Two Minute Warning

12:14:44 PM EDT

         

from ESPN.com

A bill on Gov. Mitt Romney's desk would make basketball the official state sport [of Massachusetts], despite strong opposition by Boston Red Sox fans.

"We had to work on a few people," said Rep. Patricia A. Walrath, D-Stow, a co-sponsor of the bill passed late Monday night before the Legislature adjourned for the year.

Romney -- a season ticket-holder at Fenway Park -- said Wednesday he wasn't sure when he'd sign the measure.

"I'm sure it will dribble out at some point," Romney said.

Most basketball historians agree that the game was invented by James A. Naismith in 1891 in Springfield.

Fourth-grade students at the Joseph P. Mulready School in Hudson came up with the idea to give the game a special designation.

Massachusetts already has 51 other "emblems of the commonwealth." These include the official children's author Theodor Geisel, better known by his pen name of Dr. Seuss; the official berry (cranberry); the official flower (mayflower); and the official tree (elm).

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4:48:21 PM EDT
Hearing The All-American Rejects

Hey, this is Nick "ESPN Nut" here.  Monponsett just gave me the green light to let me post in 2MW.

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This is what makes ESPN's Page 2 great, they report on some of the weirdest things.  Take this for instance, ESPN.com: Page 2 : International Language of Hair.

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Futbol is life. Beware the dreaded Group of Death. International soccer is nothing if not overwrought, more melodramatic than the cheesiest Univision telenovela. And that's without mentioning Andres "Gooooooooal!" Cantor.

As such, is it any wonder some World Cup hairdos are just a wee bit theatrical?

Think Carlos Valderrama's legendary Day-Glo 'fro.

Recall Ronaldo's epochal forehead merkin. In the World Cup, it's not enough to flash an ill-conceived Travis Bickle Mohawk, a la Clint Mathis in 2002.

Uh-uh. Better to color said mohawk blond, like the Czech Republic's Jan Polak, then add a matching mini-mullet.

Indeed, if the Cup is soccer's Everest, it's also the mountaintop of Bad Sports Hair -- a towering summit where dismal dye jobs are de rigeur, feathered dos remain fashionable and the only performance-enhancing substances used by Team Argentina appear to be extra-strength Rogaine and deep conditioning Pert Plus.

To put things another way: Stick male-pattern baldness poster boy Landon Donovan in the NBA, and his Fall of Saigon hairline would be mercilessly mocked; stick him on the U.S. national team, on the other hand, and his scalp is hardly worth mentioning. Not when Brazilian midfielder Emerson's patchy dome brings to mind a forest ravaged by acid rain.

Without further ado, Page 2 presents the Bad Sports Hair of World Cup '06, our very own Group of Follicular Death:

Zinedine Zidane, France
Style: Barren in the back, gleaming up top, a pointy peach-fuzz subcontinent in front. Which nicely matches his Miami Vice stubble. Très chic!

Status: Active. Well, except for 65 percent of his scalp.

Inspired by: Andre Agassi; Michael Jordan; anyone who has ever picked up a razor and decided to beat Mother Nature to the inevitable punch.

Fellow World Cup travelers: None, although the Ivory Coast's Arthur Boka is something of a Bizarro Zidane -- baby's bottom-smooth forehead, truly unfortunate middle-parted rear mullet. Yipes!

Resembles: A Romulan Bird of Prey; the Triangle-and-Two defense, as sketched on a bar napkin by Rick Majerus.

Fashion statement: Wait -- I'm supposed to rub the Rogaine on the top of my head, too?

Practical value: Forehead patch doubles as geometry teaching tool during guest appearances on French "Sesame Street."

For best results: Shave entire body. For consistency's sake.

Possible complications: In the manner of expanding ice caps, hairline continues unusual downward migration, terminating on tip of nose.

Andres Guardado, Mexico
Style: A classic man-perm, only longer. Man-perms are classic, right?

Status: Activated.

Inspired by: Sideshow Bob; the sort of music videos Beavis and Butt-Head made fun of; chemical plant explosions.

Fellow World Cup travelers: Argentina's Fabrico Coloccini; Spain's Carlos Puyol, whose noncurly version looks like a mop used to clean a septic tank; teammates Jose Antonio Castro and Gerardo Torrado, the latter of whom really does appear to have a classic Mike Brady man-perm.

Resembles: A winning entry in the Westminster Kennel Club competition.

Fashion statement: I know my way around a blow dryer. Fuse boxes, too.

Practical value: Goodbye, soccer; hello, fallback career in prop comedy!

For best results: Wash sparingly, the better to prevent rotator cuff strain.

Possiblecomplications: Bird's nest in your hair -- and you don't even know it.

Jose Perlaza, Ecuador
Style: Short on top, stringy braids in back, a few wispy mini-braids up front.

Status: Actively leaking down Perlaza's forehead.

Inspired by: Loose yarn.

