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Saturday, July 19, 2008
Subject: OK We I'll Try it Again
Time: 1:35:12 PM CDT
Author: crisquest2
So AOL has been acting like an ass lately. It wont load it's pages, run it's own email and I could have lived with all that. But then they sent me a notice they were raising their prices!!
This could take awhile to make a full switch, but I am trying a new blog format over on Blogger. I hope you give it a try. I am going to try to work over there for a bit and if I like it, I make take up residence. Maybe.
If nothing else, check it out and leave a comment on how it looks. Because over there... you can leave comments! -- Y2K
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Friday, July 18, 2008
Subject: Other Bloggers
Time: 11:11:39 PM CDT
Author: crisquest2
So this weekend is the big Blogher Convention. I looked and I was not nominated for best blog ever, which was a disappointment. On the other hand, I was not nominated for worst blog ever. Seems Dooce and Perez Hilton have those slots sewed up pretty tight. This means this could mean many many things, but probably it means I am not doing it right.
So I go to other blogs and I read the one thing readers NEVER want to hear about is HOW you blog. Blogging about blogging sucks ass. Then all these sights that tell me to never blog about blogging proceed to tell me how they blog, or how they recommend others to blog.
NOTE: None of them were nominated for Blogher awards either.
Now I don't know if I have a style of writing other than fire up the laptop, stare a blank screen and mentally scream to myself, "Oh fuck!! What the hell am I going to do now?!!" But usually after staring for a few minutes, something clicks and I am off on a tale that unfolds for me about the same as it does for you. Very seldom to I do much tinkering, changing or consulting. I just pour out what is running through my mind at the time.
Which is probably why I was not nominated for the Blogher Convention. I don't plan, strategize or program. I had a three day post on how I did not become famous after blogging about not masturbating. But that was not planned ahead. Each post was a completely original thought process at the time of writing.
Now I will admit I tend to think during the day if something might make a good post. But generally I am way too busy looking at porn or taking a nap to give this site much thought during the day. There have been times I have even created two or three posts on a weekend with the thought of posting them when time was short in the workweek. I believe, to date, I have lost ever single one of those fuckers.
So mostly I sit at a blank screen and slowly build up a nervous energy that demands I put something on the screen. In time, this self inflicted pressure cooker ends up in the sterling prose that you see before you now. And maybe that is the secrete to a really hot successful blog. Post less, post quality over quantity and do a polish or two before posting.
Then there is my Floridian friends Adam and Britt who have started a whisper campaign to improve my readership. An improvement initiative that seems to know no bounds if I will only do one thing. GET A REAL BLOG!!!!
These guys seem to think AOL Journals is not a real platform for blogging, and to be fair, I didn't see many on the list of best at Blogher. I have tried Wordpress and frankly was not happy with the look. I like the way this site looks. It feels like me. Scattered yet thrown together in a last minute frenzy that somehow feels comfortable and inviting. Maybe I can get that at Google. I hear Gmail is really good. I also hear Time/Warner is trying to sell off AOL. Worse, the program will barely run, it won't load it's own pages or Email and they informed me they were raising their price for a service that is free everywhere else... even with them!
Which all seems to suggest that maybe sometime in the future, when there is time and I feel comfortable making the change that I might somehow, someday, consider making a real fucking blog! And I will, one day. Honest!
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Thursday, July 17, 2008
Subject: BIG NEWS
Time: 11:19:27 PM CDT
Author: crisquest2
Remember the old 1970s movie FM? It's about a DJ who becomes disenfranchised at the radio station he works for, so he barricades himself in the studio and hijacks the air ways. I gotta tell you, I worked in live radio back in the 1970s and the last thing we wanted was to stay longer than out shift. Evidently though, there is this dude out in San Fran who watched a lil too much AMC or something. You just KNOW there is going to be a Lifetime movie about this!!
The FDA is claiming it is now safe to go back to your favorite Itallian Restaurant and order something red.
When I was first hired by OSU, the Department head did not want me. The assistant director did. There was an open commentary for a year before they talk that bastid into hiring me. A few years later the assistant director retired because of early on-set Alzheimer's Disease. She was only 50. I am always happy to hear about advances in treatment for this terrible disease.
Yesterday, on July 16, 2008 I turned 46 years old. I would show you the pictures of the huge party thrown in my honor, but I embarrassingly got third degree burns all over my face and neck when I leaned over the raging inferno to blow out my candles. Thank you to all of the loving, caring, supportive people who remembered my special day with small tokens like cash, cars and that super cool hover around thing. Everybody elsecan just kiss my ever expanding, wrinkled old ass. heh heh heh
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Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Subject: Sacry Tales
Time: 10:28:38 PM CDT
Author: crisquest2
Look on the side of this monster blog and you will see a button from the Democrat Party that says Poverty is a weapon of mass destruction. I believe that with every fiber of my being and I am not so sure all of the help we give the poverty class isn't designed to promote poverty. For example, colleges all over the country are increasing tuition at around 12% a year! That means over the past decade most colleges have doubled the amount they charge for tuition, and they have more than doubled the fees associated with college.
