Dust Bunny Protector

9:38:15 PM CDT
Feeling Enlightened

When I qualified for my first credit card, I thought I was a grown up.

When I got married, I knew I was a grown-up.

And, then I had children and thought, now I am officially an adult.

When I was asked to be a chaperone I felt I was a "cool" adult.

I later took on all the responsibilities of single parenthood and said, this is what it means to be an adult.

When I bought my first home I learned mortgage = adult.

I was with my grandmother when she breathed her last and felt that moment was a turning point into adulthood.

I helped my mother make the arrangements for my grandmother's passing and felt even older.  It was the first time I had ever had to help pick out a casket.  [I had always said I wanted to be buried in the cheapest box possible but after I saw the garish pink and blue flocked caskets, I decided to rethink my position.]

When I got bifocals I kept my adult secret to myself.

When I got trifocals I bragged about how easily I adapted.  That's what grown-ups do.

When I became a grandmother I announced that it was a premature event!

When my children complained that my television was too loud, I suggested they had ruined their hearing with their ipods and surround sound.

When I eat at a cafeteria and don't want the blue Jello, I realize my childhood is fading.

When people, whom I consider to be my peers, call me Momma and ask my advice, I tell myself I am flattered.  I'm not sure I am.

When AARP started sending me mailers I considered it junk mail.

When I can eat what I want, when I want it but still choose vegetables I feel very mature.

And, since both my parents are relatively healthy and living on their own I realize I have not had to take on that ultimate role of caregiver or decision maker so my segue into adulthood is not complete.  I am grateful to still be the child.

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9:24:53 PM CDT
Feeling Cheerful
Hearing Omage to a Major Award from "A Christmas Story"

Wow!  I was very pleased to win the Magic Smoke "What's The Caption" award and I appreciate all the great comments you have so kindly left for me.  I was a bit embarrassed that the one time I am getting "national attention" was when my latest entry was the most unguarded entry I have ever posted. 

http://journals.aol.com/journalseditor/magicsmoke/entries/2008/07/22/winner-of-whats-the-caption-wednesday-16.../3403

I typically want to go for the upbeat, more positive post and having new readers come at this time was like having drop-in company when your house is in shambles. 

Never fear. I have cleared the papers off the coffee table, washed the sink full of dishes and, much like Hansel and Gretel's crumbs in the forest, I have picked up the trail of clothing that starts just inside the front door. 

So, ya'll come on back now, ya hear?!!

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9:26:46 PM CDT
Feeling Thoughtful
Hearing Tijuana Brass - The Taste of Honey

I believe that everyone has two sides to their life.  There are the pleasant memories and the not so pleasant ones.  Even in the most unhappy of childhoods there will be moments of laughter and joy, if for no other reason, than they were the moments that were less painful.

The other night I wrote an entry of things I remembered from my childhood. It was a fun list and many of the items were from my family's once a year "vacation" to visit my mother's family 1,500 miles away. Wish we could have gone there more often. It was a time where my mother was happy with her friends and extended family. She never quite adjusted to marrying a Southern and being uprooted.  But that was only part of what made her unhappy.

As I created my happy list I was glad to recall the fun times I had as a child but I also thought, "There is that other list I could make.  Boy, would it be a different picture!!"  Things were difficult to say the least in my house. Not the Sybil, multiple personality, kind of trauma, but the painful, daily events that shaped my one personality.

There is no need for me to dig up all the debris I remember so I will hit some high-points of the low-points:

When my mother called us to wake up in the morning, if she came back and found us still sleeping we got a glass of cold water in the face.  I took some cynical delight the time she over shot and left watermarks on the draperies.

My parents found some reason to spank me almost every day of my childhood. Some major reprisals, many minor ones. My dad was out of town most weeks, Monday through Friday, so most of the discipline came from Mom. But when Dad came home, mother presented him with a list of our transgressions and, if he did not punish us as well, she felt he was not showing support and there was hell to pay. I can recall a time when I felt I would get calluses on my rear from the daily whippings with a variety of paddles. While the quantity diminished through the years, I got my last spanking at the age of 18. I kid you not!! 

My dad and I have made peace about it and he apologized for how hard line he was and how he allowed my mother to get away with so many things that should have been stopped. Mom, on the other hand, is in denial that things were ever that bad as I tried to come to terms with my feelings in discussions with her. 

