Archives
April 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
2:44:00 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful
Well Hello J-Land
I know that it has been some time since I have gotten out here again. I didn't think it had been since Christmas though. I realized it had been a while when I got a call from an old friend.... she said she was worried because I hadn't written in here for so long. She said that is how she had been keeping up with me and was worried so she called. It was nice talking to her, but she made me realize how much I missed this journaling thing......LOL
Life has been ok to me. I am still in school, I have one more class then I am ready to go into the nursing program. I have already applied to the program and they are still picking for the 2008 class so I am really hoping that I get in this year. If not I will have to wait till 2009. I hate the thought of having to wait, I don't want to get out of the grove of studying.
This semester I took my class on line. It was so different then going to class. Most of the time I didn't even feel like I was in school. I think I was too laxed about the whole thing. I don't think I got my A, but I know I got at least a B.
Things with Mary have been really stressed, but I think they are working themselves out. We aren't living together right now.... She got some crazy thoughts in her head and she ran away. I mean she literally RAN..... I was at work and I was coming home early because I had hurt my back. I talked to her and let her know I was going home early. She told me she loved me and to be careful and that she would see me in the morning...... When I got home I called her because I couldn't find her dog and she told me that she packed her stuff and moved out.... I looked and all her drawers were empty.... that is when I started to notice her pictures and other things were gone. I freaked out.... It was horrible... I was devastated... I have never had anyone walk out on me like that before... There were a couple of reason's that she gave and she know knows they were all stupid bull shit.... she just got scared......
She is so wanting me to move in with her now. I know that I am going to, but I have to tell ya, I am not as sure of her as I used to be.... She was able to look me in the eyes and tell me she loved me knowing that she was going to leave me..... She left Feb 17.... she was so sweet and got me flowers and gifts for Valentines day, knowing she was leaving.... Can I tell ya, I definitely have trust issues with her now.... that so sucks because I never had any doubts or distrust issues with her until now... I won't bore you with the details, I could be here for an hours, lets just say that I am trying to learn to trust her again. I do love her and I don't want to be without her..... Now I have to deal with these abandonment issues and trust issues....
You know I have always misstrusted men. My Mom taught me at a young age that they couldn't be trusted and everyman that I ever loved proved that she was right.... I really never expected this from Mary, I mean, come on, she isn't a man... I trusted her without hesitation from the first time I met her..... she has taught me that women can be just as bad, but I think it is a little worse, there is was a connection that I had with Mary that I never had with any man.... I just hope I can get past this and we can move forward....
The girls are doing great, they are getting so big, here are some pictures that I took yesterday. They spent two days with me. Number three will be here Monday, at least that is when they are going to induce labor. Her name is Adrianna Nicole..... another girl..... My son is already talking about trying for a boy... I swear he is going to have 5 girls.... oh and did I mention, this is two years without a job!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud........ I want to cut his winky off...... I don't know what the hell that boy is thinking, but I love him and I always will..
Samarah will be 5 in July... I can not believe that my Newnabug is starting kindergarten this year she does look a lot like her mother....
.
Breanna turned one in November... she is such a lover and Samarah is such a good big sister. When I was young I wanted 5 kids, but I was only blessed with one... I think he is going to get my 5 children.... I say better him then me, I love being Bamaw....LOL
Well, just wanted to pop in for a quick update.... I hope you all are safe and healthy... One of these days I am going to take one day just to catch up on you all...
Hove a wonderful Day......
Written by cottoncandi12306 Blog about this entry |
Add to del.icio.us | 
digg this
2:44:00 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful
Im still here
Well Hello J-Land
I know that it has been some time since I have gotten out here again. I didn't think it had been since Christmas though. I realized it had been a while when I got a call from an old friend.... she said she was worried because I hadn't written in here for so long. She said that is how she had been keeping up with me and was worried so she called. It was nice talking to her, but she made me realize how much I missed this journaling thing......LOL
Life has been ok to me. I am still in school, I have one more class then I am ready to go into the nursing program. I have already applied to the program and they are still picking for the 2008 class so I am really hoping that I get in this year. If not I will have to wait till 2009. I hate the thought of having to wait, I don't want to get out of the grove of studying.
