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ESPN Must Keep Celebs Out of the MNF Booth
Since the Bengals and Colts are loaded with fantasy studs and I made the playoffs in all three of my leagues (no big deal), I watched this week's Monday Night Football with great interest. What struck me -- other than that Peyton Manning should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell -- is how incredibly awkward and unnecessary it is when ESPN brings a celebrity into the booth to chat with Tirico, Theismann and Kornheiser. Last night's unlucky bastard was Matthew McConaughey, and one exchange went something like this:
Theismann: So why'd you do this movie, Matt?
McConaughey: Well, it was the best script I ever ...
Theismann: Hold on, after this play.
Before this could even register on the awkward scale, my brother was already AIMing me to ask if I'd heard it. Sure, he and I share a brain, but I'm fairly certain our point remains the same: Fans don't want to hear that crap while they're trying to watch a football game.
I brought this up to my boss at AOL Sports today because he's an ex-ESPN executive, and I figured he'd be able to offer insight as to why the Worldwide Leader chooses to do this every week on MNF. He says the reasoning goes something like this: If sideline reporters are interviewing celebs in the stands anyway, why not just bring those people into the booth? What's funny is that I can actually picture executives nodding their heads in agreement. And while I hear what my boss is saying, my rebuttal is this: Fans don't want to hear celebs in the stands either.
Sure, there are usually exceptions to the rule. Charles Barkley was in the MNF booth earlier this season, and he was fantastic. Eva Longoria is at every Spurs playoff game, and I don't think anyone has a problem with her getting some face time. Give Bill Murray a microphone, and I'm on the edge of my seat. But ESPN needs to stop shooting itself in the foot.
If you don't believe me, take MJD's word for it. He has liveblogged nearly every single MNF game this year in FanHouse and even posts a critique of each broadcast afterwards, something he dubs The Kornheiser Chronicles. Here are some examples of When Having Celebs in the Booth Goes Wrong ...
From Week 14 with Jim Belushi:
Belushi has a show on ESPN's big brother ABC (I think it's still on the air, though I couldn't swear to it, and I'm not going to look it up at the risk of accidentally hearing Belushi's voice again), so of course, he has to be promoted, regardless of the fact that he's about the least entertaining person on television.
From Week 5 with James Denton:
Tirico, Kornheiser and Theismann acted like idiots, gleefully asking questions that they thought were pretty amusing, questions that Denton just seemed like he was suffering through, like he would if he was stuck in an elevator with three overzealous "Desperate Housewives" fans.
From Week 15 with McConaughey:
McConaughey was just overwhelmed ... and hey, you probably would be, too, if you had just met three guys for the first time and within five minutes of meeting them, all three of them had called you "sexy." That happened, friends. That. Happened.
And the coup de grace, Week 11 with Jay-Z:
Tirico handled it as professionally as he could, but Theismann and Kornheiser were completely thrown by the presence of a rapper. They had no idea what to say to him, or what to ask him. It was as if the second Jay-Z sat down, Theismann and Kornheiser said to themselves, "we have absolutely nothing in common with this man" and downshifted into "uncomfortable elevator small talk" mode. From there, they just made small talk, smiled politely, and waited for Jay to arrive at his floor and calmly get off. Then they took their hands off their wallets.
Related: FanHouse's Michael David Smith just posted the five best NFL announcers and the five worst NFL announcers. Kornheiser tops the bad list, Vermeil and Jaws the good.
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12/19/06 10:14 PM