Am I thinking that?

12:55:51 PM EDT
Feeling Sad
Dear Jevon,

What's up Bro, How's it going down there? Hope they aren't whipping you into military shape too hard. Although, You'd probably like them to wear you out for the challenge though, wouldn't you? So what's it like (and I don't want, "its alright".) I want details! Like what's the earliest they woke you up, and what's the hardest thing you've done so far. You know stuff like that. Don't let it be just those two things though. I want to know about your experience overall, and how you feel about it. I saw in your letter to mom that you don't like writing much, but it occurred to me after you left I don't know much about my brother. There is more to life than just video games.

Nothing going on at home really, but there is this one tidbit I want to share with you about our nephew. A couple of weeks ago, although I was tired from work, I went downstairs to play-fight with Jalani. I hadn't seen him in awhile so I wanted to spend some time with him. Well while I was smacking him with the pillow, Jalani was trying to hit back. Eventually he got up to get off of the couch, andwhen he did, the boy nearly broke his neck. Jalani was trying <-(Key word) to put his feet down first but, somehow managed to nearly fall on his head. I tried to break his fall, but I wasn't to sure that I did. When he got up Jalani turned to look at me. When he did, I wasn't sure what he was going to do. I was concerned for him and I didn't have to be, because Jalani busted out laughing. I smiled and the next thing came to my mind is in Georgia training for the Army reserves. you were the same way, which made me scaaaaareeeed of you. (LOL)

I enclosed a picture of me, because I read the letter thyat you sent mom asking for pictures of us. Ablah said that they plan on sending you the pictures from our outing at Applebees. I'll believe it when I see it, and if they do, toss the picture Islah took of me in the trash. I think I had my eyes closed and food in my mouth. Toss that horrible, horrible picture away (LMAO)

So you can only receive five letters at a time? Is it five a day, a week, or a month? Let me know okay, because I could send a letter a day if I could (LOL). Is there a limit to how much paper you can receive too (LOL)?

I could torture you longer, but I'll spare you for now, By the way Dino asked about you. Take care Bro, hope your having fun.

Love Ya,

        Charles

P.S. I won't type it, because it wouldn't be personable. I want you to know that its me, and that I care. So Sorry about the bad handwriting.

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12:00:06 AM EDT
Feeling Sad
Hearing Old Snake-Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots OST

I knew this day was coming, even if this has been the best year I've had in a long while. I got back in touch with my Dad and my Aunts, Uncle and cousins. I haven't been as angry as I have been in the previous years. I have been getting out more. Life has been looking half full, rather than half empty. So if there will be anything bad to bring my summer to a fall it will be tomorrow, because the day I have been dreading since last year will be here tomorrow.

Tomorrow my brother will be leaving for the Army Reserves. Ever since he sent me that text message last year, its been on my mind. I wanted to spend a ton of time with him like we did when we were kids playing video games, but we were both too busy working on opposing days that we would never get the chance to hang out.

Its funny our mom wanted us all to get together and take a family portrait because of my brothers departure, but it never happened. My family is notorious for doing things with out making appointments, so we got the chance to take the picture because of our schedules. To make matters worse when we all got together that day to get our picture taken they decided to go to Red Lobster for dinner. Not only didn't we get our picture taken, but Red Lobster was jammed pack that day with a hour and forty five minute wait. That didn't go according to plan either.

After the disappointment with the picture (actually lack there of), I decided I wanted to go home. After saying that I kind of made everyone upset. Okay I was kind of angry and I kind of really wanted to take that picture because my brother was leaving and I don't have any current pictures of him and I. I just wanted that day to be perfect, and it wasn't and I ended up making it worse because I ended up being a jerk and I made my brother upset. He wanted us to all to sit at a table and eat one dinner as a family before he left and stupid me, I didn't realize that until I seen him get emotional. Never saw him so upset before, and it made me feel very disappointed in myself. Okay so this is sounding like a black spot on my "perfect year". Anyways after I realized he wanted us to sit down as a family and eat, I obliged and we headed for Applebees Yummm!). I never want to make my brother sad like that ever again. It hurts me just thinking about it.

After the dinner was over and we were all getting ready to leave. I approached my brother and I apologized and I told him, "If I ever start acting like a jerk again just set me straight". Because folks I can REALLY be a jerkwad sometimes.My bro was actually supposed to leave Wednesday but for some reason time was moved up to very late Tuesday (Early Wednesday AM). Now its Tuesday at 7pm. I guess They REALLY WANT YOU!

We really don't want him to go. I don't want him to go. I don't know anything about boot camp, training or deployment. I just don't want my little brother to get hurt. He's the only one I have, and if something happened to him, and he died or something, part of me would die with him. And I don't think my Psyche could take it.

