The real world

I swear I don't think I will ever get a full nights sleep. Peanut spent the night at my parents house tonight, so I thought cool I can get to bed early and read a bit then sleep like a baby...a baby that is up every 2 hours for feedings that is. I made it to bed about 9 pm read for about 30 minutes or so and tried to wait for the news but no luck I was fast asleep before it ever aired. About 10:45 dogs had me up to let them out and back in. I would leave them out all night since it is so nice but we have been getting some late night storms and they would just end up barking anyway no sense in ticking off all the neighbors. So I got up to let them out and back in then back to bed I go only to be woke by the phone. Dave called and I have to go pick him up from work cause he carpooled with another guy and they had some issues at the prison with an inmate who tried to commit suicide. I guess he slit his throat with a disposable shaver and Dave found him applied pressure to the gash and in the struggle of trying to keep the guy from pushing his hands away and holding him down he was covered in his blood. They gave him a change of clothes but because he got this man's blood on him and he got a tiny cut on his pinky finger from the handcuffs he was sent to the hospital to get some tests done as measure to make sure he did not contact some transferable disease. I figured I had about an hour or so before I actually have to leave since the hospital was not finished with him yet and then he has to go back to the prison to fill out some form there and then they said he could go on home. So here it is 3 am and I will pick him up about 4:30. It is about a 45 minute drive to his job. I am telling ya there is never a dull moment in our home. If it isn't one thing it is another. I did get some news today that I am dying to comment about in my journal but I have to wait as I just don't want to put the cart before the horse kind of thing. I am excited and nervous and yet this news still may not even happen but it is something for me and my family to be thinking about. I will let ya all know the second I know what for sure is going to happen. I do want to mention real quick how sugar sweet my Peanut is...Today while at work he called me to tell me he loves me and thinks that I am prettier than Hannah Montanna but in a Mom way hehehe. I so love him. Guess none of his friends were any where around for that call hahhaha. Oh how he can make me laugh. Well I guess I better start getting ready to go pick up my honey. I am sure that situation has him a tad freaked out Lord knows it would me. Have a great weekend all...Smiles...

                                   Lovins...

                                   TrayCee

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Unfortunately the only news I have to report on the girls is that they are still with Social Services. Nobody in their family has even tried to go get them. And that makes me so angry. But it is what it is, and that is that this family is beyond having issues. As for my own family, things are very good. I worked today, still on crutches but it was fine. I am a bit tired tonight and well I guess I should be since it is close to midnight. Peanut and I read a few books tonight and went through all his old socks that have holes in them to stuff a dog pillow for his dog. We have a bunch of old material and some shirts and sweat pants that I have cut up to use as well. None of the clothes are worthy of donating so we decided to stuff some material to make a dog pillow for "Joe" to sleep on in his kennel. Hopefully that will please "Joe". I am not much of a seamstress by any account but I am sure I can manage this. Some of Peanut's old socks used to be used for puppets that we hot glued eyes and funny faces on. But we have so many of his sock puppets that I figured any more of them would possibly send me over the edge. I actually gave some of them to the local library 2 years ago and when we stopped in there a few weeks back we noticed that they still had them for the book and puppet shows that they put on for the kids in the summer. I was pleased to see them still there. So was Peanut especially since many of them were his own creations. Well I guess I better head to bed the mornings just come to early anymore. G'night all...Smiles...

                                   Lovins...

