Mrs. Mom

4:42:45 PM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing Music

Hi.. Girls and I went and got our pictures taken.  They were not into it.  They were like when they go for the Dr appt.  Scared and wouldn't let go of Me.  I honestly, didn't want to be part of the picture but that was the only way they would at least stare at the camera.

 

I start school tonight for real estate.  Yippee, start a new career for Me.  I really am scared to be in class, really not for Me, but the dead end jobs I am sick of...

 

I went to Gwen Stefani and Akon concert.  Very neat show, and the energy was awesome.  I love No Doubt better though, my opionin.

Cinco De Mayo is coming up.  Going out for Mexican food, my favorite and sip on some margaritas.  Any excuse to go eat mexican!!!  Every celebration we do mexican.. any special occasion we do steak.  I love eating out.  But lately I have been a betty crocker.  I have made so many new meals and getting into cooking.  It's a lot of fun.  I had to learn how to make different things at my last job, part of manager training, and it was neat and fun to experience the cooking part.  I did learn alot.  I know make things to a delite and all the cooking products they use to make it tasty... Bringing my experience home and my family loves the food! 

Well off to go out side and keep up with my tan.  Finally sticking to it, and want to keep the tan on.  Till next time, keep smiling...........

 

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1:16:17 AM EDT
Feeling Silly

Hi... Here are a few pictures of my babies.  I just figured out how to get pictures out.  I will show you the rest of my family soon.  Need to redownload all the pictures.  Lost everything due to my computer crash.  I did put them all on discs though.

Things are going well.  Back to being a Mom and jobless again.  I start real estate classes next week.  Moving on with my career life.  Finally...lol...

It has been hot and sunny down here in the desert.  90's and sunny.  I have been working on my tan.  I am pretty white.  We have a pool in our backyard so I have been relaxing my mind & body soaking up the rays, as my children nap during the day.

Getting ready for our trip to Cabo.  Little over a month away, but so excited to just hang out with ONLY my hubby.  Very relaxing and eager to go.  Remind you we have no over night babysitters or anyone else to help out with the babies, so when an offer arises, we love it and live it up.  Shawn's Mom is coming down to babysit our children.  She lives in DePere, Wisconsin, aka..Green Bay.

So I went out and tried for Deal Or No Deal, wish Me luck I hope they call, I could use a little bit of money.  It was fun.  They had an audition in Scottsdale.  I had to wait 6 hours to get a 20 second audition.  Met alot of people.  Very interesting day.

I was into watching The Apprentice, if anyone watched it I was routing for Frankie.  So sad He didn't get hired..Boo Hoo...I loved his energy and his confidence.  He loved to talk and ramble, made it very interesting to watch.

Until tomorrow, keep smiling.....

 

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4:24:30 PM EDT
Feeling Happy

Hello... My computer is back on!  Finally... I can now figure this all out and intruduce myself and get involved in J-Land.  Sunday I will start researching and put together a page for myself and get to know all you.  I am very excited to meet you all!

I did look for a job, I just wanted to try on a new challange.  I am managing a restuarant and bar.  Lots of learning, but very challanging.  I have been there for about a month and 1/2.  I like it alot, but I will have to see how it all pans out, lots of hours, not into that.  I don't mind 45 maybe 50 on certain weeks, but 65 plus, nope.  But after training maybe it will get easier, we will see.  Just exciting to finish my career with the feeling of accomplishing most of all.  Being that I have been in the industry for about 13 years. 

I am going to start checking into day care and start a business on my own.  I also start home interiors on my own.  So much to look at and ground myself into starting accomplishing things than letting it go.

My babies are growing up so fast.  Little girls now.  So precious and adore.  Why I hate being away for hrs upon.. Don't want to miss out.

My son is a man.  Crazy as it may sound.  Watching him face new challenges is scary for Me, but wonderful to have him become a man.  He hasn't done a full 180 switch on me yet, but getting and staying on the right path, that is all I want to see my teenager go.  I hate to see the ugly drama teenage phase goes through.  I have been there and pray my son never sees it.  Or at least be involved.  He is proving himself wonderfully.

My hubby won a trip to Cabo, Mexico.  We leave in June.  Never been there and excited to go.  A little trip for Us, we well deserve it.  Mom In law is coming to AZ to watch the kids'.  So excited.  I heard it is beautiful.

Well must be on my way.  I will write on Sunday.  My penpal for 20 yrs is coming to AZ today, and I get to meet her for the 2nd time.  So excited.  She will be here for a week for her job convention. Tomorrow after work, we are doing dinner at Oceans' Club.  Owned by the people I work for.  It is beautiful and delicious food.  Excited to dress up and go out, for awhile.  Haven't done that in a long time...

Talk to you guys soon!  Keep Smiling.....

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6:36:59 PM EST
Feeling Ecstatic

Happy Valentine's Day.  It is such a beautiful day, sent out Care Bears valentine cards to my family and friends.  Sent or dropped off chocolate candy to all the people that has helped me throughout the year.  Show them all the blessings they have done for Me, and show a little love back.    I sure love giving and sure love spoiling.  Very beautiful feeling.  I love holidays puts everything back in its place.  Let go of the hectic daily life. 

