I'm A Survivor

These are FUNNY!!!!!!

 

They're Back!  Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!
> Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
> These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were
> announced in church
> services (Summer, 2007 Release).
 

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> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
> ------------------------------

> The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the
> Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
> -------------------- ------ - -------

> Our youth basketball team is back in action
> Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.

   Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
>
>
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> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a
> chance to get rid of those things not worth

   keeping around the house. Bring your
> husbands.
>
>
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> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
> been canceled due to a conflict.
>
>
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> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
> community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
> Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
>
>
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> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church
> help.
>
>
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> Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way
> again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
>
>
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> For those of you who have children and don't know
> it, we have a nursery downstairs.
>
>
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> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
> They need all the help they can get.
>
>
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> The Rector will preach his farewell message, after
> which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
>
>
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> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
> October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that
> began in their school days.
>
>
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> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
> will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir
> practice.
>
>
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> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to
> the addition of several new members and to the
> deterioration of some older ones.
>
>
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> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
> items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple
> children.
>
>
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> Please place your donation in the envelope along
> with the deceased person you want remembered.
>
>
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> The church will host an evening of fine dining,
> super entertainment and gracious hostility.
> -------------------------------------------------

> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
> medication to follow..
> ------------------------------------------------

> ---------
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
> every kind. They may be seen in the basement on

   Friday afternoon.
> ----------------------------------- ------

 

> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing
> in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and
> come prepared to sin.
>
>
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> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning
> at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the
> Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
>
>
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> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of
> the congregation would lend him their electric girdles
> for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
> --------------------------------------------

 

> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday
> at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
>
>
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> The eighth-graders will be presenting
> Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church

   basement Friday at 7 PM. The
> congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
>
>
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> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
> Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double
> door at the side entrance.
>
>
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> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
> tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge -
> Up Yours'.

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• #3 Comment from mjgm1954 
  4/2/08 4:41 AM | Permalink

  i TRIED TO READ THESE TO MY SON. i WAS LAUGHING SO HARD i COULD NOT TALK!  DID YOU FORGET YOUR WAY TO MY JOURNAL? waaaaaah  !THAT MAKES ME SAD.
• #2 Comment from kamdghwmw 
  4/1/08 11:17 PM | Permalink

  Those are some good ones!
  Kelli
  http://journals.aol.com/kmdghwmw/noonmom
• #1 Comment from momiscool2 
  4/1/08 9:50 PM | Permalink

  LOL
  thanks for the laugh.
  
  Michelle