Annie's meanderings

   Words can be used in so many ways.  In reading a past post of Indigo's Raven's Lament, she spoke of "crippling words".  This spoke volumes to me and this is why.

   When I was six I had surgery which allowed me to stand and walk.  After getting out of the casts and having therapy, I got my first pair of crutches.  Naturally, I was slow and wobbly at first (even as an adult, my fastest speed was maybe snail's pace 2nd gear).  One of the early foray's Mom & I took out was a trip downtown.  She couldn't find a parking space on the west side of the street, so she parked on the east side and we went to the crosswalk and started crossing over.  Now, Congress Avenue is 6 lanes across so you can guess what happened.  I got half way across when the light changed, so we kept walking as fast as we (I) could as people patiently waited.  When we finally got to the other side there was this elderly lady standing there watching us.  She then patted me on the head (like a puppy) and said to mother "Oh, the poor thing.  What's wrong with her?"  That was my introduction to condescending pity.  (I have no memory of my mother's reply.)  After that there were many times when we would get home from somewhere and Mom would say "I'm embarrassed to be seen with you." or "I wish I'd never had you."

   In 1953-54 we lived on base at Randolph AFB.  This was during the polio epidemic and most people were totally ignorant of it with the same reactions we had during the early years of AIDS.  Some neighbors would not allow their kids to play with me.  The school administrators were the worst.  This was a brand new school and I wore long legged (locked knee) braces.  There were no railings and all entrances had stairs with Spanish tile finish on them (slippery when wet), which meant I fell up or down them regularly.  The kids and my teachers were great to me, but the administrators told me and my mother that I was not wanted there - period!  They wanted me sent to a handicapped school off base.  Mother wouldn't have it.  I think it would have been too much of an embarrassment to her.

   I might add that when we first got to Randolph I was sent to Brooks Army Medical Center for treatment (now one of the best burn centers in the country).  This is when I first got my braces.  It was during this early time with them that I made some remark about being "crippled".  A nurse took me aside and told me it was a bad word and I should never use it in reference to myself.  From that day on "crippled" became my "N" word.  (I just wish she'd had the same talk with my father as he referred to me as his "crippled daughter" to his dying day.)

   Later my mother pulled a complete 360 and sent me to a brand new camp called (at that time) The Texas Lions Camp for Crippled Children.  I didn't do too well that first year as I'd never been around many other disabled kids.  However, my attitude changed by the second year and I loved it.  Mother, on the other had had some problems with the aftermath of each trip.  We walked everywhere during each 2 week stay and when I'd get home, my knees wouldn't hold me up.  I'd fall at the drop of a hat and Mom would beat the tar out of me for falling!  (Dad was in Korea, so I felt she was under a lot of stress from that.)

   That same period was when I went to a school with my first male teacher.  He would call me "picky" about my eating (I still am), ridicule me in front of the class and segregated me from the other kids because I'd fallen on the playground once.  (It was 20 years later when I discovered why he did this to me.  His first wife had Bulbar Polio and was in a iron lung at that time.  She later died.)

    As I got older my weight was a source of painful words.  I was plain, fat, homely and shy.  No wonder I didn't do well in the dating game.  LOL.  Oh, well I did live through it all and I'm still here.  I guess the old phrase "Sticks and Stones may break your bones, but names will never hurt me" didn't really do that much damage ---- or did it?

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   Was thinking about my last post on favorite books and it made me think of two passions I've always had -- books and music.  When I was young this tended to drive my father up the wall.  Why?  Well, my parents were from the Depression era.  Dad felt if you couldn't eat it or wear it, it was useless.  Hence, his great displeasure at my spending all my "allowance" on records and books.

   My tastes in books tend to run in the history/historical fiction/biography vein.  Although I grew up watching westerns (both movies and TV) I never cared much for that genre in books.  I can only remember two that I read and liked - "The Virginian" and "Shane".  I loved John Jakes "Kent Family Chronicles", many of James Michener's books and those of Leon Uris.  Biographies run the gamut of great to "ugh".  Two that come to mind as great were "Reba" by Reba McIntire and "Cagney by Cagney".  The former was on audiocassette and I "read" it at work.  That was a mistake!  I giggled all the way through it.  It was a hoot!  I started reading biographies when I was in the sixth grade.  I read all they had in the school library and in the neighborhood bookmobile (remember those?).  My mother kept telling me to quit living in the past. 

