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While the question around DC remains, "Will Portis play against Minnesota this week?," I'm, as usual, more concerned with the man's social life. Besides, ESPN "Medicine Man" Will Carroll leads us to believe he'll be fine. So it's with that in mind that we turn our eyes to Esquire's profile on Coach Janky Spanky. The whole thing is certainly worth your time, but at least two key excerpts need to be highlighted...

"The most elaborate of his current [fishtank] collection has been reserved for his bedroom, where the magic happens. More specifically, it's reserved for his bed, the headboard of which consists of an aquarium that nearly reaches the ceiling, a square-shouldered arch filled with salt water, coral, fish, and a freakishly large sea anemone that looks an awful lot like a gaping vagina.

"You gonna fool yourself, too?" Portis says. "I know what this looks like, but I got a woman down in Miami. We been together seven years."

"You know what, man, honestly? Yeah, I have my share. I have fun with it. I'm twenty-four, bro! You love to think that the woman you with, that's the woman you want for the rest of your life. And I done felt that way. But I'm twenty-four! I don't do [stuff] to disrespect her. I try to keep it outta her face. But we have an understanding.

"Let's just call it an understanding that I'm not perfect."

That's just about the most honest and hilarious thing I've ever read. If there's another athlete who's consistently as open and entertaining as Portis, I hope he comes and plays for my team too. Oh, and here's that other excerpt...

"Portis says today that he wanted to retire the charade several times, but when¬ever he had convinced himself he was done with it, he was presented with some divine reason to come up with another disguise. For instance: "Once I heard Rod Woodson and Lincoln Kennedy [of the NFL Network] say that I wasn't focused, that I should quit it, I knew I had to keep rolling with it. Don't tell me what to do. They can kiss my ass."

Get well, C-Po. The league isn't nearly as fun without you. Nor do I trust Ladell Betts and T.J. Duckett. So, yeah, get well.

Portis Has an Interesting Bed, and an Understanding [The Big Lead]
Deadspin HOF Nominee: Clinton Portis [Deadspin]
'Let's Get Rid of These Games' [Saved by the Blog]

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• #1 Comment from nd1113 
  10/22/06 9:41 PM | Permalink

  some of the hits on quaterbacks by these filthly low life animals should result in jail time,or huge fines......they are as low class as they get,the hit on Manning today lookedlike he was trying to break his back,only because his hand slipped off manning is he alive now      rd1064