Tonight is steak on the grill with the family.  Having a picnic out on the patio tonight.  Very beautiful day. 

I quit my job a few weeks ago.  Feel so much better.  Taking time off and watching my babies grow.  It is very scary to rely on someone, for security purposes, but I feel so much better, and I know only time will tell when I need to have  a job.  Never relied on anyone before, but I know my husband wouldn't let Me down.  And it is only for good reasons.. Bless Him even more.  Thank GOD I met a wonderful, understanding Man...I am so blessed in so many ways.  So this is my first step into letting my guard  down, and putting my self into someone's hands.  Very scary for Me, but it helps for me to start putting my walls down.  As obvious, I do have some degree walls up, and it is all starting to make sense.  In the loving side of life.  I enjoy life now and I am learning that it is ok to let someone be your friend, and support you, emotionally and physically.  It is nice to know how much someone really cares for you.  Obvious #2 never had this opportunity happen to Me...lol....

So on the good note, Love and Smiles bring warmth and success.  I have been successful and now realizing there are many ways and different ways of have success.  Today, and everyday is being part of a REAL family.  That is what I have always needed and wanted, I have it, I am letting go of all the bad or just other influences I don't need. 

Happy Day, Until next time, keep smiling.....

 

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6:26:02 PM EST
Feeling Chillin'

Hi.  Life has been pretty good.  Started my spring cleaning and it feels good to be organized again.  Whatever I didn't use, look or touch, maybe even wore, all year round, went to Goodwill.  I love the feeling of a clean, organized, fresh smell home, (don't we all).  Just takes alot of effort to start till finish.. Almost there, just have to do the garage, now.  That isn't so much fun.  We have so much crap to go through, don't even know where to start.

I started taking St. John's Wort for positive thinking, and balance out the emotional balance for myself.  Has any ever takin it before, just wondering if it works.  Thought I would give it a shot to see if that will help Me heal faster.

My baby Emma is sick, poor girl, runny nose and tired.  I love the fact she wants to cuddle with Me.  Been awhile since they have cuddled with Mom.

Andre has to go see what High School is like tonight.  How exciting.  Can't believe He attends high school next year.  Time flew by sooo fast.  Excited for Him.  Something new, and start being  a little man then the boy He was.  I am learning to let go and let him fill his last years of being the "kid".  Momma was always right, life goes fast and time starts fading away faster and faster as we get older. 

Well talk to you all later, must move on and get home and start making supper for the fam.  Have a wonderful day!!

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6:57:55 PM EST
Feeling Happy

Hello.  Finally, warm weather.  The last few weeks have been cold, or should say, winter days.  Life has been hectic, but nice and lots of new stuff going on.  Jenna has started going potty on the potty, and is now wearing underwear... Yippee.. Love watching kids grow n learn.  Emmalee is just becoming her independent self.. So cute.. Emmalee is soo laid back and is content with simple life, Jenna likes to have the best and most and is such a little grown up.. Just hope she doesn't grow up to fast in her own little mind.. Took them to Disney On Ice.  Emmalee loved Pluto.  Jenna was amazed by all the popcorn she could eat and able to see a show.  Andre my older son, came along too.  He knew it would be lots of food shoved in our face, as we watched the show.  I love pigging out on our family days together.  It was soo much fun to watch them and to have a family date.

I am hoping for this new job.  Taking a toll on wondering if I got it or not, just running out of patience.  I really don't care for my job, that I have now, but the money for now is getting me by.  I deserve more then where I have settled myself for the last 8 months.  Another dramatic situation I put myself into.  I am learning that don't settle until you find your peace.  Just like my husband.  I found peace and knew that the marriage would fit for Me.  I am still finding peace out in this big country of ours, but I hit rock bottom when I moved here and it has taught me more out of life.  DONT KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TILL ITS GONE.  Firm believer, but nothing really is forever, so I am learning that don't ever settle and take the ride that life has given you.  BUT ENJOY IT.  So much has gone on, don't even know where to start, but the pieces of my puzzle is joining and some of it makes sense now.  I try to never have regrets, cuz that is who makes me today, and I am a pretty good person.  I just have a hard time being that person that has to be strong or be someone who I am not to get what I deserve.  The outside world is what I am talking about.  Haven't found my nitch yet, so it gets really ugly going out there to get that job.  I try to be patient, but that is bad, they want stronger woman, I go with confidence, but then I am to confident and to qualified, just somethingthat isn't Me.. I am who I am, hardworker, dependable, never over or under qualified, getting older, but yes wiser, ect... Just strange how it all works...lol... just venting and I yes trying to figure it out, out loud.  I thank you for reading...lol

My hubby and I are going to the FBR open in Scottsdale on Sat.  Not really into golf, but he is and I am so honored to be his date and hang out for the day.  I am excited for that.  I love just hanging out with him, can laugh more and definitly be myself.  I love that feeling inside. 