This semester I took my class on line. It was so different then going to class. Most of the time I didn't even feel like I was in school. I think I was too laxed about the whole thing. I don't think I got my A, but I know I got at least a B.
Things with Mary have been really stressed, but I think they are working themselves out. We aren't living together right now.... She got some crazy thoughts in her head and she ran away. I mean she literally RAN..... I was at work and I was coming home early because I had hurt my back. I talked to her and let her know I was going home early. She told me she loved me and to be careful and that she would see me in the morning...... When I got home I called her because I couldn't find her dog and she told me that she packed her stuff and moved out.... I looked and all her drawers were empty.... that is when I started to notice her pictures and other things were gone. I freaked out.... It was horrible... I was devastated... I have never had anyone walk out on me like that before... There were a couple of reason's that she gave and she know knows they were all stupid bull shit.... she just got scared......
She is so wanting me to move in with her now. I know that I am going to, but I have to tell ya, I am not as sure of her as I used to be.... She was able to look me in the eyes and tell me she loved me knowing that she was going to leave me..... She left Feb 17.... she was so sweet and got me flowers and gifts for Valentines day, knowing she was leaving.... Can I tell ya, I definitely have trust issues with her now.... that so sucks because I never had any doubts or distrust issues with her until now... I won't bore you with the details, I could be here for an hours, lets just say that I am trying to learn to trust her again. I do love her and I don't want to be without her..... Now I have to deal with these abandonment issues and trust issues....
You know I have always misstrusted men. My Mom taught me at a young age that they couldn't be trusted and everyman that I ever loved proved that she was right.... I really never expected this from Mary, I mean, come on, she isn't a man... I trusted her without hesitation from the first time I met her..... she has taught me that women can be just as bad, but I think it is a little worse, there is was a connection that I had with Mary that I never had with any man.... I just hope I can get past this and we can move forward....
The girls are doing great, they are getting so big, here are some pictures that I took yesterday. They spent two days with me. Number three will be here Monday, at least that is when they are going to induce labor. Her name is Adrianna Nicole..... another girl..... My son is already talking about trying for a boy... I swear he is going to have 5 girls.... oh and did I mention, this is two years without a job!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud........ I want to cut his winky off...... I don't know what the hell that boy is thinking, but I love him and I always will..
Samarah will be 5 in July... I can not believe that my Newnabug is starting kindergarten this year she does look a lot like her mother....
Breanna turned one in November... she is such a lover and Samarah is such a good big sister. When I was young I wanted 5 kids, but I was only blessed with one... I think he is going to get my 5 children.... I say better him then me, I love being Bamaw....LOL
Well, just wanted to pop in for a quick update.... I hope you all are safe and healthy... One of these days I am going to take one day just to catch up on you all...
Hove a wonderful Day......
Written by cottoncandi12306 Blog about this entry |
Add to del.icio.us | digg this
This entry has 6 comments: (Add your own)
-
Good to hear from you!
Hope all works out with mary..
kids are precious..love the pics!
Lyn
http://journals.aol.com/ukgal36/Britsblog/ -
Hi Mary Alice!
How wonderful to see a post from you....I have missed you! I'm sorry to hear about your problems with Mary and I will say a prayer that things work out. I can totally understand your trust issues now...and I hope she will see that too.
I absolutely can hardly believe how big Samarah has gotten, holy cow!! How exciting to have another girl on the way, I'd love one to have a Grandbaby. I hope your son can find a job soon, especially with all those babies!!!
Don't stay away so long again, friend :)
Pooh Hugs,
Linda -
Hey girl, glad to see you're still around. Your granddaughters are getting so big, and you have another one on the way, wow. Life always has a way of working itself out, eventually.
Madison
http://journals.aol.com/craryville7/TheNewMe/ -
Welcome back, Mary Alice, it's great to hear from you again. Hope all continues to go well for you again - sorry the males of the race have been letting the side down.
5/5/08 9:07 PM