Fellow World Cup travelers: England's Rio Ferdinand, whose delicate, itsy-bitsy braids 'n' cornrows bring to mind baby snakes; Sweden's Christian Wilhelmsson, whose single, off-center rear braid is singularly dumb.

Resembles: A Predator-Homer Simpson mash-up.

Fashion statement: FOUR tiny braids on my forehead? Please. That would look preposterous!

Practical value: Neck stays warm, head stays cool. What's not to like?

For best results: Avoid mirrors, digital cameras, small children.

Possible complications: Pushy American diplomats threaten sanctions if you don't get a haircut.

Romaric, Ivory Coast
Style: Close-cropped blond dye job, sliced 'n' diced by asymmetrical stripes and grooves.

Status: Hyperactive.

Inspired by: Highway construction; used children's coloring books.

Fellow World Cup travelers: Not an exact match, but Serbia and Montenegro's Danijel Ljuboja's frosted-blond lighting stripes reside in the same Dada-istic ballpark.

Resembles: A Jackson Pollock canvas; a pictorial representation of attention deficit disorder.

Fashion statement: Sure, Christmas lights would have worked even better. But where am I supposed to plug them in?

Practical value: While mesmerized keeper ponders Magic Eye pattern on back of head, kick ball toward net. Goooooooal!

For best results: Tightly secure barber's blindfold.

Possible complications: M. Night Shyamalan, Mel Gibson make a boring movie about your head.

Santiago Canizares, Spain
Style: Bleached back-to-front combover-cum-mullet. Quite ingenious, really.

Status: Active until it falls out. Which could be any day now.

Inspired by: Hulk Hogan; Dr. Zaius; napalm.

Fellow World Cup travelers: Japan's Junichi Inamoto and Korea's Lee Chun Soo, both of whom at least have plenty of hair to flash-fry.

Resembles: A Q-Tip dipped in Jose Canseco's radioactive urine.

Fashion statement: Pay no attention to the bony, enormous Cro-Magnon brow behind the ratty neon-yellow curtain.

Practical value: When riding bicycle at night, reflective vest optional.

For best results: Don't bleach eyebrows. Now that would look a little goofy.

Possible complications: World Cup security mistakes hair for a thrown, lit flare. Ever been sprayed with fire-retardant foam? Not fun.

David Degen, Switzerland
Style: Finger-combed gel mound.

Status: Active, yet inert.

Inspired by: Jimmy Neutron, boy genius,

Fellow World Cup travelers: Czech midfielder David Jarolim, who manages the same trickdespite a notable lack of comparable real estate.

Resembles: Cameron Diaz in "There's Something About Mary"; the dirt mound in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," only drenched in slime.

Fashion statement: If styling gel were a petroleum-based product, I would be far more concerned about Middle Eastern instability.

Practical value: Wet hair makes you look like a sweaty, hustling go-getter. Even when you spend the entire match on the bench.

For best results: Never wear a hat or skullcap. For that matter, never be in the same room as a hat or skullcap.

Possible complications: EPA declares your head a Superfund cleanup site.

Pavel Nedved, Czech Republic
Style: Industrial strength mop top.

Status: All too active. Just ask Team USA.

Inspired by: Prince Valiant.

Fellow World Cup travelers: Teammate Radoslav Kovac.

Resembles: The lustrous, flowing mane of World Cup mascot Goleo.

Fashion statement: By the power of Grayskull ... I have the power!

Practical value: Facial sunscreen optional.

For best results: Squint a lot, act bemused. Hey, it works for Owen Wilson.

Possible complications: You reach into your underwear for a grappling hook -- only to realize that you aren't, in fact, He-Man.

Diego Maradona, Argentina
Style: Thick 'n' curly. Sorta like armpit hair.

Status: Actively expanding, same as Maradona's waistline.

Inspired by: "CHiPs"-era Erik Estrada.

Fellow World Cup travelers: Too many to count. But Team Argentina is a good place to start.

Resembles: A department store wig; a semidry Jheri curl.

Fashion statement: Ha -- let's see Pele grow a pelt like this!

Practical value: Pushy autograph seekers are easy to avoid. Just put on a muumuu and pretend to be a middle-aged woman.

For best results: Combine with cocaine and food addictions. That way, you have an excuse for not finding a better stylist.

Possible complications: If not properly conditioned every 48 hours, hair might spontaneously combust.

Ricardo La Volpe, Mexican coach
Style: Demonic goatee.

Status: Active.

Inspired by: La Volpe's longtime Selleckian 'stache, which simply would not be contained. And might be some sort of evil symbiote.

Fellow World Cup travelers: Do they use Brillo pads to scrub the stadium seats?

Resembles: Neatly trimmed pubic hair.

Fashion statement: Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name.

Practical value: Goodbye, soccer; hello, second career as a villain in one of those cheesy Univision telenovelas!

For best results: Pair with a cigarette. During matches. Looks more nefarious that way. (Alternately, tie opposing player to train tracks, then cackle uncontrollably).

Possible complications: MLB clubs ask you to throw relief, even though your fastball tops out at 65 mph.

