Bedazzled

HAS IT BEEN THAAAAT LONG?

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 02:47:32 GMT

Such a very long time since this journal has gone without any updates. Seems a shame considering once upon a time I regularly wrote in it. It was a diary of sorts, and I have neglected it.

I sold this painting I recently completed. I was happy, but it was difficult for me to let go of, because it is one I truly liked. I do not say that often about any of my paintings. However, I felt a wee bit proud that someone liked it enough to purchase it. ::smile::

"MEDITATION"~oil

After that one was finished, I did this very small 5" x 7" painting of flowers. I think I have an addiction to florals.

"LA FLEUR ORANGE"~oil

At the request of my niece, I am currently working on an oil portrait of her and her dog. She wants me to give it to her as a Christmas gift, and I am nearly done with it. It has been challenging, to say the least.

I have found some of the most spectacular poets online. In my spare time, I read their poetry, and I am totally in awe of their gift with words. I even bought two poets' books. They are THAT good.

I piddle around writing some of my own poems. But, none compare to the brilliant poems that are online. I will close this entry with two of my own meager attempts to express my thoughts via poetry.

One day soon I hope to catch up on my reading of blogs here on AOL. And I will!

Tags: poetry, art, blogs, poets, journal

YIKES! (Poetry)

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 02:09:22 GMT

I am shocked that I have not written here for three months. Guess our parents were telling the truth when they said that time flies as we get older. ::proud knowing my parents always told us girls the truth::

Well, I have been busy with all sorts of activities and happy about them. AND March Madness is here, to boot! I do love my college basketball.

Aside from the family and social functions and obligations, I have continued to pursue art and writing. These are some of the poems/prose I have completed since my last post.

I am selfish

Sometimes

Not very often

I know when to be

Demands, disappointments

Chaos reigns in my mind

Quelled shouts

Noiseless dark fury

Optimism spirals downward

Fatigue the constant companion

Crying from the inside

Tears begging for release

The time arrives

An internal alarm clock

Shrill, nonstop beeping

Bellowing to be silenced

Enough, enough, enough

Withdrawing begins

It becomes about me

Alone

Solo

A sojourn to renewal

Ultimately benefiting all

*~Nikki/Bedazzled~*

Memory Lane

is that long road

curving and winding

the scenery ever changing

for a time

sheltering trees line it

offering protection

gladdening my heart

before giving way to

vast expanses of desert sand

the emptiness wearisome

joyless

bleak

dead

anxious to escape

to yonder fields

dotted with life

crimson poppies calling

amidst the vibrant green

refreshing my senses

bringing me hope

journeying on

along chilling cliffs

paralyzed lungs

futilely clutching breath

at dizzying heights

reeling

staggering forward

on this path

desperate to reach

the distant rainbow

*~Nikki/Bedazzled~*

The bitter cold increases

permeating my bones

Feeble limbs shiver in vain

fighting the invisible dead

Numbness overwhelms me

warmth a distant memory

Icy fingers surround my heart

crushing it with indifference

The beat ominously slowing

a casualty of your idea of love

*~Nikki/Bedazzled~*

Look at me

Notice how I carry myself

Shoulders back

Chin held high

My step is sure and steady

Rounded hips swaying gently

Easily conversing with others

Laughter tumbling past my lips

The picture of confidence

Do not touch me

For I am made of ice

The warmth of your hands

Might melt my barrier

Too many wounds frozen over

Arctic bitterness holds me

My embrace of choice

Safety for my soul

The enigmatic ice princess

*~Nikki/Bedazzled~*

She could see the colors

of the glorious wind

Revealed only to her

for she herself was a whirlwind

Two distinctly different entities

Unified as one

During soft moments in time

the gentle breeze was azure

A smile played on her face

while the wind whispered

They were knowing friends

She and the wind

Mysteriously gray and purple currents

traced her body when she despaired

The calming touches soothed her mind

and knotted muscles loosened

Together

Helping and healing

Tempests were a crimson hue

matching her fury and wrath

She wildly twirled in the madness

until her energy was spent

No judgment

Only a release

Invisible to all others

she was privilege to its many shades

Matching her own complexities

sharing countless passions

Honored

The wind colored her world

*~Nikki/Bedazzled~*

2nd YIKES! Paintings

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 02:33:50 GMT

VOYEUR~acrylic~1st in Mask Series

I decided to do a series of mask paintings. Masks have always fascinated me. I envision days of the past when masquerade balls were held, and each guest absolutely had to have a mask. I am currently working on the fourth in the series. I do not know how many I will eventually paint, but I am thoroughly loving trying new techniques and coming up with various compositions. I am also in the process of painting a watercolor portrait of the two-year-old son of a dear friend of mine.

HAUGHTY DECADENCE~acrylic~2nd in Mask Series

FACE THE MUSIC~acrylic/mixed media~3rd in Mask Series

ROSE~my first oil paint attempt

2008

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 01:06:28 GMT

The calendar is new.

Devoid of handwriting.

Fresh, clean pages.