To make up for the rise in tuition, and zero change in grants, major universities have declared that any child that meets their academic requirements and comes from a poverty home, will get a full ride on tuition. So immediately poverty kids are way ahead of a family that has a household income double the federal poverty rate of $35,000. I mean think about it, if a family makes even a round numbered $80,000 by the time Jr goes to college, how much can they afford to save while paying for two cars (both parents work) braces, insurance, the house, and of course all the football and cheerleader equipment the little darlings require? And keep in mind they haven't always made $80,000. In fact 10 years ago they were probably fairly new to the workforce and only making half as much, maybe $20,000 a piece, so you know there wasn't any room to save.
So the poor kids are given the gift of free tuition. Whoopee! What percentage of poor kids actually go to college and complete? Now let's say Mr and Mrs. Middle Class America save up enough to do what the old Pell Grant used to do, they scrimped and saved by skipping family vacations, sailing lessons and kept driving that 10 year old car so they can cover the price of tuition. Once these kids pay the entrance price they gotta live someplace. Oklahoma State University, this year, is charging around $900 a month for dorms. That's in Stillwater dude! Stillwater Oklahoma. What would it cost in Ithica, New York, College Station, or Berkley?
In essence these rate hikes are not only pricing the middle class out, but they preclude poor kids as well with the cost of dorm fees. And I know this seems like sour grapes from a guy whose kids are looking at college age. And yes to a degree it is, but it is also a bit more. We, as a nation have been so horribly mismanaged for the past 8 years that we are rapidly falling into an economic set back. This will be the worst set back in most people's living memory as it will be a major depression. We have a national house payment due for around $1 trillion and that alone is more than double what the FDIC has in reserves to safeguard YOUR life's savings held in CDs and savings accounts.
We are already seeing a run on a bank out on California and people are already losing money. If you have CDs you need to protect yourself. But be aware, if there is a major run in this country the FDIC will reimburse the bank patrons first come first serve. And then the big question will be, what the hell is the American dollar worth. We we long for the days we could look down on the Mexican Peso? Will we yearn for a chance to by the Euro back when it first came out? Is this the last year we will ever be able to call ourselves the World's Superpower as Europe and China assume the mantle? Will we, as a nation collapse upon ourselves, destroyed from within by our own greed?
I have said many times, the Republicans don't want to win this election. They want a scapegoat. They want a guy left holding the bag as they dance away to divide up the ill gotten booty. The only thing I know for sure is, we need to prepare for a bad storm. Batten down the hatches, protect yourself in the clinches and whatever you do, don't quit your day job! It might be all that's left for a long long time.
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Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Subject: Blog Outting
Time: 10:24:49 PM CDT
Author: crisquest2
There we are in the final day of the conference, my co-worker sitting behind the laptop computer, hogging the machine while I sit, waiting on my turn. As we wait, I notice the agenda for the day (that was just about to begin but she was still hogging the fucking computer that she kept acting like was a waste of time to bring.... but she sure as hell doesn't seem like it is a such a waste that she could fucking share, does it?) ... SO I glance over the agenda and I see the whole afternoon is going to revolve around communication technology. It will revolve around communicating via the Internet and ways to create virtual societies that enhance your job. Since I know the presenter, I can guess the subject matter of the upcoming lesson so I lean over to the co-worker and say, "I intentionally keep my blog identity private."
She looks at me in shock, like this was always known by the woman that goes in the comments and calls my wife and children and even ME by name then signs her name to the comments. "OH I never would. ...Why do you want it private?"
"Because mixing personal blogs with work stuff gets people fired. I might say something that offends somebody, they may think I am talking about them and there might be times I WILL be talking about them." I explained while looking for the core truth in my need to not have a Cris and his Last Name blog. "I now blog for me. It makes me feel good and I have total freedom to relate life stories without concern about hurting anybody's feelings with my hardly factual mostly fiction crap. I want that freedom to observe and share my life on a blog."
OK that last part of the conversation is all bullcrap. I never said that, but DAMN I wish I had! Instead I think I made the "keep it on the down low" sign, which she always claims is really gay because she watches Oprah and that's what you call getting man on man prison love in the back alley of a seedy bar populated by black guys. Which is so freakin untrue! I know because an old retired co-worker told us you get prison love by backing your car into parking spots in public parks. And he would know, he's single.
