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12:37:00 PM EDT
Feeling Sad
jsut the tiny moment i need, i seem to have found today
goodness time as been overwhemed with go here do this that this appoointment and this , my time is so all over the place. , i have been trying to feel better abd i do nt . and some things make me so tried. the simple things, and the leg and the wrist and the rest , makes me limited. i never give up trying to feel better, i had to drop a paper off to a old employer spare me, swallow my pride , just need the paper filled out, so whatever, did not say much to that,; the paper i missed before, , cause of head injury and memory. there is alot going on, and i am frustted with how fussy i am and sad at times, becaseu of my issues, and how hard i try,, i do try to do things, and mange, btu in reality i am not doing well. the pain and the rest how do i mange. my life is so spllit, in between , i need my brain fixed so i can organize better , is there surgery for fixing the part of the brain that does not organize well ,,, who knows, i think i asked this before. well nothing is the same and my space is not organized, and everything is all over the place, i have to be better ,,,, the time i do things i have such head pain ic all it brain strian, i push myself to getting nothing done. gosh,
hubby has been trying to do everything him self, i feel bad for him. i wish i can do more, i did go to the store, only to find a few shirts, for our vaction, and well i was extreamly tired from all that, feeling waswhed out. i feel guilt to spend money so unhealthy, i am trying not let it get to me, but it does, well things have to get better some way.
hubby and i are planning for futrue things and i am happy with this,
on motherhood, my setbacks are many, paper traumas are just what that is.
i want to function better on all areas of my life. but the answers arer allover the place, and my brain needs to find and research and rest and culitvate and put things together, wow, its a problem, how will i ever fix the problems i want with out the back lash, and the slapps in the face on my chacter. who knows,
i am kinked in my back as iw rite, eww i feel awlful , i am dealing with all over pain. and fusy is just me. for ever how long will this be, i am glad i haev found time to post of my woes, slot ids on my mind.
i seem nevr to get time on computer andcheck emails, and i try to wrtie a list but darn pain, well i di get a new brace for my wrist and i hope this helps it,.. whoknwos, i hate to be so negative today, but i am, i have much to do and i haev no clue how to get it all done, my focus is out of wack, and whoknows,
its so hard to live veryday and be normal i hate the word normal for i do not feel this, i feel i let myself down in more ways then i wanted. i keep trying to be a lion and roar. its so darn diffcult, and i fight with a whole lot of feelings, and most of all my dreams of what work i wanted to do in my life is just so shatterd. and the way i wanted to be a mother is shattred to, how can one fix trauma and sad feelings as much has mine.
thanks for support nad emails and prayers, means the wrold to me,
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We're always here for you, Cathy, hope it'll get easier for you at some point
8/9/08 4:37 AM
No matter how small it may seem you are getting things done..... maybe not as much as you would like but still you are making progress. I am proud of what you have achieved. Just do what you can each day..... do not over tax yourself.
hugs Jayne