                                   TrayCee

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Unfortunately there is no news to report on the girls. And I was so busy today that by the time I got home from Dr. appt and a class I am taking with my wonderful MIL, supper and such well it became too late to call my friend to get any information. I had a journal buddy ask why my Ex would even call to inform me of his sister when he will not allow me to be on the list at the hospital and that is just how this man works. If he knows there is something I want or request of him he will do the opposite thinking it is hurting me in some way. His only reason for even telling me about his sister is for his own sick thrive of gossip. Not that this is in any way gossip but it is some sadness that is brewing in his family and he wants sympathy. But not for anybody but himself. When I asked him why he won't allow me to be on this list he said to me there is no point in you going up there and speaking to her and possibly getting her stimulated with any feeling of anger or anything. And trust me I do understand that. But if I could just let her know that I am praying for her and doing what I can to make sure her girls get some help in dealing with any issues that they may have stemmed from any of this I am willing to help. But he thinks I have only motives to somehow harm the situation. Sure I have many times felt such a sense of dispise for this woman but again she is a human being and no good can come from her dying like this for her girls. I never hated her only prayed and hoped for her to one day get her poop in a group and do right by her kids. The Ex is only going to do what he will so long as it does not disrupt his own life. He has not even been to the hospital yet. If this was my sister and I knew the girls were missing and potentially in danger I would be on the first flight I could if only to sit in the hospital waiting. Her own mother has not yet made it there to be by her side. right or wrong in her life choices nobody deserves to lie in a hospital hooked up to machines with no family there. It is sad and sick how these people are dealing with this situation. I just got a call, the girls have been found and will be with Social Services until a family member comes in to get them. So far my friend says that possibly Ex other sister may be getting them tomorrow and keeping them until a decision is made as to who will take temporary custody of them. Thank God! Although still not much good can come from them feeling as though none of their family is jumping on that band wagon to take them on. I am just so relieved they have been found. Well I am closing now and going in to rest my oh so tired bones...Smiles...

                                   Lovins...

                                  TrayCee

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I found out today that still no change in D's medical issues. When I spoke to our "mutual" friend, she said the police have not yet found the girls and that scares me. I think partly because I wonder if this person who has them may be the "dealer" and is themselves somehow in hiding. I swear I know this sounds like a 20/20 or primetime episode but it is all too real! I mean why can't the Denver police locate these 3 girls. Seriously she did not have a large circle of friends she burned the majority of them owing money for her drug habit and from my understanding even the last 2 dealers she went through threatened her life if she did not pay what she owed. I called the Ex again only to tell him to please help locate the girls and get them the help they need. His response was for me to just butt-out. I thought about going to the hospital to see her but they will not allow anybody in there but for 5 minutes tops and you have to be on the list to which Ex and his other sister put together. I asked him to put me on the list if for nothing more than to let her know I am praying for her and her girls. She may not know that I am even there but I think it would help to atleast let somebody know that she is not forgotten even though this tragedy may have been at her own hands. I mean she is human and though I dispised her for the way she was with her kids, I think just knowing that someone out there is trying to be somewhat of an advocate for your children may in some weird way help. I don't know. Anyway Ex refuses to put me on this list and his other sister will not even speak to me. The sad thing is I never did anything to this woman and when He and I were married I got along with her. I mean she honestly was not much different when it comes to the drug issues, other than she did parent her son better and never left him alone. She married money and then divorced and pretty much came out of that situation living a lifestyle that most only imagine. She is a very beautiful woman at a very pricey penny. She does hold down a job and I think that what made it easier for me to get along with her was the fact we were in the same professional field. I even temped at the office she worked in a few times. We were both dental assistants. We both made a very nice wage. The difference is she had many affairs with the doctor she worked for to get the higher paying wage. I just worked my tushy off. So pretty much I again just continue to pray and hope for the best for these girls. I thank God every day my life is what and where it is today. I so love my life and my husband. My son is and always will be my number one concern and priority. I love him with every inch of my soul. The very idea that I could ever do to him what D has done to her kids turns my stomach. Well maybe there will be more to report tomorrow and with some better news if not for anyone but the girls. G'night all and thanks for the comments I know it does help to hear that some of you feel for the girls as well even if you do not know them. Thank You...Smiles...

                                    Lovins...