So I relax, in spite of her "Who? Me?!!" expression. And the lesson begins and we discuss Twitter and Flicker and RSS when the presenter asks,"Does anybody in the room blog?" I saw her arm semi rise then suddenly jerked it back down. Then she looked at me out of the corner of her eye. "Oops, I almost outed you!"
I was pleased with her control in spite of all the shocked expressions I was getting from the other people sitting at the table with us. Very very pleased. Even if I saved my professional reputation by accidently starting the rumor I am into man on man prison love in the back alleys of seedy bars with black men. It could be worse, they might have thought I blog!
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Monday, July 14, 2008
Subject: At A Conference
Time: 10:19:50 PM CDT
Author: crisquest2
So here I sit in an empty conference room in Wagoner Oklahoma. The night's meetings are all over and the group has turned-in for the evening. The new Deputy Director popped in and grabbed a bite as I sit in the only spot in the resort with electricity and wi-fi. Life on the road is hell when you want a daily post and feel a level of responsibility to a faithful reader.
Yes damnit, I said reader! I have been watching the numbers of hits I get lately and I think you and I might be the only ones left out there in cyberspace. Why? What the hell did I say that ran off the throngs of 3 or four other guys? Was it the little gag about clipping my toenails that was written to sound like I was eh... doing something else? Well SORRRRRRieeeeeee Dude. I know you come here with a reasonable expectation of being entertained, even more, you expect it to be funny. Well, remember the famous words of the great American actor, William Shatner, who said, "Dying is easy, but being funny is fucking hard Dude!"
So maybe I crossed a line. Was the line Michael Richards crossed when verbally assaulting poor black hecklers any different? Was the line Lindsey Lohan crossed when she flashed her coochie to the photogs, then drank her way into a lesbian affair, any worse? Hasn't America forgiven Mark Furman, David Mark Chapman, and Michael Jackson? Can't you find it in your heart to be as kind to me as you are to those pillars of common decency?
OK OK OK So I made my co-worker do the Smedley laugh. It is a personal mark of achievement if I can get her to laugh like that cartoon dog on the old 1970's cartoon "Those Wacky Racers." Granted, her laugh is not always intentional... there have been a few humiliating fauh-phas in the past that do not deserve merit in this blog. But there are times, just goofing around, I make her laugh so hard that her breath comes in fast rapid gasps that sounds like Smedley's cartoon snicker.
So tonight we were with a group of old friends and I mentioned how I had just found Craiglist. I had already discussed water melon for Viagra, the more red wine you drink the healthier you get, and hair loss, so you can tell my arsenal was running low by the time I whipped out my Craiglist tale. Yes, I thought I had jumped the conversation shark with that topic, but instead the table of old fuckers came alive as they started sharing buy/sell tales. Raymundo dominated the conversation by saying he needed to sell his Plotso (or something like that) and one of the girls asked him what it meant.
He said his Plotso was old and probably didn't still work, but....
And THAT'S when I told him he was being too hard on himself and maybe he should just more water melon.
Not One Person in that room (except me) knew why my co-worker suddenly melted in a fit of laughter that she tried to cover up and ended up making the Smedly laugh.
Yeah, I think I should get double points for a sniper shot that went undetected in a room full of witnesses. hehehehehe
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Sunday, July 13, 2008
Subject: Big Oh Tree???
Time: 3:09:37 PM CDT
Author: crisquest2
So years ago I was reading a book, I think by a dude called Erik Von Lusbader, but it was not as erotic as the name implies. This dude wrote novels of Japan and the Orient. While reading his book I ran across a new term I was unfamiliar with, Occidental. I don't remember if I was too freakin lazy to look it up, or if the definition in my old dictionary was too vague. I do know I spent years asking people if they knew the definition. In my mind, based on context clues, it mean the opposite of Oriental.
So I asked my parents, family members, in-laws, and friends. Nobody knew the answer. Once in college I started asking fellow students and even professors. One day Dr. Ainswort was the only person that ever answered the question. He summed it up very succinctly by proclaiming Occidental meant, simply, the white race.
How odd that we know all the names to refer to Hispanics, Latin Americans, African Americans, Native Americans etc yet we have no idea where white people are classified? So for a few years I used this as a smug little IQ test to see how many honkeys knew the word, most couldn't even recall Occidental Petrolium, a large oil and gas business from a couple of decades back. In time, I dropped the smug question thing, probably because of the sweet maturing effects of my wife's influence...or I got my ass kicked... whatever. The thing is, I very seldom bring up the word anymore.