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5:13:19 PM EDT
Feeling Cheerful
Alrighty Jeff, here I am to do the tag, Metal Gear Solid 4 will still be there after I'm finished (oh and I beat it anyways). LOL

Jeff Tagged me to do a book meme. Here are the rules (copy 'n paste):







Here is the passage:

"Well, Lizzie, despite your best efforts, you're giving me plenty of reasons to enlist your services. Yet you want me to withdraw my application? Why? Her eyes grew rueful. "Because of Adam," she said. Dear Jesus Suddenly, I couldn't breathe.

(Note that page 123 was the end of a chapter so I couldn't go five sentences down and and use the next four sentences. I went two sentences down and used the rest of the chapter LMAO.)



This passage was from the book "Kill Me", by Stephen White. I probably would not have noticed it if the book wasn't bright yellow, and didn't have a bullet on the cover. I'm glad I did though, because it was pretty interesting and it kept me on my toes. Kill Me is about a Rich Man realizes that he doesn't want to die a slow painful death (conscious or not). So he hires an organization to kill him if he ever gets a severely injured, or diminished by disease. The catch is that once he enters into the contract, its irrevocable. When our anonymous narrator gets an illness he realizes he has one more thing to do before the "Death Angels" carry out there "end of life services". Although i'm not a big fan of the protagonist being killed off in any kind of media (Snake...Sniff...Sniff) I still liked this book.

I'm only going to tag three people. I don't know if they did this before or not, but either way I wouldn't know unless I try. I tag Chris, Chelle, and Shari.

P.S. While i'm at it, to anyone who reads this, is there a character who out there that perished that you wished would still be "alive"??? (Tag)

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3:48:44 AM EDT
Feeling Excited
Its been nearly a month and it would have been longer (maybe) if it weren't for the fact that I can't sleep.

Usually I can't sleep because of some bad reason (right foot, back pain, worried, gas). Well this time the reason I can't sleep is a good reason... Well sort of!

When I bought my PlayStation 3 (Uh oh here comes another video game post) in 2006 I was under the impression that Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of The Patriots wasn't far behind. Boy was I wrong. I kept seeing the date moving further and further away from me. At one point I was unsure whether or not it was going to even be on the PS3, because some clerk told me that it may get ported over to theXBOX 360. Things were looking grim for the PS3, I felt like I chose the wrong team.

All that changed though in 2007 when I saw my first trailer for Metal Gear Solid 4. It was awesome to say the least. Then things were getting even better when it was announced that Blue-Ray Discs were going to be the High Definition DVD choice of the future, because the PS3 plays Blue ray and theXBOX 360 does HD-DVD.

Now when I was 14 years old I originally got turned on to the Metal Gear series by the Non-Canon Metal Gear game called Snakes Revenge. It was a pretty fun game. My brother and I would sit there and play it for hours. We didn't care that it really didn't happen in the Metal Gear universe, we just got our game on. It was so fun that when Hideo Kojima released the first Metal Gear Solid game on the PS one, I had to get it. Its funny because I didn't have a PlayStation, and I hadn't ever planned on getting one, because I was a die hard Nintendo fan. All that changed when I saw Metal Gear Solid.

I heard voices!

The PlayStation had discs where as the NES, Super Nintendo and the Nintendo 64 were cartridges. Even though N64 had better graphics than the PS One it didn't have voice acting...well much of it anyway. It couldn't, because there was only so much that you can do with a cartridge. So eventually I jumped ship and and joined the "Dark Side" (that's how I saw it before my eyes were opened).

So you can imagine why I irrationally ran out and bought the PS3 even though they hadn't made any quality games yet. I almost feel better now.

Here I am on the big day. Finally Metal Gear Solid 4 has been released. Its 3:28 in the morning and all I can think about is that game. Snakes Final Mission. Its kind of sad, butI'm so looking forward too it that you'd think I had about 7 cups of coffee. I have done nothing but count down to this day. My birthday is next week and I'm like, "who cares"!

When daylight hits I am so out of here. My behind will be on the next city bus to pick up my reserved copy. You think I was gone long before, wait and see how long I'll be gone after this post.LOL

I still have to do Jeff's tag so after that. LOL

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11:07:51 PM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
On my birthday in 2003 I wanted to go bowling, but I didn't want to go by myself. So I asked my brother if he wanted to go with me. He said yeah, so I suggested that we take our three sisters with us. Two of them still were/are under the iron curtain of our step-father so, I wanted to ask my mom if the two youngest could go with us. I called my mother at her job, but she wasn't at her desk. So I decided to call her cell-phone and still no answer. My brother and my sister's tried to convince me that we could go, and there wouldn't be no problems, but I knew better. I know how my step-father's mind works and I know how my mom's works too. I didn't want to hear any arguments or yelling and what not, so I told them we have to wait. After an hour my mom calls and I ask her if we can take our sisters with us. She says yes, and I told her how I didn't want to take them without her permission, and how my siblings thought otherwise. My mom then tells me that I made the right choice. After I hung up the phone with her I spoke and saved a message onto my cell-phone. I said, "Next time go with your gut".

