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A sincere question answered.....
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I shaved my legs for this?
Monday Photo Shoot......End of Summer
Comment from: ashleekr
"Is your life as perfect as you always seem to portray it?"
I really had to put alot of thought into that question so I could give you a very sincere answer. My life is far from being the perfect life but it is perfect for me, if that makes any sense. Because in a perfect life I would have had the perfect childhood and my childhood was far from perfect. I spent most of it trying to become invisable when my Father was drunk and then trying to be visable at times when he wasn't. I fought hard not to believe what my tormenter, my brother told me all my life that I was worthless and stupid and that is all I would ever be and that I deserved nothing......It's a good thing I never believed him. I now know he was actually revealing how he felt about himself, he just didn't want to be alone in his pain.
In a perfect life I would not have to watch my two youngest struggle to be 'Normal' and be accepted. They both have disorders that will only hold them back during learning and childhood, but with the right medications and therapies the disorders are barely noticable. But that doesn't help them with not being exactly like their friends. I wouldn't have had to watch my other child struggle with the school years either, just because she didn't look rail thin like the majority of girls did.......I wouldn't have to watch our oldest daughter struggle with what she had to bare witness to with the break up of her parents marriage, I am speaking about my step daughter.......she is finding it hard to trust in the happily ever after part of being in love and engaged.....she's is afraid that she won't be allowed a happily ever after even though she sees how strong my marrriage is to her father.
I try to always live a positive life now as an adult, so I very rarely let things hold me down or hold me back. It's not that I don't blog about the difficult times because I do, it's just that I have more blessings then troubles to write about and in that I am very fortunate and I have the grace to be thankful for it too. Raising my children is another check and balance act for me too....They are such wonderful kids, but disappoint me at times too......I hold nothing back in my journal......you get my life as it happens and sometimes in flash backs.
My life is perfect in a way that suites me, but may not be perfect for someone else......I married a man who adores me and also understands that putting our marriage above even ourselves and our sometimes selfish ways is what makes it work. I believe in being happy with what is in front of me, always appreciating what we have instead of the have nots. I do envy other people, but not because of what they have, but because of what they are capable of doing............like painting, and music and such.
I think what I pride myself most on is my honesty......what you see is what you get, life has not allows been easy for me, most of the damage was what I had caused myself with the exception of a few others. We all fall down or get kicked down from time to time, it's how fast you pick yourself up that matters. I have changed the things that I could have and have accepted what I cannot change and that has brought tremendous peace to my life now.
If you search my archives, you will find the not so perfect times written there too. Life's lessons are meant to be learned then shared with others, we give and take from each others strengths and weaknesses...... after all, we are here to hold each other up.
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Now this, is a wonderful tribute to the person, and your character. I always say my wonderful is nothing near perfect, but it's mine to adore.
Rebecca
http://journals.aol.com/justaname4me2/InTheShadowOfTheIris/ -
Amen! So well said sister! I had a very difficult childhood as well. How would you like your daddy to put you in a mental institution in your senior year of high school, just because you're depressed? Why was I depressed? Well, you can guess that living in a house where fear and tyranny pervailed was not exactly a picnic. Those scars stayed with me for 50 years, and pretty much affected the greater portion of my life. It is just now, after much soul-searching and therapy that I can sortof kinda maybe like myself. And I did find a peaceful closure with my dad right before he died, a moment I'll be eternally grateful for. Yes, if we can't share our mistakes with others, in the hopes of lifting them up, then our lives can end up a terrible waste. You're doing a fabulous job, my dear.
MAryanne -
You and I have a similar background. I know those invisible days and those days when siblings feel their need to take out their lack of confidence. I also know that I am happy because I want to be. My husband is not perfect, and neither are my children. They are mine though, and I love them more than life itself. Your additude is what makes your life and your journal interesting.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/JMoranCoyle/MyWay -
I like this and you have a new reader. This was an entry well worth reading.
9/9/05 1:45 PM