Y2K Survivor

I have always said my children have been the joy of my life.  They truly are, and I cherish each moment I have with them, whether I am bitching about the need to improve their work ethic, yelling about low grades, chewing butt over lack of responsibility, berating for lack of exercise or just demanding they fetch for me while I watch TV.  I love them in all settings.

I have created a few running jokes with my kids over the years.  I once told my daughter as she was graduating Kindergarten that I was not too happy with her progression through age five, and I thought I would have to make her repeat the year.  She looked at me funny and asked if I meant I was holding her back in school?  "Nope, just the age thing babe.  I just don't think you are emotionally equipped to handle the pressures of being six,and you are a little small for your age.  So I think I am going to have to make you repeat five."

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!" she would scream at me.

"Sure I can!  I am your father, and it is my responsibility to monitor you and set a path for you that's appropriate to your ability."  Then turning away as if I was losing interest in this explanation I added,  "Sorry but you need to go back and re-do Five.  Try and get it right this time, would ya?"

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" she would stammer.  Unable to wrap her mind around the thought that I would think she failed, one of her greatest fears, unable to grasp she somehow disappointed me, her father, (will ALWAYS be her greatest fear).  She was finding it even harder to believe I could somehow keep her from aging.  She KNEW a whole world of grown up possibilities awaited her past the age of five, there was make up, bras, and sleep overs still waiting on her if she could just get past the little kid phase... and somehow, for some reason she couldn't fathom, she was being told it was all put on hold for another year.  An eternity in little kid time.

"Will I...  Can I...  Would I get to be Seven when I have my next birthday?" she asked in trembling voice.

"Well..." I said, drawing out the sound with all the relish a father can muster, "Seven is a long ways down the road.  If it looks next year like you have finally mastered five, then you would have to be six."

"But I am six already!"

"No Hon, you are only five.  Remember, Daddy had to hold you back because you just didn't do it good enough last year?"

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!  YOU WOULD HAVE TO STOP TIME AND YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!  NOBODY CAN STOP TIME, SO I'M SIX!!"

"No baby, remember as your father I get to make all the final decisions for your welfare, and in my professional opinion you just are not ready for six."

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!"

I had so much fun that year!  God I can't believe it was over 10 years ago and that little girl is about to take her first college class in a few weeks.  You know, if I really had the Daddy Super Powers I would SO make her five all over again.

Tags: Super Powers, Mean Dad, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!