Nine times out of ten a person's gut feelings are right. When you go against that feeling you can get hit....Hard.

The reason I'm making this one of my rules isn't just because of the choice I made on my birthday five years ago. Its because of the new responsibility at work that we have. All tobacco products are at the service desk, and now all of the pressure is on myself and my co-workers to proof anyone that look under 30. Cause if we don't and we get "stung"(err...I mean if we fail) from a police sting, we would end up getting stung...err I mean fired from our jobs. Not only that but we could get arrested and fined. So I'm not to thrilled about wearing handcuffs, because they are NOT accessories. So I have to remember to ALWAYS go with my gut no matter what. Customers can say they are old enough, they can try and say there expired I.D. is still valid, they can even yell at me (let it out), but the one thing they aren't going to do is make me risk my job for some lame addiction that will eventually be the end of them. Friend, Foe, or co-worker, I'm not going to jail for you.

Always go with your gut!

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11:57:14 PM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Before I vent I just wanted to let anyone who's going to see Iron Man know that there is a scene after the credits finish rolling. It definitely hints as to who is going to be in the next film. I was surprised.


Okay its venting time.

I was going to post this sooner but I've been working six days (with one exception) a week for the past 4 weeks now, so I haven't really been motivated to do the blogging thing. This topic had been on my mind for awhile now, but I must admit that the fire isn't burning inside like it was when it first crossed my mind.

Question? What is culture?

One night when I was watching the news they were talking about the black community and how we as a people don't snitch when someone is murdered. That its a part of our culture. When I was a kid I was taught that the meaning of the word is "a way of life". In a way, it kind of made sense, but I thought it was meant to be in a positive way.

The next day I called my mom and asked her what she thought the definition of "culture" is, and she sent me a text of a definition that she found.

Culture-beliefs customs practices and social behavior of a particular nation or people.

Alright when put its put that way it makes sense, but then I found another definition of the word in an Oxford dictionary.

Culture-The arts and other manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively.

When I saw that one I realized that English language seem to have too many parameters for word definitions.

I guess the point i'm trying to make is that there is something about how the word is being used that just doesn't sit right with me.

When I think about the word culture, I think about music, religion... stuff like that. I never thought of it as something negative like not telling the authorities if you witnessed someones life being taken (No Snitching).

Honestly I don't know what I would do if I witnessed a murder. I do know that my reason wouldn't have anything to with grudges with the police or anything like that. My reason would be a little more selfish...Fear of death.



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10:37:19 PM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
The second time I fell was in February. This fall seems to be the complete opposite to the first. It had no meaning, I got hurt badly, there was snow and ice on the ground, there were no cars involved, and I was on the hill that is our drive way.

You have no idea how much it hurt to take the fall that I didn't see coming. I'm such an idiot. The whole winter I went without buying any boots. My right foot can't take heavy shoes so I decided not to buy any. Nike UPS don't have any grip, so If you ever wear any, don't wear them outside during the winter.

I try to take the garbage bin out to the curb the day before garbage day, so I don't have to worry about getting up early in the morning to do it. Also because its a pain trying to get the garbage bin down when you have two vehicles in the driveway.

Everything started off normal. The cats wanted me to feed them before I left-I fed them.

Check all of the doors in the house and the stove to make sure they were secure-CHECK.

Went outside and locked the door behind me -CHECK.

Now there I was in the middle of winter, on the day before garbage day. My mother was home but her car wasn't blocking the driveway. I don't know why, but for some reason I wasn't being cautious like I normally do when I am walking during the winter. I grabbed the garbage bin and started walking with it. When I started walking down the hill, I experienced an eye opener.

Like I said I wasn't being cautious, and because of it, I didn't see the ice. That wasn't the only thing I didn't see that day (didn't see that fall coming). I slipped on that patch of ice, fell backwards onto my lower right leg, and then my upper body fell forward. As I slid down the rest of the hill, the garbage bin fell over and slid with me. Not beside me...NO. It slid onto me. When I realized I didn't break my leg (think I came close) I turned over and pushed the garbage bin aside. I took out my phone and tried to call my mother for help, but I guess she was asleep. So I was all alone.

At first I didn't want to stand on my leg. I was afraid that the damage was worse than I thought. I knew I sprained my leg, I just didn't know how bad. Then for some reason I decided that I wasn't going to let anyone laugh at my expense or give into my injury. I got up reclaimed my dignity and put the garbage can to the curb. If you thought I was an idiot for wearing those sneakers, you must definitely think I'm one for walking to work without getting medical attention for my leg. I was lucky it healed. I kind of put my job before my health again. I have to remember that my health is more important.