Loco, Angola
Style: Shaved scalp, front hairline braids.

Status: Active.

Inspired by: Nothing of this Earth.

Fellow World Cup travelers: None. Loco walks alone.

Resembles: A hair visor; a forehead beard; Ronaldo's merkin, but with braids.

Fashion statement: Dude -- my name is Loco. Were you expecting a crew cut?

Practical value: Wear to college graduation. Tassel no longer necessary.

For best results: Tightly secure barber's blindfold; tightly secure barber's LSD supply.

Possible complications: Pop superstars perform worldwide series of benefit concerts ... for your dome.

I was wondering where Ronaldinho was on that list.  I'msurprised how his hair doesn't annoy him while he's playing.

My winner is this guy. Down there, with the arrow. 

 

 

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Now that the US of A is out, I want Brazil to win.  Why?  Because they have my two favorite players, Ronaldo and Ronaldinho.

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2:22:51 PM EDT
Hearing MOP's "Ante Up"

Again, let me just say that this draft is a complete crapshoot.  Who the heck knows what will happen.  Well, here is my best guess.  If I get 10 of these correct, I'll be happy.

1-TORONTO:  Andrea Bargnani [PF-Italy]:  Not since Kwame Brown went #1 to the Wiz back in 2001 have we had no idea who the top pick would be this close to the draft.  Right now, with a gun to my head, I'd say Andrea Bargnani....just because Bargnani's former GM was just hired by the Raptors and that Brian Colangelo, their new main man, has been following Bargnani for quite some time.  OR IT MIGHT BE: LaMarcus Aldridge.

2-CHICAGO [from NY]: Tyrus Thomas [F-LSU]   I think this pick will be Tyrus Thomas no matter what [well, unless the Raptors get him first].  The rumor mills have been speculating about the Bulls love for Thomas' workouts and such.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Aldridge.

3-CHARLOTTE: Adam Morrison [SF-Gonzaga]  Charlotte would like Adam Morrison's instant ability to bring some interest and scoring in.  Despite smokescreens putting Rudy Gay here [and he still may be there], I think the Bobcats....who need to gain some fan base...will pick up the insta-scoring Morrison.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Rudy Gay.

4-PORTLAND: LaMarcus Aldridge [C/PF-Texas]  I think they'll go with LaMarcus Aldridge.  Morrison is probably the most ready to come in an contribute...and the Blazers have invested their last, what, 5 first round picks on high schoolers.  But Aldridge is the kind of big man they could use as a fixture down low for a while.  With Zach Randolph possibly out or Portland via trade and the fact the Blazers have invested in perimeter players in recent drafts....I think L.A. goes here.   OR IT MIGHT BE:  Gay.

5-ATLANTA: Brandon Roy [SG-Washington]  Well, every freakin' rumor site has the Hawks giving Sheldon Williams a guarantee.  And no one in the top four wants him.  If, for some reason, Aldridge is available....they could take him instead.  They don't need another forward and they don't need Brandon Roy [a kind of Joe Johnson player] though there are big rumors saying that Atlanta will take Roy here and then deal him to Houston for Sheldon Williams [who the Rockets would take with the #8 pick].  Right now, I think Atlanta selects Roy...then deals him away.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Sheldon Williams

6-MINNESOTA:  Randy Foye [PG-Villanova]:  Minnesota needs size and backcourt help.  Foye brings that scoring point guard ability to the Wolves who need someone in the backcourt to do something  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Marcus Williams

7-BOSTON:  Marcus Williams [PG-UConn]  Boston needs a point guard....and Marcus Williams fits that bill.  Rajon Rondo also could jump up here...but he has no shot yet and Williams fits what the C's want to do just a bit better.  In my earlier mock draft...I had Williams falling all the way to #17 to Indiana.  I thought...that's stupid!  I'm an idiot.  I then change my whole draft around and now see that ESPN has done the same.  lol.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Rajon Rondo

8-HOUSTON:  Sheldon Williams [C/PF-Duke]  Go back to Atlanta.  See that deal.  Houston selects Sheldon Williams here....then deals him for Brandon Roy.   OR IT MIGHT BE:  Ronnie Brewer

9-GOLDEN STATE: Rudy Gay [SF-UConn]:  Seeing Gay fall this far is odd.  He's one of the top talents...if not THE top talent....in the draft.  But the teams ahead have different needs [meaning, Paul Pierce, T-Mac, Ricky Davis, Charlie Villenueva or, like Atlanta and Portland, have been drafting guys at his spot the last few years] meaning Gay may be available here.  If so, bye bye Mike Dunleavy Jr.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Patrick O'Bryant

10-SEATTLE: Cedric Simmons [C/PF-NC State]  The Sonics need some toughness and Cedric Simmons can give it to them.  He could be Danny Fortson without the crap.  If, for some reason, Sheldon Williams fall back....he'd be a good pick here too.  So could Hilton Armstrong.  The only twist is that the Sonics have drafted Johan Petroand Robert Swift in recent drafts too.  OR IT COULD BE:  Hilton Armstrong.