Now, understand I was raised in a very, very strict home where my mother expected perfection and we children tried our hardest to comply. None of us were ever wild or willfully disobedient.  We knew better!! I never snuck out of the house, always had to ask permission to go places or do things and generally the answer was no.  I was raised to believe that if I ever ran away from home I was not welcome to return.  And, nothing that happened at home was ever to be discussed with anyone else!  When my high school youth minister wanted us to talk about our feelings or things that were happening in our lives, it put my mother in orbit.  Ya think?!!

When I was in the 6th grade my mother called the school and told them to send me home. I have no idea what she told the school secretary but since it was the 1960s, she may have told her the true reason for her request.  I pedaled my bike home furiously, thinking I would see the house on fire as I rounded the bend, but no.  I raced inside and seemed to startle my mother.  Maybe she had forgotten about the call.  What was so urgent that I had to cover almost two miles on my bike?  She wanted me to pick up my pajamas I had left on the floor.  I was horrified and, to be honest, I do not recall the trip back to the school or what I told my friends.  Maybe I did split my personality at that moment and there is a Mini-Me who holds that memory. She can keep it!

I donot recall any sunscreen at our house and when we went swimming on vacation I always got a severe sunburn.  Mother's solution was to bath me in vinegar. Oh, the tears I shed from the pain, begging her not to do it.  It was suppose to make the burn turn tan but in all my years, I never had the skin type to tan. To this day I recoil at the smell of some pickles and salad dressings. Balsamic vinegar can make me catatonic.  Just kidding!!

When I forgot to brush my teeth one time, my dad came to the school and called me out of class.  I can see him to this day.  He was wearing a tan suede jacket and he pulled out toothpaste and my toothbrush from his pocket.  I remember what my face looked like in the bathroom when I was standing there brushing my teeth and crying. Lord have mercy!!  I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me.

On Saturday night there was a big ordeal of hair washing and preparations for the next day.  For some reason my mother, who use to have us lay on the kitchen counter while she washed our hair in the sink, always turned on the coldest water for the last rinse. You could be so peaceful, getting your hair washed, warm and sudsy.  And then, wham!  A cup full of ice cold water at the end to "close the pores."  Whatever!!

My earliest memory is when my mother made me take my favorite stuffed animal out to the trash can in the backyard.  I believe it was because the bunny had torn but what possesses a person to make a 3 year old do such a thing?  I can still remember how sad I was and the way the red checked pants on the rabbit looked as I dropped him into the trash.

I could go on but I will refrain.  Suffice it to say that none of us are unscathed and while someone may have some happy memories scattered throughout their childhood, they may have just as many painful ones.  We each have to make a conscious decision how we will allow those events to effect us as adults.  I hope my experience made me a better parent since I was determined to raise my own children differently.

So, when I look back, I try to pretend that we were always on vacation.

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9:53:31 PM CDT
Feeling Cheerful
Hearing Elvis "The Wonder of You"

I was driving on a service road of the highway the other day when I approached an intersection where there had just been a two car accident.  I saw there was a woman still sitting in the driver's seat and about five men had gotten out of their cars to help.  I pulled over and went back to offer my support as well.  I have no medical background and typically do not feel I need or should get involved in a situation like this. It is not that I don't care, it's just that I think the best thing for me to do is stay out of the way.  But after I had my car accident last November, I recognized how I was so grateful to the people that came up to help me and the woman who held my hand. I wanted to do the same for this young woman. It is a scary, helpless feeling.

Her car was absolutely totaled since she had been t-boned by a utility truck, spun around and hit a large utility box.  Glass was everywhere but she had relatively few injuries.  Thank goodness for her seatbelt!  Problem was she was 3 months pregnant and was naturally upset. I told her I was just there to hold her hand until the ambulance arrived and I asked if she needed me to call anyone.  She had me call her husband and I reassured him she appeared basically okay - just scared more than anything.  I offered words of comfort, reminding her the worst was over, telling her the ambulance was on its way and so was her husband.  She had me call him back to ask if he was coming on his motorcycle (he wasn't) and to be careful (he was trying).

I saw a pair of glasses in the middle of the intersection and sure enough, they were hers so I retrieved them for her. A guy had climbed into the back seat of her car and was holding her head immobile and asking her medical questions. He seemed to know what he was doing and gave all the details to the EMTs when they arrived.  I moved out of the way, held her purse and started gathering the CDs that were scattered from one end to the other.  I knew her car was headed to a towing lot so I put as many things in her purse as I could that looked important. 

