Y2K Survivor

OK So I am going to tell a dirty little secrete about Y2K Jr.  As a 13 year old boy, he has not always had the best track record with personal hygiene.  I know!  I know!  This news shocks you that a growing young boy seems to think showers WITH soap might somehow subtract from all that is important in life, like watching Cartoon Network and playing video games.  But sadly, it's true.  At times it seems as if Y2K Jr and Dial antibacterial soap are sworn enemies.

 

On the other hand, Jr. is a sly young man who is adept at misdirection.  The wily young rascal will excuse himself to the bathroom and run water for an indeterminate length of time before saturating himself in Axe Body spray.  And while this might seem like a great master plan to the non-body haired set, the rest of us notice an almost immediate fog of rank cheap perfume.  Long before he opens the door to show off his quickly wetted head and still grimy body, the cloud of cover spray ebbs and flows around him like Pig Pen's dust cloud.

 

So to his utter dismay he boldly steps out of his steamy bathroom and is completely surprised and a bit outraged when his parents demand he re-shower.  This behavior is a mystery to his mother and I, since it seems very obvious the stench of that Axe spray alone would warrant a new shower.  Yet the boy is compelled to try and try again.  I was willing to write this off as a mental handicap of the boy and I was determined to love him in spite of his impairment, when his older cousin was over to the house the other day.

 

At some point in our conversation, my nephew, a reportedly very bright young man, mentioned Axe Body Spray.  That's when it hit me like a ton of brick between the eyes!  They had fallen victim to the marketing ploy of a scent only a horny male adolescent could love.  My mind flashed on the popularity of High Karate in the 70s when scads of swinger wannabes soaked themselves in this vile green lotion in the hopes they would need to learn martial arts to fight off the horny chicks attacking them for their sexual pleasure.

 

"You know," I said to my high school senior nephew who was currently mesmerized by the world of MTV.  "That commercial is kind of misleading.  Y2K Jr. uses Axe Body spray all the time and not once have I seen Y2Kette dancing on the plumbing pipes like they were stripper poles."

 

He stopped breathing through his mouth long enough to give a look conveying pity on the feeble minded that can't grasp the obvious, "Yeah, that's because Jr. isn't using it right!"  At which point I was dismissed from his attention span and MTV rapidly filled the void I once occupied.  And I stood there looking at this honor student who has lived in the gifted and talented group, bragging he never needs to study.  (Y2Kette confirms he does not study and still makes good grades and it pisses her off) and I realize he is the best and the brightest of the next generation.  He will achieve more, do more, see more be more than I could ever dream.  Yet he is completely convinced of the magical horny inducing ability of Axe Body Spray.

 

I realize as the kids grow into adults that my role as parent will diminish.  They have to be allowed to go out and make their own decisions and sometimes make their own mistakes.  As they advance through school and conquer the obstacles that I always found to be insurmountable, with the greatest of ease; I couldn't help but feel a little better that day.  I knew I was still needed. 

 

Now I love that freakin Axe Body Spray!!!