11-ORLANDO: Rodney Carney [SG/SF-Memphis]:  It is just a matter of time before Grant Hill goes bye-bye...so Rodney Carney should be the pick here.  An exciting athletic swingman to run along with Jameer Nelson and Dwight Howard.  OR IT COULD BE:  JJ Redick.

12-NEW ORLEANS: Patrick O'Bryant [C-Bradley]: They badly, badly need some inside scoring.   They dealt away Jamaal Magliore and PJ Brown is getting old.  I think this is where Patrick O'Bryant...who could be the Charlie Villenueva of this draft [the guy that could go anywhere from 4 to 15] may go.   O'Bryant has made a name for himself via the NCAA tournament where he got his Bradley team to the Sweet 16 with some tough play.  And, as we all know, finding a good big man is tough in today's NBA.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Armstrong

13-PHILADELPHIA:  Shawne Williams [SF-Memphis]  Word is that Philly loves Williams....so that's the only reason I have him slotted here.  I think they could trade back and still nab him.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Rajon Rondo.   

14-UTAH:  JJ Redick [SG-Duke]    I think that JJ Redick actually fits perfect here.  Okay, not just the "white boy in Utah" thing.  Utah can't shoot a lick....and Redick can do that.  And that's all he'll be asked to do.  Still, I don't think he's anything more than Steve Kerr.  But that's not an entirely bad thing.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Saer Sene. 

15-NEW ORLEANS [from MIL]:  Ronnie Brewer [SG-Arkansas] Brewer could end up being their guy.  He can handle the rock, plays defense, good athletic ability and an NBA pedigree [his dad played several years in the NBA].  And gives the Hornets an out for dealing JR Smith.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Armstrong.

16-CHICAGO:  Saer Sene [C-Senegal]  Even if they nab Thomas with the #2 pick, I think they will still go big here.  But maybe a project.  Say, Saer Sene??  He won't give you any offense but can be a defensive stopper if given the right training.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Armstrong. 

17-INDIANA: Hilton Armstrong [C-UConn]  I think they have to take Hilton Armstrong here.  Armstrong would give the Pacers a big defensive presence in the middle and a guy who could develop a little offensive game.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Alexander Johnson. 

18-WASHINGTON:  Rajon Rondo [PG-Kentucky]  Rondo would give the Wiz a true point guard who can get that team into it's running attack.  He also would allow Arenas to move to the shooting guard spot.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Olexsiy Pecherov

19-SACRAMENTO:  Sergio Rodriguez [PG-Spain]:   How can it not be Sergio Rodriguez?  A balls-out quick point guard, Sergio could be a nice addition to the run-and-gun Kings.   He'd be a nice backup to Mike Bibby.  Of course, with Muss as the new coach....his lack of defense could be a concern.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Johnson.

20-NEW YORK [from DEN]: Thabo Sefolosha [SF-Switzerland]  Hey, say what you want about Zeke, but he'd done a pretty decent job drafting.  A few things.  The Knicks have lots of stuff but it doesn't amount to anything.  I think this pick depends on Isiah's confidence in his tenure.  There is no immediate help at this slot.  If not [my vote], he will take a foreign player.  They already have a ton of contracts filling up theroster.  Here's hoping Sefolosha can stay in Europe and develop some more before coming to America.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Joel Freeland

21-PHOENIX [from LAL]:  Maurice Ager [SG-Michigan State]  Let's see.  Ager is a big time athlete who is explosive and runs the floor well.  Sounds like a match to me!  Maurice Ager would be another excellent athlete and shooter into the fold.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Kyle Lowry 

22-NEW JERSEY [from LAC]:  Kyle Lowry [PG-Villanova]
23-NEW JERSEY :  Alexander Johnson [PF-Florida State]   The Nets have consecutive picks, so they don't have to just sit and choose.  Take two!  I think Kyle Lowry is one pick.  He would be a good backup for Jason Kidd and can get the Nets running again.  The other could be Johnson, who adds an athletic frontcourt player...something they really need.  Or course, the Nets could trade one of the picks to, say, Portland and get the #30 and #31 picks.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Pecherov

24-MEMPHIS: Jordan Farmar [PG-UCLA]:  They want a center...but they'll all be gone.  Jordan Farmar could be a good fit.  He's more of a distributor...which would be nice with this team.  They need some point guard help [Damon Stoudamire was hurt and Chucky Atkins was the starter].  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Shannon Brown.