                                   TrayCee

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I got some weird sad news the other night and have not been able to shake it from my mind. My ex husband called me, to tell me his sister is in the hospital. Here's the thing, he and I never talk and when we do it is never civil. We are both remarried now, and things have just been horrible between us since the day I found out he packed up our home and all our belongings, drained our accounts and moved to another state to be with a woman he began an affair with. Anyway, none of his side of the family contacted me to see how me and our son were doing. As a matter of fact they only bashed me in letters to the judge pertaining to custody of our son. Needless to say I got full custody. Ok, so he calls to tell me his sister is in the hospital on life support. She was a heavy drug user for as long as I have known her. She has 3 daughters now ages 11, 13, and 15. One of the hardest parts of my divorce was not seeing the girls. I became very attached to them. I was there to see 2 of them born. Oh the times I called social services on this woman for things such as stopping by their house to visit the girls and one of them still in diapers only to find out not one adult in the home with them. Ex and I would pack them up and take them home with us. We would sometimes have them for weeks at a time. We did an intervention on her a couple of times and she even said she was going to rehab at one point only to find out she spent 3 weeks at her dealers house staying all cracked out. Her also loser husband actually got fed up and left her about 3 years ago. Trust me he is no better. The times we filled the house with groceries so the kids would have food to eat. Don't ask me how she managed to fool social services or even pass drug tests but she did. There was only one time that we were asked to take the girls for the summer until she finished her drug classes and got her poop in a group and she snowed us as well cause 2 weeks after getting the girls back she was right back to doing all the drugs again. We fought it until well basically the Ex left and I tried calling them but they would not take calls from me and I eventually gave up. So the other night he tells me he is going to go get the girls and keep them until they figure something out. Well I found out from a mutual friend that he isn't going to go get them until they decide on her fate. I guess she was found in a coma from cocaine, and the girls tried for a day and a half to wake her then called 911. They are used to this kind of behavior from her. Needless to say she was not going to wake up and now they are not sure what kind of brain damage she has. This woman is 42 years old, and although it is evident that life or the lives of her girls was ever enough to kick the drugs, I feel such a huge sadness for the entire situation. I know for a fact that had I still been a part of this family we would already have them and be working on helping them get counseling and such to deal with all the dysfunction. But I am not a part of this family and feel such a sense of loss as to where and how to help these girls. From what I heard from the mutual friend the girls are with a friend of D's (the Mom) and more than likely the friend is a drug friend as that is all she hung out with. Ex's mother is in Florida and will not come out until they decide what is going to happen. Saying there is nothing she can do for her right now anyway. Well dumb bitch how about checking in on your grand-daughters for starters and being there for your daughter. She is no better also a drug user. That whole family is such a huge dysfunctional mess. God only knows how I managed to cope with it all for the 14 years I did. I asked my friend if she could find out where and whom the girls are with for sure. But she said she did ask and the police are trying to find out as we speak. I then broke down and called the Ex back and asked him if he was going to go get the girls for sure but he said he didn't know yet as the new wife said they really don't have the room for long term...Nice! a real class act he picked! So I am sitting here day in and day out wondering and worrying about them. I dispise that family and their dysfunctional ways. The father of the girls from what I understand is in another relationship and is also heavily into drugs and wants nothing to do with the girls as they are angry with him for leaving in the 1st place but who knows. So the last I heard is they have been taking her off the life support every half hour but then needing to put her back on. Although they say she is not brain dead she may very well have extensive brain damage. Never a dull moment in my home huh? Now news on me...I hyper-extended my knee and may have torn my minescis (sp) so I am on crutches until who knows when. I have an MRI next week. Yes next week (small towns). Not sure how long this one will put me out. Ok well I guess it is back to bed for me. YesI was up letting dogs in and out and back in again. Dang dogs!! But they love me hahhahahhaa....Smiles....

                                    Lovins...

