Life can have a twist

I went to bed at a decent hour night before last night... 11:00 p.m. As I laid in bed my mind wondered to the years that my mother lived alone in Oklahoma. I had just gotten married to a military man and moved to Colorado. Strange that I had never given a thought about my mother alone in them years until last night. I did not like the feeling that ran through me. Loneliness is what I was feeling deep in my soul. My mother was a strong person. In her last days she was so strong willed. Growing up, an only child, there were not that many "I love you" said; I was to just assume that she loved me. My dad was a quiet man and I can't remember him ever saying "I love you" more than a couple of times. There again I knew that he loved me. We would say "Goodnight, I love you" every night before going to bed.

Life can really take many turns in life. We are free to make our own choices. I was the first one to graduate on both sides of my family. We had a large celebration with both sides of the family. I knew but really didn't know until later years what that meant. Soon after graduation I had a bubble bee operation on a tendon in my right hand. The doctor said that I could never sit and type all day. My main subjects in school were typing, short hand, and book-keeping. Years ago when I would iron military uniforms my hand would ache.

I did not want to get a job as a waitress or clerk. As I look back now I know that I should have tried to get a job as a book-keeper. I loved working with numbers and made straight A's in math and book-keeping. Six months passed without me getting a job; and my uncle came to visit. He was the fire inspector at Goose Bay, Labrador; an Air Force Base. He wanted me to go live with him and his family and get a job. He thought that I needed to get away from my mother and Granny to learn to be independent. lol Was he in for a rude awakening! Three days before I left Goose Bay, he told me I had been too independent. :-)

I met a young man at Goose Bay and fell in love. Someone from New York. Brooklyn and the Bronx. Both of us so different. Me being raised wearing cowboy boots and eating beans and cornbread. lol Him singing on the street corner for nickels and dimes in Brooklyn. lol Me in a loving home with parents and a Granny. Him from a broken home, thrown anywhere he could live growing up. Love was a thing that he had not had much of. I was married to him for 9 years and never heard him say... "I love you." I said "I love you" all the time. When I would ask him, his answer was... "I should not have to tell you, you should know." Hmmm He would not sit the kids on his lap and love them. He would buy our small son a golf set and that would show his love. He had a gambling problem when I didn't keep a tight rein on him. When he went to Okinawa in 1970 he was spending all the money. Gambling, I am sure and then a girlfriend. The kids and I lived a life of hell for almost 1 1/2 years. I had to get a divorce. Life can have a funny twist. When he turned 50 his wife left him for a younger man, took his new truck, and left him with 2 teenage kids. Hmmm He left me when I was 26, 2 small children, and I lost the new Ford station wagon. lol

Life goes on. Mom told me the best way to get over a man is to get another one. lol Now that I am older... I wonder about that statement. lol I feel like pride can get in the way of our feelings. I was really surprised that he got a girlfriend because he really wasn't a ladies man?? We never argued that much either. I saw him for the first time in 36 years when I went to Florida with Terry Ann in 2006. That was good for me because I really deep down forgave him for what he had done to me. There was always this anger inside me toward him. He had been sick and I told him that I hope he got well. Terry Ann insisted that I go to his home when he asked her to come for Kentucky Fried Chicken. He said to bring me. lol I really did not want to go. Terry Ann, Carlie, Trista, Jaeden, and Terry Ann's half sister left me and Billy at his house while they went to K.F.C. !! I went to the yard and sat under a tree at a picnic table. He was looking for baseball cards for Billy. As I sat there... I thought... this is where I would be. lol We had lived in Key West for 3 years before he went to Okinawa. He bought his mother's house. I would sure be glad to get back home. lol I think Gary was glad when I got home too because he had never stayed alone in our home but a couple of times since we had been married. We were gone 10 days. It had always been me staying alone when he worked on the road off and on. He was scared we would have a wreck going from Kansas to Florida; 3 women and 3 kids alone. I had the cell phone and credit card. lol

Wishing all of you a wonderful week with blessings. All are in my prayers. God Bless, Janie

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This entry has 11 comments: (Add your own)

#11 Comment from fowfies
2/19/08 11:43 AM | Permalink

Sometimes things do work out for the best, even when at the time we are having a hard time with what is happeneing at the time. I look at so many of our friends, and some of my family, and I feel blessed that I have the life I have. It does help that you try to make the best of what you have too. I guess it is all in how you look at things.
#10 Comment from lisa41076
2/16/08 7:38 PM | Permalink

Janie, I love learning more about you, Hugs and Blessings Lisa
#9 Comment from manda2177
2/16/08 6:27 PM | Permalink

Wow... a lot there is new to me. You have lived quite an amazing life... thanks to the good Lord. I think sometimes you keep me wondering... about all the details! Goodness, I bet you could do 20 entries just about that first marriage alone! lol

Thanks for giving us more little snippits of you... I like getting to know you better.

God bless-
Amanda
#8 Comment from ma24179
2/16/08 12:24 PM | Permalink

Janie, I relly enjoyed that story. I guess it turned out for the best didn't it? I'm glad that you had your head on straight enough to leave a man like that. Some women just sit around and take it.... (((HUGS))) -Missy
http://journals.aol.com/ma24179/MISSYZSTUFF
#7 Comment from suzypwr
2/16/08 12:11 PM | Permalink

Living in Key West for 3 years might make some of it worthwhile, lol! Replacing one man with another too quickly often means finding one just the same as the one we needed to get away from.

xoxo

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Life can have a twist