6:55:16 PM EDT
Feeling Silly
SURPRISE!! ANOTHER ENTRY FROM ME TODAY!!!
MORE TO CHUCKLE TOO!!!
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
7. Simon says - something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go a long.
3. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Thoughts for the weekend:
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr- Alt- Delete' and start all over?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called 'labor!'
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
But Most Of All, Remember!
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway!
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bethjunebug
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8:04:39 AM EDT
Feeling Giddy
JUST TO FUNNY!!
THIS IS SO FUNNY HAD TO SHARE IT, PLEASE EXCUSE THE 2 CUSS WORDS. LAUGHING THIS MORNING!!!!
When to Start Cussing!
A 6 year old & a 4 year old are upstairs in their
bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old.
"I think it's about time we started cussing. The 4
year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old
continues, "When we go downstairs for
breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell & you
say something with ass." The 4 year old agrees
with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen & asks the
6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies,
"Aw, hell, Mom, guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK!! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across
the kitchen floor, gets up, & runs upstairs crying
his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping
his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his
room & shouts, "You can stay there until I let
you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4
year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what
do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't
know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass
it won't be Cheerios!"
I CAN JUST SEE KIDS DOING THAT!!
GOT MY MORNING GOING WITH THAT ONE! LOL!!
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bethjunebug
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6:47:25 PM EDT
ADVICE LIKE WHAT MY GREAT GRANDFATHER USE TO SAY.
An Old Farmer's Advice:
* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with,
watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
HAVE A GREAT WEEK!!!
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bethjunebug
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11:12:23 AM EDT
ADVICE, LOL
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph:
Tried everything twice...loved it both times!
2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down
(keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches.)
3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer,
crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,
spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.
6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music,
plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even
to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to
where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them,
at every opportunity.
11. Forgive now those who made you cry.
You might not get a second time.
Lost time can never be found!HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!
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bethjunebug
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11:46:40 PM EDT
The future
Life is so precious
And each day a gift
So enjoy every minute
As it were you last to live
Cherish your loved ones
Hug them tight
Share with them your heart
And your time
Nothing is forever
And life goes so fast
Each minute that passes
Is one you can't get back
When troubles arrive
And knock you off your feet
Stand up and smile
And remember life is too sweet,
Every morning when you wake,
Decide right from the start,
That "Today will be a good day"
And let it all in with an open heart.
LOVE YA ALL,
LIZ
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