   My tastes in music also drove my folks nuts.  Mom did like some of the stuff I had, but Dad hated the rock and roll of my time (50's).  By the time I was in high school, I discovered folk music.  I love the Kingston Trio and later on Peter, Paul and Mary.  Have a large collection of their music.  The thing that kind of amuses me is why did this Military Brat who lived on military bases 14 years find protest music so attactive?  Humm?  There are lots of other types of music in my library.  I think I have almost everything Johnny Cash ever recorded, ditto for John Denver.  A girlfriend introduced me to New Age music and John Tesh, Enya, and Yanni are a representation of that group.  Generally speaking, most of my collection is of the 50's since that was when I was in high school.  However, I do like Big Band music of my parent's generation too.  It's a mixed bag I suppose.  Eclectic is the word.

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   My friend Pat over at Here, There and Everywhere had an interesting post today.  Chris over at Stuff As Dreams Are Made On made a challenge.  "What's your favorite book or books in your library?  Not necessarily the title, but the book itself."

   Even though Pat and I have known each other 20 yrs, our reading tastes are vastly different. 

   The first book I'll list is "Angel Unaware" by Dale Evans Rogers.  I've had it since the 50's and have read it numerous times; so much it is faded and worn.  It's only 60 pages long, but it always renews my faith in God and the belief that all of us are here for a purpose, despite any impairments.

   Another favorite is another one I've had for decades and read twice (at 676 pages, this was a feat for me).  It is "Exodus" by Leon Uris.  I loved the characters in this book and the total theme of the book (the birth of Israel).  The main character, Ari Ben Canaan was described as large and husky with a hardness in his eyes.  He was dark and mysterious-nothing like Paul Newman, who played the role.  Two secondary characters, Dov Landau and Karen Clement were teenaged war orphans who find themselves in the midst of all the upheaval of the birth of this new nation.  Uris' writing is so vivid, you really become one with the story.

   The last favorite I'll discuss is "The Thorn Birds" by Colleen McCullough.  I'm sure many of you read it.  This is one of those books that grabs you by the throat from page 1 and dares you to put it down.  I'm a very slow reader and I think I went through this one in two days!  Her characters, her discriptions of Australia and the flow of the story really made this one a "keeper" in my library!  (The miniseries left way too much out, although I'll watch anything with Richard Chamberlain in it, heh.)

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   What am I doing here?  I dunno.  I've actually thought of closing this down.  Never seem to have anything to talk about of substance.  My world seems so small now.  Have thought about such subjects as strange dreams, my strange taste in music, maybe some of my childhood stories.  They all seem so tame compared to some of the other journals.  Wish I had the talent to write so elegantly and meaningfully as Indigo of Raven's Lament or even my friend Pat's book reviews in Here, There and Everywhere or Chuck Farris's fun journal Dribble by Churck.

   Going back into my hole.

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Another reason why I never married.

   Today's Dr. Phil was a good justification (to me) why some men are really useless.  My father told me when I was 11 not to expect any dates when I was older because men would prefer to date "normal" girls.  He meant well, I guess, but that statement stayed with me all my life.  My dating record was less than stellar.  My last date was in 1984.  I gave up after that.

   Now I do have some guy friends.  Most are nice guys.  One is a dunce when it comes to women.  Let me tell you about this guy.  He just turned 50 this week and constantly moans about not being able to get dates, girlfriends (a lay), etc.  I've known him since 1991 (I think).  When I first met him he was very loud, like to dominate all conversations (about his navy adventures, his adventures as a security guard, his knowledge (?) about movies, etc).  You get the picture.  He would approach women with such lines as "Hi, would you like to go on a date and get married and have 12 kids?"  At his favorite bar, he would ask "Would you like to dance, get married and have 12 kids?"  About as subtle as a brick.  It took some friends & I several years to break him of using that pick-up line.  For years he answered his phone "Sex maniac at your service" or "Lonliest man in the world".  He's definitely rough around the edges.

