Courage

Subject: What does your name say about you?
Time: 11:52:45 AM EDT
Author:  cdittric77

Just a little something fun I found over at Blogthings.

What Your Name Says About You

Your name says that you are mostly: Inspiring but melodramatic Your name also says you are: Independent but distant Ambitious but stubborn Fiery but unbalanced

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Subject: Reckless and Roaming v.2
Time: 12:59:10 AM EDT
Author:  cdittric77

A return to a poem I've long liked but ever left in first draft.
Thank you, too, to those that leave encouraging comments!

-----

Reckless roaming in empty mind spaces, just hoping to stumble.

There are thoughts inevitable, pathways we must trod, prisoner to them without intent or design, or even true desire.

Why struggle against that which is, cowering behind clarity and fake bullshit appeasement? We are truthful, unique, bent, forceful, passionate, insane, and more real than sunlight or freshly turned earth.

There is no scent of green grass for us, no blossomed cherry tree. Free of beauty we see ugly, feel pain, choose it to be it, to struggle with inside to better know outside

To make excuses we smile false smiles and write for false gods, but find ourselves unwilling apostles talking two faced and nodding all the time, still roaming recklessly in our empty mind spaces.

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Subject: Havoc, chapter 4
Time: 3:30:01 PM EDT
Author:  cdittric77

Mid afternoon and the beads of a persistent sweat gather
And shine in tiny colonies near my hairline.

Charred by fire, frozen in ice,
I am alone with the electronic hum of
21st century depression.

Raging fire and relentless glaciers
Have exhausted themselves
For the time being
And the real me stumbles,
Like a 3 a.m. drunk,
Weaving toward home and bed with
Heavy feet and thick tongue.

I'm in a mind fog
And even the pen moving over the paper is
A disconnected,
Surreal moment,
Both real and imagined.

Havoc leaves waste in its wake.
Empty fields and blasted minds too
Scarred to return to former lives.

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Subject: Work in Progress v.3
Time: 10:15:23 AM EDT
Author:  cdittric77

Havoc

White coals, searing flame
and blinding light torture me.

Advancing ice, blue cold
and never ending advances pressure me.

Burning coal and frozen glaciers
meet in perfect tension.
I am their son, born of conflict
between passionate fire
and time's slow tide.

I am inevitable.
I am invincible.
But I am still so weak.

For all of fire's fury
and unquenchable hunger,
for all of ice's strength
and dogged persistence,
I am still prisoner to Her
and the havoc she reeks in my soul.

She is the prime mover,
so innocent and so evil,
so loving and indifferent,
and still the world
is made real by Her, fraught with Her.

Pity me for I lack the courage
to try and save myself.
And pity me for failing to make my
other self care enough to try.


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Subject: Immortal
Time: 4:37:03 PM EDT
Author:  cdittric77



I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

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Subject: Work in Progress v.2
Time: 10:57:05 AM EDT
Author:  cdittric77
Mood:  Groggy
Music:  Silence

Havoc
White coals, flashes and pain and glimmers of light.
Blue ice, groaning with weight and invading ever onward.
My fangs, with wicked bile and bitter venom, creep slowly from my gums.

Burning coal and frozen glacier meet in perfect destruction
and I rise from their hatred as passionate fire and time's slow tide.
I am inevitable, I am invincible, I am screaming for the feast.

Yet every time I sate my lust I see Her, and my rage is tempered by coal and glacier.
That vicious bitch, her marks, her poison, remain under tattoo and in vein and I would destroy Her,
I would destroy me, I would destroy any if it would let me be free of Her.

Weak moment's yield clarity and I realize that He does Her bidding still.
He strikes nearly every enemy he sees, he dines on their minds and souls,
he feeds on any she, so that no she will be Her to Him again.

I see He hates Her now and loves Her still and regrets that in Her madness she shaped the world.
His existence is defined by Her (defiled?),
made real by Her,
fraught with Her.

She, any she, is now His Feast of hate and fear.
I would feel pity if He would have the courage to withdraw his fangs,
I would feel pity if I had the courage to make him stop.


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Subject: Work in Progress
Time: 9:23:05 AM EDT
Author:  cdittric77
Mood:  Thoughtful
Music:  Capland's Appalachian Spring

Just a work in progress:
Havoc
White coals, flashes of pain, and thin lines of sudden light.
Blue ice, groaning weight, snapping but inexorably forward.
And my fangs, with wicked bile and bitter venom slip slowly over my lips.

I am burning coal and frozen glacier.
I am passionate fire and time's slow tide.
I am screaming for the feast, for any feast.

Every time I see a Feast I see Her, and my rage is tempered by coal and glacier.
Her marks, her poison, still remain under tattoo and in vein and I would destroy Her,
I would destroy me, I would destroy any Feast if it would let me be free of Her.

A moment's clarity and I realize that He does Her bidding still,
lashing out on any Feast, any she, for none will be Her to Him
again.

He hates Her and loves Her and in Her madness she shaped the world.
His existence is defined by Her (defiled?),
made real by Her,
fraught with Her.

She, any she, is now His Feast of hate and fear. No more will she threaten Him by being like Her.


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Subject: something
Time: 2:15:28 AM EDT
Author:  cdittric77

Why Why Why Why all this pompous scratching, all these cloned signs demanding that their noone is someone that you should make someone more.

How ridiculous is that? Why do I want to take your noone and then make him into a someone? Wouldn't  it make more sense for him to become a someone on his own in noble worldly ways so that the common man can support somoene and not trust those nothings turned to somethings by somoene else?

Why waste all that hope and optimism on liars! Such great culture, such diverse paths, such individual lives lived and saints walk the land, but the idiocy says you must recant - you must instead choose those approved by the machine. I will not choose the wisdom of the political machine when this something was once nothing duped us all. Once a liar - always a liar.

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Subject: If you've been in love
Time: 1:41:23 PM EDT
Author:  cdittric77

If you've been in love then you know what it is to stare at the wall, stare into space, stare into your soul and miss miss miss your other. Whether it's an eighth grade crush or your husband, that desire and longing is what makes love so much more powerful than hate.

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Subject: Wedding
Time: 4:47:11 PM EDT
Author:  cdittric77

Monday is the end of a big weekend for me; my brother married and I saw everyone in my family for the first time in nearly three years. While uneventful (mostly - I'll spare you the comments a few of my more choice family members sent my way), I am emotionally exhausted. Dealing with those that challenged me, and having to challenge myself, wore me out. Still, I'm glad I made it up there and helped my brother have a special weekend.

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