None marked by ink.

Unsullied days and numbers.

But is it really spotless?

The what was exists.

It cannot just disappear.

Dates sparking memories.

A part of me claimed.

Life's events entwined within.

Would I want them to vanish?

Amidst the angst lives joy.

Laughter dwells with tears.

Hope struggles with despair.

Love defies aversion.

Illness tries to pierce wellness.

Do they not help define me?

I am the why.

The how.

The because.

The who.

The what is.

The will be to come from the newness.

*~Nikki/Bedazzled~*

Tags: 2008, poetry

JOY

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 21:21:07 GMT

This is my just-finished pastel painting. When I became overwhelmed by all sorts of emotions and activities during this especially busy time of year, I had to turn to something to restore the calm within me. Creating art~good or bad~is magic for my soul.

And I titled this painting "JOY"...which is what I wish for each and every one of you.

Merry Christmas and much love~

Nikki

"The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing others' loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas." ~W. C. Jones

Run your fingers through my soul~

A NEEDED NUDGE

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 21:23:23 GMT

Alas, a gentle nudge from Mary prompted me to post an entry in my journal. While I probably have nothing that is of particular interest to anyone, I did begin this blog for the purpose of documenting my days, thoughts, activities, and memories. Abandoning it was never my intention.

I am still reeling and deeply saddened from the passing of my friend Patrick. 39 years of age and succumbing to cancer, leaving behind a wife and an 11-month old, a three-year-old, and an eight-year-old, just does not fit into the way I think life should be.

As always, I continue to paint. I keep telling myself that one of these days I will create a painting that is of significance. It has yet to happen, but the joy I get from the effort and experimentation is worth it to me. These are the latest paintings I have done.

The two canvases on easels are quite tiny. They measure five inches from the bottom of the easel to the very top. The canvases are only 2" x 2"! I made them as Christmas tree ornaments for my children, as I do each year. The roses painting is for my son who loves roses, and the floral landscape is for my daughter~

Seahorses enchant me. They always have. They mate for life. AND the male carries the offspring. This is called "Sea Grace"~

Mermaids also intrigue me. What must they be thinking? Titled "Land's Allure"~

This one was a very different technique for me. I attended a one-day workshop to learn the basics of painting watercolors on gesso-prepared paper. The sky actually has purples in it, too, but the camera refused to capture them. I am eager to try this technique again after the holidays. Named "Forgotten"~

I painted the following for my niece who requested it as her Christmas gift. I practically went blind painting it! Too many details and windows. It is of the Don CeSar Beach Resort in Florida (also known as The Pink Palace)...her favorite place to vacation. Aptly titled "Don CeSar Beach Resort, Florida"~

This was a birthday gift for a beloved artist friend of mine. I painted it from a photograph of him working on a painting. So, the painting within the painting is one of his (although his is magnificent). Named "The Master's Touch"~

There have been a few more paintings, but I think I have made you yawn enough already!

Life has been kind to me and mine. I am grateful for each day.

"If the essence of my being has caused a smile to have appeared upon your face or a touch of joy within your heart, then in living I have made my mark." ~Thomas L. Odem, Jr.

Run your fingers through my soul~

PATRICK~ThisItalianGuy

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 08:47:19 GMT

You were loved well and by many, my friend. And you will be deeply missed. But I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that you are no longer here.

"Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
and things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art; to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul."

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

OH, THE IRONY!

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 18:07:55 GMT

I finished this painting on Wednesday, September 12. Its title is FREE FALL. A simple painting that I suppose can be interpreted in numerous ways. What I intended for it to represent is the path that one's heart takes as it swoops and curves when it is falling in love. A free fall through the beautiful sky.

And it was more than ironic when on Friday, September 14, I awoke early feeling very odd...sickly even. I blew off the dizziness, chest discomfort, and overwhelming fatigue as being caused by lack of sleep. I took my daughter to work without letting her know I was feeling poorly. During the short drive, I sent silent prayers to God asking for Him to please let me get her safely to work and to please let me make it home. Sleep would help me feel better, I was certain. Sleep did not come. More discomfort did, however. I grew restless and concerned, and it was still morning. Perhaps I was just anxious, so I checked my pulse. It had a very strange rhythm to it.

I called my mother. Isn't that what daughters do when they feel sick? She suggested I call my family doctor. Following her advice, I called him. He was out of town, and his nurse suggested I go to an urgent care clinic or to the hospital. Uh...no way was I going to the emergency room.

Because I knew I could never attempt the drive there alone, I called my husband. He was on his way to a golf outing. I truly felt bad asking him if he could come home and take me to the local care center, but I was afraid I would faint and cause a crash. I still suspected lack of sleep as being the cause of this very weird feeling I had.

It took the urgent care physician all of about three minutes to suggest an EKG be run. No problem. Strip from the waist up, put on the little paper gown (that is not even as thick as a paper towel), leave the opening in the front. He slapped on the little adhesive conductor things, attached the lines, turned on the machine...and within seconds he was putting nitroglycerin under my tongue. WHAAAAAT? The testing was completed just as he was telling me he was calling an ambulance. HUH? My heart was in atrial fibrillation, and there was a possibility I was having a heart attack. He inserted an IV into my arm.

