DATING TIPS FOR PSYCHOPATHS

Reluctant as I am to engage in metaphysical speculation ... the question has come up:   Just how bad is Pennie’s meatloaf?

Well ...

. The smoke detector always goes off seconds before the meatloaf goes in the oven.

. She serves ‘PEPTO-BISMOL’ as an appetizer.

. The local Health Department recently boarded-up our kitchen.

. No one can tell the difference between her meatloaf and a cinder block,

. Outbreaks of gastric diseases are common in our household.

. Dinner is ready when the first fire engine arrives.

. After every bite, you wonder if it was the meatloaf or your teeth that just crunched.

. The fire department knows Pennie’s voice when she calls.

. I can use a slice of her meatloaf to scour the kitchen sink.

. Flies have chipped-in to fix the hole in the screen door.

. Even the dog asks, ‘WHERE’S THE CATSUP?’

. The L.A. County D.A.’s office has opened a massive posoining investigation against Pennie.

. We need to file an environmental impact statement before we can throw any of the meatloaf out.

. The Pentagon just classified her meatloaf as a W.M.D.

. Yesterday, Pennie’s meatloaf asked me for a ride home.