11:20:20 AM EDT
Connections
I’ve written about this many times, the subject of worry. I’ve written about how I worryied about so many silly things as a young boy. I made straight A’s in grade school, but still I didn’t understand that at the end of the year when we got our report card, I was worried that even though I made all good grades the place on the report card would say I had to stay in the same grade and repeat it again. I would spend the whole night worrying the day before report cards would come out. Why did I have this sense of failure even though I had made good grades throughout the schoolyear. Christmas Eve, I would worry that I would wake up and Santa hadn’t come to see me. I worried about all the bad things I had done throughout the year and wondered if any of them were bad enough that I would end up giftless. Even to this day when my pastor begins to talk about worry in a sermon. I sense that she is staring at me and making sure I am paying attention. I hate to admit it but oh I do worry. About my family when they are going through a hard time, about my friends when they are hurting and I don’t know how to reach out to them. And about myself, still silly things as I did in grade school. Jesus said not to worry somewhere in the bible. Am I getting any better than I used too be. I want to believe that I am. I am very grateful for the way that God has cared for me in the past. Sometimes it is so hard for me to just depend on God instead of myself. So many times I try to control situations that are not mine to control. Lately I’ve been filling my every waking moment with something. Work, come home edit pictures for my photography, chorus practice, my concert is this weekends. Spending some time with my friends, this weekend camping was wonderful spending it with them and nature, and just soaking up the beauty of the Earth and all of God’s wonderful creations. I feel like I’m still not being still enough! I’m passing through so many days. Am I making a difference? Am I doing what I was put here to do? It’s like we are on a search for joy. With me it seems I go in so many directions, dream vacation/ yes I’m leaving for the Bahamas in 8 days. I’ve been finding food and friends to be part of joyful living. This is all wonderful and great, but still I know in my heart there is something more I’m supposed to be getting out of life. The greatest gift is my relationship with God and His son Jesus. I still feel I’m learning to pray. I’m forty years old, and still learning to pray. I’m still trying to find balance in my life, and it is hard. I spend much time on unproductive things too. I feel a little back in forth in my feelings in this entry. There are parts of my life I’m proud of and there are parts of my life that I would love to change. It’s like I know we are all a part of each other, everything is connected. For good or bad we touch each life we come in contact with. I just hope my good outweigh’s the bad. I worry sometimes about that. How’s that saying go? To be anxious about nothing, pray about everything.
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11:22:32 PM EDT
Marci's surprise Bday party
I had a big weekend this weekend. Yesterday Dr. Phyl (Phyllis) invited a bunch of us over for Marci’s surprise birthday party. She and Phyllis Sr. her mom put on such a sweet party for her. We all had a wonderful time. Marci was so cute as always, we call her our little sugar dumpling. Got to meet a lot of her friends. Dr. Phyl’s place is beautiful, it’s right on the water and I just love it. Very warm. I framed up a picture that I had done of the two of them together from Easter. I also got one of Dr. Phyl and me, and Dr. Phyl and Turk, and Dr. Phyl and Karl, we sent it from her three sons, and signed it Ginger, Mary Ann, and babysister. Yes I’m babysister, o.k. it’s just the name and it stuck so far, I’ll tell you how I got that name another time. The scenery from the back of her house is so relaxing. This is just one of the views from below. I also just loved Dr Phyl’s mom Phyllis Sr. I see where she got her loving nature from, her mom. I had a photoshoot after the party for opening of the beaches that I will post later on in the week. I had a full weekend.
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8:02:24 PM EDT
March of Dimes March for Babies
Everyone knows I love babies. My nephew Gavin was born premature. My friend Lee will be walking this year for the March for Babies. The goal of the March of Dimes is to provide healthcare and wellness for our precious little one’s who are born with various illnesses.
His personal web page address is http://www.marchforbabies.org/loquinn. It’s for a great cause, so please support him if you can. Thanks
I had a wonderful day, worked hard, and even had a photo shoot on my lunch break, that I’m about to get started on. Happy Hump Day folks.
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10:27:41 AM EDT
Easter Sunday pictures from Church last week
The comcast man just came and got me all connected finally, woo hoo! So I decided to post my pictures from Easter Sunday at UCC.