   For years whenever he came to visit me it was always at mealtime.  I got to where I just bought TV dinners for him.  He still shows up here at mealtime.  I've told him I have to pay for them.  Doesn't phaze him.  When we go out, he won't pick up the tab (like all the men in my family).  Now, for a long time he was out of work, but he's been working as a trucker for more than a year now, so we know he's no longer "poor".  He will do a Dutch split when a group of us goes out.  He's promised to take me out when he's in next month.  We'll see what happens on that.  What started me on all this.  Google up Lightening alarm clock and you'll see what he gave me for Christmas.  I was so angry, I almost threw it at him.  He thought it was "cute" because ofthe lightening thing.  I enlightened him that the hands were small, the numbers were gray and unlit, therefore I couldn't see it at night.  Mainly, it was just butt-ugly!

   I also had a strong "talk" with him about doing his video taping on an ad infiditum basis without much "thanks".

   I will say he does have a good heart and will help any female who needs help.  Basically, he's a fat, bald kid.

til later......   

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            Happy 2008 Ya'll!  I think.....

   Yes, I know, I disappeared again.  As of tomorrow it will have been a full 4 weeks of being sick.  This last week I had an infected gland in the back of my throat.  It felt like having a walnut in my throat and swallowing was really painful.  Saw my doctor on Monday and she gave me more antibiotics.  I'm beginning to think I'm almost well.  I hope so....I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!

   I'm not sure what I want to do with this journal this year.  I (only briefly) considered taking the challenge on the NoBloPoMo to try to journal every day in 2008.  I have trouble thinking of subjects for every day posts.  I don't know how to insert pictures.  I don't get out but maybe once a month.  I see few movies.  I don't read books (can't afford a Kindle yet).  Daily life in an old folks home is not interesting to anyone.  Any of you out there have any constructive ideas for me?  I do watch TV but I don't think that's a very interesting subject on a regular basis. 

laters......

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   Where have I been for almost a month?  Well the first week of the month I spent frantically sending out all my cards and getting all my gifts wrapped.  I'm lousy at wrapping, so the grinch in me really comes out!

   The last 2 weeks I've been battling a combo of bronchitis and a severe sinus infection.  Right now the bronchitis is much improved down to a cold.  The sinus infection doesn't seem to want to go away.  My teeth hurt!!

   As of this writing, I have no idea what my Christmas Day plans will be.  My friends haven't gotten back to me on what they want to do.

    Merry Christmas everybody!

Bah Humbug!

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   Today was Dick Clark's 78th birthday.  I've been an admirer of him since 1958 when we returned from Bermuda and I started watching Dick Clark's Saturday Show and American Bandstand.  True to the times, my father didn't like Bandstand because he didn't like the music.  (He later recanted that feeling.)  If you look at IMBd and Dick Clark's other websites, you'll see looong list of awards shows, specials, tv series and many other things he's either produced or created.  He also has a long list of acting credits.  The man really was a workaholic!  And he continues to try to keep working.  Happy Birthday!

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   Today things were back to a normal "stress level" around here.  Why?  Let me explain a few things about living in an Assisted Living Facility.  Many of the residents are either Dementia or Alzheimer's patients.  The lady in question is 92, Alzheimer's and a psychiatric (psychotic) patient.  Then add in one more factor - it was full moon last night.  People with these problems become more agitated, wander more and are more prone to agressiveness.  Believe me, after living here 3 years, it's true.  So, no matter what I said to her, it wasn't registering with her.  Should she be here?  No.  But I don't make those decisions.  Today she was "medicated" and has been quiet.  That's how they handle them here.

Catalog count up 2 more.

til tomorrow.....

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   It's over....I'm not calling Bingo again.  For one thing, I live here and I was volunteering.  I may have majored in Psychology and have a degree in counseling, but I just don't have the temper or wherewithall to deal with this nutcase.  She barged in and totally disrupted everything.  I apologized to everyone that they won't have Bingo for 2 nights when the other lady comes back.  If she can't handle the nutcase...well that's up to management.  I have high blood pressure and she pushed every button I have.  So be it.

Catalog count is up 3 more.

til tomorrow....

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