                                    TrayCee

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I am feeling a little better today, as I did get some rest. I also got a lot of my neglected home chores done today. I also helped get 9 piggies loaded and ready to go to the butcher shop in the morning uuuggghhh. I know I hate that that is their fate but it is what we have the pig farm for...Anyway, so much was accomplished today and for that I am grateful. I am however tired but not the icky emotional kind of tired that I so hate. So I may just go take me a nice bath while Peanut is engulfed in his "Chipmonks" movie. Maybe just maybe I can soak long enough so I am able to sleep peacefully tonight. I do want to mention how the 4th went. Unfortunatly Dave had to work, and our town was putting on a firework show. So I decided Peanut and I would go park the car with the top down by the baseball field and watch the sky. We were closer than I care to be but that is where everyone was parking so I figured go with the flow. everything was going fine and then everything went wrong the display of fireworks tipped over and fireworks were shooting out toward all of us. People were running away and when all became calmed down they resumed the show. Then one of the guys who is a fireman and shooting off these dangerous bombs got shot right in the face. He was flown into Denver and I spoke to his wife today, He lost his eye and has to have reconstuctive surgery on his eye socket. It broke the bone and so much damage was done to his right side of his face. Even worse he just had surgery on his left eye as his retna became detatched leaving him nearly blind in his left eye. So now he will have a glass eye (maybe) in his right eye and nearly blind in his left eye. We are going to put on a benefit on his behalf and my husband, father in law and a few others have decided to do his farming for him. I really feel for him and his family. I cannot even begin to know what they must be going through right now. I am terrified of fireworks and always have been. But I let Peanut watch them because he is a kid and enjoys them. But if I was not a mom and had no kids I would not miss the 4th in anyway. Sure we still celebrate with the bar-b-q's and our nations birthday. But I would careless if they banned even the big displays. I was burned about 10 years ago myself as a bottle rocket flew right toward me went down my shirt, trapped in my bra and exploded. But even before then I hated them. Well guess I better go get my bath before Peanut's movie ends and he is needing my attention...Smiles....

                                   Lovins...

                                  TrayCee

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I have really been slippin lately, as in my journaling. I love to journal but time just slips away. By the time I get home from work and spend time with family I am just too exhausted to do anything but veg. I have been really tired and even cranky lately which is so out of character for me. I have a love/hate feeling for my job. I love the people but I hate it because it seriously drains me physically and emotionally everyday. I think I may cut my hours down some. Hoping that will change how it makes me feel. The money is really good and we are really getting a nice savings built up from it. But what good is the savings if I can't enjoy it when the time comes? Peanut is finished with baseball for the season. He was the smallest boy on the team but the kid can play ball like nothing I have ever seen before. His coach says he is going to start grooming him now for future baseball. He told Dave and I that he has never in his career seen a kid his size play as well. That made me very proud. Though I don't want him to get to that point where it becomes all he wants. He has so many interests at this point in time. His grades are amazing. I am just so proud of him. Now if only he would grow out of his little 9 year old smart aleck stage. For the most part his is really respectful especially to others. However to me and Dave he has really been pushing some buttons lately. We were out on the boat the other day and he and I had a contest as to who could bring in the biggest fish. And guess who won? The little toot reeled in a 7 pound trout!! So I am doing his chore of feeding the dogs for a week hahahha. Oh well, we are getting this one mounted for his room. He felt like the man of the hour. As for Little Miss, well we haven't got to see her for about 2 months. Her Mom got remarried to some guy she has only known for about 2 weeks to which she met online. So now Little Miss has 3 new sisters. She says she is happier and says her Mom is treating her better cause she is happy now. I pray it lasts. She just had some other guy living with them about a month ago not sure what happened there but this woman goes through more men than anyone I have ever known. It scares me for Little Miss. But for now she says things are good and because Dave is not her biological Dad we are caught between a rock and a hard spot. We have already spent so much money on lawyers to try and get full custody and right now things have to remain as they are. Not to mention Little Miss has so many issues that taking her on full time would mean a lot of real serious changes here. I would have to stop working all together as she cannot be left attended for any amount of time. And lots of counseling. Not that that is all bad but she tries to harm Peanut and that is BAD!! But still I am the kind of person who want to save her and give her a life she deserves. So for now I have to just sit and watch the dysfunction continue to unravel. It breaks my heart. But it is like so many have said to us we can't save the world. I guess I should get to bed as I know tomorrow comes far too soon for my liking anyway. So until next time...Smiles....