Yes, my eyes welled up, but I did not cry. I asked my hubby to call Mom to find out the name of her cardiologist at the hospital I prefer. Then, the paramedics helped transfer me to the gurney. I told them to close their eyes so they wouldn't be forced to view old lady boobs. Stupid paper gown.

My first time ever riding in an ambulance. The men were very nice, and I chatted while we were on our way. I asked many questions about their job. I was scared to death, but what good does it do to get worked up about what was already happening? Talking and joking kept me from dwelling on the possibilities.

The ER staff was wonderful. My heart was, indeed, out of rhythm. Meds were given to me, and blood was drawn for testing of cardiac enzymes to see if a heart attack had occurred.

I was not allowed to come home. After about five hours, I said I was feeling much better. Couldn't I just go on home? Nooooooo, they said. So I spent Friday, Saturday, and part of Sunday being monitored, put on blood thinners to dissolve any potential clots (the additional shots of blood thinners that were injected into my stomach were charming).

My orders while there were bed rest. Ugh. I was allowed to go to the bathroom with assistance. Pfffft. Thanks, butno thanks. I went by myself. Late Saturday afternoon I pleaded with the doc to let me roam the hospital, and I was granted permission as long as I had my heart monitor with me. WOO HOO! Hubby and I strolled down to the gift shop. I wanted some magazines. Well, that was one fabulous hospital store, because they had a curio cabinet filled with excellent vintage and estate jewelry. My eyes instantly went to a beautiful smoky topaz (my birthstone) ring. Price was not too bad, either. Hubby ignored my lavish praise of the ring and kept walking. BUZZKILL.

Returning to my room, I rested for a bit, then hubby left. A-ha! On my own AND armed with a credit card. I told the nurse I was going shopping! The gift shop was open, and I am now the proud owner of an extremely lovely topaz ring. A little souvenir of an eventful (albeit frightening) weekend.

I have been poked and prodded and examined every which way, and the exact cause of my irregular heart rhythm episode cannot be determined. I do have a low potassium level, which the cardiologist feels may have played a role in it. Potassium supplements have been ordered. Other than that, my heart rhythm is back to normal. I am being weaned off the Coumadin (blood thinner). I just have to pay more attention to myself and not write off bizarre sensations as flukes. I think I can do that!

But I am uncertain I will be painting anymore pictures of hearts. ::smile::

Run your fingers through my soul~

I KNOW, I KNOW...

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 02:28:04 GMT

Yes, I know that today is the sixth anniversary of the horrid attack on our country. What can be said about it that has not already been said?

For me, I spent the day continuing to believe that there is far more good in this world than evil. And I will keep on believing that.

"Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other." ~Rainer Maria Rilke

ETCETERA

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 01:45:41 GMT

"HE LOVES ME NOT"

It has been far too long since I have written in this journal. I think I have had too much to say about many subjects, and I elected to remain quiet. Not that all is good or bad in my world...it just "is."

The puppy continues to grow, but she is still a cuddly thing. We had a name battle at the beginning. I disliked the name my daughter chose. Yes, it is her dog...but yours truly spends a lot of time around it. I wanted a name I liked. After maybe five or six different tries (yes, the vet said it was okay to change her name, since she was still very young), we finally settled on one we all like. Sierra. And the name suits her well.

My sister was taken to the emergency room with what the neurologists thought was a brain aneurysm. They saw it on the CT and MRI films. It was an ugly time for her...and all of the rest of us. We suffered horrendous flashbacks, and some seemingly forgotten memories of Daddy's brain aneurysm rupture resurfaced. After a particular procedure was performed on her, it was discovered that the aneurysm was really just a collection of blood vessels that is somewhat of an anomaly. No aneurysm. We sent up many prayers of thanks. She is doing fine. Now to bury those horrid memories...

"LIGHT COMES"

I have been painting a bit. I hope I will always have that to turn to. Good or bad results, I still like how I feel when I am fiddling around with paints or pastels.

Mom is doing okay. I need to accept that there are just some things that are never going to be the way they were. More doctor visits. More aches and pains. She is mentally extremely sharp, and a delight to be with. We girls go to lunch with her every week or two. I try to call her each day just to blab and check to make sure all is well.

There is a spectacular 121-acre garden/park nearby. One of my sisters and I spent a Saturday there with cameras in hand. A woodcarver had an exhibit at that time. The theme was BIG BUGS! And big bugs they were! Made entirely out of wood. Those along with the beauty that can always be found at the garden made it a grand day.

That is about all I care to discuss at the moment. Suffice it to say that I am continuing to explore and learn. That thrills me.

Have I mentioned how much I love my family and friends? No. Hmmm. I need to fix that. I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU.

My wishes for happiness in your worlds!

Nikki~

Run your fingers through my soul~