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2:14:33 PM EDT
Living in the Present but Thankful for the Past
My mom sent me this email I had written to her way back almost when I first started this aol journal four years ago. I’m living in the present, but I am thankful for the past. I just moved into a sweet little place by the river, I’m really enjoying the peace I’m finding there. I thought it was interesting that my mom sent me this email that I had sent her in the past.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
From: Mom
Sent: Saturday, April 05, 2008 2:01 PM
To: Me
Subject: Re: Something I wrote when I lived at the beach
Thought you would enjoy reading this. Everything changes with time. I am so glad you like where you are living.
The reason I have not emailed you lately is that I have been working in the council room and I don't have email over there. I check my email before I go home everyday.
Have a good week-end. Enjoy your new home. I love you the best. Always remember that. You are number 1.
----- Original Message -----
From: Me
Cc: Mom
I wrote this my first month when I was living at the beach in my little beach house a block from the Ocean, I’ve been going back and reading stuff. Funny how reading things I wrote in the past help me today.
Love ya’ll
Derek
THANKFUL FOR THE PAST
I've been thinking about my past today. Trying not to be too hard on myself. It is easy to be negative about past mistakes and unhappiness. But maybe it's better to look at ourselves and our past in the light of experience and growth.
Our past is a series of lessons that advance us to another level of living and loving. The relationships we entered, stayed in, or ended taught us necessary lessons.
I've come out of some painful circumstances with strong insights about who I am and what I want. Mistakes? Oh yes, many! Necessary! I guess so. Necessary for me to learn from the mistakes. Our frustrations, failures, and sometimes stumbling attempts at growth and progress? Necessary too. Each step of the way, we learned. We went through exactly the experiences we need to, to become who we are today. Each step of the way, we progressed. Is our past a mistake? No. The only mistake we can make is mistaking that for the truth.
Today, I ask for help to let go of negative thoughts I may be harboring about my past circumstances or relationships. I can accept, with gratitude, all that has brought me to today. One of my internet friends sent me this. I really liked it.
Allow Your Own Inner Light to Guide You
There comes a time when you must stand alone.
You must feel confident enough within yourself to follow your own dreams.
You must be willing to make sacrifices.
You must be capable of changing and rearranging your priorities so that your final goal can be achieved.
Sometimes, familiarity and comfort need to be challenged.
There are times when you must take a few extra chances and create your own realities.
Be strong enough to at least try to make your life better.
Be confident enough that you won't settle for a compromise just to get by.
Appreciate yourself by allowing yourself the opportunities to grow, develop, and find your true sense of purpose in this life.
Don't stand in someone else's shadow when it's your sunlight that should lead the way.
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8:21:21 AM EDT
Autumn eight years ago
Her birthday was yesterday. Seems like yesterday she was this little, like her little brother Gavin. Wow I’ve changed in eight years too. She turned eight years old yesterday. We celebrated her birthday party while I was home with pizza and bowling and lots of screaming little girls. It was fun watching her interact with them all. She’s something else. She’ll always be our first baby.
Happy Birthday Autumn
It is your birthday and on this day, I want you to know that you are a very special niece who has touched and warmed all of our lives, including mine. I just want you to know how much I appreciate you. I hope you celebrated the beauty of your funfilled spirit, embraced the dreams of your heart, acknowledged the great joy you bring to the world, and most of all realize just how much your life means to those around you.I love you
Happy Birthday
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11:10:15 PM EDT
Gavin Ryder
Once again I’m am blessed with a healthy little nephew. Little Gavin Ryder was born on Maundy Thursday at 11:55 p.m. Gavin is my brother's first son. The family name will be carried on. In the midst of me trying to get packed and ready to move, events that alter the present sometimes occur. I’m so excited. Another baby, about to change all of our lives I know. Coming so close to Easter. Celebrating birth around the anniversary that Our Lord took death upon Himself on that cruel cross of pain for our sins. So celebrating Eternal life as well. Lord get me home safe, help my car make it so I can be with my family. I pray for little Gavin as he comes into this world to be filled with love from all of his family, very much wanted and loved. Friday I held him and took so many pictures, Lance, Mom, Amy, and I, then Saturday I got to spent a few hours with just he and Amy, holding him, looking at him. Praying for him, loving him. Lance is so proud I can see it in his eyes, and Amy is such a good mama. She is so good with him. She seems to cherish each moment. More pictures from the weekend coming later, I'm still sleepy. I got my kitchen cleaned and packed but that's about it. Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. I'd also like to say thanks to a special lady over at
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