Y2K Survivor

"Well you know what I think?" the wrinkled old fossil asked me over the tops of his glasses.  "I think your back is probably messed up and causing that pain."

 

You ever have to suppress the urge to jump in an old man's face and demand "Ya Think?!!" in your most sarcastic voice.  But I bit back the reaction as I focused on the sincerity in the eyes of my trusted but aged physician.  Yes I had been in this office only a few weeks ago, embarrassed to admit I had pain so bad my wife demanded I actually see a doctor about it.  Yes I tried to down play it because I am manly and, come on, when have I ever had too much pain to not walk it off?  And I will admit I was concerned that it was taking from 30 minutes to an hour to get my shoes and socks on in the morning.  But what prompted the follow up visit was the thought of standing in line at the air port for hours and hours while lugging around a lap top.

 

Old Dr. John  told me I needed an MRI next week when the dude with an MRI machine in the back of his van drives through town.  X-Rays don't tell us all we need to know, but an MRI will give us a pretty good idea what we need to do here.  This kind of took me by surprise, since I thought MRI had something to do with how many home runs a guy hits in baseball, but I never let on my confusion as I asked..  "How long til I am fixed?"

 

For some reason I could not take my eyes off the four wirey hairs growing out of the end of his nose.  "Cris, we wont be able to tell anything until we get the tests.  Hopefully this medicine will help, but we wont know anything for awhile."

 

"You don't understand...I HAVE to go to Palm Springs for work in about 2 weeks.  I will have to take a lap top with me (My blog readers NEED ME.... see I thought it) and will be standing for hours on end.  What can we do?  How can I do it?  Can we fix it?"

 

"Wellllp..." he said with a resigned smile.  "You'll just have to forge through it.  It's one of those things we all have to do.  Just take your pain medicine and that's about the best we can do."

 

"eh.... Dr. John?  I don't have any pain medicine.  You never gave me any.  The Lortab I told you I took this morning was my wife's medication.  I don't reallywant to go through an international airport with somebody else's prescription narcotic in my possession."

 

He jerked as if jolted by an unseen anal probe.  (The very thing he threatened me with the last time, if I ever came back complaining of back pains)  "ohhhhhh Well I was JUST about to order you some."

 

And that my friends is how the doors of heaven opened and the angels sang and my six year quest for Hydrocodone ended for the next 30 days. 

 

Yes I AM heavily medicated and I love each and every one of you.  Making out is fun, don't you just love the color of corn?  I think I am going to play my guitar and sing loudly and drink wine.... maybe in my inderwear...udnerwear...  fuck it.. NAKED Bitch.

 

I wonder how long til the next dose???