eg

2:45:22 AM EDT

I'm putting these pics up for Alexis to see. She caringly gave me a verbal kick in the butt one day (about letting my inner artist come out and play), this sent me into a four hour painting frenzy, emotionally revisiting the dark places that Michael cast and left ... resulting in my oil interpretation of Michael's soul.

The paint is still wet, and these photos were taken in a rush. I just couldn't get the lighting right to show the intense molten colors (there are also noticeable contrasts between deep indigo and black/browns in the background that don't seem noticeable in the pics), and the thick parts are so shiny still that the light reflecting off them gives a different effect in the photo than the painting in real life.

It is... what it is.

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3:01:31 AM EDT

Last November I took him home from CACC on Staten Island. He was an emaciated, balding, vomiting, ear infected, un-neutered, kennel coughed mess that the Vet estimated at 10yrs old and CACC deemed "virtually unadoptable". I was told he is a poodle (though at the time he looked nothing like any poodle I'd ever seen). I cannot explain why I took him home that day... He looked like such a mess, I hate to admit it but my first impluse was to just get myself out of there... But I didn't. I sat on the floor with him... I thought he was trying to climb onto my lap (I was sitting cross legged)... but he was actually having a bout of diarrhea on my sock. I ended up going home that day without the sock on my foot, but with him in my arms.

I live on a fixed disability income and though perhaps I had no right to take on the expense of a dog, He needed help and I needed him. I have treated his infections, gotten him dental surgery (tweleve teeth pulled... they were infected all the way up to his little sinuses). I have given him the very best love and care I could afford and even somehow managed to give him what I could not afford.

We believe he was a breeder in a puppy mill, spending most of those ten years in a cage. When he first came home with me he didn't even know how to play or react to anyone or anything. Now, he is getting strong, his fur is growing back and he has the most beautiful light in his eyes and dance in his step, he LOVES to say hello to every one and every dog/cat/horse he meets. He is now one of the most loving and friendly dogs I have ever known.

I cannot begin to verbalize the love I feel for this beautiful little soul. He has changed my life, renewed my faith in people, and gives me hundreds of reasons to smile every day. I cannot imagine how we ever lived without each other.

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10:20:20 PM EST


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11:58:01 PM EST
the city streets were so empty tonight. the moon was beautiful. the christmas lights on the fire escape look so close to the glowing moon, it seems you could stand on it and reach out and touch the moon.

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1:53:39 AM EST
Feeling Silly

i never did finish the story of Vel.... for now just know that he isn't the dog i went to see, fate did intervene... he and i make a really great family. this is our christmas album... hope you all have magic and fun in your lives too.

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10:05:11 AM EST

one week and a day ago today i saw the cutest little shi tzu photo on the staten island animal control web site. this is a place where they still put animals to sleep at. i began by toying with the idea that i could have my own dog. the biggest problems for me making that idea a reality were money and daily walks. having vertigo does not allow me the freedom to leave my house at whim (or at doggies desire), and having vertigo does not allow me the cash flow to take on large vets bills. after research and inquiries i found that there were several ways financially to make this happen. a free vet clinic... the human society.. sliding scale payments... etc. suddenly adopting the cute little furry face i saw in the photo became more realistic an idea. getting a small dog and training for litter box would solve problem number two (whoops... did not mean that.. lol) (and the furry faced cutie was only 8lbs). i nearly stayed up all night, constantly bothering the poor girl at the animal control phone number too many times. suddenly, i was doing this. but something kept nagging at me. this was a really really cute young (2yrs) doggie. he would definately be adopted... and as my tactless neighbor sputtered out  'it is not like you'd be saving him or anything... cause someone will want him' and 'maybe your not ready yet, cause when you really want one (a dog) nothing will stand in your way (meaning money)'. i found this utterly frightening, and selfish. that is not the way i think of dog ownership. to me... it is not more about my want to have a dog, than it is about being there for the dog. hearing this from a dog owner made me realize that perhpas i was a really good candidate for a dog owner... at the very least in comparison. still i thought to myself... yea.. someone with more money will take him... but will they think like she does? will his care still stuffer?. i know i would give the best i could, but still the argument in my head that was strongest, was that more than likely someone with more money and the ability for better vet care would be a better choice than i.  i left it down to fate. i decided to make a trip to staten island... if the dog was still there and liked me, it was meant to be... if not, the choice was made for me.  more later....

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1:29:45 AM EDT



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11:52:24 PM EDT

This was my first year with a garden. I grew basil, dill, tomatoes, parsley, catnip, majoram and chives (but they never came up). My tiny currant tomoates are still going pretty strong, the catnip is on its second of lives, the dill, parsley, and majoram are fading away.... and my basil, oh my wonderful basil is going, going .... nearly gone. I cannot wait until next year to try some other fun things like cucumbers, peppers, mint, strawberries, & lots and lots of basil again. I think i need a bigger fire escape :O)

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1:43:52 AM EDT
Just accross from where the World Trade Center used to stand, is a really old little cemetary and church. I love to stroll this quiet little place and to contemplate the lives of those who rest there. Many of the tombstones have worn away to the point that there is no longer any remaining indication of the person buried below. However, a few have survived beautifully... Ive read dates of 1791, 1820, some have little limericks, some have touching notes about the lives lived, so many died so young. I wonder why today we no longer engrave touching little sayings about the lives of our loved ones. After reading a few of these loving words, statements we use now like BELOVED WIFE, LOVING FATHER... well they just seem insignificant to describe our loved ones. I wonder if their sayings seemed trite in their time, and It is just that I am unfamiliar and charmed by the differences. Stepping into this cemetary is like instantly being transported out the the busy area it is located within. I find myself wishing I could live like in a movie, that I could close my eyes and then open them to find myself back in the time of the people I am walking amoungst.

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6:07:42 PM EDT


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