~*~tHiS GiRL's LiFe~*~

Had to go to the ER tonight b/c I think that damn thing came back, at least it feels like it has.  I was in pain today and couldn't take it.  I couldn't get an appt to see the specialist until next Friday, which coincidentally is the day I was supposed to be leaving work early to go to the keys for my dad getting married (he is flying down from Kansas, just him and his woman).  So now I will have to leave work @ 11 AM, go to the Dr's, then drive a couple hours w/ my friend and make up 5 1/2 hrs during the week b/c I have no vacation time due to these damn surgeries.  On top of that, I have no vacation time to use for another surgery and I can only get disability if I use 2 weeks vacation time first.  It's all very distressing, and I don't want to have another surgery. 

In good news though, my BF sounds so so so happy...happier than I've heard him in like a year.  He is doing good and really working on himself and I couldn't be prouder.  I am counting the day until he comes home so we can re-start our relationship...make it like it was, before the drugs.  The only thing that concerns me is since he is in recovery he is not supposed to drink which means I can't if I want to support him.  Not that I am a lush, but I like to have some drinks once in a while, like on the weekends.  I guess I can go out and do that with my friends, just not do it at home.  He apologized to me and I could hear how sincere he really is.  The bad stuff was all caused by the drugs and as long as he never, ever does them again we will have no problems.  I really love him.  I was looking forward to him leaving and now that he is gone I know that he is the one I am supposed to be with.  No one is perfect and I have done a million things I am not proud of, and look at who I am today.  He was really worried about me having to get surgery and said if I do he will leave the re-hab and come home but I told him not to.  He needs to concentrate on himself-I have plenty of family and friends to take care of me.  I am just sick of always being in pain. 

I hope things go better for me for more than a week...

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• #5 Comment from shaneillc 
  10/13/06 4:54 PM | Permalink

  I just came acrooss your blog. I hope, that you ll recover well and never ever ever have to have Surgery again. Keep hanging in  there and have hope... i was kinda ill some years ago. when you get an illnessess like yours, you tend to panic when some thing is not right, that is bc since you have been ill, you know what some thing like a small bump on your bum could mean, whereas other people would just ignore it and it goes away. The Cancer panic is also very common. Trust me, even though your dad had skin cancer, the chance of u geting skin cancer at this age is very low.
  
  Be Strong? ( well you are strong, try to gain an inch of stregnth every day). Trust me, having to go through what u have gone, will make you a hell of a lot stronger than other people who havent gone through what u did. Think of your experience as a gift from God.
  
  Take care and keep it strong?
  
  Lienash
• #4 Comment from wholetyounhere 
  10/7/06 7:36 AM | Permalink

  Hope you get to feeling better real soon.  
• #3 Comment from hugsdoodlewacky 
  9/29/06 9:12 AM | Permalink

  (((((((((((((((((((((((((CAROLYN)))))))))))))))))))I will pray that things will get better for yo and I am glad your BF is doing alot better.HAve a great day.
  
  http://journals.aol.com/hugsdoodlewacky/Mandy/
• #2 Comment from cherry2sweet2eat 
  9/28/06 10:48 PM | Permalink

  im sorry you had to go to the er and im glad to hear your luva boy is doing great :)
• #1 Comment from nightmaremom 
  9/28/06 10:48 PM | Permalink

  Hoping things get better soon!
  hugs
  d