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After the Madness

Public Journal
"You cannot have deconstruction and then reconstruction without chaos."  This was spoken to me by a wonderful man whose identity and characteristics will most probably unfold throughout this journal.  I invite my readers to share my journey. Archives | Subscribe to Alerts Alerts Subscribe to Alerts | Feeds
   
This Journal has been read times since its creation on October 15, 2005

Thursday, May 15, 2008
12:02:31 PM EDT

I am going to come through this and flower.
This was told to be by a wise person and I feel it in my gut to be true. It reminds me of a quote by a famous journal writer Ana... can't remember her last name... "and then the day came who staying as a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

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Sunday, May 11, 2008
12:28:51 AM EDT

Another painful development occured that I am not ready to write about as my legal bills add up.

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Thursday, April 24, 2008
2:20:18 PM EDT

yesterday was ground breaking in the process.

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Friday, April 11, 2008
7:44:42 PM EDT

he went on vacation and refused to allow me to visit our mutual friends. they've all taken his side and left me out in the cold and now I sit here sort of stuck in the house I never wanted to live in with a t.v. I never wanted while he is waterfront and quiet and hi def t.v. blaming me for his troubles and taking no responsibility for the destruction both in the family and our finances.

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Thursday, April 10, 2008
11:41:34 PM EDT

used me up and threw me under the bus and I just have to face it.

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Monday, March 24, 2008
10:05:36 PM EDT

things are getting more ugly than I ever imagined. it became public because of me. I didn't want it secret any longer.

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Sunday, March 9, 2008
7:51:42 PM EDT

The perils of pot.
Today he shows up to see our daughter so obviously stoned on pot, it was pathetic.

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Friday, March 7, 2008
5:43:04 PM EST

I'm flashing back to times during this relationship that is dismantling in spite of Mr. X's promises and my efforts and I'm remembering how worthless and damaging he'd been on and off. More off than on though and that's why it is harder to recognize.

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Sunday, March 2, 2008
10:31:56 PM EST

He is so mean. I am so needy. He won't say what he wants and I keep giving him the option. I feel as if we're conjoined twins in the process of surgical removal and I'm the twin that doesn't want the operation.

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Friday, February 29, 2008
11:46:53 AM EST

I don't understand how this cruelty and flip flopping of intentions and ideas intensifies. Where is the limit?

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