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Friday, March 25, 2005
10:04:43 PM PST
Dear Diary, I'm about to commit suicide. I just found my gay best friend has been cheating on me with his Latina wetnurse. Gah
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Monday, March 14, 2005
9:40:37 PM PST
I want to eat my boss today. I don't know why, I just do. He is so attractive, he has a 6 pack he NEVER works for. He moves with ease, his hair in the breeze..and he's young and attractive. I want to sacrifice a limb..just to be with him!!!
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Tuesday, March 8, 2005
10:54:11 PM PST
I had the worst date of my life. I had to pay the entire bill of two hundred dollaras while Stevie was arrested of bail jumping, and for me, it was a lot of money down the drain. And Stevie was not even a candidate for mariage..just a good date..and a fancy dinner..but he kept on insisting I drink this overrated wine so he could have sex with me...well I knew he would be bad in bed but obliged anyway.
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Monday, March 7, 2005
6:55:59 PM PST
Dear Diary, I am extremely hurt to have seen that my ex-boyfriend was french-kissing my mother the other day. My mother is fifty-three years old, my ex is fourty-five. Things are not so normal when you and your own mother compete for the same guy. First, to avoid such circumstances, one must have a separate workplace. Secondly, one must not attend same cocktail parties and get intoxicated..and furthermore, have a sexual act in the same bed with your own mother..just kidding on that last part. Thirdly, you may as well live in separate towns..because thats a major no no. And lastly, don't ever talk to your mother again if you date(d) the same man, meaning the same penis. Because you are to care for her if she gets sick of his germs, not vice versa, or worst of all, not each other.
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Sunday, March 6, 2005
6:24:42 PM PST
Dear Diary, I had a very bad date last night because he would not give me a good night kiss. I was left there, standing like a big fat idiot. Maybe it was the extra pounds I gained during superbowl, or that my wart was extremely humongous. Oh well, another decade without love,
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Wednesday, February 23, 2005
3:57:41 PM PST
Dear Diary,
I had a great date last night. First I went to a ball with my guyfriend's brother and it seemed like an evening in Rome with a threesome. Toodles, the bitch
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Tuesday, August 24, 2004
3:53:07 PM PDT
Last night was heavy. After we were stripping off our clothes, Ogden started smooching my belly. And thats my ticklish organ. I moaned and he stopped. Then, I turned on John Prine...it was the most romantic night of my life. This morning I got up with a severe hangover. After all those screwdrivers of screwing away, I took three cups of espresso and ate one thick luscious jam bagel and sucked really hard on an altoid afterwards. Out of work, but in the love game.
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Thursday, April 15, 2004
11:02:55 AM PDT
I had a bad date last night. My boss screamed at me for not kissing him goodnight. "I raise your pay--for what?! THIS!" He felt hurt that I was not easy with him the way he wanted me to be. Damn, bosses are totally not gentleman.
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Friday, April 9, 2004
11:09:40 PM PDT
I am sick and tired of the male race. Why are they so needy, with their mentalities eternally comparable to a dick?
I'm through, tired and sick of them. *spit*. dear diary i'm to regret this in the future.
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Monday, April 5, 2004
10:38:04 AM PDT
Dear Diary,
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Well, really sorry to no one. Needless to say, I haven't had a date in months. Months! MONTHS! I'm going out of my mind! Out of my mind. heh.
Well, except one thing you bloody damned folks. I got the worst candidate for a blind date! I googled this dude!
His name is Irwin. He works in some psychiatric hospital for free. He was in jail and now deals with the crazies. I don't intend to get serious with him because I don't want crazy kids. I don't intend to marry him, of course. Nor do I tend to be rude to him.
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