But the other day I got that Email that goes around all the time bitching about Black Entertainment Television and United Negro College Fund and how those are allowed to be racist but we could never have something called White History week or a college for white people. <~ click the link!
OK OK OK just imagine me with a really superior smug little smile on my face. OH SO tickled with myself for recognizing what the name meant, the implication and... the lack of fear of getting my ass kicked by people in the Internet. heh heh heh
Written by crisquest2
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Saturday, July 12, 2008
Subject: It's Just Around The Corner
Time: 11:35:21 PM CDT
Author: crisquest2
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Subject: Another Email Political Attack
Time: 12:33:15 PM CDT
Author: crisquest2
The World's Shortest Books:
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
FRENCH WAR HEROES
By Jacques Chirac
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
A PHOTO ESSAY OF THE REBUILDING
OF NEW ORLEANS GULF
____________ _________ _________ _________ _
MY BEAUTY SECRETS
By Catherine Harris
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
MY PROFESSIONAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By FEMA Director Mike Brown
____________ _________ _________ _________
HOW TO CATCH THE BAD GUY
bY: GEORGE W. BUSH
____________ _________ _________ ___
Sequel:
IGNORE ADVISORS WHEN GOD IS ON YOUR SIDE
BY: GEORGE W. BUSH
BONUS FEATURE:
HOW THE PRESIDENT HONORED US AS NATIONAL HEROS
BY JOSEPH WILSON AND VALARIE PLAME
____________ _________ _________ __ ___
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
____________ _________ ________ _____
THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Gen. Colin Powell
____________ _________ _________ ___
___ ___
AMELIA EARHART'S
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
____________ _________ _________ _____
A COLLECTION of
MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J Kevorkian
____________ _________ _________ ____
TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
____________ _________ _________ ______
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson
____________ _________ _________ ____
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
____________ _________ _________ _________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O.J. Simpson
____________ _________ ________ _ _________ __
MY BOOK OF Truth
By George W. Bush
With an introduction dedicated to openness and honesty
by Dick Cheney and I.E. (Scooter) Libby
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Friday, July 11, 2008
Subject: When Angels Sing
Time: 9:40:07 PM CDT
Author: crisquest2
"Well you know what I think?" the wrinkled old fossil asked me over the tops of his glasses. "I think your back is probably messed up and causing that pain."
You ever have to suppress the urge to jump in an old man's face and demand "Ya Think?!!" in your most sarcastic voice. But I bit back the reaction as I focused on the sincerity in the eyes of my trusted but aged physician. Yes I had been in this office only a few weeks ago, embarrassed to admit I had pain so bad my wife demanded I actually see a doctor about it. Yes I tried to down play it because I am manly and, come on, when have I ever had too much pain to not walk it off? And I will admit I was concerned that it was taking from 30 minutes to an hour to get my shoes and socks on in the morning. But what prompted the follow up visit was the thought of standing in line at the air port for hours and hours while lugging around a lap top.
Old Dr. John told me I needed an MRI next week when the dude with an MRI machine in the back of his van drives through town. X-Rays don't tell us all we need to know, but an MRI will give us a pretty good idea what we need to do here. This kind of took me by surprise, since I thought MRI had something to do with how many home runs a guy hits in baseball, but I never let on my confusion as I asked.. "How long til I am fixed?"
For some reason I could not take my eyes off the four wirey hairs growing out of the end of his nose. "Cris, we wont be able to tell anything until we get the tests. Hopefully this medicine will help, but we wont know anything for awhile."
"You don't understand...I HAVE to go to Palm Springs for work in about 2 weeks. I will have to take a lap top with me (My blog readers NEED ME.... see I thought it) and will be standing for hours on end. What can we do? How can I do it? Can we fix it?"
"Wellllp..." he said with a resigned smile. "You'll just have to forge through it. It's one of those things we all have to do. Just take your pain medicine and that's about the best we can do."
"eh.... Dr. John? I don't have any pain medicine. You never gave me any. The Lortab I told you I took this morning was my wife's medication. I don't reallywant to go through an international airport with somebody else's prescription narcotic in my possession."
He jerked as if jolted by an unseen anal probe. (The very thing he threatened me with the last time, if I ever came back complaining of back pains) "ohhhhhh Well I was JUST about to order you some."
And that my friends is how the doors of heaven opened and the angels sang and my six year quest for Hydrocodone ended for the next 30 days.
Yes I AM heavily medicated and I love each and every one of you. Making out is fun, don't you just love the color of corn? I think I am going to play my guitar and sing loudly and drink wine.... maybe in my inderwear...udnerwear... fuck it.. NAKED Bitch.
I wonder how long til the next dose???
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