When her husband arrived they were already loading her into the ambulance so I gave him her purse, asked what else I could do and started back to my own car. 

I don't really notice the grass on the side of these roads.  It's either mowed or in need of mowing and this area appeared mowed.  Imagine my shock when I am walking along the grassy shoulder back to my car and stepped into a crevice up to my knee.  Guess it is to be expected in hot, dry Texas where the ground expands and contracts on a daily basis. Luckily, I was wearing my ankle brace but I lost my balance and sat down in the grass with a thud.  I wasn't hurt but my bad foot was stuck in the hole. I said out loud but to myself, "Oh, that's just great!" I started laughing and was rocking back and forth trying to  extricate myself. That was all the EMTs needed.  The casual bystander now part of "the scene."   'scuse me.  Got room for me in that ambulance??  I seem to have rebroken something. LOL

A second later two of the firemen approached, offered a hand and pulled me loose. They were concerned I was hurt but I assured them only my pride was a bit bruised. I got in my car and drove on, grateful things had not been more serious with the driver and thinking how we are all in this together.

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9:09:00 PM CDT
Feeling Nostalgic
Hearing rain on the window

I usually get so caught up reading everyone else's entries and run out of time to do my own. But, along the way, I read so many great journals and they trigger ideas for me to "bring home".

Tonight was no exception. I enjoyed, among others, Robin, http://journals.aol.com/robinngabster/TheYellowBrickRoad/ and her most recent "I remember" entry. I immediately started down memory lane myself.

I remember ...

1.  My dad playing The Barbie Game with my sister and me one Christmas day.  We laughed so hard when he had to go to the prom with Poindexter and he acted sufficiently disgusted with his lousy luck.

2.  Homemade ice cream in the summer. For years it was the hand crank kind and later it was the oh-so-cool electric version.  Mom put towels on top and we kids took turns sitting on it to pack down the ice.  And, rock salt! 

3.  Vacations spending three days in the car to get to Mom-mom and Pop-pop's house. There was a drawer in the guest bedroom where my grandmother always put new toys for our visit.

4.  Pick-up sticks.

5.  Transistor radios.  Hidden under the pillow and then fall asleep with the music playing and the battery run down by morning.

6.  My Pink Lady bicycle that I pedaled to school every day since my mom did not drive for years and my dad traveled during the week. I really wanted a regular colored bike like my friends and I took a lot of kidding for my fancy-schmancy one.

7.  I loved Cocoa Krispies every school day morning with orange juice and toast. Fried eggs and bacon only on Saturday mornings. Oatmeal with brown sugar and raisins on Sundays.

8.  Sunday's roast, potatoes and carrots cooked in an iron dutch oven while we were at church. The smell that greeted us when we returned home was wonderful!!

9.  Praying at every meal.

10.  Playing the card game Pit.  Corner on the market!!!!

11.  The red baby doll pajamas I got when I had my tonsils removed.

12.  Peppermint lifesavers in the right hand drawer of my great grandfather's roll top desk.

13.  Rolling pennies with Pop-pop on vacation.

14.  The weekly Top Forty list the (only) radio station in town put out. I remember collecting them but cannot recall where we picked them up.

15.  Feeling sophisticated playing cribbage with my cousin.

16.  Picking beetles off the rose bushes in the backyard.

17.  The big wooden picnic table.

18.  The box of 64 Crayola crayons.  With a built in sharpener.  That was the coolest!!

19.  Mother sewing all our clothes.  The fights we had over the hems as I got older.

20.  Dippity Doo

21.  Wrapping toilet paper around my hair at night to keep the hair just right! I would wake up with a wad of tp on my pillow and curly bangs - again!!

22.  Pedal pushers.

23.  Care packages at camp.

24.  Picking blackberries ... and raspberries ... and strawberries.

25.  Honeysuckle in abundance.

What fun this was!  Living it and remembering it.

 

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9:50:44 PM CDT
Feeling Nostalgic

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9:43:23 PM CDT
Feeling Adventurous

I love fireworks!! So, this past holiday weekend, I did not miss an opportunity to enjoy, not one, but two events. One on Thursday evening and another on Friday. The Thursday event was Kaboom Town which has frequently been ranked in the top ten of outstanding fireworks displays. http://www.addisontexas.net/events/KaboomTown/

When the children were young, Kaboom Town was a family adventure. We packed a cooler, plenty to eat and our lawn chairs and planted ourselves in a KMart parking lot across the street from the main festivities. We tailgated with lots of friends and it was a blast.  You had to start early to get the best vantage point and I clearly remember the year where we were so close it looked as though the sparks would rain down on us.