I'm buying boots next winter...Lesson Learned!

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11:01:30 AM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
New Years Eve (Oh happy belated new year everyone), I was walking home from work. I'm a fast walker, so when I saw a dog owner taking its pooch for a walk on the same sidewalk I was on, I decided to cross the street. I didn't want to come up behind the person or the dog and startle either one. So when I crossed the street, you'd think it would be the end of that.

NOPE!

At the time I thought I was having a bad New Years Eve. My wrist was hurting me, I had no one to celebrate with, and my mind was just overflowing with negative gibberish.

I swear there seem like there are times where my life seems to be written as a story. Part A seems to always be linked to part B in some way shape or form (Proof of that in a future post).

Like I was saying I decided to cross the street so I wouldn't get bitten or cause a heart attack. When I got to the other side of the street I noticed a car parked in a driveway. It wouldn't have been much of a problem except that it was blocking the sidewalk that I was on. I hate when people do that. I don't think there was snow on the ground that day so I didn't fall because of that, but when I went around the car, I slipped on a patch of mud and almost took a face plant. I only prevented that at the last second with my right hand. My thumb took most of punishment from that tumble. Well then again my package of chicken wings may have suffered the most. Then again, I was lying there in front of a white car that had its lights on, thinking to myself that if the people in that car didn't see me fall I could be a goner. I used to wish that I was never here. While I was sitting there on all fours I realized that life didn't seem so bad, although New Years Eve could have been a lot better.

If that person wasn't walking there dog, I wouldn't have crossed the street. If I didn't cross the street none of this would have ever happened. It just seemed like I was set up for some sort of cosmic wake up call or something.

If I didn't cross the street then I wouldn't have text message my brother, and told him what happened. Then he wouldn't have responded with a text, and in that text told me that he was joining the Army Reserves.

Life-the biggest coincidence on earth? Just makes me wonder!

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7:38:50 AM EDT
Feeling Angry
Hearing Hmph



I'm...Well I'm pissed. I'm more than pissed I'm...I'm at a loss for words. There aren't enough enough words in the dictionary to describe how i'm feeling right now. My MP3 player has crashed and burned. I'm sitting here at my computer desk looking down to my right at it, and I just want to throw the damn thing. Or maybe I should just throw my computer for having Windows Vista. There is a repair tool for my MP3, but its only compatible with Windows XP, and "There is no update planned, please use the prescribed OS (Windows XP)".

It always seem to come to this. You either downgrade or your screwed. I seem to recall that some people actually decided to downgrade to Windows XP. That doesn't say much about Vista. Its really sad too. I purchased some songs online at Walmart.com and I was only able to play them on this MP3 player or on my old computer. Now I'm going to lose them along with this useless black thing, that is staring up at me with a yellow triangular sign, that has an exclamation point in the center of it. Somehow I feel as if I'm being mocked. There always seem to be an irony in dilemma's occupying my life, and this one is a doozy (not).

But thats alright though...That is alright. I wanted a new MP3 player so I guess I have a reason now to get one. And its not going to be an IPOD (or another Philips gogear for that matter) either. Nope, I've had my eyes on something different. I have never been one for mainstream.

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5:33:08 PM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing .Hack Roots Soundtrack vol. 2
Hi Everyone! This may sound tacky, but how is everyone doing out there?

I've been away from blogging with the exception of the repost for so long. I think I may have left an impression with my repost that it was work that was bothering me and making me stay away. While there are days where I just want to go postal on some of the bad seeds out of the customers I help, this isn't the reason.

If you re-read that post you may have noticed that when I got angry I punched a metal cabinet as hard as I could. Well recently my hand has been hurting me something fierce. When I went to the doctor to have it looked at the doctor told me that I may have fractured it. I think she called it a "Fighters Fracture". In any case my leftpinky , ring finger,and wrist are affected by this and really bothers me when I type. I have been wearing a wrist brace while at work on the really bad days, and think goodness it helps.

I was supposed to go and get physical therapy, but I heard the same four words (nothing we can do) I heard about my ankle and decided why bother. I was too late, about three years too late to be precise, but like I said in another post in relation to my hand in 2005, I didn't go see a doctor back then, because I was scared I lose my job. I was very emotional that year and I let those emotions get the better of me and snapped at customers that may have deserved it as selfish people but, still it shouldn't have come from a employee thats apart of a Grocery Chain.

I have SO much to blog about since New Years Eve, but every time I go to type I grimace in pain and step away from the computer. I think I may start with the first of two falls this winter.

Which one do you guys want to hear first? Is it going to be the first fall story, my moment in the right place at the right time that seemed like something out of a storybook, with also seemed like I was being led by something divine; or would you rather hear about the second fall. Either way I going to write about them. LOL

I'll be visiting everyone's blogs soon, till then ciao!

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