Comfortably Numb........

I walked the quiet, neutral corridor
and I responded to smiles with a smile
I entered without a care in the world
I left with the weight of the world
on my shoulders......

Mammogram.....as rude as the tech
after she heard the results
her eyes never met mine again
I knew by the fast appearance
of sympathy that replaced her
I hate my job face.........

Ultra sound.... as gentle as the tech
she saw passed the patient
and remembered the person
she slipped quietly from the room
returning with the Radiologist

With his brown eyes looking
into my baby blues
he used words like non-suspicious,
borderline and suspicious
he added "way beyond" to my "suspicious"

I now not only have two breasts
I have two tumors
two tumors that were not there
just a few months ago...
now they are taking up residence
without a lease....squatters I will call them

Now suddenly there wasn't enough
space in that ultra sound room
Cancer had joined us and had sucked
up all the oxygen for a moment
I wanted Jim more than the oxygen anyway.....

I have cycled through all the emotions already
I see-saw between numb and really pissed off
It's a good thing I'm a warrior
and I can draw from my own strength
I will not walk quietly, I will carry a big stick.
I will not go quietly.

demandnlilchit at 10:58:00 AM CDT Blog about this entry

This entry has 30 comments: (Add your own)

#30 Comment from jeanno43
3/9/07 7:15 AM | Permalink

This is exactly how I felt although if you read my journal entry it was slightly different because at first they told me I had nothing to worry about, it was a sebaceous cyst caused by my diabetes, he could feel no other lumps whatsoever.......until the mammogram. Thank you for your email. I am shattered today after yesterday, little sleep and another hour and a half with my doctor this morning so I want to lie down and see if I can grab a little sleep but I will be back to read more
#29 Comment from nelishianatl
8/5/06 9:38 AM | Permalink

Kim; AshleeKR forwarded me your link again and for that I am grateful. I am there for you and with you. I understand the shock of hearing devastating news from your Dr. You are a warrior. Lahomma knows and will also be of great help and a fantastic friend. You're in my thoughts and in my prayers. Missed you and glad I found you again and now have you on my alerts.
Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/WishingandHoping,PrayingandBelieving/
#28 Comment from sdoscher458
8/3/06 5:13 PM | Permalink

Oh Kim....this is the first I'm reading I had vistors from out of town. I had so hoped that yours was non malignant. I know that you are a fighter, we all will lend you our "virtual strength" and love..hope you can feel it pouring out to you. I read the top entries too sounds like you have an excellent doctor (McDreamy huh?hmmm) LOL....you my friend have an indomitable spirit and nothing is going to keep you down.....love...Sandi
#27 Comment from ashleekr
8/3/06 2:43 PM | Permalink

Ohhh, Kim. You know I have been gone, and I have tears in my eyes reading this entry. You are a fighter!!!!!! I am thinking of you and your family.
Ash
#26 Comment from dornbrau
8/2/06 6:30 PM | Permalink

Good God!
Thats not what I came here to read LilChit.
But now that I'm here, what the heck. I come bearing a big stick too, I've got your back, and I do believe I'm not the only one.

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Comfortably Numb........