Friday my son and I have a date to the movies.  Not sure what one, but I just now he needs my time.  I can feel it when we talk and he won't completely open up, I can tell he somewhat feels abandoned.  I do work and have lots on my plate, and He is so awesome to have dealt with all the pressure of 2 baby sisters and the move and Me not settled in job, a new step father.. Life goes so fast, I am slowing it down to my family, they deserve it and so do I.  But not to let out all the negative, He is happy and runs with our course very mature way.  It has and will always work out.  Firm believer. I can't imagine my family without them.  They are the best.  I love them all the same and in different ways.  Never knew my heart could hold so many people in it.  It is nice to know that it can.  They are with Me forever and I love that feeling. That is what life is all about.  My belief.

Funny, how I sit here and vent and sit here in somewhat peace, (still at the library), and I feel so much more greater energy flowing right threw me now, just feeling the joy I found just now.  Not that I never realized it, but things have been in a jam in my life lately, full of never knowing, and sometimes I just get lost at what is meant to be, and I just ramble and suddenly it all makes sense for today.  I am 80% of being my old self, the self I use to have the steam and confidence, I sorta lost it for the last few yrs, postpartums, moving and good ol money security, and realized about my family being rude and the whole new marriage (had the cold feet), but very happy to be married, not having any friends, blah blah, but it has been along time since I felt like a whole Me.  I have soul searched and tryed different things, basically manipulated myself,  and that is why I am in such a mess.  Now I have been digging myself out of the rut I have been living and I make more sense and almost there to feel like a whole.  Wonderful, wonderful, feeling...You just wait you guys, you will see the different person, very soon...lol...and the person is very wonderful and full of life.. she is almost there..where i can find peace anywhere and wherever i my be. 

I have to go home, finish supper for my fam.  Thanx for listening to me vent once again.  I can't wait to have the computer up, I will enjoy talking with you than just my issues.  Happy Day and talk to you all soon.  Tracy, Love ya and thanx for everything.. Love to keep in touch with you more.. very soon...

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6:46:29 PM EST
Feeling Hopeful

Hello.. My computer is still down at the library, again...My son in law will be in town in a few weeks and he is the expert in our family...Few more weeks.  I sure miss it... Life has been hectic, kids, working, job hunting and finding time to zone out on this computer...

Pray for Me and the new jobs that will hopefully come my way.. I deserve more than I have been treated since I moved here.  Just trying to find the place that fits Me... More work trying to find then actually working...lol...

Kids are doing great.  Emmalee is just started talking up a storm.  Amazing how fast there little minds work.. Jenna is on her way of becoming the little girl, that can do everything..Andre just started basketball..

On my way to work thought I would check in.. Please be patient with me, soon I will have more time to figure this JLand out and meet all of you.  Have a wonderful day..

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2:19:12 PM EST
Feeling Frustrated

Hi...My computer is still down.  At the library, I really hate the fact my computer is still down.  Hopefully buying a new one this weekend...yipppee!

I am at a new job I started, 7 months ago.  Things are going alright I guess, I thought.  Things started crashing down, like my boss, which sux, cuz who then can you trust.  I could care less about the drama, but when it comes down to have to talk to someone about some matters and you can't, who do you turn too?  I asked my boss, nicely, to stop lying about stuff about Me, and He said O.K., (pretty sad in my world, I think), but I have a hard time confronting, so basically He rolled his eyes, (He thought it was behind My back, but I saw), and called whoever to vent.  Isn't that rude?  I just got on my feet in this state a year ago, and nothing really has hit the comfort zone, yet, so I have just been trying to go in circles of what to do and where to go.  I am in the bar business, but that is the way to make money to help take care of my family.  I am very independent person, so bare with Me.  If I work a day job, cost would be $400. a week.  To much.  All I know is the bar business.  It is so hard to find at least a decent job to put up with for 4 more years, but the bull crap is driving me insane..My hubby works days, with a real job, and I said I would continue nights till my babies are in school, and then it will be my turn to do what I need to do...Yes I am venting, but I do need help (still) in the whole confronting and when do I have the right to stand up for myself, yes I understand that I will know when the time is right, but I just want the high school drama out of my life.  I make and so does everyone else really awesome money, my security, why does it have to be sooo difficult?  Please help me overcome this anxiety I put on myself....I hate changes I am very hard working mother and just looking for my zone.  I just hope it all ends and I can start again with better road down my path.. Calm, cool, and everything to work out the best it can be!  Thanx for listening..

My new year resolution, is to stick up for myself a little more and become the person I was and should be... Relaxed and confident...What is all yours?  Have an awesome day and thanks again!!

 

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2:47:30 PM EST
Happy New Year!! 

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1:07:29 PM EST
Just wanted to wish everyone Happy New Year... My computer crashed so I will hopefully give updates later!  Miss Ya all, so much happened the last week I just want to let it out!!  LOL.. I am at work so I can't even start! 

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