During the six years I lived in another city I got homesick the night before each July 4th and longed for "the good ol' days." The first year I was back in town, I joined several friends and my daughter with her new boyfriend as we spread a picnic and shared cold drinks. Texas in July brings its own challenges to stay cool. We had a great time but swore we would remember where we were that year and try to get closer in the future.

This year was a bit different. My son was in town and he and my son in law (aforementioned "new boyfriend") had played golf all afternoon and were in no mood to sit in the heat waiting for the sun to set.  I was not to be deterred so my daughter, bless her heart, packed up the baby, food, drinks and yours truly and off we headed into the sunset.

The news that night indicated that over 350,000 were in attendance at Kaboom town. Can you imagine the crowds??

The KMart has long been gone so we were guessing what might be a good location. Naturally, my daughter wanted to avoid as much of the traffic as possible.  But, we kept creeping closer and closer until we finally found a nice big parking lot with several other families already set up and aimed toward the event.

Out came the lawn chairs, in festive red, white and blue, of course. Then the baby's Pack N Play, mini-playpen, toys, July 4th pinwheels, cooler, food, drinks, radio ... we were set.  This particular fireworks display is set to music on one of the local stations. I could just feel the anticipation in the air.

Finally, at 9:30 PM, the fireworks started. You know how we knew?  We could see the glow of the display in the distance, directly behind the building that blocked our view! We had parked too far away and the rockets red glare was too low on the horizon.

You should have seen the scramble in that parking lot as we all rushed to try and secure a better view. But first ... throw the Pack N Play in the back, collapse the chairs, shut the cooler, grab the stroller and baby and run!  The whole display is only 30 minutes long so time was of the essence. Across the parking lot, over the curb, across the street, hop the the other curb, dodge the construction of the building in our way, round the bend, don't stop in front of others who have better seats staked out and still .... not a good view.  A row of small, decorative trees lined the street!!  They've got their nerve trying to beautify the area!

Keep in mind I am still recovering from knee and ankle surgery so I did my best to keep up and not fall down. Three generations of thrill seekers.  A one year old, her mother and grandmother. What a trio!  I kept repeating, "Unbelievable!"  No, my daughter chided, "Believable!!"

We finally found a small break on the horizon and I spent the next few minutes trying to help the baby see the fireworks in between the trees.  She did not quite understand why Nana had spent that time teaching her, "What do the fireworks say?  Boom!"  Yeah, right, Nana! And, we thought this would be a photo op, the baby with the fireworks lighting up the background. Instead, we have pictures of Baby looking at her mom as Nana points to nothing in the distance.

By the time we walked back to the car, we ended up stuck in traffic that lasted over an hour.

Let's just say, my son and son-in-law were grateful they had passed on the experience. And, you can be sure that the next night when I went with some friends to another fireworks show we knew exactly where the fireworks were based before we settled in.

 

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8:13:46 PM CDT
Feeling Triumphant

I am now the proud owner of a Nikon D60 SLR with a 18-55 VR and 55-200mm lenses.  Bit of a jump from the WalMart disposables I have been using, huh? 

Big thanks to all of you who left comments or sent emails recommending a digital camera.  Your advice was excellent and it helped me know where to look in my quest.  I did a lot of research on line and then in store searching as well.  Everyone at the stores was very competitive when I told them what price I was prepared to pay and asked what could they do for me for that amount. One sales assistant said, "You found that price on line right? I will meet that price."  Nope, I want you to throw in more or beat the price.  She did not have the authority.  See ya.

So, ultimately, I got the best package deal with a free printer and classroom instruction at Wolf Camera. I took my first pictures that evening of fireworks and was sooo pleased with how they turned out. Now I just have to figure out how to get them from camera to computer.  Details, details.

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7:51:18 PM CDT
Feeling Inspired
Hearing "Mother and Son"

He knew they were in trouble.  He saw the look of fear in her eyes and all he could do was offer encouragement.  “Come on, Mom.  You can do it.  It can’t be much further.”  She was not as confident and the strain was showing.  He had tried earlier to cajole her with humor but the time for levity was long past.

