES ME NOT"
It has been far too long since I have written in this journal. I think I have had too much to say about many subjects, and I elected to remain quiet. Not that all is good or bad in my world...it just "is."
The puppy continues to grow, but she is still a cuddly thing. We had a name battle at the beginning. I disliked the name my daughter chose. Yes, it is her dog...but yours truly spends a lot of time around it. I wanted a name I liked. After maybe five or six different tries (yes, the vet said it was okay to change her name, since she was still very young), we finally settled on one we all like. Sierra. And the name suits her well.
My sister was taken to the emergency room with what the neurologists thought was a brain aneurysm. They saw it on the CT and MRI films. It was an ugly time for her...and all of the rest of us. We suffered horrendous flashbacks, and some seemingly forgotten memories of Daddy's brain aneurysm rupture resurfaced. After a particular procedure was performed on her, it was discovered that the aneurysm was really just a collection of blood vessels that is somewhat of an anomaly. No aneurysm. We sent up many prayers of thanks. She is doing fine. Now to bury those horrid memories...
"LIGHT COMES"
I have been painting a bit. I hope I will always have that to turn to. Good or bad results, I still like how I feel when I am fiddling around with paints or pastels.
Mom is doing okay. I need to accept that there are just some things that are never going to be the way they were. More doctor visits. More aches and pains. She is mentally extremely sharp, and a delight to be with. We girls go to lunch with her every week or two. I try to call her each day just to blab and check to make sure all is well.
There is a spectacular 121-acre garden/park nearby. One of my sisters and I spent a Saturday there with cameras in hand. A woodcarver had an exhibit at that time. The theme was BIG BUGS! And big bugs they were! Made entirely out of wood. Those along with the beauty that can always be found at the garden made it a grand day.
That is about all I care to discuss at the moment. Suffice it to say that I am continuing to explore and learn. That thrills me.
Have I mentioned how much I love my family and friends? No. Hmmm. I need to fix that. I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU.
My wishes for happiness in your worlds!
Nikki~
Run your fingers through my soul~
Written by bedazzzled1
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Wednesday, June 20, 2007
1:54:22 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Hot Girls by INXS
THIS...
...now resides in my home. I did not want it. I had repeatedly stated that I did not want a new dog. That I was not emotionally ready to handle having another dog after losing my poochie in December. I was adamant.
Yet my daughter brought THIS home anyway. I tried not to like this puppy. But she is a carbon copy of my beloved poochie. And I melted when I held her. I love the softness of her fur and her puppy scent. I love how small she is...for now. I love her beautiful eyes. I love her playfulness. I love how she looks when she is asleep. I hate potty training her. ::smile::
Oh, and my mother had her heart operation. It went very, very well. I stayed with her for a few days once she was discharged. Unfortunately, the procedure triggered an extremely painful attack of her arthritis, which has limited her ability to move around or use one of her hands. But, it should pass within a couple of weeks. I am simply grateful that her heart problems seem to have been corrected as best as possible.
And I am busy exploring some new things in my life. Always up for learning and discovering.
Life is good...even with a few bumps and bruises acquired during it.
"Buy a pup and your money will buy love unflinching." ~Rudyard Kipling
Run your fingers through my soul~
Written by bedazzzled1
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