25-CLEVELAND: Shannon Brown [G-Michigan State]  I think that Shannon Brown could be a good fit in Cleveland.  Not a traditional point guard....but with LeBron there, you don't need one.  He is a shooter who can defend....and can create his own shot.  A good pick here.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Mardy Collins

26-LA LAKERS [from MIA]:  Mardy Collins [SG-Temple]  The last of the Shaq deal....and the Lakers will get:  Mardy Collins.  Not spectacular....but effective.  He can shoot a bit, plays tough Temple defense, durable, can handle the rock and is willing to defer the scoring.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Quincy Douby

27-PHOENIX:  Oleksiy Pecherov [PF-Ukraine]:  Pecherov may not be around for a year or so.  He is a good shooting big man who can run up and down the floor.  Again, a Suns type of player.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Guillermo Diaz 

28-DALLAS:  Marcus Vinicius [SF-Brazil]  A very good offensive talent...but lacks defensive ability right now.  Still, he's the kind of guy that the Mavs can leave in international play and come get later when they need him.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Freeland.

29-NEW YORK [from SA]:  Josh Boone.  Another big man with questionable work ethic.  But rampant rumors are that the Knicks kept Boone in the draft witha promise here.  OR IT MIGHT BE:  Freeland

30-PORTLAND [from DET]:  Joel Freeland [C/F-England]  The ultimate project, Freeland has only been playing hoops for three years.  Still, the Blazers don't need rookies right now....so leaving him in Europe [or even the D-league] wouldn't be a bad idea.

SECOND ROUND

31-PORTLAND:  Kevin Pittsnogle, C-West Virginia.  A veteran big man with range
32-HOUSTON [from NY]:  Dee Brown, PG-Illinois.  Quick point guard who will help if Luther Head is out the door
33-ATLANTA:  Quincy Douby, G-Rutgers.  This is where Head may be heading, but Hawks still need some ball handlers
34-LA CLIPPERS [from Cha]:  PJ Tucker, SG-Texas.  Adds depth to the backcourt
35-TORONTO:  Paul Davis, C-Michigan State.  They still needed a center and Davis is a capable one
36-MINNESOTA:  Daniel Gibson, PG-Texas.  Some more point guard help
37-MINNESOTA [from Bos]:  Denham Brown, SG-UConn.  Some more backcourt help
38-GOLDEN STATE:  Steve Novak, SF-Marquette.  Again, they need some shooters
39-MILWAUKEE [from Hou]:  James White, SG-Cincinnati.  They need depth, and White is just an athletic freak who can always help out
40-SEATTLE:  Guillermo Diaz, G-Miami.  Diaz takes over that ol' Flip Murray role.
41-ORLANDO:  Mike Gansy, SG-West Virginia.  Good shooter who can come in and hit shots for Magic
42-CLEVELAND [from Phil]:  Allan Ray, PG-Villanova.  A "point guard" that has NBA range.  Good to play alongside LeBron.
43-NEW ORLEANS:  Will Blaylock, PG-Iowa State.  Could be a nice backup to Chris Paul
44-ORLANDO [from Mil]:  Leon Powe, PF-Cal.  I love Powe, and he could be a nice workman under the basket alongside Dwight Howard.
45-INDIANA:  Eric Williams, PF-Wake Forest.  A physical big man.
46-UTAH [from Chi]:  Gerry McNamara, PG-Syracuse.  Why not?
47-UTAH:  Brandon Bowman, SF-Georgetown.  An unselfish athlete that fits Utah's system.
48-WASHINGTON:  Ryan Hollins, C-UCLA.  Needs to put some weight on.
49-DENVER:  Pops Mensah-Bonsu, PF-G Washington.  A guy who can do some dirty work under the basket
50-CHARLOTTE [from Sac]:  Darius Washington, PG-Memphis.  A guy with heart that would fill in as Felton's reserve.
51-LA LAKERS:  Bobby Jones, SG-Washington.  A defensive hawk who the Lakers could use to help lock down opponent's swingmen.
52-LA CLIPPERS:  Craig Smith, PF-Boston College.  NBA body who works well offensively around the basket
53-SEATTLE [from Mem]:  Hasan Adams, SG-Arizona.  A tad too small, but a freak athlete.
54-NEW JERSEY:  Eric Hicks, PF-Cincinnati.  A big bruising guy who works really, really hard.
55-CLEVELAND:  Renaldo Balkman, F-So Carolina.  He can defend all over the place and works hard on the glass.
56-TORONTO [from Mia]:  Louis Admunson, F-UNLV.  Big time rebounder.
57-MINNESOTA [from Phx]:  Taj Gray, F-Oklahoma.  The next Gary Trent??
58-DALLAS:  James Augustine, C-Illinois.  Not that great, but serviceable.
59-SAN ANTONIO:  Yotam Holperin, SG-Israel.  What did you expect??
60-DETROIT:  Justin Williams, C-Wyoming.  A freak shot blocker.

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9:10:35 AM EDT

It's not your average Wednesday here at Two Minute Warning. It's NBA Draft day, where people who root for teams that suck get a big rookie contract worth of hope injected into them like a warming needle full of heroin.

Veddy few drafts give you a guy who will make your team an instant contender. Air Jordan took years of late spring beatings before he became the one to beat. I watched him score 63 on the Celtics one year... and still lose.

Adam Morrison can drink gas and spit fire... his team is most likely still going to win about 20-25 games nxt year, wherever he may wander. Those are the breaks, kids.

