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8:41:00 PM EDT
MELANCHOLY MOOD
It's a late Sunday afternoon and due to handling my pain meds patch wrong this morning . . . wasn't sure if I had the pain med side or the other side . . . got a little too much medication in my system (it'll come in through the hands if not applied to the back immediately). One patch stays on the back for three days. I am still adjusting to these patches, although I think they're a bit easier on my system OVERALL . . . and using duragesic patches gets one out of the habit of taking pills SO frequently orally . . . which will help me to eventually come off stronger pain meds. They aren't perfect, they do have their DOWN SIDE (no pun intended)!
So, my mistake caused me to lose most of my day. I don't sleep enough usually, but today I slept most the day away. Now, I'm awake and Steve needed to get back over at his mother's to take her shopping, and then he stays there on Sunday's. He's so great to jump from one domicile to another to help an invalid mother and semi-invalid fiance. He does SO much. He's a very loving, good-hearted person. The kind you seldom meet in REAL LIFE. What a blessing he is in my life. He checks on my parents more often than I do. This older couple who has never trusted easily have quickly come to trust him like he's one of their own. He kids with my mother who has suffered so the past couple decades of her life. Steve can make her smile.
She often sees him and holds out her arms like a little girl when Daddy walks in the room. "Give me a hug!" she'll say, happily. It's miraculous. It's been a reminder to me that miracles happen EVERY day! She delights over the dinners he makes for my parents. She knows that when her husband and Steve are in the room . . . all's right with the world, at least for a little while. She's safe for a little while.
I want today . . . BACK, but that's a feeling I used to have frequently when my back was REALLY BAD, when the painwould be so bad that I could barely get up to use the restroom . . . and those were days that I was so grateful to feel my cool sheets and the support of my bed under me again. I wasn't at ease trying to walk . . . knowing a killer pain could hit at any moment, nearly bringing me to my knees. I've been much better, but I still deal with the different medications and med changes . . . and what they do to me.
This afternoon is a melancholy reminder that we all have a finite amount of time here on earth. It's SO important to make the most of it. I'm playing with the dogs and wishing I'd gotten up early . . . wanting back my day . . . the part that I was dreaming, sleeping, seeing myself 100% normal . . . younger, walking tall and straight. Wanting ALL the hours that I slept away while Steve was here back to do OVER, to do RIGHT!
If I would have rested better during the night, we might have taken the dogs back to the greenbelt area we found.
We took them out and drove around and found the greenbelt about two weeks ago. We wanted my sweet little dog, Avie, to FEEL grass . . . feel it, smell it . . . experience it! REAL GREEN SOFT GRASS! She is eighteen months old and because we have desert landscaping and natural landscaping at the cabin . . . this little dog had NEVER run on grass and the little pads on her feet are so dainty and easily bruised if she runs too much in the rocks in the backyard. The dogs had slowed down in general because it had started to get really hot, but that day wasn't bad.
That was a good day . . . a day about opportunities taken!
Here is a shot of Avie with her cheerleader's bullhorn. She LOVES toys . . . they're like her PROPS, to make her more adorable, more irresistable. She often comes to me begging . . . oh, so subtly, a giant soft pink squeaking bone in her little jaws. LOL! Oh yes, she's about as subtle and unsure of herself as a locomotive.
You should have seen her the day she first set paw on REAL LIVE GRASS! She walked a few steps, looked down, started trotting, then broke into a RUN! I mean she ran like she's never run before!!! She was staying down low, trying to keep up with her bigger taller sisters! She took a tumble or two trying to turn . . . it was so new, but she LOVED it! She was in love with this soft green stuff that felt so good under her paws!
She would run back to me panting hard, but wouldn't stay long before she'd see that Dad was a long way away and the other dogs were getting to run and if she didn't GO . . . NOW, she might not have the chance to run on grass again, to feel that wonderful feeling of soft green grass under her pads and the wind blowing through her fur! Her ears occasionally billowing out like a little ship's sail. Yep, she was the S.S. AVIE, FREE . . . FREE to fly across the grass! It's a beautiful sight to see an animal enjoy feelng their body move and feeling the JOY in just being ALIVE!!!
She took EVERY opportunity to run . . . and run some more . . . and came home SPENT.
I carried her in the house and she took a gulp of water, then did the splits slowly, allowing the tile to cool her tummy and allowing tired muscles to rest.
She was soon asleep . . . and before long I heard little bitty half-barks coming from her direction . . . she'd jerk just slightly, no doubt barking at Dad . . . . barking at her sisters . .. just one more run in the grass . . . just ONE MORE! If only in her dreams!
Rest well, Avie!
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Very nice entry, really enjoyed reading about sweet little Avie. :)
Have a great wkend dear.
Hugs, Sugar -
Just lovely. Boy do I wish I could run pain free too now or hang upside down from the monkey bars like when I was a kid, bend to do laundry like the days we would bend & squat to catch tad poles, not have your butt hurt riding your bike. etc! HA!
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AND . . . also THANK YOU, MICHELLE! It's MUCH appreciated!
Cyn -
It WOULD be wonderful to take ONE MORE RUN through the grass . . . like Avie did that day!
Yes, she is a Maltese . . . you'd NEVER know that she's grown. She still acts very much like a puppy. She jumps up past my waist and gets so EXCITED about EVERYTHING.
Sometimes I think that caring for her DOES force me to get up and around and I often feel like I pick up a little bit of her enthusiasm. It's hard not too smile at this innocent little girl who is SO excited about the big interesting world around her!
Thanks for your help, Merry . . . and for your kind perceptive comments, Penny and Jackie.
Hugs,
Cyndy
6/25/06 1:55 PM
You have such a strong positive spirit, Cyndee.
Marti