                                       Lovins...

                                      TrayCee

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Dave and I are taking the entire family to the circus on Sunday. My parents, his parents, nephew, neice, both Peanut and Little Miss, and each of them will be inviting a friend, and Dave's aunt. We thought the kids would enjoy watching their grandparents enjoying something they have either never been to or had been but years and years ago. I am sure we will all have a really good time. Then we are taking the whole bunch out to dinner. I am very excited as it has been so many years since I got to go to the circus myself. It's funny cause the circus has actually died out in many ways. People are going to the Disney on Ice shows and other types of kid friendly shows. Dave and I have talked about taking our kids on the Disney cruise during summer break. I just don't know if it would make more since to just take them to a theme park. From what I hear though the Disney Cruise is pretty spectacular and kids really enjoy it. I have some brochures coming to me so I guess I will gather information and go from there. We originally had planned to go to Cananda in June but that plan fell through which is fine cause it was going to be more Dave and Peanut geared...hunting/fishing. Not that I would have minded but I think not only would the kids enjoy something more enticing to kids but I think I would enjoy it more too, hehehe. We as in Dave and I are still planning a Cananda trip I just think it might be later in the year if not next year. We have also talked about going to Argentina next year again a vacation geared for hunting but I am sure I will find plenty to keep me happy. Well I am pretty exhausted so I think I will go take a shower and head to bed. Thank you all for the kind words and welcoming me back. It does feel good to be here again. I really missed this. :) Smiles...

                                Lovins...

                                TrayCee

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I know it has been a long while since I stopped in here and it does feel a little like going home after being gone for so long. I have just been so so so busy and then had some computer issues that I have spent $$ to get fixed. My computer is only a year old and because my hubby and I are pretty much in dire need of computers for dummies, need I say more? Anyway, I know how to do certain things on this thing and that's it!!! Well long story short I tried to download Norton and screwed up so many things!! So I took my little tower thingy in to a pro and he fixed us all up took off the norton and put me on some tool thingy anyway I guess I even have programs that most people can't live without hehhehe. Anyway I am now down to working only 35 hours a week and I am loving it! I am spending more time with my family and actually getting things in our home accomplished. Oh yeah we are now down to 3 dogs WOOOOHOOOOO!!!! But unfortuantly gained 2 ferrets I know I know don't ask.... I am just such a pushover and a sucker for 4 little eyes begging me to please allow these critters to become a part of our very loving family and promises of keeping the cage clean and take the best care of them ever!!!! So far I have only had to clean the cage 1 time and I have to admit the kids are doing a great job with their new responsibilities to these crazy slinky like critters. I also have to admit they do feel better than the salamanders and I can actually look at them without shuddering the thought of one of them getting out and crawling accross me as I sleep. I mean they are kind of like a cross between a dog and a cat the way they play with the dogs and run around. So far so good. But trust me I do have a back up plan and family should this not work out. I am thinker!!!!! HA just a sucker. My kids so know how to work me and that seriously stinks!!! Ok well I am off to bed just letting ya'll  know I am still around...smiles...

                              Lovins...

                              TrayCee

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Well I am actually just stopping in for a quick little overview of my last few weeks. I have been working so many hours plus the weekends at the station. Dave and I have to go buy a new car tomorrow as we have been plagued with one problem after another with our old ratty beaters with heaters. The time is now for new!! And yes I am ready for it too car payment or not I need something reliable. Peanut got his hunter safety card and passed the course WOOOHOOO! And guess what? I did too. Tho you won't find me hunting anything other than new shoes, clothes, and accessories hehehe. I hunt at the mall. I took the class as we have so many weapons in our home and I also did it for Peanut. Anyway I need to get back to bed just wanted to let you all know that I have been thinking of you all and I have been reading journals just have not had time to comment in them. Much love to you all...smiles...

                                       Lovins...

                                       TrayCee

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