We here at the Two know that it's almost impossible to call the correct order of the 30 or so first round picks. There are trades working, and GMs holding their cards close to their chest. You have to account for a GM doing something really stupid, you have to account for GMs doing something really smart... and very few of us were at every pre-draft workout, where teams suddenly realize that Tyrus Thomas isn't that smart, or that Shelden Williams looks short, or that JJ Redick smelled mightily of Zima during his New Orleans interview.

Still, we owe it to the dozens and dozens to take a crack at it.

Sportz Assassin's Mock NBA Draft is probably a good place to start. Sportz, as we've said before, is a machine. If one of us is going to roll this draft, it's probably him.

Or you can check with Stacey, who wasn't a week out of the hospital (and still on Oxycontin) when she penned Dem Franchise Boys.

The Ohio LeBlog focuses on more Clevelandcentric matters.

There are other sports, and one man's hopes are another man's crushed dreams. While Sportz and company look ahead, Bads85 keeps an eye on the Race To 100 And Wedge's Death Spiral.

I'm almost out of "ability to tolerate the pain caused by typing," so we'll cut this short... but not before giving props to my man at the ESPN Nut's Sports Blog, who got a fat article written on him by the Detroit Free Press. Check it: ASK THE EXPERT: Meet a 12-year-old sports blogger

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6:07:19 PM EDT
Hearing Helmet

 

Big Ben Gets In Big Crash, and Sportz Assassin is live on the scene

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3:19:39 PM EDT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No, that's not me... I'm, ummm, taller.

Monponsett attempts to use all of you to throw the fix on a contest that seems to feature 8 year olds competing to get BriggsandStratton.com to pimp their local sandlot. Visit the wonderful CapeCodToday.com, and check out East of Boston - I'm on the mound with a butane fireball... then vote for the kid from Sagamore Beach, MA... who deserves it more than the other brats.

Speaking of the limitless possibilities of youth...

Coztanza's Commentary just turned 2 years old, and he celebrates by noticing that Miami seems to attract a lot of bad apples. In fact, The Dolphins Are The New Raiders.

It's a shame that Vick the Younger won't have Ricky Williams around to show him the ropes... which are made more economically with hemp, I might add. One of my students once asked a sailor on the USS Constitution (Official Homepage of USS CONSTITUTION) if you could get high smoking hemp rope. "I suppose you might get a head rush throwing up after," said the seaman.

That kid is in the Navy now.

Lebron is becoming the next great star. He's already famous, but now he's a 50/50 shot to make the ECF... pretty much without any help at all.

Much like someone in 1980s Chicago watching a young Jordan assert himself, it's just Ridiculous how much fun Ohio LeBlog is having while watching his Cavs go 2-2 with a fearsome-but-suddenly-demoralized Pistons team. As you can find somewhere on Mr. Irrelevant, many viewed the Detroit/Cleveland series as the ultimate individual vs society experiment... always bet on the human.

on the other end of the W-L equation...

Sportz Assassin gets to laugh at Larry Brown, Isiah Thomas and Spike Lee while crafting his Dream Jobs Don't Always Turn Out So Dreamy entry. The Knicks stink like the steam that rises up from fresh wino vomit on a cold morning.

Finally, Diecast Dude becomes http://www.diecast-dude.com

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2:15:19 PM EDT

   Round two, anyone?

   The NBA playoffs are into the second round... and as of this writing, the Spurs, Pistons, Suns and Nets are all up a game on their foes. Maybe only New Joizee's win was improbable.

   We also had the Kentucky Derby last weekend, and we here at 2MW hope that you bet it properly. If whoever I told you to bet on lost... that's what you get for betting on what a Smurf tells you.

   Our good friend Uncle Joe at Magic Smoke has put out the call for blog six packs, and I suppose we can come up with 6 fat links. I gave him 7, and he can eliminate whichever one he dislikes.

   Anywho... here's what be cookin in the Blog oven:

 

   SPORTZ ASSASSIN'S SPORTS JOURNAL turns two years old today, with High Above Courtside just a few steps behind. We were in pretty early on the blog train, although I'm fairly sure that Premature Jock-ularity  has us both beat. Anyhow, pop by Sportz' blog and wish him well. If sports blogging were the A Team, he'd be either Hannibal or B.A. Baracus.

 

   We'd be straight up losers if we didn't discuss Barry Bonds coming up on the record of another man with an enormous head, George Herman Ruth. Anyone know who had the career homerun record before Ruth? Leave a comment, and maybe win a cool prize! As for Bonds, check out Mobetta Space: Why Hate on Barry?

 

   I love Many Go; Few Understand because he gets downright angry at times. Check out his evisceration of Pittsburgh writer Bob Smizik, who's name alone suggests that he's probably taken enough ship.

 

   Generally, curses, hexes and jinxes are bunk. I live in New England, and I had an old neighbor who would fork the Evil Eye at us when we cut through her yard. She's dead now, and I own 5 houses.

