Inside Daryl's Mind

So here I am at work again.  We are trying to work a new schedule, and i am trying to work a new schedule for myself for that one.  Hopefully Ill be on an 8 hour shift soon, but who knows. My mother just bought some plane tickets to come visit us.  Which may not sound that interesting, but my mother has NEVER seen anywhere that I have lived since I moved out.  Well, she saw my empty college dorm room, and my first apt (also when it was empty), since then...nothing.  So the fact that my mom is actually coming to visit, is really amazing.  Supposedly I am the favorite child and the youngest (the baby), but I also seem to be the one everyone forgets about.  Such as my birthday that they all forgot about this year.  But Im a forgiving person, so they have been forgiven. 

For some reason lately I have been in the absolute worst mood EVER.  Every little thing sets me off.  I wanted to put a hole in the wall because the computer wouldnt make a CD.  The night before last I was about to lose my temper because the help number for SBC wouldnt pull up, and then when it did I got some guy that I could barely understand that started asking me the no-shit questions they always do.  The funny thing is, he turned out to be one of the most helpful people on tech support ive ever talked to.  Kristen has been recieving a good brunt of it.  I felt better last night after I went for a run, and today i felt better when i just sang at the top of my lungs on the way to work.  Of course i almost lost my voice and couldnt really talk that much when i got to work.  I think its because I am always so stressed about money.  I know I shouldn't be but I am.  We always have some bill that is our own retarded fault that cuts so far into my pay that we dont have any leeway with extras.  And I look forward to paying them off, thinking when I pay this one off, I will feel better and things will be easier.  When I pay them off, I dont feel better, and things arent easier.  Then there is my car.  So much shit is breaking on it, and I want/need a new car soo bad.  With the snow coming it makes me even more leerie of not having a new oh i dunno all wheel drive WRX.  I so dont want to have an accident because ive got a screwed up car and there is snow everywhere, i got lucky last year that when i came to work was when no one was on the road.  now i come to work at rush hour.  oh well.  Part of it is that Kristen doesnt worry at all.  Everything will work out and there is no reason to worry about it she says.  Well yea...things will work out, because I am actively trying to work them out.  Very frustrating, however, i do let it stress me out more than it should.  I see staff sergeants with 5 kids, making less than me with new vehicles and nice stuff and doing just fine.  then there is me...an officer...supposedly making a lot of money, and i can barely make bills each month.  and its not like we have a new BMW or something we have a mazda and a broke-dick mustang.  we dont have kids, we have two dogs.  and all the stuff we have, we have had for a long time.  oh well....im ranting again, but i guess thats what this is for.  Anyways...im out...and if you are reading....thanks for listening :-)

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• #1 Comment from krissykay0583 
  10/20/05 3:34 AM | Permalink

  My poor baby... I wish you wouldn't stress so much over the money. I know you feel like you have to take on all the stress because I don't worry about it, but the reason I don't worry about it is because I would be a wreck and in bad moods all the time like you if I did. I grew up not having money and I have conditioned myself to deal with it without freaking out. I know it doesn't feel like it but we are going to catch up eventually. I wish you could have a brand new car right now =(