 

She knew her limitations and she struggled to keep pace.  When they had originally set out on that cold December day, neither of them could have anticipated the twist of fate that would alter their plans and bring them to such a test of endurance.  Mother and son, facing the elements of nature – on their own.

 

And so they continued.  He took the lead and around each bend, they faced yet another disappointment.  How had they become so lost?  He had experience in similar circumstances and had led many others through rough terrain, always offering a positive word, a reassuring smile.  This time it was different.  This time it was not planned and neither of them was adequately prepared.  Her shoes did not provide the support she needed and on occasion she had stumbled.  Fortunately, she had not fallen.  They both feared that if she did, the will to stop would be stronger than the will to press forward. 

 

He looked over his shoulder. In spite of the cold, he could see that the effort she was making had caused moisture to form on her forehead and, at her temples, her hair was damp.  The wind whipped dry leaves around their feet and they crackled and crumbled beneath their step.  Her lips were just as dry and parched.  They had begun to crack and he, too, realized he needed water.  Why had they left it in the car?  He berated himself for his failure to plan ahead.  “I can’t let myself dwell on that now!”  It was too late for personal recriminations.  He searched the sky and was relieved to see thick, dark clouds forming with an ominous look of rain.

 

Neither of them had brought adequate provisions.  She clutched a small bag close to her chest as she struggled to keep her coat closed. While the button less coat was stylish, she felt foolish now at the naiveté of her choice.  No water, no food and the charge on the batteries of their respective cellular phones had long since faded.  Why hadn’t they called when there was still a possibility they could guide someone to their location?  It was pride.  Both had been convinced they could walk out of this maze.

 

The son had recognized early they were lost but rather than retrace their steps he had encouraged her to keep moving forward.  Each turn had brought another disappointment when the landscape remained unfamiliar.

 

The mother stayed quiet but she mentally chided herself for the sedentary life she lived.  She did not walk much and now every fiber in her screamed for rest.  What had possessed her to start out on this miscalculated outing?  It all seemed so simple and yet, they were so engrossed in their conversation neither one had recognized the wrong turns they had made along the way. 

 

As they rounded the next bend, her spirit was buoyed.  She saw familiar landscapes and realized that the end of the trail was near.  She hobbled faster and her son, now relieved to see the end in sight, teased her unmercifully.  “Look at you – breathing so hard!  Come on!!”  He laughed and she smiled.  It was almost over.

 

The next time they went shopping at the mall, she would pay attention to where they parked!

 

 

 

Original story by Donna aka Dust Bunny Protector, December 2006

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10:14:55 PM CDT
Feeling Nervous

I need advice.  I have been talking about purchasing a digital camera for over two years but my fear of buyer's remorse has stopped me from taking that final step. I had a wonderful 35 mm that took the best pictures but when I misplaced it I decided first that I was not mature enough to be trusted with a camera and must be punished. I believe I have now done my penance and I would like to take a technological leap forward. But here I stand, still on the precipice.

I need all you great photogs to recommend a camera to me. I want to be able to see the feathers on the bird up in the tree but not necessarily the one in flight. I do not want a delay in the flash or the baby will have stopped smiling by the top the shot is complete. I want to take breathtaking pictures of mountains in the distance and butterflies on flowers.  And, since I am not very technologically inclined, I don't want to have to refer to the manual for the next year in order to remember how to set the darn thing.

And, I need to know where can I get the best deal.

So what have I done for the last two years?  I still love photography so as part of my penance I have swallowed all pride and continued to purchase the Kodak or Fuji disposable cameras. Forget  the zoom.  Forget immediate viewing.  Forget reliable flash. But I must say I have still gotten some of the best shots with those little cameras and when I get them developed they are all ready to be added to my latest scrapbook endeavor.

I must admit it was a bit embarrassing when my granddaughter was born. There were all the relatives at the nursery window with their fancy schmancy, state-of-the-art cameras and yours truly was front and center with her WalMart special. It wasn't like I could act as though I had left my real camera at home.  "I went off without my X3000 Ultra Zoom so I just stopped and picked this up on the way to the hospital." I almost did not get my grandmom certification.

So, can you help me out? Of course, after I get the camera I will be looking for instructions on how to get the pictures from the camera into my Dust Bunny journal.  I can hardly wait!

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