   But I also was part of the Red Sox nightmare, the Curse of the Bambino. Psychologists downplay curses, but note that if the cursed one believes in the curse... he'll suffer from it. Let's see how NCAA 2007's cover boy does, as at least one blogger believes Bush Is Already Jinxed by EA.

 

   Yannis' Sports Journal explains it's absence, and no doubt is still pissed that I make Kobe Bryant jokes. Fortunately, team player Kwame Brown has stepped up to assure us that Kobe will no longer be the world's tallest accused Laker rapist.

  

   If you like pre-teen blogging, check out ESPN Nut's Sports Blog. He's 12, he's into sports, and he's coming to a computer screen near you. He also had the grapefruits to step up and defend AOL Sports when ... well, see below:

 

Most Valuable Network - End Of The Bench » AOL Sports Sucks ... stop by and dis this clown for biting at the hand that feeds us. Note the woman in the comments who implies that she may or may not have the author's parents killed in front of him.

Diecast, Lush, George, and someone who may or may not be Shrages have already gave this kid the boot, but you can too! We take absolutely no shift at all here at 2MW.

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9:12:32 AM EDT
Hearing I slam tracks like quarterback sacks from LT

   Ahhhh... pre-draft Friday. It serves as Good Friday for those of us (not everyone on the 2MW staff, I must add) who don't practice religion. If the star in the east led the wise men to Bristol, CT instead of Bethlehem, I'm pretty sure that Jesus would have altered his schedule so as to have at least 9 free hours on Saturday to enjoy the first round of the NFL draft.

   My gut tells me that He'd favor the Saints, but a lot of good people have gone broke playing their gut against NFL logic. With that in mind.... let's looks us at some links.

   Monponsett doesn't watch a lot of college football, but that doesn't stop her from calling the first 32 picks in the draft. Will she beat Mel Kiper Jr. like a lazy cotton slave? There are two ways to find out. One, watch the draft, and two, check her mock draft (... like George the Animal,) to see how she does.

 

    Perpetual college student Chris weighs in on Reggie Bush managing to provide his family with a $750,000 house while going to college full time. I was a college athlete myself, and- even working the night shift at a polyprophlylene drum liner factory- I was barely able to support myself... and I don't each that much. Bush May Lose His Heisman

 

   Kobe Bryant is changing his jersey number (probably so future rape victims of his say "it was #8," while the newly-minted #24 rolls his eyes and tries to look innocent. The big aesthetic change in the sports world, though... Dale Jr. going to a black car, like his old man. In fact, everyone at the next race will use the elder Dale's color scheme.

   It has long been a contention held here at 2MW that if Dale Sr. were running Gulf War I, there'd have been no need for Gulf War II. Diecast Dude looks into the phenomena (well, not Iraq, but the day isn't over yet). Support The People Who Deserve It

 

   The Sportz Assassin and I share a love for early 90s rap (once Mase started mispronouncing designer label names in his "i'm rich, you're not" songs, rap began that slow swirl down the toilet of talent). Still, there are some great sounds out there. Sportz manages to get the lyrics down for GZA/Genius "Queen's Gambit"

   GZA loves sport, and his songs are chock full of sports references. Wahoo McDaniel, Oscar De La Hoya, Allen Iverson, Larry Bird, LT, and many other athletes turn up in his lyrics. He outdid himself this time, making a conscious effort to include the names of each NFL franchise in this song. Some of them are stretching it, but using "Rams" as a verb makes it all worthwhile.

 

   When I went to the All Star Game in 2004, the first thing we (my sister and I) did was sneak down from our outfield seats to some sweet ones right near first base. It wasn't as difficult as you might imagine- I was 8.5 months pregnant, and my sister would rush at the security guard, shouting in French and pointing to the unoccupied seats as I tried to look overwhelmed by the Texas heat. Not only did they not bother to look at our tickets, but one gentlemanly usher kept bringing me bottled water.

   I'm sort of an expert at it. For one, I'm foreign. Ushers don't make enough money to get into French debates over empty seats, as they can always boot us when the person who paid for those seats shows up. Two, my sister is gorgeous, and she knows how to flirt her way through most anything. Flirting isn't always necessary, though.... the old Boston Garden had a fire escape door that was never locked or guarded. If you were willing to go behind the Garden, you could walk into any event for a song.

   Not everyone has this option, so my man Bads85 speaks out against ushers chasing kids out of empty seats.Cheap Seats And Beer

 

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10:06:36 AM EDT

 While I'd imagine that being punched in the face leads the NHL in knockouts, a brutal open-ice check is a thing of beauty. This guy got hit so hard, his children will be born with names like "Unhhhhhhhhhhhh" and "Concussion."

   Enough talk.... before I change subjects, watch this clip that I got from Mr. Irrelevant

· Philly's R.J. Umberger got knocked the [bleep] out

   Skate with your head up, kids... even girls know that in New England, which is why I was shocked to see someone catch Nancy Kerrigan slipping.

