eg

one week and a day ago today i saw the cutest little shi tzu photo on the staten island animal control web site. this is a place where they still put animals to sleep at. i began by toying with the idea that i could have my own dog. the biggest problems for me making that idea a reality were money and daily walks. having vertigo does not allow me the freedom to leave my house at whim (or at doggies desire), and having vertigo does not allow me the cash flow to take on large vets bills. after research and inquiries i found that there were several ways financially to make this happen. a free vet clinic... the human society.. sliding scale payments... etc. suddenly adopting the cute little furry face i saw in the photo became more realistic an idea. getting a small dog and training for litter box would solve problem number two (whoops... did not mean that.. lol) (and the furry faced cutie was only 8lbs). i nearly stayed up all night, constantly bothering the poor girl at the animal control phone number too many times. suddenly, i was doing this. but something kept nagging at me. this was a really really cute young (2yrs) doggie. he would definately be adopted... and as my tactless neighbor sputtered out  'it is not like you'd be saving him or anything... cause someone will want him' and 'maybe your not ready yet, cause when you really want one (a dog) nothing will stand in your way (meaning money)'. i found this utterly frightening, and selfish. that is not the way i think of dog ownership. to me... it is not more about my want to have a dog, than it is about being there for the dog. hearing this from a dog owner made me realize that perhpas i was a really good candidate for a dog owner... at the very least in comparison. still i thought to myself... yea.. someone with more money will take him... but will they think like she does? will his care still stuffer?. i know i would give the best i could, but still the argument in my head that was strongest, was that more than likely someone with more money and the ability for better vet care would be a better choice than i.  i left it down to fate. i decided to make a trip to staten island... if the dog was still there and liked me, it was meant to be... if not, the choice was made for me.  more later....

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