 

   On to basketball...

   The NBA Playoffs are in full swing. This is the round where they sort of shave away the wannabes, as teams like Milwaukee, Memphis and Washington get to sell out the arena one more time.

   The Celtics aren't in it, but they are young and improving. They have drafted a gang of high school kids, and there will be a long period where they gel as a team. We're looking at pick #7 or so in a weak draft. For all his faults, Danny Ainge drafts well. He'd better...

   Next year's draft will be the one with the player everyone is afraid of- Ohio State's Greg Oden, a sort of Shaq Junior who is currently still plying his trade in high school for zero dinero per annum.

   The NBA uses a lottery system to ensure that no one tanks it, although the Clippers went out and lost a game on purpose last week- to manipulate the playoff seedings so that they drew a weak Denver team, as opposed to a powerhouse Dallas squad)

   There are a lot of cool subplots at work, and we'll examine them series-by-series in true Cape Cod style. There really isn't a team I'm rooting for. As far as I'm concerned, there are only two teams in the NBA: Boston, and everyone else. The fan in me is curious to see who comes out of the scrap with the most scalps.

 

Chicago vs Miami

   Chicago has taken two straight Ls here, mostly because Shaq has been abusing their interior defense like altar boys. 

   Chicago will be a lot better next year, as they hold the Kuh-nicks first round choice. The "recency" theory of memory/motivation makes me think that they'll use this pick on "someone who can help stop Shaq."

   Miami's job here in the rest of this series is to make sure that Snaq and Dwayne Wade don't break/sprain/twist/aggravate/tear anything. 

 

Det-riot vs Milwaukee

   Detroit is a veteran team, who have been playing together for years. They've won about 10 playoff series together, I'd say. They made it the whole year without anyone from their starting 5 getting injured. They play old school, smashmouth defense that the Detroit Lions wished they played.

   Milwaukee had the #1 pick last summer, and they are at that level where they could be in the playoffs or picking #1 after any given season. They're in way over their heads against the Pistons, who should pound them like veal until it's time for the next btch of suckers.

 

Washington vs Cleveland

   Washington has the eccentric Gilbert Arenas (see: The Grandest Wizard), but things get pretty ugly after that. Cleveland has LeBron James, who is making his playoff debut. Lebron is an absolute beast, and he should pretty much rule the NBA in a few years. His team isn't the best yet- picture Jordan's teams when the Larry Bird Celtics ruled the east back in the 1980s.

   Cleveland should stomp Washington heartily before falling apart against a real team in the later rounds.

 

New Jersey vs Indiana

Indiana is still shell-shocked from that fight last season, and the team is falling apart before our eyes. That said, they still have a few guys on that roster who have been deep in the playoffs. New Jersey was the best team out of a weak Atlantic Division, and this series could go the distance.  Forced to wager, I'd take the Jerz.

 

Meanwhile, in the Western Conference....

 

Phoenix vs the Lakers

   Phoenix took a kick in the pants earlier this year when Amare Stoudemire was injured, robbing them of the inside game they'll need to win a title. San Antonio or Detroit will be able to play volleyball off the boards against the finesse-oriented Suns.

   Kobe is pretty much a one-man-gang in LA, and I can't see him advancing. There is a good chance he'll go off for 50+ points at least once, but he's on the weaker LA team this year.

 

Memphis vs Dallas

   A big goofy German leads his team against a big goofy Spaniard. Watch this series to see two of the silliest looking white guys on the planet. Memphis needs some more players... a fact that will be evident when Dallas brings Stackhouse and Dampier off the bench, and they are better than the Grizzly starters. Dalls just may sweep it.

 

Denver vs the Clippers

   Denver has 1.5 of the 3 big guys they were counting on this year. The Clippers actually blew their last few games to set up this series against a staggering Denver team. LA is up 2-0, and nothing Marcus Camby and Carmello Anthony can do will be able to make LA pay for manipulating the system.

 

San Antonio vs Sacramento

   The sons of Santa Anna are the defending champs, and they put a 30 point beatdown on the Kings last Sunday. Sacto's Ron Artest got himself suspended for a cheap elbow on Manu Ginobili, but that wasn't going to change the fact that the Spurs are goinbg to beat Sacramento like a rental car.

 

In other news....

Sportz Assassin doesn't sleep... he waits:

Modern NFL Draft Busts 

NBA Western Conference Playoff Preview 

NBA Eastern Conference Playoff Preview

.

Out Of The Brew  examines the Philadelphia Eagles schedule in depth.

 

Monponsett has a pic of like 95% of the alleged Duke Lacrosse rape victim.

 

Ty and Jamie on Ty's podcast listen to it here.

 

You can still buy Diecast Dude's book: 

'Restrictor Plate THIS!: An Unapologetic Look At Stock Car Racing,' the new book by the author of this blog, is now available.  Click this link for ordering information!

Sure, he's not the author of THIS blog, but why eff up a good link?

 

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4:30:46 PM EDT

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